A Parenting & kids forum. ParentingBanter.com

If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Go Back   Home » ParentingBanter.com forum » alt.parenting » Spanking
Site Map Home Authors List Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read Web Partners

Spankinng -- through the eyes of a child



 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old September 29th 05, 01:18 AM
Carlson LaVonne
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Spankinng -- through the eyes of a child

"Above all, I believe there should never be any violence. In 1978 I
received a peace price in West Germany for my books, and I gave an
acceptance speech that I called just that" 'Never Violence.' And in
that speech I told a story from my own experience.

When I was about 20 years old, I met an old pastor's wife who told me
that when she was young and had her first child, she didn't believe in
striking children, although spanking kids with a switch pulled from a
tree was standard practice at the time. But one day when her son was
four or five, he did something that she felt warranted a spanking -- the
first of his life. An d she told him that he would have to go outside
and find a switch for her to hit him with. The boy was gone a long
time. And when he came back in, he was crying. He said to her, "Mama,
I couldn't find a switch, but here's a rock that you can throw at me."

All of a sudden the mother understood how the situation felt from a
child's point of view: that if my mother wants to hurt me, then it
makes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do it with
a stone. And the mother took the boy onto her lap and they both cried.
Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to remind herself
forever: never violence. And that is something I think every should
keep in mind. Because violence begins in the nursery -- one can raise
children into violence." by Astrid Lindgren

  #2  
Old October 6th 05, 01:58 AM
RebekahGirl
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Spankinng -- through the eyes of a child

wow, i loved that story..

i know that the damage done physically goes deeper than the skin and
blood.
i was beaten, badly, bruised badly and it affects the whole schemata of
identity and worth, and value,
if i am beat and LOOK ugly , (the wounds look UGLY), then the childs or
teens reasoning in my own experience is: I AM UGLY I DESERVE TO BE
UGLY I AM BAD.

a severe beating does that, it goes deeper deeper into the mind than a
swatt. there is a difference, but that difference also lies in the
REASONING being used in the one doing the hitting

if the action is a simply swatt, to remind a 3 year old to not do
something, it is done to protect the child -- protection of child is
REASONING used
if the action is violence and force to the point of severe physical
damage it has a few reasons, but from my personal slant i see a
REASONING of :
child is EVIL and evil must be BEATEN out of her/him
i.e. from where i come from , children were not seen as real persons,
with real viable feelings. that is why one can justify doing them
physical harm,


latr
Bryony
Roloff Cult Survivor

  #3  
Old October 6th 05, 02:08 AM
RebekahGirl
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Spankinng -- through the eyes of a child

a roloff cult person would have looked at the little boy and his face
full of earnestness and would have yelled at him that he was being
manipulating and evil and deserved to have whelps, then they would have
set down with him afterward and showed him the verse where it says so.
making him write it twenty times at that.

they took a HEBREW culture and tried to interpret it into a MODERN
society that had NOTHING to do with real HEBREW customs, Solomon spoke
them words to the Nation of Isreal, who had been given the Commandments
of God and told by GOD to talk to thier kids, when they sat and when
they were walking and when they were working and sitting in hte house
or laying down, the Parents were told by God to COMMUNICATE to thier
children,

yet most people who are of that extreme strain of idiot interpretation
cant see they are pulling one itsy bitsy insight of King Solomon out of
the context and setting of the Ancient Hebrew Family system, and
twisting it to justify thier perverted ways of NONloving thier
children. and patting themself on the back to think they had made the
kid cry and that was "breaking thier will" and in thier eyes breaking
the will was all that it was all about.

they shattered mine

latr
Bryony

Roloff Cult Survivor

  #4  
Old October 7th 05, 02:05 AM
Carlson LaVonne
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Spankinng -- through the eyes of a child

Bryony,

I'm sorry to hear of your past physical abuse. Yes, damage done
physically does go deeper than skin and bones, as you so aptly describe.

I do take issue however with simple swats "to remind a three year old to
not do something, it is done to protect the child...."

I don't believe that hitting a child, however mild, is an appropriate
reminder to not do something, or a form of protection. Three year olds
cannot protect themselves, regardless of the type of parental
discipline. It is the role of the parents to protect the three year old.

Many "simple swats" at three years escalate into the type of beating you
apparently experienced. Children of any age can be parented without
resorting to hitting of any kind, regardless of how mild. And the
results are better for the child when the child is taught rather than hit.

Good luck to you, and thanks for posting.

