more birthday ettiquete questions

Irene wrote:
cjra wrote:
toypup wrote:
"Jeff" wrote in message
ink.net...
How about bringing the birthday cake to school, as is the custom, but
having a play date and celebration for him and his five or six or so
closest friends, maybe do something special like go to the zoo or go
bowling or something (ok, if he still takes naps at school, he is probably
too young for bowling)? Or if you have a party with his neighborhood
friends, the 5 or 6 or so kids could come to that.

We'll probably bring the cake to school. The number of friends from school
we are inviting will probably be about 10, but I don't expect them all to
accept. In fact, since they are graduating preschool this year and some
will be on vacation, I'm not sure how many will be in town.

I want to do family and friends all together so we only have to do one party
at home, as opposed to a family party and friends party as suggested by MIL.
We don't know any neighborhood kids. My niece and nephew will be there as
well as children of our friends. I really don't want to do two parties, and
I would almost have to if we do a separate deal for the kids at a venue,
because our family and friends look forward to the birthday get together
every year. It's become a tradition. They want to celebrate our children's
birthdays, too. Besides, I don't really want to supervise a bunch of
preschoolers in areas where I might lose them.

Why would you have to have a separate party for kids at a venue??? Can
the classmate friends not also come to the family party?

Well, I've been wondering the same thing, as for what do we want to do.
The 2 pre-school friend parties ds has been to were only pre-school
friends (and I think one grandfather), both at Chuck-e-Cheese. He was
invited to one at another venue, but since he was sick and didn't go, I
don't know who else was there. Both were relatively small - about 6-8
kids.

OTOH, we've been doing a hodgepodge of stuff. Mainly family, but with
a few neighbor kids added in at ages 3 & 4. (Last year he hadn't been
at pre-school long enough to really have close enough friends to
invite.) It gets pretty big, simply because dh has a big family, so
last year was around 30 people. If I add 6-8 pre-school friends, plus
a parent for each, that's around 45 people!!! So, I can see where the
2 party thing could be attractive. My SIL still does one big party for
her 4 & 6 year olds, and so do one set of neighbors (tho I think her dd
wasn't in pre-school yet, so didn't have any pre-school friends for the
party.)

Ah, see, it's perspective. 45 people doesn't seem like that much to me,
it's a normal party in my family and amongst our friends ;-)


No one I know ever does the Chuck-E-Cheese type thing (too darned
expensive!), and the kids-only parties don't really start til at least
6 yrs old or later.


So, I guess what I'm getting at is, I've got precedent in my social
circles for both types of parties, so I think we'll be ok either way we
go. I'm not sure what we are going to do...but at least I have a
little bit of time to decide, since it's not until this summer. I do
have at least the family party date set, since we had to plan around my
grandmother's headstone dedication, but I could always add a second
party the next week for friends if we decided to do it. And since it's
summer, you never know if I'll end up with 3 kids or 12!

heh, when I was a kid we had a pool, so every party ended up with 50
;-). Our friends have a summer kid and last year got a dunk tank for
his birthday which was a HUGE hit!

"cjra" wrote in message
oups.com...
Why would you have to have a separate party for kids at a venue??? Can
the classmate friends not also come to the family party?


My family's weird. They would rather not go to a kids oriented party at a
kids place. They have all been too long without kids or have never had
kids. I can't get my mom and dad to go to Disneyland with us and I've
offered to buy them season passes so they could hang out for an hour or two
one weekend a month maybe. They refuse, because they don't care for
Disneyland and they don't care to do it just to be around the kids.

"Banty" wrote in message
...
LOL! Did she volunteeer to hold the family party?

No. I was wondering aloud what to do about my side of the family. They'd
be disappointed if we only had a kids party and I was wondering how to make
it a kids and family party. She suggested celebrating separately.

"toypup" wrote:
"cjra" wrote in message
roups.com...
Why would you have to have a separate party for kids at a venue??? Can
the classmate friends not also come to the family party?

My family's weird. They would rather not go to a kids oriented party at a
kids place. They have all been too long without kids or have never had
kids. I can't get my mom and dad to go to Disneyland with us and I've
offered to buy them season passes so they could hang out for an hour or two
one weekend a month maybe. They refuse, because they don't care for
Disneyland and they don't care to do it just to be around the kids.

Well I can relate to that. DH HATES DisneyWorld, although he would
happily hang out with the kids and go to ball games and play games and
take them places. My mom had a family reunion type thing at
Disneyworld, and dh was the only grouch in the group. He refused to
go anywhere or see anything with me, and sat in the hotel room and
watched TV except for going to the big family dinner. I just went
without him.

We did go to Disneyland many moons ago with the oldest two kids when
they were about 2 and 4.

We gave my mom a party for her 90th bday at Chuckie Cheese and she
thought it was a hoot.



grandma Rosalie

"toypup" wrote in message
et...

"cjra" wrote in message
oups.com...
Why would you have to have a separate party for kids at a venue??? Can
the classmate friends not also come to the family party?


