Gift thanks question

"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...
I have never heard this one before. I think every thank you note I've
ever written started out with "Thank you for...", and most of the ones I
can remember receiving start like that too.


I don't believe it is a real rule. I think it's
a rule a lot of moms imposed so that kids wouldn't write,
"Thanks for the game. Love, Adam" and call it a thank
you note. If you start with something else, you have to
write more ;-) I've never seen this "rule" in any
etiquette book.

I am wracking my brain as to the origin of this rule of mine, and near as I
can tell, I internalized it either from Miss Manners, or from my mom. I
have been attributing it to Miss Manners, and up until now I would have
sworn it was noted in one of her books, but if you haven't seen it, Ericka,
then clearly I must have gotten it from Dear Old Mum. So unless anyone
here is a long-lost sibling, the "Don't Start With The Words Thank You, It's
Tacky" rule is evidently negotiable, as well. grin

Something I meant to put in my original response, about emailed thank you
notes - IMHO, they're just not acceptable. I sent out a bunch of gifts this
year and received a couple of two-line email thank yous. It was only
marginally better than no acknowledgement at all. It's the emotional
equivalent of a shipment confirmation notice. sigh Just send a letter.
If you can't write, then make an effusive telephone call. JMO.

Donna

"Anna J" wrote in message ...
A couple of questions on etiquette...

I am just sitting down to write thank you notes for the gifts that my
toddler had for Christmas and want to make sure that I get this right. He
had presents from family members, our friends, his friends. We saw some
close family members on Christmas Day and thanked them for their gifts when
we first saw them.

Is it the right thing to send everyone a thank you note even if we thanked
them personally? I'm thinking that if we don't send notes to some they might
be offended if they find out that their relative got a note. On the other
hand should one send a formal thank you to parents?

I would write the letters on behalf of my son and sign it from myself. But
for my son's friends should I write it as though my son had written it?

I'm answering as a giver of gifts (and therefore as a receiver of
thanks), not as an etiquette expert. I'm wondering how old the child
is. "Toddler" makes me think 1 or 2, but you mention gifts from *his*
friends, which makes me think he may be older. As soon as my kids got
old enough to understand the concept of thanks and to draw anything at
all, I had them make their own cards. They drew something and dictated
the message to me (with help from me, as needed; e.g., at first,
they'd want to just say "Dear Grandad, Thanks."). If he's too young to
participate, then just send the notes from yourself, and generally
only to those you didn't already thank in person.

Is there a preferred format? Is a handwritten note better than a
word-processed note or email or phone call?

I take it from the etiquette experts who've already answered that
handwritten-only is the officially correct answer here, but I
personally don't mind e-mail at all, and even enjoy a phone call from
a neice or nephew to say thanks. Now, I'm obviously talking about
older kids than "toddlers" here. E-mail tends to encourage more
volubility in younger kids for whom handwriting is a serious chore. I
don't feel that an e-mail is any less nice than a store-bought
thank-you card with a kid's name signed at the bottom, which is what
you'll get from a lot of younger kids. But again, I think the best
thank you from a child is a hand-made card, if it can be managed.

"Anna J" wrote in message ...
A couple of questions on etiquette...

I am just sitting down to write thank you notes for the gifts that my
toddler had for Christmas and want to make sure that I get this right. He
had presents from family members, our friends, his friends. We saw some
close family members on Christmas Day and thanked them for their gifts when
we first saw them.

Is it the right thing to send everyone a thank you note even if we thanked
them personally? I'm thinking that if we don't send notes to some they might
be offended if they find out that their relative got a note. On the other
hand should one send a formal thank you to parents?

I would write the letters on behalf of my son and sign it from myself. But
for my son's friends should I write it as though my son had written it?

Is there a preferred format? Is a handwritten note better than a
word-processed note or email or phone call?

Thanks for your advice.

A

--


When my boys were too young to write thank you notes, I wrote the
notes for them, but always tried to find a way to include the boys
somehow. I have had them draw a picture (or even just scribble if
that's where they are at), put a handprint on it, or included a
picture of them with the gift.

I would only send notes for gifts not received in person to make it
easier for your son once he's writing them himself. It may not be
that big of a deal for you to write out 10 thank you notes, but once
he's doing the work, 10 thank you notes can take several sittings and
make it be a task he really dreads. Better to keep it simple and make
it an activity he enjoys.

One thing I've never been sure of though is how to sign a note written
by me for a gift for the kids. We went through this recently with a
bunch of baby gifts for our third child. Do I sign just my name?
Mine and the baby's? Mine and DH? All five of us? I defaulted by
signing them from "The lastname family", but that didn't seem quite
right either. Anyone know the "rule" here?

~ Sher

"sher" wrote in message
om...
One thing I've never been sure of though is how to
sign a note written by me for a gift for the kids. We
went through this recently with a bunch of baby gifts
for our third child. Do I sign just my name? Mine
and the baby's? Mine and DH? All five of us? I
defaulted by signing them from "The lastname
family", but that didn't seem quite right either. Anyone
know the "rule" here?

