teenager breaking curfew

On Mar 13, 7:46�am, "Sue" wrote:
"enigma" wrote in message

�but if you add in micromanaging a child's entire free time up

until he gets set loose at college or off to his own
apartment, *then* you can run into some seriously out-of-
control problems, because the kid has no idea how to act when
not being told what to do.

I definitely agree with that. I admit I had a curfew until I moved out and
that was about at 23 yrs old. I moved out because I accidently fell alseep
at my boyfriends house two nights in a row and didn't come in until 6 am. I
should have called, but my mom would have no part of that. My mom definitely
was a micromanager and she hated the fact that I did what I wanted to do and
not what she thought I should do.

I think I am doing a complete 180 compared to the way I was raised. I have
decided to not have certain things taboo (alcohol, drugs, sex) to even talk
about. I talk about everything with the girls and I hope this serves me good
so things are not a mystery to them.

--
Sue (mom to three girls)

I lived in a small town where things shut down by 11 p.m. and rumors
were rampant - staying the night at a boy's house meant the parents of
that boy (among others) might think badly of how you were raised and
would earn you a slut reputation, especially should you wind up with
more than one "boyfriend" through high school. Now, generally, you
don't really care what others might think, but when it can affect your
employement prospects, etc., you need to care.

Micromanaging would mean that my mother had to know my every move, but
she didn't. I only had to call home regarding curfew if the need
arose. Out of respect for my parents, I would, however, notify them of
my plans, so they had some basic idea where to find me should I wind
up dead or in an accident. If my plans changed from party A to party
B, I didn't always necessarily make it a point to call home to let
them know there was a change of plans. Other than that, I was expected
to be home by curfew. After moving out on my own and dating on my own,
I made it a point that someone, a friend, my mother, a sister, knew
the name of the new boy I was going out with and what our plans were
simply because ya never know.

On Mar 13, 10:20 am, Chris wrote:
On Mar 13, 7:46�am, "Sue" wrote:



"enigma" wrote in message

�but if you add in micromanaging a child's entire free time up

until he gets set loose at college or off to his own
apartment, *then* you can run into some seriously out-of-
control problems, because the kid has no idea how to act when
not being told what to do.

I definitely agree with that. I admit I had a curfew until I moved out and
that was about at 23 yrs old. I moved out because I accidently fell alseep
at my boyfriends house two nights in a row and didn't come in until 6 am.. I
should have called, but my mom would have no part of that. My mom definitely
was a micromanager and she hated the fact that I did what I wanted to do and
not what she thought I should do.

I think I am doing a complete 180 compared to the way I was raised. I have
decided to not have certain things taboo (alcohol, drugs, sex) to even talk
about. I talk about everything with the girls and I hope this serves me good
so things are not a mystery to them.

--
Sue (mom to three girls)

I lived in a small town where things shut down by 11 p.m. and rumors
were rampant - staying the night at a boy's house meant the parents of
that boy (among others) might think badly of how you were raised and
would earn you a slut reputation, especially should you wind up with
more than one "boyfriend" through high school.

But of course it said nothing about how the boy was raised....

Beliavsky wrote in

oups.com:

You are a bright woman who may not have needed a curfew
when growing up. What about the teen-age substance abusers
you tried to help? Where were their parents?

quite a few were "tough-loved" out onto the street. very few
still lived with their parents & we're talking kids from 13 to
19 years old.
the 13 year old did still live at home. he had an alcohol
problem. his father died of a brain tumor & his mother wasn't
coping well, so the boy wasn't getting support there. i can
report that he grew up just fine though.

lee
--
Last night while sitting in my chair
I pinged a host that wasn't there
It wasn't there again today
The host resolved to NSA.

"Chris" wrote in message
I lived in a small town where things shut down by 11 p.m. and rumors
were rampant - staying the night at a boy's house meant the parents of
that boy (among others) might think badly of how you were raised and
would earn you a slut reputation, especially should you wind up with
more than one "boyfriend" through high school. Now, generally, you
don't really care what others might think, but when it can affect your
employement prospects, etc., you need to care.

Well the boyfriend didn't live at home. He owned his own house. We were 23
at the time. Well past the bad reputation stage. )
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

On Mar 13, 5:47Â*pm, cjra wrote:
On Mar 13, 10:20 am, Chris wrote:





On Mar 13, 7:46�am, "Sue" wrote:

"enigma" wrote in message

�but if you add in micromanaging a child's entire free time up

until he gets set loose at college or off to his own
apartment, *then* you can run into some seriously out-of-
control problems, because the kid has no idea how to act when
not being told what to do.

I definitely agree with that. I admit I had a curfew until I moved out and
that was about at 23 yrs old. I moved out because I accidently fell alseep
at my boyfriends house two nights in a row and didn't come in until 6 am. I
should have called, but my mom would have no part of that. My mom definitely
was a micromanager and she hated the fact that I did what I wanted to do and
not what she thought I should do.

I think I am doing a complete 180 compared to the way I was raised. I have
decided to not have certain things taboo (alcohol, drugs, sex) to even talk
about. I talk about everything with the girls and I hope this serves me good
so things are not a mystery to them.

--
Sue (mom to three girls)

I lived in a small town where things shut down by 11 p.m. and rumors
were rampant - staying the night at a boy's house meant the parents of
that boy (among others) might think badly of how you were raised and
would earn you a slut reputation, especially should you wind up with
more than one "boyfriend" through high school.

