15mth Adjusting to Daycare

Hi Everyone,

I will be returining to work in two weeks and started sending my 15
mth DD to daycare as of last week. The first 2 days i was with her at
the center and she was fine but on the 3rd, 4th and 5th day when i had
to leave her alone (1/2 day) she cried when i left and when i picked
her up. The staff at the center mentioned that she cried when I left
but then calmed herself down. When i went to pick her up she was
playing by herself but was quite upset when she saw me. Anyway, all
three days she didnt really eat her morning snack and she didnt eat
much of her lunch. I am going to be sending her again this week 1/2
day for 2 days and full day on thursday and friday. I am hoping to
then send her full days starting next week. I am wondering how long
it might take for her to adjust to the daycare center. I know it will
be a lot of adjustment for her to learn to sit and eat ONLY on the
high chair, to take her naps in the crib and to fall asleep without
any assistance. She can fall asleep on her own but not in the crib,
she does in our bed and then we move her to the crib so i am very
worried about all the adjusting she will have to do. It breaks my
heart to see her cry so hard when i leave and then to know she hasnt
had anything to eat and wonder if anyone who has already gone through
this type of experience could provide any reassurance.

Thanks,
Nitu

"nitu" wrote in message
ups.com...
Thank you for your replies. I already extended my mat leave from 12
mths to 15 mths to try and get her bit more ready. Anyway, now i have
to go back as we need to pay the bill collector! Anyway, i will try
and keep a routine so that she will be aware of the fact that we will
drop her off but also come back to pick her up.

Nitu

From what I've seen in my DD's part-time child care, before about age 1, the
children rarely cry and seem perfeclt happy. From 1-2, most kids ARE unhappy
at drop off, but are easily distracted once the parent leaves. Then,
sometime between 2 and 3, they start really looking forward to going. By the
time they enter preschool at 2 1/2-3 or so, it's often the parent saying
"Can I please have a hug", while the child just wants to get into the room
and go!

Unless she's crying all day and refusing to be distracted or soothed once
you're out of the area, I think you can mark this up to her age, not that
she's having trouble "adjusting", and that she'll "adjust" at about the same
time whether she's in child care or at home with you.

In article . com,
nitu wrote:

I am wondering how long
it might take for her to adjust to the daycare center. I know it will
be a lot of adjustment for her to learn to sit and eat ONLY on the
high chair, to take her naps in the crib and to fall asleep without
any assistance. She can fall asleep on her own but not in the crib,
she does in our bed and then we move her to the crib so i am very
worried about all the adjusting she will have to do. It breaks my
heart to see her cry so hard when i leave and then to know she hasnt
had anything to eat and wonder if anyone who has already gone through
this type of experience could provide any reassurance.

With both my boys it took about 6 weeks to adjust, and they were going 3
days/week. They started day care around age 2, so age might have made a
slight difference.

Things that will improve the situation:
1. A knowledge that it WILL improve, assuming that you are confident in the
day care centre. Your child will take a little while to get to know people,
just like anyone else thrust into a bunch of strangers.
2. Make your goodbyes the same every time. Here is my ritual:
"DS, I have to go now." (Hug and kiss.) "I/DH will come back and pick you up
after afternoon tea/when it gets dark." (Hug and kiss.) "Bye-bye!" (put child
down -- or into arms of carer, if child is distressed -- and wave from
doorway.) "Bye-bye!"
3. Never ever sneak away from your child. It's deceitful as well as
distressing (how can they ever know that you won't suddenly disappear without
warning, if you pull tricks like that?).
4. If you can manage, listen outside the window (or somewhere else unseen) to
see how long your child takes to calm down. It is usually a surprisingly
short time. Good carers will comfort your child and try to interest them in
an activity.
5. Ring back later to see how your child is getting along.

After five weeks of howling morning and night, I was at day care one morning
with DS2, playing with Lego Primo. DS2 stacked, then unstacked a column of
blocks. Just as I was thinking that I should take my leave, he stood
up,walked around the blocks to me, gave me a a kiss and said, "Bye-bye,
Mummy!" I realised that *I* wasn't ready to let go right then! We haven't
had a tear since.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"Parenthood is like the modern stone washing process for denim jeans. You may
start out crisp, neat and tough, but you end up pale, limp and wrinkled."
Kerry Cue

On Sep 18, 8:14 am, Chookie wrote:
In article . com,

nitu wrote:
I am wondering how long
it might take for her to adjust to the daycare center. I know it will
be a lot of adjustment for her to learn to sit and eat ONLY on the
high chair, to take her naps in the crib and to fall asleep without
any assistance. She can fall asleep on her own but not in the crib,
she does in our bed and then we move her to the crib so i am very
worried about all the adjusting she will have to do. It breaks my
heart to see her cry so hard when i leave and then to know she hasnt
had anything to eat and wonder if anyone who has already gone through
this type of experience could provide any reassurance.

With both my boys it took about 6 weeks to adjust, and they were going 3
days/week. They started day care around age 2, so age might have made a
slight difference.

Instead of thinking solely about how the child should be made to
adjust to being away from her mother for most of the day, the
alternative of the mother adjusting by delaying her return to work or
working fewer hours should also be considered.

Chookie wrote:

nitu wrote:

I am wondering how long
it might take for her to adjust to the daycare center. I know it will
be a lot of adjustment for her to learn to sit and eat ONLY on the
high chair, to take her naps in the crib and to fall asleep without
any assistance. She can fall asleep on her own but not in the crib,
she does in our bed and then we move her to the crib so i am very
worried about all the adjusting she will have to do. It breaks my
heart to see her cry so hard when i leave and then to know she hasnt
had anything to eat and wonder if anyone who has already gone through
this type of experience could provide any reassurance.

