"Catherine Woodgold" wrote in message
...
To "-L.":

I guess it's either some sort of discrimination, or a social
thing like shyness.

Suppose it's a social thing. Maybe she and her family are
the quiet type. Maybe they like to come to the playgroup and
interact with two or three other children but large numbers are
just overwhelming to them. Maybe she can't think of any more
polite way to turn people away than just ignoring them. (I'd
have trouble with that myself.) Maybe she thinks it's rude
to stand there holding out a toy for minutes at a time when the
other person is obviously not interested. Maybe she thinks
the best way to teach a 2-year-old not to do this is to
continue ignoring him. Possibly your children
are too energetic for her or have been seen being a bit
aggressive (hitting, grabbing), possibly while you weren't
looking?? Possibly she looks for certain specific personality
types and relates to them and ignores everyone else??
Maybe her kids have privately told her they're afraid of,
or don't like, your child for some reason??

If it's a racial thing: Here's an idea for how to handle it
but I don't know whether it's a good idea or not. You could
approach her and say fairly loudly (loud enough for others
to hear) something like "Excuse me -- I'd like to find out
whether you're interested in chatting with me occasionally?"
If she doesn't answer, you can say loud enough for others
to hear (but not shouting), "I feel ignored by name."
"I feel excluded by name." "I feel it's reasonable at
least to get an answer from you, yes or no, whether you're
interested in chatting." "Excuse me: are you hard of hearing?"
(said in front of her, using sign language at the same time,
but politely and sincerely)
You can look around and try to make eye contact with others
while saying these things. There is the possibility that she (or
even possibly others in the room) will respond with open
racial hatred. If you're prepared for this possibility, you
may be able to remain calm and look dignified, saying
something like "I feel I'm being subjected to racism."
They may just be making themselves look bad in front of
any reasonable people in the room. I think that saying
calmly "I believe racism is wrong." "I believe I have
a right to ..." looks better than getting upset, and can
gain you some respect.

I hope this is helpful. No guarantees. I hope you
figure out a way of handling it that works for you.

I'm sorry to say this Catherine, but this is shockingly
bad advice, and not what I would have expected from
you. A public confrontation pitched to be purposely
overheard? Making eye-contact with the other
parents to try to sway them to your side? "Sincerely"
using sign-language when she has seen her speak
with other parents and knows that she is not actually
hard of hearing? I can't believe you would advocate
for such rude behavior!

Okay, so you prefaced it with, "If it's a racial thing".
But at this point we have no way to know that, and
no reason to conclude it. If something more happens
to make that possibility seem more likely, then I would
speak to whoever runs or organizes the play group.
Perhaps call a "meeting"of the adults if necessary. If
this woman is racially motivated, then she has no
place in the playgroup. But to start a loud confrontation
without warning in front of all the kids?

In the absence of some evidence of racism, I
think the woman is entitled to be unfriendly if
she wants. I like to chat with other parents,
but I'm not one to chat with little kids. I
wouldn't ignore them of course, but I would
get annoyed if someone else's child continually
approached me when I'm there to socialize
with my friends while my kids socialized with
theirs. In that case, I think -L should just
ignore her, steer her child away, and have
fun with the more friendly folks there.

Bizby