How do I help my daugher?

I have an 11 year old daughter. It has been 8 mos. since she has had
contact with her father and as time goes by she is starting to tell me
of the abuse she has suffered at his hands. At this time he is not
fighting me in court but he continues to call my home and leave
messages for my daughter, which I believe are his way of threatening
her to keep her from talking. Does anyone have any suggestions or
know how I can prevent him from continuing to harrass her and scare
the crap out of her. This child is afraid to go to bed at night for
fear he will come in her window and afraid to go to school for fear he
will show up. I am just devastated and have for many years tried to
prove this to the courts with no results in our favor.

What does her psychologist say?

"kal" wrote in message
ups.com...
I have an 11 year old daughter. It has been 8 mos. since she has had
contact with her father and as time goes by she is starting to tell me
of the abuse she has suffered at his hands. At this time he is not
fighting me in court but he continues to call my home and leave
messages for my daughter, which I believe are his way of threatening
her to keep her from talking. Does anyone have any suggestions or
know how I can prevent him from continuing to harrass her and scare
the crap out of her. This child is afraid to go to bed at night for
fear he will come in her window and afraid to go to school for fear he
will show up. I am just devastated and have for many years tried to
prove this to the courts with no results in our favor.

"kal" wrote in

I have an 11 year old daughter. It has been 8 mos. since she has had
contact with her father and as time goes by she is starting to tell me
of the abuse she has suffered at his hands.

She's old enough to speak the truth, why not just start a police report?
If it's anywhere creditable, I'm sure the authorities can take action.

What kind of abuse are we talking about, verbal, physical or sexual?

The first step is get her into a counselor or therapist. First off, it
will get her the help that she needs to combat these fears and will help
her to unravel the story. If your state has laws about health
professionals being bound to report child abuse, then you will have the
second benefit of an expert second party reporting the problem to the
authorities.

hope that helps


kal wrote:
I have an 11 year old daughter. It has been 8 mos. since she has had
contact with her father and as time goes by she is starting to tell me
of the abuse she has suffered at his hands. At this time he is not
fighting me in court but he continues to call my home and leave
messages for my daughter, which I believe are his way of threatening
her to keep her from talking. Does anyone have any suggestions or
know how I can prevent him from continuing to harrass her and scare
the crap out of her. This child is afraid to go to bed at night for
fear he will come in her window and afraid to go to school for fear he
will show up. I am just devastated and have for many years tried to
prove this to the courts with no results in our favor.

On Feb 5, 12:20 am, "teachrmama" wrote:
What does her psychologist say?

"kal" wrote in message

ups.com...

I have an 11 year old daughter. It has been 8 mos. since she has had
contact with her father and as time goes by she is starting to tell me
of the abuse she has suffered at his hands. At this time he is not
fighting me in court but he continues to call my home and leave
messages for my daughter, which I believe are his way of threatening
her to keep her from talking. Does anyone have any suggestions or
know how I can prevent him from continuing to harrass her and scare
the crap out of her. This child is afraid to go to bed at night for
fear he will come in her window and afraid to go to school for fear he
will show up. I am just devastated and have for many years tried to
prove this to the courts with no results in our favor.

Her psycologist says that it is very important that she not have any
contact with her father and that the only reason she has not contacted
protective services is because she has not seen him in 8 mos. she
says there is more to what has happened than what she is saying.

On Feb 5, 12:28 am, "DB" wrote:
"kal" wrote in

I have an 11 year old daughter. It has been 8 mos. since she has had
contact with her father and as time goes by she is starting to tell me
of the abuse she has suffered at his hands.

She's old enough to speak the truth, why not just start a police report?
If it's anywhere creditable, I'm sure the authorities can take action.

What kind of abuse are we talking about, verbal, physical or sexual?

I have contacted the police in the past when she had his fingers
bruised onto her arm and the officer said that sometimes things just
get out of hand that there was no abuse going on.
As far as I know it is just verbal and pysical

On Feb 5, 12:03 am, "kal" wrote:
I have an 11 year old daughter. It has been 8 mos. since she has had
contact with her father and as time goes by she is starting to tell me
of the abuse she has suffered at his hands. At this time he is not
fighting me in court but he continues to call my home and leave
messages for my daughter, which I believe are his way of threatening
her to keep her from talking. Does anyone have any suggestions or
know how I can prevent him from continuing to harrass her and scare
the crap out of her. This child is afraid to go to bed at night for
fear he will come in her window and afraid to go to school for fear he
will show up. I am just devastated and have for many years tried to
prove this to the courts with no results in our favor.

Come on...you know I am so sick of reading these kinds of stories.
You are her MOTHER..that means you need to protect her. Listen very
carefully now and read this post at least 3 times so you get the
information straight...CALL THE POLICE NOW AND HAVE YOUR DAUGHTERS
FATHER ARRESTED AS A PEDOPHILE; press charges and GET A RESTRAINING
ORDER. Then get a lawyer, go to court and expose him.....got that?

If you've done this for many years and have not been able to prove it,
then take it to a higher court, get a different lawyer, talk to the
press, go to your congressman, go to as many people as will listen and
NEVER GIVE UP....have you ever heard of the Dad whose son needed a new
heart and because his insurance was cancelled, he would have to take
his son out of perpetual care at the hospital to come home to die?
Well, the father appealed to EVERYONE and no one would listen to his
story. SO...he took a gun, went into the emergency room of the
hospital where his son was, found a surgeon and told him to operate on
his son or he would kill him. When the surgeon said there were no
available hearts, the Dad layed down on a bed, took his gun and said
to the surgeon, use my heart for my son and he put the gun to his head
and pulled the trigger. What I am trying to tell you is that you need
to put the gun to your head, metaphorically of course, and find THAT
power....again.....The rest as regards your daughter SHOULD be
obvious, get her to a child psychologist TODAY...her father is a
MONSTER...you must save your daughter no matter how long it takes, no
matter how many times you have to go to court, no matter
what....EXPOSE HIM FOR WHAT HE IS....TELL EVERYONE...

