Behavior problems...please help!

Madison has been getting into so much trouble lately and nothing seems to be
working to get her behavior to improve. In the past week-and a-half she has
cut her clothes with scissors at school twice. Yesterday she got put into
time-out at preschool and had a note sent home from her teacher because she was
"lying down on Jordan" and wouldn't do her work (they do one activity every day
in preschool, and she wouldn't do it yesterday). Children rarely ever get sent
to time-out at their preschool, so I know her behavior had to be pretty bad in
order for her to end up there. I am completely mortified that she is being a
behavior problem for her teachers. I sent her to her room yesterday when she
got home and she also was not able to go shopping in the city with me today. I
took Jordan and left Madison at home with my dh. They love to go shopping in
the city so she was not happy about being left at home, but I don't know if it
will have an effect on her behavior. When I talked to her about her behavior
and told her she needs to behave in school she thought it was funny! AAGGHHH!!
:{

At home she tests me constantly. It seems like she is almost always doing
something she is not supposed to be doing. I feel bad because I am on her case
all the time. Sending her to time-out doesn't seem to be helping. She just
will not listen, and although I hate to admit it, I can't seem to get her to
listen. I give consequences for her actions, but it doesn't seem to do any
good. I hope someone can give me some advice on what to do. I don't want her
to be labeled as a "behavior problem" at school, and I have always been very
adamant about my children listening to their teachers, so I am very upset by
her behavior. I am going to talk to her teacher on Monday when I drop the
girls off at school.

Andrea
twin girls-Madison & Jordan
3/22/00

Andrea-

you might not feel the same way i do, BUT i'd be relieved it was
Jordan who Madison decided to lie on at school! that is just normal
sibling behavior. and there isn't another child's parent to deal with
about the whole issue!

i let Callie play with her scissors here at home the other day as long
as she stayed in the same room with me. ha! as if that helped! she had
her tights cut up in no time! "oops. sorry mom, i won't do it again!"

from what i can tell from your post, i would say Madison is acting out
because...SHE'S THREE! which is not much help, but i'd say it's
perfectly normal. if Alix is missing in the house for a few minutes, i
just let her be. she's always been clingy and i'm glad for the
independence. if Callie is out of my sight for a few seconds, i'm
searching her out! she is forever getting into mischief (putting
liquid hand soap in her hair, brushing her stuffed animal's teeth,
finding and eating a whole roll of Tums, eating Altoid mints by the
tin....)

recently we went to parent/teacher conferences and learned the girls'
personalities are completely switched around at school. the teacher
described Callie as a loner, slow to make friends, and not comfortable
joining kids in play. she questioned why i was looking so confused and
i described a scene from McDonald's playland the week before. Callie
was in the middle of a throng of boys, ages 6-9, screaming and yelling
along with them as they ran from the slide to the steps to take a
crawl through the "tubes" to go down the slide again. Alix unglued
herself from my side only to try and get Callie to "stop playing with
those kids."

the teacher shook her head and said, "that's not what i see at
school." apparently Alix has a friendly and outgoing persona at
school. she is well-liked, has many friends, and has no trouble
joining in any group. that's just as bit astonishing as hearing about
Callie's "school" personality. Kelly was sure Alix's bossiness would
keep her friendless and i always said Callie would let her tag along
with her and her friends.

after telling Kelly's dad what the teacher said, he was sure the
teacher had them mixed up and didn't know which kid was which. after
spending three months with the girls, who look nothing alike, i'm sure
she knows who is who!

sorry for going off on a tangent about my own! and not even offering
advice to boot!

pam servant to alix and callie 3/24/00

Andrea-

you might not feel the same way i do, BUT i'd be relieved it was
Jordan who Madison decided to lie on at school! that is just normal
sibling behavior. and there isn't another child's parent to deal with
about the whole issue!

i let Callie play with her scissors here at home the other day as long
as she stayed in the same room with me. ha! as if that helped! she had
her tights cut up in no time! "oops. sorry mom, i won't do it again!"

from what i can tell from your post, i would say Madison is acting out
because...SHE'S THREE! which is not much help, but i'd say it's
perfectly normal. if Alix is missing in the house for a few minutes, i
just let her be. she's always been clingy and i'm glad for the
independence. if Callie is out of my sight for a few seconds, i'm
searching her out! she is forever getting into mischief (putting
liquid hand soap in her hair, brushing her stuffed animal's teeth,
finding and eating a whole roll of Tums, eating Altoid mints by the
tin....)

