In article .com,
says...

Steve, you need to do some research on "withholding" or encoporesis.
You should not be punishing this kid - at this point, this is not
something he has control over, and what you are doing is not helping.

One of my sons got into this (its surprisingly common) and it is a very
difficult problem to resolve and once its established, it can also take
quite a long time to correct - expect the majority of kids who have it
to the point our sons have/had it to take a YEAR to totally resolve it.


How it gets going in the first place is that at some time, the kid had
a painful bowel movement and got into a pattern of fear where he
anticipated pain and tried to hold bowel movements in. It becomes a
pernicious cycle. The kid holds it in, his bowel gets distended and
stretched and over full....it hurts to go so they withhold more and
more, and ultimately he can no longer tell when he needs to go. Normal
bowel function AND sensation is compromised. The kid really can't help
it anymore at all. One of the signs is frequent tiny movements into
their pants - caused by the fact that the bowel is so full, that the
natural peristaltic action forces out bits of excrement (hey, it has to
go somewhere, and peristalsis is something we have zero conscious
control over, so your kid really, really CANNOT stop this).

Yep.

Another way it gets started is - some of us can't defecate whenever we need to,
like one can usually urinate when one needs to. I had this problem (not nearly
this bad, though) as a kid, and my son has it somewhat. (I think he has it much
less than me because I understand it and don't hassle him about it, and deal
with an occassional minor plumbing problem.) So for us, *urge denial* is a
problem. That is, if there is an urge to go, but I'm a bus, I can't
necessarily go the next time I find a bathroom. If that happens too much, then
there's a problem with constipation.

When school starts, suddenly a kid like my son or me *has* to deny urges for a
while. Then, there's these little 10 minute intervals when we're all supposed
to do our thing and in a somewhat socially exposed setting (even if you ask to
be dismissed in the middle of class, there's pressure not to take too long, or
there will be knocks on the door). So we try to wait until we get home. And
that may work, or not. And so on and so on.

My point being, it doesn't necessarily start with pain.

My son still won't go at school. I understand why - times between classes are
short (he's in 7th grade), people are really strange sometimes about noting and
commenting about things like how long one is in a bathroom stall. He has a BM
every three or four days, and has had all along.

For me to get over this, I did have to train myself to be a bit more assertive
about excusing myself, when *I* need to go, and to respond to my bodily signals
more even when I'm alone.

Hassling a kid about his, and any hint to him that he's doing it to get anyone's
goat, is absolutely destructive. Believe me.

Banty