name fights

So, how do people deal with the seemingly totally unavoidable fights
that develop between two parents when it comes to naming their child? I
always had a sneaking suspicion that DH and I would have this problem,
and of course we've been having it ever since we first started talking
about names. ;-)

Our problem is that he cares about heritage, and I don't. I like
standard names (well, standard as in "normal" for the area in which you
live, and the language which you speak in public) DH, OTOH, cares only
about making sure that names are in line with his heritage (or his
interests, which are classical history). Yes, *his* heritage. His
heritage first, then mine. Seriously! So, that means that he prefers
everything Ukrainian, then German (his mother is German), and *then*
French as a last choice, because I have a French background. This just
ticks me off, and I don't know how to deal with it. I just want
something that's standard Canadian/US English, because this is where we
*live*. (but OK, I admit that I'm actually not very creative when it
comes to names)

So, how to deal with this? It's been an ongoing battle for months (well
years, actually, since we talked about names long before we decided to
actually have a baby). Well, it hasn't really ramped up, yet, because
I've been keeping mostly quiet about it, but we're going to have to deal
with it soon, now.

I actually mentioned this to the midwife, just because I felt like
whining that day. ;-) She said that usually guys give in after they
see their wives/girlfriends go through labour, but DH tends to be
different in that the more he feels pushed in some way, the more
stubborn he gets. I'm not sure that watching me go through labour will
have much of an affect on him when it comes to names. It will be sort
of like "Wow, I can't believe you did that, and I'm glad it was you and
not me, but I still say we should call him Uri." (note: we have
actually agreed on a girl's name - it's just picking a boy's name that
is giving us trouble. We've agreed on Clio for a girl, after the muse
of history, but *only* if it's after the muse of history. Just "Clio"
is unacceptable otherwise.)

He's willing to go with Latin names over English names, actually (the
history thing), so one name that we're *sort of* agreeing to for a boy
is Maxim, but I'm not too sure if I'm all that hot on that one. At
least I could call our possible future son Max for short, though. But
believe it or not, I already know a kid named Max! Although I want
something fairly standard for where we live, I at least want to try to
pick something that no one else I know already has! ;-)

Oh WHY does this have to be hard?!

"Vicky Bilaniuk" wrote in message

Oh WHY does this have to be hard?!

I have no advice because I'm about to have this baby and DH and I have yet
to agree on a name for a lot of the same reasons, but I can say I totally
sympathize. I wish I could tell you what to do or how to make it less of a
battle, but my husband's still fighting for Breeeeeauuuna, so I'm useless.
Good luck though!

Denise

So, how do people deal with the seemingly totally unavoidable fights
that develop between two parents when it comes to naming their child? I
always had a sneaking suspicion that DH and I would have this problem,
and of course we've been having it ever since we first started talking
about names. ;-)

You let him think he picked the name when really you jsut convinced him he
liked it - 4 times

Our problem is that he cares about heritage, and I don't. I like
standard names (well, standard as in "normal" for the area in which you
live, and the language which you speak in public) DH, OTOH, cares only
about making sure that names are in line with his heritage (or his
interests, which are classical history). Yes, *his* heritage. His
heritage first, then mine. Seriously! So, that means that he prefers
everything Ukrainian, then German (his mother is German), and *then*
French as a last choice, because I have a French background. This just
ticks me off, and I don't know how to deal with it. I just want
something that's standard Canadian/US English, because this is where we
*live*. (but OK, I admit that I'm actually not very creative when it
comes to names)

What background is the last name? I like first and last names to match, I
like very ethnic names. I don't see what's wrong with liking heritage. Or
liking a "normal" name for where you live.

So, how to deal with this? It's been an ongoing battle for months (well
years, actually, since we talked about names long before we decided to
actually have a baby). Well, it hasn't really ramped up, yet, because
I've been keeping mostly quiet about it, but we're going to have to deal
with it soon, now.

You make a lsit of names you like and he does the same. You swap lists,
cross off what you don't like, and eventually hopefully have a name or 2 in
common you both like. We did this by e-mail when he was in Japan and I was
pregnant with #3.

I actually mentioned this to the midwife, just because I felt like
whining that day. ;-) She said that usually guys give in after they
see their wives/girlfriends go through labour, but DH tends to be
different in that the more he feels pushed in some way, the more
stubborn he gets. I'm not sure that watching me go through labour will
have much of an affect on him when it comes to names. It will be sort
of like "Wow, I can't believe you did that, and I'm glad it was you and
not me, but I still say we should call him Uri."

Lol!

(note: we have
actually agreed on a girl's name - it's just picking a boy's name that
is giving us trouble. We've agreed on Clio for a girl, after the muse
of history, but *only* if it's after the muse of history. Just "Clio"
is unacceptable otherwise.)

Well I'm gonna look dumb but I'd think Clio was Cleo spelled wrong, and it
reminds me of 2 things - Clifford the Big Red Dog has a friend named Cleo,
and the Sony Clie PDA - sorry.