recently we went to parent/teacher conferences and learned the girls'
personalities are completely switched around at school. the teacher
described Callie as a loner, slow to make friends, and not comfortable
joining kids in play. she questioned why i was looking so confused and
i described a scene from McDonald's playland the week before. Callie
was in the middle of a throng of boys, ages 6-9, screaming and yelling
along with them as they ran from the slide to the steps to take a
crawl through the "tubes" to go down the slide again. Alix unglued
herself from my side only to try and get Callie to "stop playing with
those kids."

the teacher shook her head and said, "that's not what i see at
school." apparently Alix has a friendly and outgoing persona at
school. she is well-liked, has many friends, and has no trouble
joining in any group. that's just as bit astonishing as hearing about
Callie's "school" personality. Kelly was sure Alix's bossiness would
keep her friendless and i always said Callie would let her tag along
with her and her friends.

after telling Kelly's dad what the teacher said, he was sure the
teacher had them mixed up and didn't know which kid was which. after
spending three months with the girls, who look nothing alike, i'm sure
she knows who is who!

sorry for going off on a tangent about my own! and not even offering
advice to boot!

pam servant to alix and callie 3/24/00

Three is an awful age - IMO. I hated it and 4 was a bit better but not
much - 5 was wonderful and then on and on. But I do remember with no so
fond memories that 3 was just bad - with 4 coming in a close second. Being
a bit seasoned (a lot more to come), I always said you really get into
parenting when your kids turn 3. Up to that point it is a mainly distract,
move and hold, at 3 they suddenly get to be little professors with a whole
lot more information on how to get into mischief. It was the age where I
would call my DH crying/screaming at him on the cell while he was on a
commuter train (took an hour no matter what baby was doing), to get home -
NOW!!! Consistency also works very well at this age. Do not make a rule
for one thing and a similar thing not adhering to the same rule. Of course
time outs, but boy, I feel for you. We've all been there or will be there
at least with one twin or maybe both (for us it was both). Take a breath,
and know we are all pulling for you.

Shirley
Chris and Kathleen 1/95

"pam " wrote in message
...
Andrea-

you might not feel the same way i do, BUT i'd be relieved it was
Jordan who Madison decided to lie on at school! that is just normal
sibling behavior. and there isn't another child's parent to deal with
about the whole issue!

i let Callie play with her scissors here at home the other day as long
as she stayed in the same room with me. ha! as if that helped! she had
her tights cut up in no time! "oops. sorry mom, i won't do it again!"

from what i can tell from your post, i would say Madison is acting out
because...SHE'S THREE! which is not much help, but i'd say it's
perfectly normal. if Alix is missing in the house for a few minutes, i
just let her be. she's always been clingy and i'm glad for the
independence. if Callie is out of my sight for a few seconds, i'm
searching her out! she is forever getting into mischief (putting
liquid hand soap in her hair, brushing her stuffed animal's teeth,
finding and eating a whole roll of Tums, eating Altoid mints by the
tin....)

recently we went to parent/teacher conferences and learned the girls'
personalities are completely switched around at school. the teacher
described Callie as a loner, slow to make friends, and not comfortable
joining kids in play. she questioned why i was looking so confused and
i described a scene from McDonald's playland the week before. Callie
was in the middle of a throng of boys, ages 6-9, screaming and yelling
along with them as they ran from the slide to the steps to take a
crawl through the "tubes" to go down the slide again. Alix unglued
herself from my side only to try and get Callie to "stop playing with
those kids."

the teacher shook her head and said, "that's not what i see at
school." apparently Alix has a friendly and outgoing persona at
school. she is well-liked, has many friends, and has no trouble
joining in any group. that's just as bit astonishing as hearing about
Callie's "school" personality. Kelly was sure Alix's bossiness would
keep her friendless and i always said Callie would let her tag along
with her and her friends.

after telling Kelly's dad what the teacher said, he was sure the
teacher had them mixed up and didn't know which kid was which. after
spending three months with the girls, who look nothing alike, i'm sure
she knows who is who!

sorry for going off on a tangent about my own! and not even offering
advice to boot!

pam servant to alix and callie 3/24/00

Three is an awful age - IMO. I hated it and 4 was a bit better but not
much - 5 was wonderful and then on and on. But I do remember with no so
fond memories that 3 was just bad - with 4 coming in a close second. Being
a bit seasoned (a lot more to come), I always said you really get into
parenting when your kids turn 3. Up to that point it is a mainly distract,
move and hold, at 3 they suddenly get to be little professors with a whole
lot more information on how to get into mischief. It was the age where I
would call my DH crying/screaming at him on the cell while he was on a
commuter train (took an hour no matter what baby was doing), to get home -
NOW!!! Consistency also works very well at this age. Do not make a rule
for one thing and a similar thing not adhering to the same rule. Of course
time outs, but boy, I feel for you. We've all been there or will be there
at least with one twin or maybe both (for us it was both). Take a breath,
and know we are all pulling for you.