LaVonne

RebekahGirl wrote:
wow, i loved that story..

i know that the damage done physically goes deeper than the skin and
blood.
i was beaten, badly, bruised badly and it affects the whole schemata of
identity and worth, and value,
if i am beat and LOOK ugly , (the wounds look UGLY), then the childs or
teens reasoning in my own experience is: I AM UGLY I DESERVE TO BE
UGLY I AM BAD.

a severe beating does that, it goes deeper deeper into the mind than a
swatt. there is a difference, but that difference also lies in the
REASONING being used in the one doing the hitting

if the action is a simply swatt, to remind a 3 year old to not do
something, it is done to protect the child -- protection of child is
REASONING used
if the action is violence and force to the point of severe physical
damage it has a few reasons, but from my personal slant i see a
REASONING of :
child is EVIL and evil must be BEATEN out of her/him
i.e. from where i come from , children were not seen as real persons,
with real viable feelings. that is why one can justify doing them
physical harm,


latr
Bryony
Roloff Cult Survivor


  #5  
Old October 7th 05, 01:20 PM
RebekahGirl
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Spankinng -- through the eyes of a child

oh i do so understand, and i have not been a spanking parent, i could
not do it. i would go and run to my room and cry cause i could not.

its been an issue in my life and in many Roloff Cult survivors who
struggle with finding a balance and learning that spanking is not a
very effective tool.

when i say a mild swat, i mean that. like a tap on the shoulder and or
a slight gentle nudge to them as a reminder to them to listen to the
voice that loves them. as a shepherd would do in a gentle fashion with
a sheep. to me the image of a gentle shepherd is an image that shows
the aspect of parenting that helps guide children along this wierd
life. a world where upside down things are promoted as rightside up.
its a crazy world we live in and there is not much to help young ones
to be safe and guided thru the worst of it.

i do NOT mean spanking with a belt or a board!!! i do not agree with
that, and i dont see spanking of a child like bending them over your
knee as helpful or wise. That does not send a correct message to the
child. its about the message the child gets. that to me is the key that
determines what course of discipline one takes to help a child adjust
to what is good and wholesome.

its like teaching, you guide a child and teach them adn show them how.
if you were to sign up for a class on something you would have to be
guided and taught, and corrected when you did not get it right. But
that correction is not there to create pain it is there to help the
child or adult to learn and adjust to the right thing. to get things
correct.

i believe in gentle firm correction and guidance and never ever ever
shaming a child when they are going in the wrong path, but to help them
feel loved and accepted and help them readjust thier steps to something
more healthful to them.

if a gentle 'swat' or nudge helps them, then it is sending them the
right message, that i care enough for them to take some time to listen
and recorrect them. and how they are doing things.

i am sorry if i used the wrong trigger word, not what i meant
i got spanked MUCHO as a smalll child, with a belt by my dad, and it
only sent ONE message to me: SHUT UP AND GO AWAY

so to me its about WHAT IS THE MESSAGE BEING SENT and then not only
that, but also WHAT MESSAGE DOES THE CHILD ACTUALLY GET????

Good Luck to you and thank you for posting back,

Bryony~~

  #6  
Old October 7th 05, 08:26 PM
Carlson LaVonne
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Spankinng -- through the eyes of a child

Bryony:

Thank you for your response. Yes, the word "swat" was a trigger word.
Swat means hit or smack and I do not believe in hitting a child at any
time for any reason. However, I believe in physical contact. Touching
the child's shoulder, making eye contact, etc. are all important
disciplinary strategies that get the child's attention without hitting,
hurting, or shaming.

I believe that parents have the responsibility to give children the
tools to be successful in life, and pain, disrespect, and shame have no
place in a parents repertoire.

I don't even like the word "discipline." I prefer "guidance" because
that is what parents should be doing -- guiding children towards making
good choices in life rather than hitting, hurting, and shaming them for
their mistakes along the way.

LaVonne

RebekahGirl wrote:
oh i do so understand, and i have not been a spanking parent, i could
not do it. i would go and run to my room and cry cause i could not.

its been an issue in my life and in many Roloff Cult survivors who
struggle with finding a balance and learning that spanking is not a
very effective tool.

when i say a mild swat, i mean that. like a tap on the shoulder and or
a slight gentle nudge to them as a reminder to them to listen to the
voice that loves them. as a shepherd would do in a gentle fashion with
a sheep. to me the image of a gentle shepherd is an image that shows
the aspect of parenting that helps guide children along this wierd
life. a world where upside down things are promoted as rightside up.
its a crazy world we live in and there is not much to help young ones
to be safe and guided thru the worst of it.

i do NOT mean spanking with a belt or a board!!! i do not agree with
that, and i dont see spanking of a child like bending them over your
knee as helpful or wise. That does not send a correct message to the
child. its about the message the child gets. that to me is the key that
determines what course of discipline one takes to help a child adjust
to what is good and wholesome.

