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#51
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Poem for Nathan, Was Spirit Babies
Jamie Clark wrote:
Emily, Well, my mother is a mystery writer by trade, but a good writer is a good writer, in my book. Her name is Sue Grafton. I swear, losing Nathan was almost as hard on her as it was on me. She was by my side throughout the whole thing, including the shot to stop his heart. Besides my husband, she was (and still is) my strength, my core, and my love. She was just inspired. I'm glad you liked it. My mom is a poet and essayist and teacher of writing. When my brother died, we all really benefitted from her writing about it. I hope she will write about this too. I'm going to send your mother's poem to her, I think she will appreciate it. (She liked the Spirit Baby story, too.) She's in Tucson until tomorrow night, but should be here with me from Saturday night until I don't need her anymore. It will be great to have her, I think. With DS, I didn't want anyone but DH and our doula while I was in labor, although mom came in time to meet us when we brought DS home. This time, I think it will be good to have her there. While I hope to go into labor on my own before Wednesday, I hope that it doesn't mean she can't be here. We've arranged that I'll call her if I am in labor, and she'll try to come ASAP! -- Emily mom to Toby 5/1/02 #2 EDD 7/19/04 |
#52
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Poem for Nathan, Was Spirit Babies
"Jamie Clark" wrote in message link.net... Emily, Well, my mother is a mystery writer by trade, but a good writer is a good writer, in my book. Her name is Sue Grafton. I swear, losing Nathan was almost as hard on her as it was on me. She was by my side throughout the whole thing, including the shot to stop his heart. Besides my husband, she was (and still is) my strength, my core, and my love. She was just inspired. Ooooo. Sue Grafton. I suppose in the light of that poem, it's not really appropriate for me to mention that I worship the very paper she writes on? She's a marvelous, marvelous writer. And it sounds like, a marvelous mother too. --angela |
#53
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No fluid/20 week induction update
On Thu, 26 Feb 2004 20:53:38 +0000, Emily wrote:
We confirmed that the chances of carrying this baby to term and having it be viable and healthy are very, very slim. I have no words :***( {{{{{{Emily & family}}}}}} Take your time for this. You still sound so rational where I would probably have lost it ten times over already. Don't forget to grieve, it takes a long time to heal these wounds. This one's for you (found it at a related Dutch site): An angel in the book of life Wrote down an infant's birth and mentioned as he closed the book ..........too beautiful for earth -- -- I mommy to DS (19m) mommy to two tiny angels (28 Oct 2003 & 17 Feb 2004) guardian of DH (33) |
#54
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No fluid/20 week induction update
Emily,
Our situation was similar -- there was *a* chance of Nathan going to term, but there was no real set agreed upon method to fix his problems after birth, and he could well have died from trying. He also might not have made it to term. We kept getting more and more information, additional u/s, echocardiograms, meeting with specialists, and the more information we got, the grimmer it looked. We had to make the best decision we could at the time. I made a list of all of the reasons why we made our decision, and tucked it away in Nathan's Box. Later on, when I had doubts or regrets, or was just deep in grief, I'd pull it out and look at it, and remember WHY we made the decision we did. It helped me not to second guess myself too much. -- Jamie & Taylor Earth Angel, 1/3/03 Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clark_guest, Password: Guest1 Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and Password Handmade Baby Blankets -- www.geocities.com/digit_the_cat/Blankets.html "Emily" wrote in message news:myL%b.407644$I06.4421928@attbi_s01... Elfanie wrote: I'm sorry....I wish there was a way they could say for 100% either way (ie. if you do X, then Y will happen).... My heart is just so heavy for you...I can't even express my sorrow enough for you and your baby. When are you planning to induce? Is there a risk to YOU of this situation? (from the bleeding..are they worried about the risk to you of carrying any longer?) Here's the question that I'm wondering (and yes, if you get tired of answering my question, then please just forgive me for asking and don't answer me!).. We know that if baby is born right now - even if it has a fully functioning placenta and was 100% healthy, it wouldn't have a chance of survival...so if born now, your baby absolutely unquestionably will not survive, 100%.. So is there a risk (other than the intense emotional anguish which I'm sure would be very difficult) of carrying the baby for another 5 weeks if baby chooses to stay in there for 5 weeks....and delivering then even if there is a 99% chance that the lungs won't be developed? In other words...is there even a 1% chance of the lungs developing properly with your condition? Or - is it 100% certain that the lungs cannot develop - it's an impossibility? Or - does continuing the pregnancy pose a risk to you (ie. placental abruptia)? Hi again, I was a little vague about this before because I didn't want folks to tell me that I should hold out for that 1% or whatever it is, but yes, it's not 100% certain that if we let things continue the baby wouldn't survive. It sounds like the two most likely outcomes are that I will miscarry on my own or that the baby will be still born (i.e., make it past 20 weeks, but then not have enough lung capacity to survive at all). I don't have any exact numbers, but those two scenarios account for most of the 100%. The next most likely thing is that the baby would survive, but with a high likelihood of all the complications that come with extreme prematurity, on top of diminshed lung capacity plus the other things that come with low amniotic fluid (mobility issues among them). The remaining few percent (and no, we didn't get any numbers, how could they know?) are the chances of a healthy baby. There's also issues of infection (and the effect that has on the baby) to throw in there, as the amniotic sac appears to be breeched. We also asked which of the three courses of action open to us (D&E, induction, continuing the pregnancy and letting nature take its course) holds the least risk to my health & future fertility. The answer was induction, and part of the reasoning was the risk of infection. Apparently D&E and induction are pretty close in risks up to 20 weeks, and after that D&E becomes riskier, to the point that they don't offer it past 20 weeks. Since I'm 20 weeks on Monday (by the u/s dating, more by LMP, but I think I ovluated late), that makes it sound like D&E is riskier to me. Plus, as I've said elsewhere, I need to hold this baby and be present in that moment. Neither are possible with D&E. -- Emily mom to Toby 5/1/02 #2 EDD 7/19/04 |
