Telling people.

Sophie wrote:

We're military and can afford for me to be a SAHM. I have a hard time
believing civilians can't afford it.

Believe it!

On Fri, 30 Apr 2004 13:12:56 -0400, "Sophie"
wrote:

I have a friend with 4 children. She said that for the first 2 people
were
really excited. Then by 3 and 4 people started giving odd reactions -
you're having how many children?!. I bet she told later too (but then I
wish I was keen on 4 kids - money at this stage won't allow it).

Cathy


With #3 we got - "why would you want to mess things up?" since we had a
girl and boy.

With #4 - I won't even tell you. We got from my mom "Oh I had hoped it
wouldn't happen this time". When we tell people it's our last we get "well
I should hope so".

I was just today talking to a friend with 2 (ages 7 and 5) who would quite
like another but knows the reaction she'll get. We both said it's no one
else's business. I personally think she's crazy for not having a 3rd since
she really wants one and most people I know regret the kids they didn't
have, not the ones they did.

We're military and can afford for me to be a SAHM. I have a hard time
believing civilians can't afford it.

Yep, believe it.

Nan

Nan wrote:
"Sophie" wrote:

We're military and can afford for me to be a SAHM. I have a hard time
believing civilians can't afford it.

Yep, believe it.

Do military people pay for housing or do you get that free?

On Fri, 30 Apr 2004 14:28:24 -0400, Bóliath
wrote:

Nan wrote:
"Sophie" wrote:

We're military and can afford for me to be a SAHM. I have a hard time
believing civilians can't afford it.

Yep, believe it.

Do military people pay for housing or do you get that free?

I'm not military, so I'm not sure.
When I was engaged to an SFC in the Army, he lived in Base Housing for
no cost while he was single.
We broke up so I don't know how the housing situation would have been
had we married.

Nan

"Bóliath" wrote in message
...
Nan wrote:
"Sophie" wrote:

We're military and can afford for me to be a SAHM. I have a hard time
believing civilians can't afford it.

Yep, believe it.

Do military people pay for housing or do you get that free?


Hhm, not sure I'd exactly call it "free" considering what we do to get that
housing. Do I pay rent or utilities? Some people say yes cos money does go
in the account then comes right out. But cos I don't write a check each
month, I don't think I pay rent. We do have phone, cable, insurance,
etc...bills. It is our choice though to live in housing. We could afford to
live in town if we chose to (which we do get an allowance for but it's not
usually enough to cover rent).

"Sophie" wrote:

Right, yeah me too, I do understand and agree that we have a
responsibilty to maintain and preserve the worlds's resources but having
3 kids is not that much of a drain as long as you provide for them, imo,
I do have a hard time reconciling my wish to have 3 children with the
global crisis we are facing too...I think encouraging family planning
world wide is a good start but making people feel bad for having just 3
kids is too much.

So many people are remaining childless (a lot by choice) that I don't feel
bad about having 4 whatsoever.

For me, there were two things that trumped any feeling that a good
environmentalist (or whatever) should stop at two babies. One: what
if, g-d forbid!, one of my children died? and Two: the N*zis killed
six million Jews and as a result I have a responsibility as a
religious Jew to more than follow the directive to "be fruitful and
multiply". Pardon my "raising the volume" of the discussion by
mentioning them, but that really is important to my decision-making on
this.

I really, really like my husband's take on it. He likes to point out
that only the "good" people are following the directive to only have
2. If only bad people have 8 and 10 kids each, well, just think about
what that will do to the balance of the world!

(I am SO not trying to imply that every couple with a bunch of kids is
"bad", by the way! But compare and contrast, for example: both John
Kerry and George Bush have 2 (biological) kids each. How many does
Osama Bin Laden have?)

--
-- Vicki
Married DH May 21, 1995. Ima shel Sullen, born 11/16/99; Chatty, born
at
home 5/19/02, and Expected, "due" September 4, 2004.

"Sophie" wrote in message
...
Right, yeah me too, I do understand and agree that we have a
responsibilty to maintain and preserve the worlds's resources but having
3 kids is not that much of a drain as long as you provide for them, imo,
I do have a hard time reconciling my wish to have 3 children with the
global crisis we are facing too...I think encouraging family planning
world wide is a good start but making people feel bad for having just 3
kids is too much.

