No fluid/20 week induction update

"Emily" wrote in message
news:m1t%b.402942$I06.4380323@attbi_s01...
Hi,

We saw the perinatologist this morning. She was very kind,
and took lots of time with us and answered all of our questions.
We took another look at the baby on the u/s and saw absolutely
no fluid this time. It seems that (on top of everything else,
and probably not unrelatedly) I'm leaking fluid as well.

We confirmed that the chances of carrying this baby to term
and having it be viable and healthy are very, very slim. We
are also optimistic that the cause of the problem is unlikely
to be a recurring one, so that we can hope for an unproblematic
pregnancy in the future.

Going through all of the options, it seems that the course
with the least risk to my health and future fertility is
an induction. On Monday and Tuesday I have appointments for
something to soften my cervix (don't know exactly what yet),
and then the induction will be on Wednesday.

The baby is still wiggling and squirming, even though there's
no room without any fluid. It's pushing on the uterine wall
(which is actually kinda painful). The perinatologist says
that it must be a strong baby to do that -- I guess good muscle
tone tends to run in our family. DS has always been very strong,
practically could handle his own head (strong neck) from birth,
walked at 9.5 months, etc.

I asked about donating milk, and the perinatologist said she
would look into it for me. There's a chance that it could
actually be used in the NICU at the hospital where I will
deliver. Otherwise, there aren't any milk banks in my city,
but I will look into sending it to one.

So, I wish this could be over sooner, so I could get on
with things more quickly. It's very strange to be grieving already
for someone who is still alive. My department has been very
supportive and accommodating, and my class is taken care of
for the rest of the quarter. I should be able to teach next
quarter (starting 3/29) and think that I'll enjoy being able
to throw myself into my work.

DS is, of course, a huge comfort. I can imagine that this would
be 100x harder if it were my first pregnancy, and only harder
still after previous pregnancy loss. I am very much looking
forward to trying again (once my body has had a chance to recover
so that I start off on the best possible footing), and to
seeing lots of fluid on a ultrasound some day soon, and even
more so to cuddling a newborn!

Thanks again to everyone here for being so supportive.
I expect I'll keep posting as I go through this experience
and then fade away again until I'm pg again.

--
Emily
mom to Toby 5/1/02
#2 EDD 7/19/04/induction scheduled for 3/2/04

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) I am so sorry you are going through this.
Amanda

"Emily" wrote

We confirmed that the chances of carrying this baby to term
and having it be viable and healthy are very, very slim.

I am so sorry to hear this I don't want to get back on the subject of
extreme preemies from the other thread, but am trying to understand what
this means....by induction, does that mean they will induce labor and there
is a 1/2 % , tiny chance the baby could happen to be savable, or are they
simply inducing as a method to terminate the pregnancy without even trying
to rescue?

I am so sorry you are going through this, and whatever happens I wish you
lots of loving and pampering vibes. My heart goes out to you. You are in my
thoughts.
Jill

"Carla" wrote
I was crushed and just didn't know what to say.

Me, too.

On Thu, 26 Feb 2004 22:14:14 GMT, "Jill" wrote:
but then again I might just have mucked up the snipping as usual!

"Emily" wrote

We confirmed that the chances of carrying this baby to term
and having it be viable and healthy are very, very slim.

I am so sorry to hear this I don't want to get back on the subject of
extreme preemies from the other thread, but am trying to understand what
this means....by induction, does that mean they will induce labor and there
is a 1/2 % , tiny chance the baby could happen to be savable

At 19-20 weeks there is no chance, but there is, as I understand it,
good evidence that induction is less riskier to the mother's future
fertility than D&E. Some people however choose D&E as a less painful,
emotionally and physically, option. The risks of both are low enough
for there really to be no major difference. At the moment its a
matter for personal choice. That will not be the case much longer in
the US, as I understand it.

Megan
--
Seoras David Montgomery, 7 May 2003, 17 hours: sunrise to sunset (homebirth)

To e-mail use: megan at farr-montgomery dot com

Emily wrote:

Thanks again to everyone here for being so supportive.
I expect I'll keep posting as I go through this experience
and then fade away again until I'm pg again.

I'll be wishing you and your dh strength during this difficult time. Please
post anything anytime, we are here to offer our support. I hope your body
heals quickly...and also that you have a good hospital. The friend I
mentioned before gained a lot of comfort from the way that the hospital
handled things for her in a similar situation. There were many things they
did that she didn't look at for over a year but she cherishes them now
(pictures and things like that).

--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2)

"Emily" wrote in message
news:m1t%b.402942$I06.4380323@attbi_s01...
Hi,

We saw the perinatologist this morning. She was very kind,
and took lots of time with us and answered all of our questions.
We took another look at the baby on the u/s and saw absolutely
no fluid this time. It seems that (on top of everything else,
and probably not unrelatedly) I'm leaking fluid as well.