Shirley
Chris and Kathleen 1/95

"pam " wrote in message
...
Andrea-

you might not feel the same way i do, BUT i'd be relieved it was
Jordan who Madison decided to lie on at school! that is just normal
sibling behavior. and there isn't another child's parent to deal with
about the whole issue!

i let Callie play with her scissors here at home the other day as long
as she stayed in the same room with me. ha! as if that helped! she had
her tights cut up in no time! "oops. sorry mom, i won't do it again!"

from what i can tell from your post, i would say Madison is acting out
because...SHE'S THREE! which is not much help, but i'd say it's
perfectly normal. if Alix is missing in the house for a few minutes, i
just let her be. she's always been clingy and i'm glad for the
independence. if Callie is out of my sight for a few seconds, i'm
searching her out! she is forever getting into mischief (putting
liquid hand soap in her hair, brushing her stuffed animal's teeth,
finding and eating a whole roll of Tums, eating Altoid mints by the
tin....)

recently we went to parent/teacher conferences and learned the girls'
personalities are completely switched around at school. the teacher
described Callie as a loner, slow to make friends, and not comfortable
joining kids in play. she questioned why i was looking so confused and
i described a scene from McDonald's playland the week before. Callie
was in the middle of a throng of boys, ages 6-9, screaming and yelling
along with them as they ran from the slide to the steps to take a
crawl through the "tubes" to go down the slide again. Alix unglued
herself from my side only to try and get Callie to "stop playing with
those kids."

the teacher shook her head and said, "that's not what i see at
school." apparently Alix has a friendly and outgoing persona at
school. she is well-liked, has many friends, and has no trouble
joining in any group. that's just as bit astonishing as hearing about
Callie's "school" personality. Kelly was sure Alix's bossiness would
keep her friendless and i always said Callie would let her tag along
with her and her friends.

after telling Kelly's dad what the teacher said, he was sure the
teacher had them mixed up and didn't know which kid was which. after
spending three months with the girls, who look nothing alike, i'm sure
she knows who is who!

sorry for going off on a tangent about my own! and not even offering
advice to boot!

pam servant to alix and callie 3/24/00

Hi,

Oh boy, can I relate. Yours are about to turn 4 - and when mine did, holy cow.
I thought I was going insane. I try to teach my kids blind obedience - that
is just laughable to write down. But it is commonly heard around here -
"Because I said so." (of course as the kids get older, and can understand the
explanations necessary, I do give them, but when they were toddlers, it was
just ridiculous to explain everything) Right before the kids turned 4 this
just flew right out the window. "Because I said so" lead into a whole slew of
questions. Defiant type questions. I about lost my mind.

My advice - pick and choose the battles. Go the Rosemond route if need be. I
explained his "ticket system" to mine one day, and that it was going to be
enforced, and that about fixed the problem. (in a nut shell - they get 3
chances (tickets) to mess up, and when they lose the 3rd ticket, they have to
spend the rest of the day in their room - which hopefully doesn't have many
toys in it).

I used it about 3 months ago when Jared was goofing around in gymnastics. I
told him that if the teacher told me he was disruptive one more time, that was
it for him. Two weeks later, it happened. Jared had to spend from 11:45 till
bedtime (7pm) in his room, and that cured him. I even delivered his meals. He
was only allowed out to use the bathroom. I haven't had a problem with that
issue since.

My 3 just turned 5 last Tuesday, and I'm looking forward (well, praying for)
that calming period that is supposed to happen at this age.

Good luck. You can do it. And keep saying to yourself, " this too shall pass
"

Diana

Hi,

Oh boy, can I relate. Yours are about to turn 4 - and when mine did, holy cow.
I thought I was going insane. I try to teach my kids blind obedience - that
is just laughable to write down. But it is commonly heard around here -
"Because I said so." (of course as the kids get older, and can understand the
explanations necessary, I do give them, but when they were toddlers, it was
just ridiculous to explain everything) Right before the kids turned 4 this
just flew right out the window. "Because I said so" lead into a whole slew of
questions. Defiant type questions. I about lost my mind.

My advice - pick and choose the battles. Go the Rosemond route if need be. I
explained his "ticket system" to mine one day, and that it was going to be
enforced, and that about fixed the problem. (in a nut shell - they get 3
chances (tickets) to mess up, and when they lose the 3rd ticket, they have to
spend the rest of the day in their room - which hopefully doesn't have many
toys in it).