So many people are remaining childless (a lot by choice) that I don't feel
bad about having 4 whatsoever.

If anyone tries to make you feel guilty Sophie, you can always come and
populate New Zealand where we have an aging population due to a falling
birthrate :-)

I have already informed most of the people that I know that my husband and
myself want at least 4 children even if we end up with a girl and a boy as
the first two. We already have a girl so by conventional wisdom we would
just need a boy
Does family history have any say in boys/girls... my mom and his mom both
had a girl first and a boy second His mom had 4 kids though my mom had to
stop after my brother due to cervical cancer.

Tori

--
Bonnie 3/20/02
Anna or Xavier due 10/17/04
"LitllBear" wrote in message
...
I have a friend with 4 children. She said that for the first 2 people
were
really excited. Then by 3 and 4 people started giving odd reactions -
you're having how many children?!. I bet she told later too (but then I
wish I was keen on 4 kids - money at this stage won't allow it).

Cathy

I am almost 14 weeks with my 3rd. Besides DH only 2 other people know we
are
expecting again. With our 1st everyone was excited as we had been going
through
infertility treatments. With our second I thought everyone was excited,
but my
oldest sister gave me a "I hope you are through" lecture just hours after
my
daughter was born. When she called to let my parents know the baby had
arrived,
she said to my step-mom "want to know what they named her?" My step-mom
replied
"Quits?" So I know no one is going to be thrilled we are having another
one.
Even my other sister, who loves babies and is normally not judgemental
said
"you people need to learn how to use birth control" when I told her. My
cousin
said I am nuts to be having another one. They are the 2 other people who
know.

Now, none of these people have to help us support our kids. We have never
had
to ask any of them for anything so I don't really understand the reaction
but
whatever. I still don't know when I will tell the rest of them.

Suzie
Mama to Thano 12/27/99, Maisy 7/04/02 & a new little one 10/31/04
--
"I don't see much sense in that" said Rabbit.
"No," said Pooh humbly, "there isn't. But there was *going* to
be when I began it. It's just that something happened to it along
the way"

Sophie wrote:
"Bóliath" wrote
Nan wrote:
"Sophie" wrote:

We're military and can afford for me to be a SAHM. I have a hard time
believing civilians can't afford it.

Yep, believe it.

Do military people pay for housing or do you get that free?

Hhm, not sure I'd exactly call it "free" considering what we do to get that
housing. Do I pay rent or utilities? Some people say yes cos money does go
in the account then comes right out. But cos I don't write a check each
month, I don't think I pay rent.

So housing is provided for you?

We do have phone, cable, insurance,
etc...bills.

As do we all.

It is our choice though to live in housing. We could afford to
live in town if we chose to (which we do get an allowance for but it's not
usually enough to cover rent).

So do you still have difficulty believing that non-military people can't
afford to have someone stay home? Our housing costs over $2k a month,
almost one entire salary, we live on the other. There is no way in hell
that I could stay home, I don't think we are the exception, most
families are struggling and need two incomes, **** these days I think we
need three!

I was just today talking to a friend with 2 (ages 7 and 5) who would quite
like another but knows the reaction she'll get. We both said it's no one
else's business.
My sister in law just had a baby last november and it is her 4th.. my inlaws
where THRILLED that she had anouther one... Maybe I need to share my MIL
+FIL with you all They are the only people that did not ask us if we
could afford #2... we cant but we figured if we waited to be able to afford
a child we would not have anymore.

We're military and can afford for me to be a SAHM. I have a hard time
believing civilians can't afford it.
I know what you mean Jeff aparently only makes 20,800 a year and we can
afford a 2 bedroom apartment and our utilities including long distance phone
and internet and we eat out 3-4 times in a 2 week pay period... Our rent is
only 440 a month though so I guess that is less then most pay. I think most
people that want to stay home could find a way if they really wanted to.

Tori

--
Bonnie 3/20/02
Anna or Xavier due 10/17/04