Preparing sibling for birth process?

On Apr 19, 2:45 pm, agsf_57 wrote:
On Apr 19, 5:40 am, Banty wrote:

In article ,
says...

SNIP

That is one of the most pathetic and sadist things I ever heard. I
hope you improve.

How on earth is that "pathetic" or "sad"??

That she rather have her child be raised and in company of strangers
than to sit down with the child and help her grow.


Incredibly sad and pathetic to accept the help and guidance of
experienced people who love my child like their own and who want to
help raise her.

Yes, I will accept others helping to raise my child, because I don't
think I'm so knowledgeable and experienced that I can do it 100% on my
own. I have learned a lot from others, and will continue to accept
their help. I'm thrilled my child has more than 2 adults in her life
from whom she receives (and gives) love and affection and learns about
life.

In article
,
" wrote:

I can't think of a reason why choosing *responsibly* to be a single
mother would be a problem either (not that I think that's what you
meant). I know one woman who adopted a child as a single woman, one
who has twice had babies by artificial insemination, etc. And that's
just in real life -- on the internet I know far more examples.

Actually, I think it's extremely foolish to choose single motherhood. My Mum
left Dad when we were small and took us to live with her widowed mother.
Grandma dyed her hair and went to work until Mum was fit enough to work
herself. Grandma was the SAHP for the next X years -- I always say I had
three loving parents. But even with that support, being a single parent was
terribly hard on my Mum. To walk into such a difficult life *voluntarily*
boggles my mind.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

http://chookiesbackyard.blogspot.com/

"Chookie" wrote in message
news:ehrebeniuk-461630.21282223042008@news...
In article
,
" wrote:

I can't think of a reason why choosing *responsibly* to be a single
mother would be a problem either (not that I think that's what you
meant). I know one woman who adopted a child as a single woman, one
who has twice had babies by artificial insemination, etc. And that's
just in real life -- on the internet I know far more examples.

Actually, I think it's extremely foolish to choose single motherhood. My
Mum
left Dad when we were small and took us to live with her widowed mother.
Grandma dyed her hair and went to work until Mum was fit enough to work
herself. Grandma was the SAHP for the next X years -- I always say I had
three loving parents. But even with that support, being a single parent
was
terribly hard on my Mum. To walk into such a difficult life *voluntarily*
boggles my mind.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

http://chookiesbackyard.blogspot.com/

Me too. Until I had my DD, I always thought I'd could have coped as a single
mother. Then I had a child! I look forward to DH coming home and sharing the
task with me! I love being a mother, and God forbid I was widowed, I hope
that I could cope, but there's no way now that I'd ever choose to do it on
my own. Everyone needs a day off, whether it be from working or from
parenting.

Lucy x

On Apr 23, 7:28*am, Chookie wrote:
In article
,

" wrote:
I can't think of a reason why choosing *responsibly* to be a single
mother would be a problem either (not that I think that's what you
meant). I know one woman who adopted a child as a single woman, one
who has twice had babies by artificial insemination, etc. And that's
just in real life -- on the internet I know far more examples.

Actually, I think it's extremely foolish to choose single motherhood. *My Mum
left Dad when we were small and took us to live with her widowed mother. *
Grandma dyed her hair and went to work until Mum was fit enough to work
herself. *Grandma was the SAHP for the next X years -- I always say I had
three loving parents. *But even with that support, being a single parent was
terribly hard on my Mum. *To walk into such a difficult life *voluntarily*
boggles my mind.

Wow, Chookie and I agree on something . One caveat, though. Although
I think married couples should be given preference over unmarried
couples and single people in adoption, if there are not enough such
couples to adopt the children available, single people should be
considered. A single woman who has the resources, financial and
otherwise, to provide a good home for a child who would otherwise be
in an institution or in foster care should be applauded for doing so,
IMO.

Artificial insemination of single women, is different IMO. Here the
woman is deliberately creating a child who will never know his or her
father and his relatives, and that is wrong. I've read stories in the
New York Times about how women choose sperm donors, and a few
mentioned that they would not want a "prolific" donor, because that
would increase the chance of accidental incest of his offspring. That
is just one reason why a child should not be deprived of knowing who
his or her father is.

