"Gini" wrote in message
news:koibh.11528$d42.3395@trndny07...

"Phil" wrote

"Gini" wrote

"teachrmama" wrote
............................

I certainly hope you are not teaching your children that they are
victims! Everyone needs to play the cards they are dealt, and not
liking your cards should never make you sit down and pout!
==
That is the tragedy of some children of divorce. A parent's
obsession with the
minutia of "issues" tramples common sense and dignity. Fortunately,
the children come of age and
sort beyond the BS they were handed. Then mom's "too bad your dad
didn't show for your party," becomes
child's "no damn wonder he stayed away after the horrible wretch you
were to him."


I wonder if these mothers ever realize they are their own worst enemy
and caused their later situation by their earlier actions.
==
I don't think they realize the implications of their actions at the
time
because it's hard to imagine one's child as an independently thinking
adult.
My stepchildren were very controlled by their mother who
blamed my DH for all manner of things including never having enough
money for them, despite
the fact that we were paying 600. then 1200. a month CS. She blamed us
because she got evicted from her apt,
had her car re-poed and was asked not to come back to certain doctors
because she had so many unpaid bills.
She told the kids that DH was putting me and our kids ahead of them.
They were told that we were living large at their expense--
They had no idea how much support we were paying, or how financially
strapped we were because of it. Now they do, and not because
we ran to them and spilled the beans. The kids asked about these
things after they were grown and we simply told them
the facts.


I have a similar tale with my (now) 20 year old. When he was 18, he
asked his mom how much C$ she got. She told him with the exception of
the child care and insurance I was paying as well as forgetting to
advise him that even though she was making over twice (according to him)
what I was, the out-of-pocket expenses for medical, eyeglasses, dental,
etc. was that I got 79% of the cost to her 21%. (Long story but our
salaries both changed after divorce; hers went up 300%, mine went down
50%. I never asked for a reduction... 'cause I'm a nice guy and wanted
her to have all life had to offer) .
Long story short, he started counting and watching and today throws it
all back in her face often. Sadly, she still feels vindicated in taking
the C$ for personal use, maintaining that it was legal, therefore moral.
I fear for the country.
Phil #3