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Poem for Nathan, Was Spirit Babies
"Emily" wrote in message
news:J9M%b.134912$uV3.655242@attbi_s51... Jamie Clark wrote: Emily, Well, my mother is a mystery writer by trade, but a good writer is a good writer, in my book. Her name is Sue Grafton. I swear, losing Nathan was almost as hard on her as it was on me. She was by my side throughout the whole thing, including the shot to stop his heart. Besides my husband, she was (and still is) my strength, my core, and my love. She was just inspired. I'm glad you liked it. My mom is a poet and essayist and teacher of writing. When my brother died, we all really benefitted from her writing about it. I hope she will write about this too. I'm going to send your mother's poem to her, I think she will appreciate it. (She liked the Spirit Baby story, too.) She's in Tucson until tomorrow night, but should be here with me from Saturday night until I don't need her anymore. It will be great to have her, I think. With DS, I didn't want anyone but DH and our doula while I was in labor, although mom came in time to meet us when we brought DS home. This time, I think it will be good to have her there. While I hope to go into labor on my own before Wednesday, I hope that it doesn't mean she can't be here. We've arranged that I'll call her if I am in labor, and she'll try to come ASAP! -- Emily mom to Toby 5/1/02 #2 EDD 7/19/04 Yep, my mom loved the Spirit Baby post as well. She got all sniffly over it. I was her spirit baby. -- Jamie & Taylor Earth Angel, 1/3/03 Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clark_guest, Password: Guest1 Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and Password Handmade Baby Blankets -- www.geocities.com/digit_the_cat/Blankets.html |
#56
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Poem for Nathan, Was Spirit Babies
Yes, she is marvelous, writer and mother. And you can always mention that
you worship her. So do I! -- Jamie & Taylor Earth Angel, 1/3/03 Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clark_guest, Password: Guest1 Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and Password Handmade Baby Blankets -- www.geocities.com/digit_the_cat/Blankets.html "Chotii" wrote in message ... "Jamie Clark" wrote in message link.net... Emily, Well, my mother is a mystery writer by trade, but a good writer is a good writer, in my book. Her name is Sue Grafton. I swear, losing Nathan was almost as hard on her as it was on me. She was by my side throughout the whole thing, including the shot to stop his heart. Besides my husband, she was (and still is) my strength, my core, and my love. She was just inspired. Ooooo. Sue Grafton. I suppose in the light of that poem, it's not really appropriate for me to mention that I worship the very paper she writes on? She's a marvelous, marvelous writer. And it sounds like, a marvelous mother too. --angela |
#57
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Poem for Nathan, Was Spirit Babies
On Fri, 27 Feb 2004 07:13:14 +0000, Jamie Clark wrote:
Thanks Anita. Here is another one. I don't mean to be a downer or bring the group down, but this is a poem that my mom wrote for Nathan, when we lost him. Still today, 6 years later, it brings tears to my eyes. Not just to yours... :***) -- -- I mommy to DS (19m) mommy to two tiny angels (28 Oct 2003 & 17 Feb 2004) guardian of DH (33) |
#58
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Spirit Babies -- Was No fluid/20 week induction update
On Fri, 27 Feb 2004 00:13:58 +0000, Jamie Clark wrote:
Anita's comment about Emily's baby's spirit made me think of this piece that was recently posted to one of my pg loss support groups. I hope no one is offended. I love this piece, and feel that not only is Taylor my spirit baby, but that I am my mom's spirit baby. I've read this story before, and this idea has helped me enormously in dealing with my two m/c's. Thanks for posting it here. -- -- I mommy to DS (19m) mommy to two tiny angels (28 Oct 2003 & 17 Feb 2004) guardian of DH (33) |
#59
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Poem for Nathan, Was Spirit Babies
On Fri, 27 Feb 2004 18:22:31 GMT, "Jamie Clark"
wrote: Well, my mother is a mystery writer by trade, but a good writer is a good writer, in my book. Her name is Sue Grafton. I have read many of her books. She is a good writer!! -- Daye Momma to Jayan and Leopold See Jayan and Leo: http://www.aloofhosting.com/jayleo/ |
#60
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No fluid/20 week induction update
On Fri, 27 Feb 2004 04:00:37 GMT, "Jamie Clark"
wrote: Since by the time we started to induce I was almost 24 weeks along, there was the chance that Nathan could be born alive, which is something I didn't think I could handle. We made the decision to have a shot given to him to stop his heart, so that he would be born still. So, our last visions of Nathan alive were via u/s, as we watched the doctor give him the shot that stopped his heart. It was the absolute hardest thing that I've ever had to do. And, it's something that I don't talk about much, compared to how much I do talk about Nathan in general, and the other specifics of our loss. It's the hardest part. The hardest part sounds very accurate; I don't recall you describing Nathan's loss in that degree of detail before, and I'm so very sorry for your horrible, painful loss of him. |
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