Disappointed over Baby's looks

Hi,
I'm the mom of an 8 week old baby boy. I feel like a terrible mom and
a superficial person admitting this, but my son is far from being cute
or good looking. These thoughts depress me and make me feel guilty, but
I can't help feeling this way. Visitors just say 'Well, he doesn't look
like either of you' (my son is extremely dark skinned, we are not) or
'his features are very different from your older one's' or 'nothing
more important than the baby being healthy'. I realize they are saying
the truth and being diplomatic but I'm definitely disappointed over not
having the baby I dreamed of. My husband says the baby's looks don't
bother him the least bit, but there is disappointment in the family
circle though everyone is saying nice things about the baby to me to
cheer me up. I know a lot of babies change with time, but this is very
hard on me.
Has anyone been through such a situation? How did you get over the
disappointment?
w2mamma

I went through a little of that myself, mainly because I always
imagined my DS would be the spitting image of his father (olive skin,
dark hair and eyes) and well, he looked exactly like me (light skin and
blue eyes), to the point of people saying, well I can't see his daddy
in him etc.

But I think you are too early in the game to know how he is going to
look anyway, newborns always look like little old men (or women) - in
my opinion its the least attractive age for children. Give it some
time, and you may be surprised at how cute your baby ends up. Also, you
may still be feeling the effects of sleep deprivation etc. Give
yourself time, put this out of your head for now, and try and take care
of yourself. I bet things will look a lot different to you in a few
months.

My DS is now 15 months, is absolutely adorable, and while he still has
my coloring and eyes, he has a lot of his daddy in him too. So in
answer to your question about how to get over the disappointment, I
would just put it out of your mind, and I suspect in several months you
will not be disappointed at all.

My younger son looked just like my MIL (YIKES!!) when he was born -- NOT CUTE!! And he took a
couple months to grow out of that. Now he's 4 and couldn't be more adorable (looks just like me
now, thank you very much!)! I think that as you baby grows and fattens up a bit, he'll get
cuter by the day!

Dawn

"w2mamma" wrote in message
ups.com...
| Hi,
| I'm the mom of an 8 week old baby boy. I feel like a terrible mom and
| a superficial person admitting this, but my son is far from being cute
| or good looking. These thoughts depress me and make me feel guilty, but
| I can't help feeling this way. Visitors just say 'Well, he doesn't look
| like either of you' (my son is extremely dark skinned, we are not) or
| 'his features are very different from your older one's' or 'nothing
| more important than the baby being healthy'. I realize they are saying
| the truth and being diplomatic but I'm definitely disappointed over not
| having the baby I dreamed of. My husband says the baby's looks don't
| bother him the least bit, but there is disappointment in the family
| circle though everyone is saying nice things about the baby to me to
| cheer me up. I know a lot of babies change with time, but this is very
| hard on me.
| Has anyone been through such a situation? How did you get over the
| disappointment?
| w2mamma
|

On 4 Jan 2006 10:31:21 -0800, "w2mamma" wrote:

Hi,
I'm the mom of an 8 week old baby boy. I feel like a terrible mom and
a superficial person admitting this, but my son is far from being cute
or good looking. These thoughts depress me and make me feel guilty, but
I can't help feeling this way. Visitors just say 'Well, he doesn't look
like either of you' (my son is extremely dark skinned, we are not) or
'his features are very different from your older one's' or 'nothing
more important than the baby being healthy'. I realize they are saying
the truth and being diplomatic but I'm definitely disappointed over not
having the baby I dreamed of. My husband says the baby's looks don't
bother him the least bit, but there is disappointment in the family
circle though everyone is saying nice things about the baby to me to
cheer me up. I know a lot of babies change with time, but this is very
hard on me.
Has anyone been through such a situation? How did you get over the
disappointment?
w2mamma

A lot of babies aren't "cute" at 8 weeks. They still have that 'new
baby look'.

Nan

My oldest daughter wasn't the chubby little 'perfect' baby that is shown on
the diaper boxes, she was way to little for her skin.
She is 6 years old now and I have ppl telling me all of the time how
beautiful she is.


