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Old July 19th 03, 07:55 PM
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Default help me keep my son from perpetuating the cycle of abuse (very long)

"Dennis Here" youreply
wrote in message ...

CME wrote in message ...

And you know what? That's the risk you take, but what you need to do is
make him realize that if he's to live in your house, he needs to respect
your rules and really the choice is his. If he leaves or you kick him


Snip other good advice

I have to disagree here Christine as my POV is a lot different to yours.
I do not live in "my" house with my son, I live in our house. House rules
are two way, I don't set them, we agree to them. Obviously at Freddie's

some basics are more my domain than his but at the age of Lorian's son,

I have two grown sons go through this stage, there has to be a big element
of give and take based on mutual respect. It seems that going through an
angst stage where he has little respect for her or anyone else for that
matter. He is testing his limits and is finding that they are almost
limitless at the moment.

I agree with you there, and the 'our' house if a good point. But I'm
alittle old school in the thought that it's my house, because I'm paying the
rent, etc. lol I guess it's my father leaping out of my throat when I say
that. Wow, who knew? lol

..He will not stop until he realises that treating people with contempt if
not the best way in life. He will be thinking, and
not without reason, that everyone around him is treating him with contempt
too. He thinks that he knows better than his mother and is ready and
confident enough to find out for himself. To us it is a dreadfull stage in
the development of an adolescent boy, to him it is merely testing the

and establishing himself as an adult capable of finding his own way in

I left home a 16. I was fed up with the restrictions and expectations of

father. We fought all the time. I disagreed with everything he said and
stood for. I was going to change the world. I would play Bob Dylan records
at full volume just to **** him off! To an outsider I was an arrogant
arsehole with a big attitude. To myself and my piers I was a self

ground breaker who new where he was going for myself.

I suppose the biggest breakthrough was made by my mother as I still

it clearly. After a full blast rendition of a Bob Dylan track entitled "My
back Pages" from the Anotherside of LP, she quietly said that she really
liked that one. I was thoroughly ****ed off that I had had the opposite
affect to that intended and went to listen to it again quietly. I had only
heard what I wanted to hear and completely overlooked the chorus.
Here are the words from

Crimson flames tied through my ears
Rollin' high and mighty traps
Pounced with fire on flaming roads
Using ideas as my maps
"We'll meet on edges, soon," said I
Proud 'neath heated brow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth
"Rip down all hate," I screamed
Lies that life is black and white
Spoke from my skull. I dreamed
Romantic facts of musketeers
Foundationed deep, somehow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

Girls' faces formed the forward path
From phony jealousy
To memorizing politics
Of ancient history
Flung down by corpse evangelists
Unthought of, though, somehow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

A self-ordained professor's tongue
Too serious to fool
Spouted out that liberty
Is just equality in school
"Equality," I spoke the word
As if a wedding vow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand
At the mongrel dogs who teach
Fearing not that I'd become my enemy
In the instant that I preach
My pathway led by confusion boats
Mutiny from stern to bow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

Yes, my guard stood hard when abstract threats
Too noble to neglect
Deceived me into thinking
I had something to protect
Good and bad, I define these terms
Quite clear, no doubt, somehow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

My teenage hero had already seen the light! and my mother had seen it

I had!

Lets hope that Lorian's son also has some kind of defining moment that he
will see for himself, however that may happen.


Yeah, mine was probably when I left home and realized how bloody naive I
was. The only thing that kept me alive was that I had brains, and I learned
fast. I even remember spending a cold, hungry night outside walking the
piers of Victoria because I had no where else to go. What a rough
awakening. But my truly defining moment didn't come until later, when I
became pregnant. I knew I was responsible for someone other than myself,
and I needed to get my **** together. I'm proud that I've made it.