My family's weird. They would rather not go to a kids oriented party at a
kids place. They have all been too long without kids or have never had
kids. I can't get my mom and dad to go to Disneyland with us and I've
offered to buy them season passes so they could hang out for an hour or
two one weekend a month maybe. They refuse, because they don't care for
Disneyland and they don't care to do it just to be around the kids.

See, I don't think that's weird. I do think that parents
should be willing to do things for the sake of the kids
even if it's not all that interesting for them, but I don't
see that responsibility extending any farther.

I don't think they should drag the kids with them to
bingo either of course. But it seems that in the more
limited time they have together, effort can be made
to ensure that neither is completely out of their element.

Bizby

toypup wrote:
"cjra" wrote in message
oups.com...

Why would you have to have a separate party for kids at a venue??? Can
the classmate friends not also come to the family party?



My family's weird. They would rather not go to a kids oriented party at a
kids place. They have all been too long without kids or have never had
kids. I can't get my mom and dad to go to Disneyland with us and I've
offered to buy them season passes so they could hang out for an hour or two
one weekend a month maybe. They refuse, because they don't care for
Disneyland and they don't care to do it just to be around the kids.



Well, if your family's weird then so am I and the rest of my family. I
think it's not only totally okay to have a "family" party with aunts,
uncles, cousins and grandparents without a dozen little friends running
around but much more preferable. Most of DD and DS' cousins are much
older and both grandmothers are elderly, so a noisy kids' place just
wouldn't be right for my family either.


Jeanne

In article , toypup says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...
LOL! Did she volunteeer to hold the family party?

No. I was wondering aloud what to do about my side of the family. They'd
be disappointed if we only had a kids party and I was wondering how to make
it a kids and family party. She suggested celebrating separately.



When did kid birthdays get to be an extended family bonding ritual? OK, the
*first* birthday is a big deal (at least lately), but what happened to the
immediate family (meaning, the household) serving the cake and singing 'happy
birhday' after dinner? Even the kid birthday parties used to be something more
or less special, not held every single year.

What should be a simple and sentimental little celebration has turned into a
quasi-obligatory set of public entertainments, where the *whole class* gets
invited, then all the extended family gets invited (hope the two sides get along
- would it have to be *three* celebrations if they don't?). With hired clowns
and magicians. It's escalated into silliness.

Immediate family and the kids' real friends (in which case the parents should
already know the other parents, therefore already have their addresses).
Period.

Banty (who quickly got tired of the Chuck ee Cheese circuit)


--
NewsGuy.Com 30Gb $9.95 Carry Forward and On Demand Bandwidth

In article , toypup says...


"cjra" wrote in message
roups.com...
Why would you have to have a separate party for kids at a venue??? Can
the classmate friends not also come to the family party?


My family's weird. They would rather not go to a kids oriented party at a
kids place. They have all been too long without kids or have never had
kids. I can't get my mom and dad to go to Disneyland with us and I've
offered to buy them season passes so they could hang out for an hour or two
one weekend a month maybe. They refuse, because they don't care for
Disneyland and they don't care to do it just to be around the kids.



Then why would they be thrown a separate birthday party for the kid?

Banty


--
NewsGuy.Com 30Gb $9.95 Carry Forward and On Demand Bandwidth

"cjra" wrote in message Why would you have to
have a separate party for kids at a venue??? Can the classmate friends not
also come to the family party?

How about because the older relatives (grandpa, etc) don't really like all
the noise and little kids running around. If I am having a party at a
Ceaserland or something similar, the older relatives don't come. However, if
I am just having dinner with cake and ice cream and not inviting other kids,
then my dad comes. The older relatives are sensitive with noises and not
used to having kids around anymore. And it's less stressful to have the
parties separated.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

Banty wrote:

When did kid birthdays get to be an extended family bonding ritual? OK, the
*first* birthday is a big deal (at least lately), but what happened to the
immediate family (meaning, the household) serving the cake and singing 'happy
birhday' after dinner?

Well, I don't actually have any heartburn over using
a family birthday (kid or adult) as an excuse to get the troops
together and have a good time. It's just a problem if it's
too burdensome for the hosts but they feel they can't "let
everyone down" by not hosting another one this year.

What should be a simple and sentimental little celebration has turned into a
quasi-obligatory set of public entertainments, where the *whole class* gets
invited, then all the extended family gets invited (hope the two sides get along
- would it have to be *three* celebrations if they don't?). With hired clowns
and magicians. It's escalated into silliness.

Sure. Again, I've got no issue with those who want to
make a big deal of a birthday, but it is a problem if people
are feeling obligated to outdo themselves year after year (or
keep up with the Joneses). Sometimes we do a big to-do and
sometimes we don't, depending on what we feel like doing.
I think this year we'll do a big to-do for G.'s birthday
because it'll be a good excuse to do a big 4th of July BBQ
in our new back yard. Might even buy a grill ;-) Next year,
maybe no party at all, unless I'm feeling festive, ya know.
But then again, any excuse is good for a party in my book.
I'm already laying plans for a bit New Year's Eve to-do
(haven't done one since 1999/2000, so I'm getting the urge
again...).

Best wishes,
Ericka

Best wishes,
Ericka