b-day party ettiquette

DS was invited to a party at one of those indoor bouce house venues. We'd
love to go, but I don't have daycare for DD at that time. I wonder if it
would be really poor ettiquette to ask if I could pay and take her along?
I normally wouldn't ask to take a child to a party s/he wasn't specifically
invited to (and then I usually get asked why I didn't take the other one
along), but since this is a venue and they don't normally have age-specific
activities and I could pay her way, I wonder if it's okay.

toypup wrote:
DS was invited to a party at one of those indoor bouce house venues. We'd
love to go, but I don't have daycare for DD at that time. I wonder if it
would be really poor ettiquette to ask if I could pay and take her along?
I normally wouldn't ask to take a child to a party s/he wasn't specifically
invited to (and then I usually get asked why I didn't take the other one
along), but since this is a venue and they don't normally have age-specific
activities and I could pay her way, I wonder if it's okay.

What you don't want to do is create an uncomfortable
situation for the host. If you bring DD along, will it be a
situation where the host will feel awkward about not having a
goody bag for DD, or not having pizza or cake for her, or
whatever? If you can bring DD, pay her way, and keep her
occupied separately from the party, then I think you don't
even have to ask the host about it. It's a totally separate
deal. If you have to be involved with the party, supervising
DS and having DD along means that she's all in the midst of
the party, then it's much more iffy.
Do you know if you need to be around supervising DS
at the party?

Best wishes,
Ericka

"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
. ..
toypup wrote:

I will be around mostly because that's how it is around here. Parents
always stay. However, the supervision is really minimal. Basically,
there
are a bunch of inflatable bouncers and slides and the kids go crazy. We
hosted one such party for DS and it didn't really matter how many
siblings
the parents brought as far as child management issues went. I can see
the
problem with the goody bag and food, but if I offer to pay the host the
cost of her attendance plus food and goody bag, would it be okay? The
goody bags are usually, not always, bought from the venue. The food is
nearly always supplied by the venue as part of a package or a la carte.
It's nearly always pizza.

Personally, I couldn't do it. I would never ask the
host of an adult party if I could bring someone not invited
and pay for their share of the food or entertainment, so I
don't think it would be appropriate to model that sort of
behavior at any other party. This is a party for the birthday
child, and he or she has the prerogative to decide on a guest
list and not have to accommodate all sorts of additional folks.
I just couldn't go there.
What I would likely do in your situation is ask the
host if you could just drop off DS and pick him up later, or
ask one of the other guests' parents if they could keep an
eye on DS so you didn't have to be there.

Would it be within the etiquette rules for kids B-day parties to put on the
invitation something like "Siblings are welcome to attend at a cost of $8
each" or something? We're considering doing something like described above
for DD's B-day this year, and I would imagine that the sibling issue is
likely to come up since we appear to be about the only single child family
around. If every child turns into 2, it could get expensive in a hurry!

Also, is it OK to put on the invitation that it is for X child and a parent,
and would that imply that parents are EXPECTED to stay? I do not want to be
the lone adult in a roomful of preschoolers in a party mood, even though I
spend time with that age professionally!

I would probably be leaving the child at the party and not staying. Do you
have to stay?
--
Sue

"toypup" wrote in message
. ..
DS was invited to a party at one of those indoor bouce house venues. We'd
love to go, but I don't have daycare for DD at that time. I wonder if it
would be really poor ettiquette to ask if I could pay and take her along?
I normally wouldn't ask to take a child to a party s/he wasn't
specifically
invited to (and then I usually get asked why I didn't take the other one
along), but since this is a venue and they don't normally have
age-specific
activities and I could pay her way, I wonder if it's okay.

On Fri, 21 Sep 2007 21:50:15 -0400, Sue wrote:

I would probably be leaving the child at the party and not staying. Do you
have to stay?

It seems the the parents always stay around here.

On Fri, 21 Sep 2007 20:29:57 -0400, Ericka Kammerer wrote:

toypup wrote:
DS was invited to a party at one of those indoor bouce house venues. We'd
love to go, but I don't have daycare for DD at that time. I wonder if it
would be really poor ettiquette to ask if I could pay and take her along?
I normally wouldn't ask to take a child to a party s/he wasn't specifically
invited to (and then I usually get asked why I didn't take the other one
along), but since this is a venue and they don't normally have age-specific
activities and I could pay her way, I wonder if it's okay.