From the societal point of view, male sperm donors should not be able
revoke their responsibility to financially support the children they
father. If the mother dies, for example, the father, not the taxpayer,
ought to be first means of support, and he ought to be given the
chance to adopt the child.

In article ,
Beliavsky says...

On Apr 23, 7:28=A0am, Chookie wrote:
In article
,

" wrote:
I can't think of a reason why choosing *responsibly* to be a single
mother would be a problem either (not that I think that's what you
meant). I know one woman who adopted a child as a single woman, one
who has twice had babies by artificial insemination, etc. And that's
just in real life -- on the internet I know far more examples.

Actually, I think it's extremely foolish to choose single motherhood. =A0M=
y Mum
left Dad when we were small and took us to live with her widowed mother. =
=A0
Grandma dyed her hair and went to work until Mum was fit enough to work
herself. =A0Grandma was the SAHP for the next X years -- I always say I ha=
d
three loving parents. =A0But even with that support, being a single parent=
was
terribly hard on my Mum. =A0To walk into such a difficult life *voluntaril=
y*
boggles my mind.

Wow, Chookie and I agree on something . One caveat, though. Although
I think married couples should be given preference over unmarried
couples and single people in adoption, if there are not enough such
couples to adopt the children available, single people should be
considered. A single woman who has the resources, financial and
otherwise, to provide a good home for a child who would otherwise be
in an institution or in foster care should be applauded for doing so,
IMO.


How odd. Wouldn't the children with more needs, need two legally committed
adults in their household to deal with the difficulties, and more resources than
those who don't?

Banty

On Apr 23, 9:39*am, Banty wrote:
In article ,

Wow, Chookie and I agree on something . One caveat, though. Although
I think married couples should be given preference over unmarried
couples and single people in adoption, if there are not enough such
couples to adopt the children available, single people should be
considered. A single woman who has the resources, financial and
otherwise, to provide a good home for a child who would otherwise be
in an institution or in foster care should be applauded for doing so,
IMO.

How odd. *Wouldn't the children with more needs, need two legally committed
adults in their household to deal with the difficulties, and more resources than
those who don't?

Yes, but they are probably considered less desirable adoptees by most
people, and standards may need to be relaxed a little to get them
adopted, but not to the extent that the children would be better off
in an orphanage.

In article ,
Beliavsky says...

On Apr 23, 9:39=A0am, Banty wrote:
In article .=
com,

Wow, Chookie and I agree on something . One caveat, though. Although
I think married couples should be given preference over unmarried
couples and single people in adoption, if there are not enough such
couples to adopt the children available, single people should be
considered. A single woman who has the resources, financial and
otherwise, to provide a good home for a child who would otherwise be
in an institution or in foster care should be applauded for doing so,
IMO.

How odd. =A0Wouldn't the children with more needs, need two legally commit=
ted
adults in their household to deal with the difficulties, and more resource=
s than
those who don't?

Yes, but they are probably considered less desirable adoptees by most
people, and standards may need to be relaxed a little to get them
adopted, but not to the extent that the children would be better off
in an orphanage.

So this is not about the children, but rather about prospective parents, and
only married ones.

Banty

Chookie schrieb:
In article
,
" wrote:

I can't think of a reason why choosing *responsibly* to be a single
mother would be a problem either (not that I think that's what you
meant). I know one woman who adopted a child as a single woman, one
who has twice had babies by artificial insemination, etc. And that's
just in real life -- on the internet I know far more examples.

Actually, I think it's extremely foolish to choose single motherhood.

snip

Well, I think it depend on what you compare it with. My choice was to
stay in an abusive relationship, risk my and my child health and
wellbeing or leave, and I would always, _always_ leave an abusive
relationship behind.

Being a single parent is not that hard. Sure, we have though times, but
I don't have the relationship problems on top of the child rearing
difficulties. I don't have to clean up after two adults and a kid. I
don't have to accommodate anyone but me and my children. I'm not saying
that's better or worse, it's just easier to decide, for me, what to
teach my children, how to punish and reward them because I don't have to
accommodate someone else's views. I know I'm doing it on my own so I
don't get to the point at which I need to debate whether to make the
other parent get involved in the upbringing of my children or whether to
leave him out of it. I don't have anyone I can guilt trip, and there's
noone telling me how to raise my children.


cu
nicole

In article , NL says...