We confirmed that the chances of carrying this baby to term
and having it be viable and healthy are very, very slim. We
are also optimistic that the cause of the problem is unlikely
to be a recurring one, so that we can hope for an unproblematic
pregnancy in the future.

Going through all of the options, it seems that the course
with the least risk to my health and future fertility is
an induction. On Monday and Tuesday I have appointments for
something to soften my cervix (don't know exactly what yet),
and then the induction will be on Wednesday.

The baby is still wiggling and squirming, even though there's
no room without any fluid. It's pushing on the uterine wall
(which is actually kinda painful). The perinatologist says
that it must be a strong baby to do that -- I guess good muscle
tone tends to run in our family. DS has always been very strong,
practically could handle his own head (strong neck) from birth,
walked at 9.5 months, etc.

I asked about donating milk, and the perinatologist said she
would look into it for me. There's a chance that it could
actually be used in the NICU at the hospital where I will
deliver. Otherwise, there aren't any milk banks in my city,
but I will look into sending it to one.

So, I wish this could be over sooner, so I could get on
with things more quickly. It's very strange to be grieving already
for someone who is still alive. My department has been very
supportive and accommodating, and my class is taken care of
for the rest of the quarter. I should be able to teach next
quarter (starting 3/29) and think that I'll enjoy being able
to throw myself into my work.

DS is, of course, a huge comfort. I can imagine that this would
be 100x harder if it were my first pregnancy, and only harder
still after previous pregnancy loss. I am very much looking
forward to trying again (once my body has had a chance to recover
so that I start off on the best possible footing), and to
seeing lots of fluid on a ultrasound some day soon, and even
more so to cuddling a newborn!

Thanks again to everyone here for being so supportive.
I expect I'll keep posting as I go through this experience
and then fade away again until I'm pg again.

--
Emily
mom to Toby 5/1/02
#2 EDD 7/19/04/induction scheduled for 3/2/04


Emily,

I wish I had something enlightening to say, but all I can do if let you know
I'm thinking of you and praying that you and your family get through this
ordeal ok.

You may want to try contacting Marla (Sofia's mom) about milk donation. She
donated a ton of milk and it was used in some studies because she had marked
them with the time as well as date that she pumped. If you want to email me
for her address, my email is jehochis at hotmail dot com.

Hugs to you,

Jen

"Emily" wrote in message
news:m1t%b.402942$I06.4380323@attbi_s01...
Hi,

We saw the perinatologist this morning. She was very kind,
and took lots of time with us and answered all of our questions.
We took another look at the baby on the u/s and saw absolutely
no fluid this time. It seems that (on top of everything else,
and probably not unrelatedly) I'm leaking fluid as well.

We confirmed that the chances of carrying this baby to term
and having it be viable and healthy are very, very slim. We
are also optimistic that the cause of the problem is unlikely
to be a recurring one, so that we can hope for an unproblematic
pregnancy in the future.

Going through all of the options, it seems that the course
with the least risk to my health and future fertility is
an induction. On Monday and Tuesday I have appointments for
something to soften my cervix (don't know exactly what yet),
and then the induction will be on Wednesday.

The baby is still wiggling and squirming, even though there's
no room without any fluid. It's pushing on the uterine wall
(which is actually kinda painful). The perinatologist says
that it must be a strong baby to do that -- I guess good muscle
tone tends to run in our family. DS has always been very strong,
practically could handle his own head (strong neck) from birth,
walked at 9.5 months, etc.

I asked about donating milk, and the perinatologist said she
would look into it for me. There's a chance that it could
actually be used in the NICU at the hospital where I will
deliver. Otherwise, there aren't any milk banks in my city,
but I will look into sending it to one.

So, I wish this could be over sooner, so I could get on
with things more quickly. It's very strange to be grieving already
for someone who is still alive. My department has been very
supportive and accommodating, and my class is taken care of
for the rest of the quarter. I should be able to teach next
quarter (starting 3/29) and think that I'll enjoy being able
to throw myself into my work.

DS is, of course, a huge comfort. I can imagine that this would
be 100x harder if it were my first pregnancy, and only harder
still after previous pregnancy loss. I am very much looking
forward to trying again (once my body has had a chance to recover
so that I start off on the best possible footing), and to
seeing lots of fluid on a ultrasound some day soon, and even
more so to cuddling a newborn!

Thanks again to everyone here for being so supportive.
I expect I'll keep posting as I go through this experience
and then fade away again until I'm pg again.

--
Emily
mom to Toby 5/1/02
#2 EDD 7/19/04/induction scheduled for 3/2/04

Emily, I don't know you at all but as a fellow Mother I can say with
certainty, you don't deserve this, no one does :-(

I hope the induction is as uneventful as possible and that you have used up
your lifetimes worth of bad luck with this one awful event.