What you don't want to do is create an uncomfortable
situation for the host. If you bring DD along, will it be a
situation where the host will feel awkward about not having a
goody bag for DD, or not having pizza or cake for her, or
whatever? If you can bring DD, pay her way, and keep her
occupied separately from the party, then I think you don't
even have to ask the host about it. It's a totally separate
deal. If you have to be involved with the party, supervising
DS and having DD along means that she's all in the midst of
the party, then it's much more iffy.
Do you know if you need to be around supervising DS
at the party?

Best wishes,
Ericka

I will be around mostly because that's how it is around here. Parents
always stay. However, the supervision is really minimal. Basically, there
are a bunch of inflatable bouncers and slides and the kids go crazy. We
hosted one such party for DS and it didn't really matter how many siblings
the parents brought as far as child management issues went. I can see the
problem with the goody bag and food, but if I offer to pay the host the
cost of her attendance plus food and goody bag, would it be okay? The
goody bags are usually, not always, bought from the venue. The food is
nearly always supplied by the venue as part of a package or a la carte.
It's nearly always pizza.

toypup wrote:
On Fri, 21 Sep 2007 20:29:57 -0400, Ericka Kammerer wrote:

toypup wrote:
DS was invited to a party at one of those indoor bouce house venues. We'd
love to go, but I don't have daycare for DD at that time. I wonder if it
would be really poor ettiquette to ask if I could pay and take her along?
I normally wouldn't ask to take a child to a party s/he wasn't specifically
invited to (and then I usually get asked why I didn't take the other one
along), but since this is a venue and they don't normally have age-specific
activities and I could pay her way, I wonder if it's okay.
What you don't want to do is create an uncomfortable
situation for the host. If you bring DD along, will it be a
situation where the host will feel awkward about not having a
goody bag for DD, or not having pizza or cake for her, or
whatever? If you can bring DD, pay her way, and keep her
occupied separately from the party, then I think you don't
even have to ask the host about it. It's a totally separate
deal. If you have to be involved with the party, supervising
DS and having DD along means that she's all in the midst of
the party, then it's much more iffy.
Do you know if you need to be around supervising DS
at the party?

Best wishes,
Ericka

I will be around mostly because that's how it is around here. Parents
always stay. However, the supervision is really minimal. Basically, there
are a bunch of inflatable bouncers and slides and the kids go crazy. We
hosted one such party for DS and it didn't really matter how many siblings
the parents brought as far as child management issues went. I can see the
problem with the goody bag and food, but if I offer to pay the host the
cost of her attendance plus food and goody bag, would it be okay? The
goody bags are usually, not always, bought from the venue. The food is
nearly always supplied by the venue as part of a package or a la carte.
It's nearly always pizza.

There is nothing wrong with teaching siblings that the party is not for
them, and they won't be getting pizza, cake and a goody bag, either. The
parents can bring puzzles, games and other things to do off on the side.

Just a thought, which may or may not be appropriate for this situation.

Jeff

On Sat, 22 Sep 2007 02:13:09 GMT, Jeff wrote:

There is nothing wrong with teaching siblings that the party is not for
them, and they won't be getting pizza, cake and a goody bag, either. The
parents can bring puzzles, games and other things to do off on the side.

Just a thought, which may or may not be appropriate for this situation.

Jeff

I suppose, but it would really be awkward for the host to have a 3yo crying
and screaming and being dragged outside for a time out because she's not
getting pizza and a goody bag. I don't want to distract from the birthday
girl. If she were older and could understand and show restraint, I would
do it.

"toypup" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 21 Sep 2007 21:50:15 -0400, Sue wrote:

I would probably be leaving the child at the party and not staying. Do
you
have to stay?

It seems the the parents always stay around here.

What do the other parents do with the younger siblings?

On Sat, 22 Sep 2007 02:45:01 GMT, deja.blues wrote:

"toypup" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 21 Sep 2007 21:50:15 -0400, Sue wrote:

I would probably be leaving the child at the party and not staying. Do
you
have to stay?

It seems the the parents always stay around here.

What do the other parents do with the younger siblings?

They usually bring them, but I don't like to make the assumption that it's
okay. I had a few parents ask me if it was okay for DS's party, but I had
included siblings in the invitation. When I go to other parties, the
siblings are there, but I don't know if they were on the invitations. I
get asked enough "Where's your [insert missing child]" that I assume it's
just expected to bring the sibling.