Now that you mention it I think, contrary to my previous post, the
"rule" is, the person that writes it, signs it. No more, no less.
That's what I've always done. I've never had a gift given to one my
kids as "from" another kid though, so when I first replied I was
thinking that if the giver is going to pretend their child "gave" the
gift, they'd probably see it as logical to receive a thank you note
"from" the child that received it. I probably still wouldn't do it
myself because I have received thank you notes for gifts *I* gave a baby
(i.e. not as "from Julie") written and signed as if "from" the baby and
it did strike me as silly and, in a vague way, annoying.
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 9 mo.
And Jaden, 4 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.

Donna wrote:


I am wracking my brain as to the origin of this rule of mine, and near as I
can tell, I internalized it either from Miss Manners, or from my mom. I
have been attributing it to Miss Manners, and up until now I would have
sworn it was noted in one of her books, but if you haven't seen it, Ericka,
then clearly I must have gotten it from Dear Old Mum. So unless anyone
here is a long-lost sibling, the "Don't Start With The Words Thank You, It's
Tacky" rule is evidently negotiable, as well. grin


;-) If it makes you feel any better, I know a *lot*
of people who were taught that rule as children, and I *do*
think it's quite effective at getting children to write more
than a one sentence thank you note, which probably accounts
for its popularity! I rank it right up there with the "don't
start a sentence with 'because'" rule. It's a good basic
rule, because otherwise you'll get in trouble quickly if you
don't know what you're doing. However, it is possible to
start an effective and grammatically correct sentence with
"because."

Best wishes,
Ericka

Nevermind wrote:


I
don't feel that an e-mail is any less nice than a store-bought
thank-you card with a kid's name signed at the bottom, which is what
you'll get from a lot of younger kids.


For what it's worth, a store-bought thank you card with
just a signature is also improper, etiquette-wise. Personally,
I don't get picky over what young children do (i.e., before
they are old enough to write themselves). If they can do
something, that's nice and I'm sure it teaches them to get
in the spirit of sending appropriate thanks, but I wouldn't
get hung up on the format for a young child. Once they're
older, though, I'd hold them to sending a proper letter.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Handwritten notes are always preferred over typed or e-mail, though
folks with disabilities that make typing far easier than handwriting may
type them; e-mail is not yet considered OK, and probably won't be for a
very long time.


I tend to send e-mail to people who have already been thanked in person. :-)
Especially close relatives. It's sort of a compromise between sending a
too-formal note and doing nothing. I don't usually make it specifically a
thank you note, but will send, say, an anecdote about DS playing with the new
toy or the occasion on which he wore the new clothes.

I also usually ask DS to draw a picture (scribbles, really) for the gift-giver,
and then will send the thank you note on the picture or with the picture
enclosed. As he gets older this will transition to him writing the notes
himself.

Holly
Mom to Camden, almost 3
EDD #2 6/8/04

sher wrote:


One thing I've never been sure of though is how to sign a note written
by me for a gift for the kids. We went through this recently with a
bunch of baby gifts for our third child. Do I sign just my name?
Mine and the baby's? Mine and DH? All five of us? I defaulted by
signing them from "The lastname family", but that didn't seem quite
right either. Anyone know the "rule" here?


Yes--you sign only your name. In the body of the
letter, you mention the other people and pass on their
thanks/wishes/whatever and that's how they get acknowledged.
It's sort of a truth-in-advertising thing--you wrote the
letter in your voice, so you sign it. Writing the letter
in someone else's voice or signing someone else's name
is putting words in someone else's mouth and always
comes across a little weird.

Best wishes,
Ericka

x-no-archive:yes


Ericka Kammerer wrote:

Donna wrote:


I am wracking my brain as to the origin of this rule of mine, and near as I
can tell, I internalized it either from Miss Manners, or from my mom. I
have been attributing it to Miss Manners, and up until now I would have
sworn it was noted in one of her books, but if you haven't seen it, Ericka,
then clearly I must have gotten it from Dear Old Mum. So unless anyone
here is a long-lost sibling, the "Don't Start With The Words Thank You, It's
Tacky" rule is evidently negotiable, as well. grin


;-) If it makes you feel any better, I know a *lot*
of people who were taught that rule as children, and I *do*
think it's quite effective at getting children to write more
than a one sentence thank you note, which probably accounts

My mom just said we had to write at least 4 sentences, one of which
could be "Thank you for the [gift - the gift had to be named
specifically - you couldn't say 'the gift']", and one of which could
be "Thank you again." at the very end. (Salutation and closing didn't
count.)

She also made a rule (or maybe it's regular etiquette), that if money
was given, we had to specify what we had gotten or were thinking of
getting with the money. Of course that helped build up to the four
sentence minimum too.

So when dh got gift certificates from our daughters from West Marine,
we waited to thank them until he'd used them, and told them what he'd
bought (strobe lights for the PFDs). We did do it over the phone
though and in email, and in the case of one daughter whom we saw at
new years, in person, which isn't proper :-( And I actually did the
thanking, although dh does sometimes write his own notes.


for its popularity! I rank it right up there with the "don't
start a sentence with 'because'" rule. It's a good basic
rule, because otherwise you'll get in trouble quickly if you
don't know what you're doing. However, it is possible to
start an effective and grammatically correct sentence with
"because."

Best wishes,
Ericka

grandma Rosalie

We never do thank you notes for Christmas, I suppose since everyone else is
giving gifts as well. Nor have I ever received a thank you note for Christmas.
We always do them for Bdays and stuff, though.

laurie
mommy to Jessica, 2.5 years and
Christopher, 8 months