Things that will improve the situation:
1. A knowledge that it WILL improve, assuming that you are confident in the
day care centre. Your child will take a little while to get to know people,
just like anyone else thrust into a bunch of strangers.
2. Make your goodbyes the same every time. Here is my ritual:
"DS, I have to go now." (Hug and kiss.) "I/DH will come back and pick you up
after afternoon tea/when it gets dark." (Hug and kiss.) "Bye-bye!" (put child
down -- or into arms of carer, if child is distressed -- and wave from
doorway.) "Bye-bye!"
3. Never ever sneak away from your child. It's deceitful as well as
distressing (how can they ever know that you won't suddenly disappear without
warning, if you pull tricks like that?).
4. If you can manage, listen outside the window (or somewhere else unseen) to
see how long your child takes to calm down. It is usually a surprisingly
short time. Good carers will comfort your child and try to interest them in
an activity.
5. Ring back later to see how your child is getting along.

All great advice. It's really important to let them know
that you are leaving and that you will be back to pick them up.

You might try adjusting a few things at home to make the
transition easier. If she must sit in the high chair to eat
and will need to fall asleep without any assistance at the
daycare center, then it would be helpful for her to begin
this transition at home rather than in a new setting.

My pediatrician always told me that as long as they ate one
hearty meal a day, not to worry; that they wouldn't starve
themselves. Good luck!
--
Ruth

In article . com, Beliavsky
says...

On Sep 18, 8:14 am, Chookie wrote:
In article . com,

nitu wrote:
I am wondering how long
it might take for her to adjust to the daycare center. I know it will
be a lot of adjustment for her to learn to sit and eat ONLY on the
high chair, to take her naps in the crib and to fall asleep without
any assistance. She can fall asleep on her own but not in the crib,
she does in our bed and then we move her to the crib so i am very
worried about all the adjusting she will have to do. It breaks my
heart to see her cry so hard when i leave and then to know she hasnt
had anything to eat and wonder if anyone who has already gone through
this type of experience could provide any reassurance.

With both my boys it took about 6 weeks to adjust, and they were going 3
days/week. They started day care around age 2, so age might have made a
slight difference.

Instead of thinking solely about how the child should be made to
adjust to being away from her mother for most of the day, the
alternative of the mother adjusting by delaying her return to work or
working fewer hours should also be considered.


And why not having Daddy work fewer hours, so that they can team-tag parenting?

Banty (why oh why is it always Mommy that has to make the accomodations?)

On Sep 18, 9:14 am, Banty wrote:

snip

Instead of thinking solely about how the child should be made to
adjust to being away from her mother for most of the day, the
alternative of the mother adjusting by delaying her return to work or
working fewer hours should also be considered.

And why not having Daddy work fewer hours, so that they can team-tag parenting?

That could work in some case, but on AVERAGE,

(1) Husbands earn more than wives, so it is less of a financial
sacrifice if the wife stays home or reduces her hours. Many companies
will also penalize women less for taking time off but regard fathers
doing so as not committed to their careers.
(2) Mothers are better at taking care of kids than fathers.
(3) Mothers enjoy being with their kids more than fathers.


Banty (why oh why is it always Mommy that has to make the accomodations?)

Why oh why must we pretend that men and women are exactly the same
except for their reproductive organs? If throughout history, women
have done the vast majority of the childrearing, it is likely that
their personalities and intellects have evolved to make them better at
doing so than men, on AVERAGE.

Researching supporting my assertions is to be found in the book "Why
Gender Matters: What Parents and Teachers Need to Know about the
Emerging Science of Sex Differences" by Leonard Sax (2006).

Thank you for your replies. I already extended my mat leave from 12
mths to 15 mths to try and get her bit more ready. Anyway, now i have
to go back as we need to pay the bill collector! Anyway, i will try
and keep a routine so that she will be aware of the fact that we will
drop her off but also come back to pick her up.

Nitu

"Beliavsky" wrote in message
ups.com...
On Sep 18, 8:14 am, Chookie wrote:
In article . com,

nitu wrote:
I am wondering how long
it might take for her to adjust to the daycare center. I know it will
be a lot of adjustment for her to learn to sit and eat ONLY on the
high chair, to take her naps in the crib and to fall asleep without
any assistance. She can fall asleep on her own but not in the crib,
she does in our bed and then we move her to the crib so i am very
worried about all the adjusting she will have to do. It breaks my
heart to see her cry so hard when i leave and then to know she hasnt
had anything to eat and wonder if anyone who has already gone through
this type of experience could provide any reassurance.

With both my boys it took about 6 weeks to adjust, and they were going 3
days/week. They started day care around age 2, so age might have made a
slight difference.

Instead of thinking solely about how the child should be made to
adjust to being away from her mother for most of the day, the
alternative of the mother adjusting by delaying her return to work or
working fewer hours should also be considered.


Except that is not the advice that the mother asked for IIRC.

"Beliavsky" wrote in message
oups.com...
On Sep 18, 9:14 am, Banty wrote:

snip

Instead of thinking solely about how the child should be made to
adjust to being away from her mother for most of the day, the
alternative of the mother adjusting by delaying her return to work or
working fewer hours should also be considered.

And why not having Daddy work fewer hours, so that they can team-tag
parenting?

That could work in some case, but on AVERAGE,

(1) Husbands earn more than wives, so it is less of a financial
sacrifice if the wife stays home or reduces her hours. Many companies
will also penalize women less for taking time off but regard fathers
doing so as not committed to their careers.
(2) Mothers are better at taking care of kids than fathers.
(3) Mothers enjoy being with their kids more than fathers.




LOL! It would be a sad, sad world if any of those statements were true.
Luckily there doesn't seem to be any real evidence that they are.


Banty (why oh why is it always Mommy that has to make the accomodations?)