I used it about 3 months ago when Jared was goofing around in gymnastics. I
told him that if the teacher told me he was disruptive one more time, that was
it for him. Two weeks later, it happened. Jared had to spend from 11:45 till
bedtime (7pm) in his room, and that cured him. I even delivered his meals. He
was only allowed out to use the bathroom. I haven't had a problem with that
issue since.

My 3 just turned 5 last Tuesday, and I'm looking forward (well, praying for)
that calming period that is supposed to happen at this age.

Good luck. You can do it. And keep saying to yourself, " this too shall pass
"

Diana

My guess is that she's really starving for some individual attention from
you. Her bad behavior is getting her negative attention, but it is still
attention and as long as it works she'll keep doing it. My suggestion would
be to put aside a certain time every week (the same consistent time every
week) where you do something just her and mommy. She will know that's HER
special time. After a few weeks when she knows she can count on that
attention her bad behavior will probably taper off. Sometimes us parents
of twins forget that our children still need one-on-one attention, just like
single children.
--
"Andrea" wrote in message
...
Madison has been getting into so much trouble lately and nothing seems to
be
working to get her behavior to improve. In the past week-and a-half she
has
cut her clothes with scissors at school twice. Yesterday she got put into
time-out at preschool and had a note sent home from her teacher because
she was
"lying down on Jordan" and wouldn't do her work (they do one activity
every day
in preschool, and she wouldn't do it yesterday). Children rarely ever get
sent
to time-out at their preschool, so I know her behavior had to be pretty
bad in
order for her to end up there. I am completely mortified that she is being
a
behavior problem for her teachers. I sent her to her room yesterday when
she
got home and she also was not able to go shopping in the city with me
today. I
took Jordan and left Madison at home with my dh. They love to go shopping
in
the city so she was not happy about being left at home, but I don't know
if it
will have an effect on her behavior. When I talked to her about her
behavior
and told her she needs to behave in school she thought it was funny!
AAGGHHH!!
:{

At home she tests me constantly. It seems like she is almost always doing
something she is not supposed to be doing. I feel bad because I am on her
case
all the time. Sending her to time-out doesn't seem to be helping. She
just
will not listen, and although I hate to admit it, I can't seem to get her
to
listen. I give consequences for her actions, but it doesn't seem to do
any
good. I hope someone can give me some advice on what to do. I don't want
her
to be labeled as a "behavior problem" at school, and I have always been
very
adamant about my children listening to their teachers, so I am very upset
by
her behavior. I am going to talk to her teacher on Monday when I drop the
girls off at school.

Andrea
twin girls-Madison & Jordan
3/22/00

My guess is that she's really starving for some individual attention from
you. Her bad behavior is getting her negative attention, but it is still
attention and as long as it works she'll keep doing it. My suggestion would
be to put aside a certain time every week (the same consistent time every
week) where you do something just her and mommy. She will know that's HER
special time. After a few weeks when she knows she can count on that
attention her bad behavior will probably taper off. Sometimes us parents
of twins forget that our children still need one-on-one attention, just like
single children.
--
"Andrea" wrote in message
...
Madison has been getting into so much trouble lately and nothing seems to
be
working to get her behavior to improve. In the past week-and a-half she
has
cut her clothes with scissors at school twice. Yesterday she got put into
time-out at preschool and had a note sent home from her teacher because
she was
"lying down on Jordan" and wouldn't do her work (they do one activity
every day
in preschool, and she wouldn't do it yesterday). Children rarely ever get
sent
to time-out at their preschool, so I know her behavior had to be pretty
bad in
order for her to end up there. I am completely mortified that she is being
a
behavior problem for her teachers. I sent her to her room yesterday when
she
got home and she also was not able to go shopping in the city with me
today. I
took Jordan and left Madison at home with my dh. They love to go shopping
in
the city so she was not happy about being left at home, but I don't know
if it
will have an effect on her behavior. When I talked to her about her
behavior
and told her she needs to behave in school she thought it was funny!
AAGGHHH!!
:{

At home she tests me constantly. It seems like she is almost always doing
something she is not supposed to be doing. I feel bad because I am on her
case
all the time. Sending her to time-out doesn't seem to be helping. She
just
will not listen, and although I hate to admit it, I can't seem to get her
to
listen. I give consequences for her actions, but it doesn't seem to do
any
good. I hope someone can give me some advice on what to do. I don't want
her
to be labeled as a "behavior problem" at school, and I have always been
very
adamant about my children listening to their teachers, so I am very upset
by
her behavior. I am going to talk to her teacher on Monday when I drop the
girls off at school.

Andrea
twin girls-Madison & Jordan
3/22/00