"w2mamma" wrote in message
ups.com...
Hi,
I'm the mom of an 8 week old baby boy. I feel like a terrible mom and
a superficial person admitting this, but my son is far from being cute
or good looking. These thoughts depress me and make me feel guilty, but
I can't help feeling this way. Visitors just say 'Well, he doesn't look
like either of you' (my son is extremely dark skinned, we are not) or
'his features are very different from your older one's' or 'nothing
more important than the baby being healthy'. I realize they are saying
the truth and being diplomatic but I'm definitely disappointed over not
having the baby I dreamed of. My husband says the baby's looks don't
bother him the least bit, but there is disappointment in the family
circle though everyone is saying nice things about the baby to me to
cheer me up. I know a lot of babies change with time, but this is very
hard on me.
Has anyone been through such a situation? How did you get over the
disappointment?
w2mamma

Don't beat yourself up about it. When my son was born I thought he was the
most beautiful thing in the world. My husband said that he was "very funny
looking". He couldn't see his "cuteness" for a long time. My son is now 2
and when I see pictures of him when he was a newborn....guess what I think
NOW? My husband was right! He WAS very funny looking! LOL But, that
didn't mean that me or my husband weren't completely in love with the little
funny, looking thing. ;-)

Motherhood is funny. I swear women get injected with a shot of extra GUILT
feelings while pregnant (I suspect the sonogram machines....but anyway) LOL
When I was preggers with my little man and I was getting a sonogram and the
girl asked me if I wanted to know the sex and I said yes. It was a couple
minutes before she was able to see and while I was waiting I was praying to
myself "Please God, let it be a girl.....I want a girl....Please God, let it
be a girl....I want a girl so bad" Then she said, "You're gonna have a
boy!" and I felt so guilty because I had the fake the excitment and not
show my disappointment and then felt so terrible about feeling that way.
Now, I can't imagine having a girl!

Trust me......There will come a day and you will be absolutely convinced
with all your heart and soul that your baby boy is the most beautiful human
being that ever walked the earth! It'll happen....just give it time.

Take Care,


Joyce
Mommy to Charles
Wife to Jamesthe man I love
"w2mamma" wrote in message
ups.com...
Hi,
I'm the mom of an 8 week old baby boy. I feel like a terrible mom and
a superficial person admitting this, but my son is far from being cute
or good looking. These thoughts depress me and make me feel guilty, but
I can't help feeling this way. Visitors just say 'Well, he doesn't look
like either of you' (my son is extremely dark skinned, we are not) or
'his features are very different from your older one's' or 'nothing
more important than the baby being healthy'. I realize they are saying
the truth and being diplomatic but I'm definitely disappointed over not
having the baby I dreamed of. My husband says the baby's looks don't
bother him the least bit, but there is disappointment in the family
circle though everyone is saying nice things about the baby to me to
cheer me up. I know a lot of babies change with time, but this is very
hard on me.
Has anyone been through such a situation? How did you get over the
disappointment?
w2mamma

"w2mamma" wrote in message
ups.com...
Hi,
I'm the mom of an 8 week old baby boy. I feel like a terrible mom and
a superficial person admitting this, but my son is far from being cute
or good looking.

You are neither terrible nor superficial. It's normal to have
built up expectations of the perfect baby, and if he doesn't
look like you expected, then, yes, you might experience
some disappointment.

It's true, as others have told you, that how your baby looks
now has little bearing on how he will look as he grows, but
it's also somewhat irrelevant. This is your child, and chances
are that no matter what he looks like, you will find the best
in him. I have two kids, and if I take a step back, yes, I can
tell you that one is more classically "good looking" than the
other, but that is only one of very many differences between
them that will end up making their lives harder or easier
or make them more or less liked or whatever, and I have
to say that it is not at all the most important feature.

Bizby

"w2mamma" wrote in message
ups.com...

Has anyone been through such a situation? How did you get over the
disappointment?

I thought my youngest daughter looked like Dewey (the 2nd youngest kid) on
Malcolm in the Middle for the first 8 months of her life... Everyone
actually agreed, especially when she smiled... I still thought she was
cute, just that she had sticky-out ears and a funny shaped head... She has
become a lovely little 3 year old now...

Babies look like:

a) Skinned Rabbits
b) Winston Churchill

Perhaps if you were only having a child so that it would be an attractive
fashion accessory you should have reconsidered.

Sorry, but this baby is a human being, with future skills and personality
and all you can think of is 'It doesn't look like the ones in the
catalogue?'

Get over it
R The harsh and bitter

You are right you are harsh and bitter, you need to forget about what he
just obnoxiously posted!
You are absolutely human in all aspects for thinking this, my niece was and
I hate to say it, a UGLY baby, although we still loved her she wasn't the
beauty pageant type lol
Your going to be fine mommy!!
Amanda
*Smile it'll get better!

"David Edwards" wrote in message
u...
Babies look like:

a) Skinned Rabbits
b) Winston Churchill

Perhaps if you were only having a child so that it would be an attractive
fashion accessory you should have reconsidered.

Sorry, but this baby is a human being, with future skills and personality
and all you can think of is 'It doesn't look like the ones in the
catalogue?'

Get over it
R The harsh and bitter