First, he has to come to understand the stresses you are working under,
so he understands it is not HIM that is the cause of the lack of action
(always the guy's first thought until someone clues him in different),
but that it is sheer exhaustion on your point, and lack of time/energy
to actually do it and get enough rest to keep going.

really? my husband appears to assume it's entirely me and absolutely nothing
to do with him, he may have initially assumed this, but as time goes on he's
placed it entirely on to me. Problem is now, whenever he mentions it, it
comes across as simply for his pleasure, which of course turns me off even
more.

I accept that a lot of things are physical problems with me right now and I
really am working on them, but there is only so fast I can go, I've had to
work through a number of medical tests, probably surgery etc. but in the
mean time, I could use some patience and understanding. If he focussed his
energies on making himself someone any women would want to have sex with
(and I mean by actions, not necessarily looks, but equally, I appreciate it
if he shaves before trying to kiss me as being attacked by a scrubbing brush
is also a turn off!). Actions don't necessarily mean pampering me, which to
be fair, he has made a real effort with since mother's days, but little
things, like actually coming to bed, or if he isn't coming, at least telling
me that he has to work and being truthful about when he will be there.

Rant over

Anne