He's willing to go with Latin names over English names, actually (the
history thing), so one name that we're *sort of* agreeing to for a boy
is Maxim, but I'm not too sure if I'm all that hot on that one. At
least I could call our possible future son Max for short, though. But
believe it or not, I already know a kid named Max! Although I want
something fairly standard for where we live, I at least want to try to
pick something that no one else I know already has! ;-)

Max is pretty common I'd say. Maxim reminds me of the mens' magazine.
Sorry again. Now Maximus is a good one.

Oh WHY does this have to be hard?!

It is, isn't it?

"Sophie" wrote in message
...
Well I'm gonna look dumb but I'd think Clio was Cleo spelled wrong, and it
reminds me of 2 things - Clifford the Big Red Dog has a friend named Cleo,
and the Sony Clie PDA - sorry.

Max is pretty common I'd say. Maxim reminds me of the mens' magazine.
Sorry again. Now Maximus is a good one.

I was thinking the same things.

Vicky Bilaniuk wrote:


So, how to deal with this? It's been an ongoing battle for months (well
years, actually, since we talked about names long before we decided to
actually have a baby). Well, it hasn't really ramped up, yet, because
I've been keeping mostly quiet about it, but we're going to have to deal
with it soon, now.

Try to depersonalize the issue somewhat by agreeing
to a process. For instance, you could agree that you will
each create a list of, say, your ten top picks. Then, you'll
trade lists and cross off the five you feel are completely
unacceptable. Then you'll each pick your favorite name off
your own list and, voila!, two names. Flip for which goes
first ;-) Okay, that would never have worked for us, but
it's a way to get out of the endless picking on each others'
names. Perhaps you can put down some process boundaries
that will smooth your process somewhat.

Best wishes,
Ericka

"Vicky Bilaniuk" wrote in message
. ..
So, how do people deal with the seemingly totally unavoidable fights
that develop between two parents when it comes to naming their child? I
always had a sneaking suspicion that DH and I would have this problem,
and of course we've been having it ever since we first started talking
about names. ;-)


Hey Vicky,
We had the same problem. DH is from the Middle East, and had VERY different
ideas from me on name.We actually had to put off talking about it for
several months, b/c the topic led to such big arguements! We ended up trying
the list idea....each had a week to come up with a list of 10-20 names, then
we traded. We just kept whittling the lists down until we had three or four
names that we both thought were OK, and from there we decided to pick the
one off the list that best suited DS after he was born. The biggest surprise
was that there was one name on both of our lists.The second was that it
didn't end up being DS's name.

I like Maxim, FWIW. My good friends named their son Maxim (mom is American,
dad is Russian). It does get mispronounced (with a short i sound, instead of
long), but they go with Max usually, so it isn't a big deal.

-Michelle

Vicky -

My hubby was like this, too, so I reminded him that his heritage was
represented very well in the family's LAST name - which I had happily taken
as mine, and am happy with my son having. I thought have a very ethnic
first name as well would be overwhelming for our child, and was finally able
to convince him of this and he relented on the first name. I don't know if
that will work for you, but it might.

Katrina

"

Denise Anderson wrote:
"Vicky Bilaniuk" wrote in message

Oh WHY does this have to be hard?!


I have no advice because I'm about to have this baby and DH and I have yet
to agree on a name for a lot of the same reasons, but I can say I totally
sympathize. I wish I could tell you what to do or how to make it less of a
battle, but my husband's still fighting for Breeeeeauuuna, so I'm useless.
Good luck though!

Denise





So you're determined not to take unfair advantage of that deployment,
eh? You're a better woman than I am.

Clisby

"Clisby" wrote in message
...





So you're determined not to take unfair advantage of that deployment,
eh? You're a better woman than I am.

Clisby


Its oh so tempting But I don't want to deal with the aftermath, kwim?
If he was going to be gone longer, I'd probably just do it because he'd have
time to get over it. This time he'll be home right after I have the baby,
and then I'll have to deal with it... we'd be on Jerry Springer or something
for sure.

Denise

"Vicky Bilaniuk" wrote in message
. ..

Oh WHY does this have to be hard?!


Well... I think that's the reason you give babies two names... a first and a
middle, you pick one, he picks the other... He'll be overseas when the baby
is born, right? Call him the name YOU like and that's the one that will have
stuck by the time he comes home... May be mean, but it'll work *giggle*

I decided not to even think about trying to choose names until we know the
sex of the baby... less to argue about, less to think about. My DH seems
like he could care less about girl names (or he likes all the ones I've
rattled off at least..) but I think but he's dead set on the boy name... I'm
keeping my mouth shut until we know what we're having, then we'll work
something out that we both like AND passes on his family name because I know
that's very important to him and I want him to have that.

Try to come up with one of his ancestors names that you like and can live
with, that'll pass on his heritage AND make you happy

Good luck!
Mel