Judy

Hugs Emily. I remember feeling the exact same way -- grieving for a baby
that was still alive, and wanting to get it over with. By the time we
actually began the induction, it was just beaurocracy to me -- just
something to get through.

Hugs to you. Please know that you can e-mail or call me if you need to
talk. E-mail me if you want my phone number.
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clark_guest,
Password: Guest1
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Handmade Baby Blankets -- www.geocities.com/digit_the_cat/Blankets.html


"Emily" wrote in message
news:m1t%b.402942$I06.4380323@attbi_s01...
Hi,

We saw the perinatologist this morning. She was very kind,
and took lots of time with us and answered all of our questions.
We took another look at the baby on the u/s and saw absolutely
no fluid this time. It seems that (on top of everything else,
and probably not unrelatedly) I'm leaking fluid as well.

We confirmed that the chances of carrying this baby to term
and having it be viable and healthy are very, very slim. We
are also optimistic that the cause of the problem is unlikely
to be a recurring one, so that we can hope for an unproblematic
pregnancy in the future.

Going through all of the options, it seems that the course
with the least risk to my health and future fertility is
an induction. On Monday and Tuesday I have appointments for
something to soften my cervix (don't know exactly what yet),
and then the induction will be on Wednesday.

The baby is still wiggling and squirming, even though there's
no room without any fluid. It's pushing on the uterine wall
(which is actually kinda painful). The perinatologist says
that it must be a strong baby to do that -- I guess good muscle
tone tends to run in our family. DS has always been very strong,
practically could handle his own head (strong neck) from birth,
walked at 9.5 months, etc.

I asked about donating milk, and the perinatologist said she
would look into it for me. There's a chance that it could
actually be used in the NICU at the hospital where I will
deliver. Otherwise, there aren't any milk banks in my city,
but I will look into sending it to one.

So, I wish this could be over sooner, so I could get on
with things more quickly. It's very strange to be grieving already
for someone who is still alive. My department has been very
supportive and accommodating, and my class is taken care of
for the rest of the quarter. I should be able to teach next
quarter (starting 3/29) and think that I'll enjoy being able
to throw myself into my work.

DS is, of course, a huge comfort. I can imagine that this would
be 100x harder if it were my first pregnancy, and only harder
still after previous pregnancy loss. I am very much looking
forward to trying again (once my body has had a chance to recover
so that I start off on the best possible footing), and to
seeing lots of fluid on a ultrasound some day soon, and even
more so to cuddling a newborn!

Thanks again to everyone here for being so supportive.
I expect I'll keep posting as I go through this experience
and then fade away again until I'm pg again.

--
Emily
mom to Toby 5/1/02
#2 EDD 7/19/04/induction scheduled for 3/2/04

"Irrational Number" wrote in message
...
Emily wrote:

We saw the perinatologist this morning. She was very kind,
and took lots of time with us and answered all of our questions.
We took another look at the baby on the u/s and saw absolutely
no fluid this time. [...]

I'm at work, so I can't cry out loud, but inside I'm hurting
for you. Your little baby's spirit is returning to the universe,
where it came from, but it will always be with you. You are
so brave for thinking of others by donating milk. I wish you
a strong, healthy, fluid-filled pregnancy in the future.

-- Anita --

Anita's comment about Emily's baby's spirit made me think of this piece that
was recently posted to one of my pg loss support groups. I hope no one is
offended. I love this piece, and feel that not only is Taylor my spirit
baby, but that I am my mom's spirit baby.



Spirit Baby

Colin, my twelve-year-old son, discovered me late one rainy afternoon
sitting at the kitchen table, a damp Kleenex crumpled in my left hand,
wiping my eyes as I tried to compose myself for his sake. It
was the third week of January, two months after I'd miscarried a pregnancy,
but I still found it impossible to get through a day without at least one
meltdown into misery.

Stunned when the test came back positive, Rog and I had stared at each other
with doubt and ambivalence. At forty-one, my professional life consumed me.
I'd just achieved what some had predicted was an impossibility: I'd been
granted delivery privileges at Alta Bates, and as a consequence, my
midwifery practice burgeoned. Some months I delivered twelve babies, and no
one ever knew if or when I'd be home. Rog, too, felt stretched to his
limits, keeping his business afloat while picking up the slack for my
frequent unscheduled absences. Colin and Jill approached their challenging
adolescent years. How could we fit an infant into our lives? But when I lost
the pregnancy and all hope for resolution dissolved with my tears, I fell
in love with the baby that was not to be.

Colin asked, "Are you crying about the baby?" and when I nodded tearfully,
he said, "Well, you just have to have another one, Mom, because it's a
Spirit Baby, and you should be its mother."

I must have looked puzzled because he said, "Don't you know about Spirit
Babies? How could I know about them if you don't? I mean, you're my mom!"
But he could see my perplexity.