its like teaching, you guide a child and teach them adn show them how.
if you were to sign up for a class on something you would have to be
guided and taught, and corrected when you did not get it right. But
that correction is not there to create pain it is there to help the
child or adult to learn and adjust to the right thing. to get things
correct.

i believe in gentle firm correction and guidance and never ever ever
shaming a child when they are going in the wrong path, but to help them
feel loved and accepted and help them readjust thier steps to something
more healthful to them.

if a gentle 'swat' or nudge helps them, then it is sending them the
right message, that i care enough for them to take some time to listen
and recorrect them. and how they are doing things.

i am sorry if i used the wrong trigger word, not what i meant
i got spanked MUCHO as a smalll child, with a belt by my dad, and it
only sent ONE message to me: SHUT UP AND GO AWAY

so to me its about WHAT IS THE MESSAGE BEING SENT and then not only
that, but also WHAT MESSAGE DOES THE CHILD ACTUALLY GET????

Good Luck to you and thank you for posting back,

Bryony~~


  #7  
Old October 7th 05, 08:28 PM
Carlson LaVonne
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Spankinng -- through the eyes of a child

Hi again,

Forgive my ignorance, but you keep referring to yourself as a Roloff
Cult survivor. Could you explain a little bit about this? I don't mean
to pry if you are uncomfortable with my question.

LaVonne

RebekahGirl wrote:

oh i do so understand, and i have not been a spanking parent, i could
not do it. i would go and run to my room and cry cause i could not.

its been an issue in my life and in many Roloff Cult survivors who
struggle with finding a balance and learning that spanking is not a
very effective tool.

when i say a mild swat, i mean that. like a tap on the shoulder and or
a slight gentle nudge to them as a reminder to them to listen to the
voice that loves them. as a shepherd would do in a gentle fashion with
a sheep. to me the image of a gentle shepherd is an image that shows
the aspect of parenting that helps guide children along this wierd
life. a world where upside down things are promoted as rightside up.
its a crazy world we live in and there is not much to help young ones
to be safe and guided thru the worst of it.

i do NOT mean spanking with a belt or a board!!! i do not agree with
that, and i dont see spanking of a child like bending them over your
knee as helpful or wise. That does not send a correct message to the
child. its about the message the child gets. that to me is the key that
determines what course of discipline one takes to help a child adjust
to what is good and wholesome.

its like teaching, you guide a child and teach them adn show them how.
if you were to sign up for a class on something you would have to be
guided and taught, and corrected when you did not get it right. But
that correction is not there to create pain it is there to help the
child or adult to learn and adjust to the right thing. to get things
correct.

i believe in gentle firm correction and guidance and never ever ever
shaming a child when they are going in the wrong path, but to help them
feel loved and accepted and help them readjust thier steps to something
more healthful to them.

if a gentle 'swat' or nudge helps them, then it is sending them the
right message, that i care enough for them to take some time to listen
and recorrect them. and how they are doing things.

i am sorry if i used the wrong trigger word, not what i meant
i got spanked MUCHO as a smalll child, with a belt by my dad, and it
only sent ONE message to me: SHUT UP AND GO AWAY

so to me its about WHAT IS THE MESSAGE BEING SENT and then not only
that, but also WHAT MESSAGE DOES THE CHILD ACTUALLY GET????

Good Luck to you and thank you for posting back,

Bryony~~


  #8  
Old October 8th 05, 04:22 PM
Mark
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Spankinng -- through the eyes of a child


"RebekahGirl" wrote in message
oups.com...
wow, i loved that story..

i know that the damage done physically goes deeper than the skin and
blood.
i was beaten, badly, bruised badly and it affects the whole schemata of
identity and worth, and value,
if i am beat and LOOK ugly , (the wounds look UGLY), then the childs or
teens reasoning in my own experience is: I AM UGLY I DESERVE TO BE
UGLY I AM BAD.

a severe beating does that, it goes deeper deeper into the mind than a
swatt. there is a difference, but that difference also lies in the
REASONING being used in the one doing the hitting


Yes, I found that after a few years of being beaten on a regular basis
that I got frighteningly used to the actual pain.
But what you say is correct. How such treatment is affecting you much
deeper down is far harder to come to terms with and I don't think I
ever will.



 




Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
AL: Court issues history-making decision in child custody case Dusty Child Support 1 August 3rd 05 01:07 AM
Child Support Policy and the Welfare of Women and Children Dusty Child Support 0 May 13th 04 12:46 AM
Sample Supreme Court Petition Wizardlaw Child Support 0 January 16th 04 04:47 AM
| | Kids should work... Kane Foster Parents 3 December 9th 03 12:53 AM
So much for the claims about Sweden Kane Spanking 10 November 5th 03 07:31 AM


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 11:27 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright ©2004-2024 ParentingBanter.com.
The comments are property of their posters.