Banty wrote:

In article .com,
says...

Steve, you need to do some research on "withholding" or encoporesis.
You should not be punishing this kid - at this point, this is not
something he has control over, and what you are doing is not helping.
snip

Another way it gets started is - some of us can't defecate whenever we need to,
like one can usually urinate when one needs to. I had this problem (not nearly
this bad, though) as a kid, and my son has it somewhat. (I think he has it much
less than me because I understand it and don't hassle him about it, and deal
with an occassional minor plumbing problem.)

Thank you, thank you. For the first time, I understand. I never
realized that this was not uncommon for other people.

My dad used to call our BMs ostrich eggs. We had an untwisted wire
coat hanger by the toilet so that we could break up the BM before it
went and clogged up the plumbing.

My mom said once that they had a sticker chart at school (this would
have been c 1915 I think) for them to report that they'd had a BM
every day, and she didn't, so she didn't get the stickers on her chart
which really got her goat because she wanted to be perfect in
everything, but she only had a BM once every other day or so.

My dh though has trained himself to have a BM every morning, and he
doesn't see why I can't do the same.

So for us, *urge denial* is a
problem. That is, if there is an urge to go, but I'm a bus, I can't
necessarily go the next time I find a bathroom. If that happens too much, then
there's a problem with constipation.

When school starts, suddenly a kid like my son or me *has* to deny urges for a
while. Then, there's these little 10 minute intervals when we're all supposed
to do our thing and in a somewhat socially exposed setting (even if you ask to
be dismissed in the middle of class, there's pressure not to take too long, or
there will be knocks on the door). So we try to wait until we get home. And
that may work, or not. And so on and so on.

My point being, it doesn't necessarily start with pain.

My son still won't go at school. I understand why - times between classes are
short (he's in 7th grade), people are really strange sometimes about noting and
commenting about things like how long one is in a bathroom stall. He has a BM
every three or four days, and has had all along.

For me to get over this, I did have to train myself to be a bit more assertive
about excusing myself, when *I* need to go, and to respond to my bodily signals
more even when I'm alone.

Since my dh has been so adamant about the need for me not to plug up
the plumbing on the boat (which is way more hassle than on land), I've
become a bit paranoid about this. I just didn't realize that not
everyone had a bm every day.

Hassling a kid about his, and any hint to him that he's doing it to get anyone's
goat, is absolutely destructive. Believe me.

Banty

grandma Rosalie