So my first child, this not-yet-teenaged boy, pulled a wooden chair to my
side and draped his thin arm across my shoulders, saying, "Well, Mom, here's
how it is. See, I was one myself, so that
must be how I know. Anyway, every woman has a circle of babies that goes
around and around above her head, and those are all the possible babies she
could have in her whole life. Every month, one of those babies is first in
line. If she gets pregnant, then that's the baby that's born. If she doesn't
get pregnant, the baby goes back into the circle and keeps going around with
all the others. If she gets pregnant but something bad happens before the
baby's born.now listen, Mom, because here's the really cool part. It goes
back into the circle, but it becomes a Spirit Baby, and all the other babies
give it cuts. Each month, it's always first in line. Isn't that great?

"So you just have to get pregnant again, and you'll have the same Spirit
Baby. If you don't, though, then the baby circle will just beam that little
Spirit Baby over to some other woman's circle, and
it'll be first in line for her. It keeps being first in line somewhere until
it finally gets born.

"But it'd be a shame for you not to have it yourself, because I know how
much you want it. So you just have to try again. Mom, remember that baby you
lost before I was born?" I nodded wordlessly. "Well, that was me. Really.
I've always known I was a Spirit Baby. I mean, I know what I'm talking about
here, Mom."

In spite of Colin's certainty that our household, so often bordering on
chaos, lacked only an infant to make things perfect, Rog and I demurred. But
Colin didn't give up and even enlisted his sister's
support. Driving with them in the car one evening, I looked at my son in the
passenger seat beside me. He stared out the side window and tried to hide
his tears, but I saw the flush on his face, the shaking of his shoulders,
and the surreptitious swipe of hand across cheek.

Six months had passed since my miscarriage, and I had just finished yet
another discussion in which I'd told my pleading son that having a third
baby at my age was out of the question. I reached over the space between us
and squeezed his fingers. "Colin, I don't understand this passion you have
for a baby. Why do you want one so much?"

He tore his gaze from the distant hills and looked at me with swimming eyes
and trembling lips. In a choking voice, he put all of his twelve-year-old
passion into his reply.

"Oh, Mom! Oh. Just for the joy of it!"

Jill stretched forward from the back seat and placed a hand on each of our
shoulders. "Yeah, Mom, just for the joy of it."

It was my turn to look out the side window and struggle with misty vision.
So, at a time when most women eye the empty nest at the end of their branch
on the family tree with something approaching relief, I gave consideration
to laying just one more egg. Several months of discussions peppered with
doubt and disbelief followed. Although Rog and I made the final decision,
there's no denying that a big part of our decision to have a third child
began with the insistence of our adolescent children that we "needed a baby
in the house." Rog and I took a deep breath, looked at each other across the
blond heads of those two wishful children, swallowed - and made a giant leap
of
faith.

I conceived my Spirit Baby a week later. Just for the joy of it.



Okay, I'm reading this, and all I can do is think of Taylor, who is so
clearly MY spirit baby. She tried and tried and tried to come to me, 8-9
times in all, until she finally went to her birthmother, who had an IUD in,
and nestled in tight, then made sure that she picked me.

Thank goodness Taylor was persistent. And for that matter, thank goodness I
was too.

Emily, I hope this brings you some piece.
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clark_guest,
Password: Guest1
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Handmade Baby Blankets -- www.geocities.com/digit_the_cat/Blankets.html

On Thu, 26 Feb 2004 20:53:38 GMT, Emily wrote:

Going through all of the options, it seems that the course
with the least risk to my health and future fertility is
an induction. On Monday and Tuesday I have appointments for
something to soften my cervix (don't know exactly what yet),
and then the induction will be on Wednesday.

I'm so sorry you have to wait so long.

The baby is still wiggling and squirming, even though there's
no room without any fluid. It's pushing on the uterine wall
(which is actually kinda painful). The perinatologist says
that it must be a strong baby to do that -- I guess good muscle
tone tends to run in our family. DS has always been very strong,
practically could handle his own head (strong neck) from birth,
walked at 9.5 months, etc.

That's so hard! Our last opportunity to 'see' Nathan alive was an
ultrasound to confirm the abruption. It was so awful to see his heart
beating strongly, and know there was nothing to be done.

I asked about donating milk, and the perinatologist said she
would look into it for me. There's a chance that it could
actually be used in the NICU at the hospital where I will
deliver. Otherwise, there aren't any milk banks in my city,
but I will look into sending it to one.

That's extremely generous of you. If you do it, give yourself
permission to stop if it hurts too much.

Thanks again to everyone here for being so supportive.
I expect I'll keep posting as I go through this experience
and then fade away again until I'm pg again.

I'll be thinking of you every day, especially Wednesday. (((hugs)))