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Old July 23rd 03, 10:57 AM
Cele
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Default help me keep my son from perpetuating the cycle of abuse (very long)

On Tue, 22 Jul 2003 22:26:51 +0100, "Dennis Here"
youreply wrote:


Cele wrote in message ...

snip the flattery

Meanwhile, on the one hand, I agree that 'freeing' her son to go might
be the making of him. Many a youth has left a home out of control, and
found out a lot about themselves and life by going to the street for
awhile, and come back the wiser and stronger for it.

On the other hand, I totally identify with Lorian's fear of seeing him
follow that path. Your own reference to your friends who died tells us
that the street is not a place that all escape unscathed, and a
sixteen year old who has become badly confused and enraged might well
have experiences that do him great damage. It's as likely as his
having experiences that strengthen him.

The solution seems to be to 'let him go' but to seek a healthy place
to go to. Lorian appears to be doing that, within the limits of her
resources. I suspect that before a whole lot longer he'll decide the
matter himself, because gone seventeen, it's pretty hard to keep them
if they don't want to stay. And I hope earnestly for both of their
sakes that the choices he makes turn out in the end to help rather
than hurt his growth.



Well there is a good balanced post that weighs up the pro's and con's either
way. The trouble is that it will not make one iota of difference to him.
What I was trying to get across is how Lorians son is probably feeling
rather than how Lorian herself sees it. With that in mind it becomes either
a question of, despite what maybe out there, letting him go without burning
too many bridges. Sometimes a young man just has to get out there and see
for himself.


Yeah, I see that, for sure.

Even when they're NOT giving you a bucketload of grief, they're going
to eventually have to sod off and find out on their own, aren't they?
I'm currently the proud parent of an eighteen year old who finished
her first year of college and then took off for home (the north, where
we used to live) directly, and is now working, shacked up with a
tolerably acceptable boyfriend, and registered for college in the
fall. I'm not supporting her financially 'cause I'm too broke, so
she's kind of making her way, with a bit of help from her Dad and a
lot of help from scholarships she's earned.

I wish she wasn't shacked up with her boyfriend and I wish she was
here, but well, you know, they're going to find things out for
themselves. Could be worse. She could be shacked up under the bridge
and doing crack, she could be sleeping with multiple guys and taking
masses of risks. Gotta let 'em go.

Anyway. Talk about off track. You've got good points.

Take care.

Cele