But of course it said nothing about how the boy was raised....- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

But of course! lol.

On Mar 13, 7:10�pm, "Sue" wrote:
"Chris" wrote in message

I lived in a small town where things shut down by 11 p.m. and rumors
were rampant - staying the night at a boy's house meant the parents of
that boy (among others) might think badly of how you were raised and
would earn you a slut reputation, especially should you wind up with
more than one "boyfriend" through high school. Now, generally, you
don't really care what others might think, but when it can affect your
employement prospects, etc., you need to care.

Well the boyfriend didn't live at home. He owned his own house. We were 23
at the time. Well past the bad reputation stage. )
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

LOL. I'd say! I have to say I think I might fake a curfew restriction
on a 23-year-old for the get-your-own-place incentive!

"enigma" wrote in message
. ..

i am impressed that he's already grasped the time management
needed to get his homework done before it's due though. i
still think homework for 2nd graders is silly, but at least
his school isn't like the local public school with 8=10 pages
of busywork *every night*, including stuff to do over the
weekend. that's just rediculous.

Hunter is in second grade too. His homework is very reasonable. I feel
fortunate when I read other peoples posts and how horrible it is! Your
school is doing much more complicated work then ours (public) is. Nothing
anywhere close to multiplication. Time management is definitely not H's
strong suit, lol. I actually have to sit right with him.


--
Nikki, mama to
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Brock 4/06
Ben 4/06

In article ,
"Stephanie" wrote:

My overall point is that many parents, especially in more socially
conservative countries, try to structure the lives of their children,
even their adult children, to reduce the chance of bad things
happening.


We all have values. We all attempt to instill them in our children. By the
time the children reach adulthood, it makes more sense to allow those values
to take shape of their own. Controlling the lives of adult children so that
they don't disappoint the *parent* is counter-productive to the job of
growing up. which is the child's concern.

And *you're* not culture-bound either...

When I was at Uni, I met one girl (an overseas student from SE Asia) who was
studying accountancy because the family business required it. She yearned to
be an interior designer, but I would imagine that back home, she was less
conflicted about it.

In many Asian societies, the elders have a great deal of say in how the adult
children run their lives. Some cultures value solidarity over independence,
and probably see Western individualism as rather bratty and self-centred.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

http://chookiesbackyard.blogspot.com/

In article VkWAj.4604$hr3.1753@trnddc04, Jeff
wrote:

As an aside, I wish to add: I do think that it helps kids if the rules
are pretty consistent from house to house. For example, similar bed
times and similar consequences for hitting siblings. I said as an aside,
because in most cases, the rules are consistent enough.

I do also wish to add that it is appropriate for some punishments to
carry over to other houses. For example, if a child knew that if he
didn't get that report he had 3 weeks to finish done on time, then he
would not be allowed to watch TV, then that punishment should carry from
one house to the other. Of course, the key here is communication between
the parents.

Hah. My parents only "communicated" in loud and abusive tones after they were
divorced. When being polite, they used lawyers. There is no way that either
would have done anything but undermine the other one's punishments, given the
chance. And I must say I disagree with your premise even for "amicable"
divorces. Children cope perfectly well with the different rules at different
houses. If Parent 1 says that the penalty for not finishing a report is a
week with no TV, then it applies at their house. Not when the child visits a
friend's house, and not at the other parent's house.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

http://chookiesbackyard.blogspot.com/

"Nikki" wrote in
news:CrCdnUvoSvHEeETanZ2dnUVZ_ramnZ2d@prairiewave. com:


"enigma" wrote in message
. ..

i am impressed that he's already grasped the time
management needed to get his homework done before it's due
though. i still think homework for 2nd graders is silly,
but at least his school isn't like the local public school
with 8=10 pages of busywork *every night*, including stuff
to do over the weekend. that's just rediculous.

Hunter is in second grade too. His homework is very
reasonable. I feel fortunate when I read other peoples
posts and how horrible it is! Your school is doing much
more complicated work then ours (public) is. Nothing
anywhere close to multiplication. Time management is
definitely not H's strong suit, lol. I actually have to
sit right with him.

it's a small school & they adjust the work, as much as
possible, to the individual child's ability & learning style.
so when Bo 'clicked' on reading & math in preschool he was
allowed to skip kindergarten (he completed all the kindy
curriculum in 5 months & they were sending him to the lower el
3 afternoons/week anyway). his reading & reading comprehension
is around 4-5th grade level & he *loves* math. his writing is
really an effort & very difficult to decypher.
he's also really struggling with social interactions,
especially with kids his age. he gets along much better with
girls (there are 3 girls in his class though) or younger boys
(the 5 year olds). he *tries* to play with the boys, but he
isn't into sports & doesn't watch much tv, so there's little
common ground. he had a brief stint with Pokemon last year,
butwhile he still wants to play, all the other boys are on to
Yoh-Gi-Oh & baseball cards. Pokemon is "for babies". Boo
dislikes Yoh-Gi-Oh (which is fine because i'm not buying
another whole set of cards).
i am seriously considering moving him to a different school
next year.
lee
--
Last night while sitting in my chair
I pinged a host that wasn't there
It wasn't there again today
The host resolved to NSA.