Chookie schrieb:
In article
,
" wrote:

I can't think of a reason why choosing *responsibly* to be a single
mother would be a problem either (not that I think that's what you
meant). I know one woman who adopted a child as a single woman, one
who has twice had babies by artificial insemination, etc. And that's
just in real life -- on the internet I know far more examples.

Actually, I think it's extremely foolish to choose single motherhood.

snip

Well, I think it depend on what you compare it with. My choice was to
stay in an abusive relationship, risk my and my child health and
wellbeing or leave, and I would always, _always_ leave an abusive
relationship behind.

Being a single parent is not that hard. Sure, we have though times, but
I don't have the relationship problems on top of the child rearing
difficulties. I don't have to clean up after two adults and a kid. I
don't have to accommodate anyone but me and my children. I'm not saying
that's better or worse, it's just easier to decide, for me, what to
teach my children, how to punish and reward them because I don't have to
accommodate someone else's views. I know I'm doing it on my own so I
don't get to the point at which I need to debate whether to make the
other parent get involved in the upbringing of my children or whether to
leave him out of it. I don't have anyone I can guilt trip, and there's
noone telling me how to raise my children.

Yes - it very much depends on the person whether or not it's a good course. A
lot of people can't do it well, but then a lot of people can't do a
marriage-based family well. (The only real problem I have at present is how to
deal with the trainwreck meltdown going on the marriage of the family next door,
who have two sons near my son's age.)

I've summed it up as - the hardest thing about being a single parent is that
it's all up to oneself. The aspect of the situation that makes it doable is - -
that it's all up to oneself.

I have a coworker with a wife with a new baby, and she's calling him to come
home 'early' (in our industry, read "actually leaving for home at 5:00 pm") to
help her out. He's stressing over all the work-life tradoffs that causes and
her idea of that vs. his idea of that. I had to make tradeoffs to be sure, but
I didn't have the hassles, negotiation, and resentments over which ones were
made.

Banty

Banty schrieb:
snip
I've summed it up as - the hardest thing about being a single parent is that
it's all up to oneself. The aspect of the situation that makes it doable is - -
that it's all up to oneself.

YES! That's exactly it.

I have a coworker with a wife with a new baby, and she's calling him to come
home 'early' (in our industry, read "actually leaving for home at 5:00 pm") to
help her out. He's stressing over all the work-life tradoffs that causes and
her idea of that vs. his idea of that. I had to make tradeoffs to be sure, but
I didn't have the hassles, negotiation, and resentments over which ones were
made.

Yep. My best (female) friend complains about her husband a lot. He's
working longer and longer hours, he's not really participating in the
family, he does a lot of stupid stuff (like putting ink stampings on his
freshly bathed kids... didn't go down well as the next day was a big
family gathering and the girls were _covered_ in AIRMAIL stampings...),
he hardly ever helps out with household chores,... That's when I think
"thank god I don't have to deal with that", but you know, there's great
things, too, for them, like going away on holiday, or the house they
bought,... I don't think I'll ever be in a position to buy a house,
going away on holiday doesn't really happen either though I'm really
trying to get that to work out this year ;-)

What I do think of as harder is negotiations with teachers/offices/etc.
when they see me as a single mum of two you can see them mentally
putting me into the "totally overwhelmed, unable to deal" drawer. So my
son acting out at school is because I'm the worst parent on the planet
and not because of his sensory/speech problems or because his class is
too large (28 kids, 18 of which are boys, please imaging the noise level
and now think about how that's working for a kid who's unable to filter
out background noise). When I turn up with my best (male) friend they
talk to me differently, and I can get my points across differently than
I can when I go alone. But I'm not sure if that's because a) he's male
and the teachers are women (one main teacher one who's nearly a
teacher*) b) because he's a potential witness to unfairness or c)
because then it's 2 "vs." 2.

cu
nicole


* germany: you study at university and you have to do practical working
semesters/years depending on what kind of university you go to. I think
she's nearly done and just needs to pass some finals and her practical
year at the school.