On Feb 5, 11:53 am, " wrote:
On Feb 5, 12:03 am, "kal" wrote:

I have an 11 year old daughter. It has been 8 mos. since she has had
contact with her father and as time goes by she is starting to tell me
of the abuse she has suffered at his hands. At this time he is not
fighting me in court but he continues to call my home and leave
messages for my daughter, which I believe are his way of threatening
her to keep her from talking. Does anyone have any suggestions or
know how I can prevent him from continuing to harrass her and scare
the crap out of her. This child is afraid to go to bed at night for
fear he will come in her window and afraid to go to school for fear he
will show up. I am just devastated and have for many years tried to
prove this to the courts with no results in our favor.

Come on...you know I am so sick of reading these kinds of stories.
You are her MOTHER..that means you need to protect her. Listen very
carefully now and read this post at least 3 times so you get the
information straight...CALL THE POLICE NOW AND HAVE YOUR DAUGHTERS
FATHER ARRESTED AS A PEDOPHILE; press charges and GET A RESTRAINING
ORDER. Then get a lawyer, go to court and expose him.....got that?

If you've done this for many years and have not been able to prove it,
then take it to a higher court, get a different lawyer, talk to the
press, go to your congressman, go to as many people as will listen and
NEVER GIVE UP....have you ever heard of the Dad whose son needed a new
heart and because his insurance was cancelled, he would have to take
his son out of perpetual care at the hospital to come home to die?
Well, the father appealed to EVERYONE and no one would listen to his
story. SO...he took a gun, went into the emergency room of the
hospital where his son was, found a surgeon and told him to operate on
his son or he would kill him. When the surgeon said there were no
available hearts, the Dad layed down on a bed, took his gun and said
to the surgeon, use my heart for my son and he put the gun to his head
and pulled the trigger. What I am trying to tell you is that you need
to put the gun to your head, metaphorically of course, and find THAT
power....again.....The rest as regards your daughter SHOULD be
obvious, get her to a child psychologist TODAY...her father is a
MONSTER...you must save your daughter no matter how long it takes, no
matter how many times you have to go to court, no matter
what....EXPOSE HIM FOR WHAT HE IS....TELL EVERYONE...

In a perfect world all that would be very easy, with so many false
accusations made these days police officers are very relunctant to
make any charges let alone file a report. Her psychologist says it
may never come out and the friend of the court counselor has a son
with children and is a big advocate for mens rights. believe me i
would lay down my life for either of my children! unfortunately the
laws and the court system in this country or at least in my state play
more to politics than to the needs of children or people for that
matter that are victims. Keep praying for us and maybee we will make
some progress with the system soon.

On 5 Feb 2007 08:22:25 -0800, "kal" wrote:

On Feb 5, 12:20 am, "teachrmama" wrote:
What does her psychologist say?

"kal" wrote in message

ups.com...

I have an 11 year old daughter. It has been 8 mos. since she has had
contact with her father and as time goes by she is starting to tell me
of the abuse she has suffered at his hands. At this time he is not
fighting me in court but he continues to call my home and leave
messages for my daughter, which I believe are his way of threatening
her to keep her from talking. Does anyone have any suggestions or
know how I can prevent him from continuing to harrass her and scare
the crap out of her. This child is afraid to go to bed at night for
fear he will come in her window and afraid to go to school for fear he
will show up. I am just devastated and have for many years tried to
prove this to the courts with no results in our favor.

Her psycologist says that it is very important that she not have any
contact with her father and that the only reason she has not contacted
protective services is because she has not seen him in 8 mos. she
says there is more to what has happened than what she is saying.

Remind the psychologist that there is a court order for your daughter
to go with this parent alone and that, despite no contact for the last
8 months, if he wished to see her this coming weekend that the court
demands you send her. THEREFORE, as a mandated reporter, if the
psychologist DOESN'T report and something were to happen, the
psychologist could be held criminally and civilly liable. DON'T
phrase it as a threat; rather, let the psychologist know that you are
concerned about your daughter's safety, how the psychologist's expert
opinion states you have reason to be concerned, but until you can
connect the two in a legal fashion, you may BOTH let this child down.
YOU are court ordered to go against your better judgment; however, the
psychologist is NOT.

That said, the next issue is in making your daughter feel safe.

What is the school's policy on releasing a child to a non-custodial
parent? I'd speak with the counselor there and, if the policy would
make your daughter feel safer, I would involve the daughter in a
meeting with the counselor where the counselor can detail how they can
keep children safe at school. Sometimes they need to know that other
adults, besides a parent, are invested in keeping them safe.

Have you considered updating your home security in such a way that
your daughter feels he cannot get in? Explore different options and
involve your daughter in the decision. She doesn't even have to know
it is to keep her father out... just that it is a good idea.

Last, but not least, is there a method in which you can screen
messages from her father without her hearing? I wouldn't advise
cutting him out completely, but anything you feel is threatening can
be tempered with your relay of the message.

Good luck. I raised two children sired by a pedophile and know how
difficult it can be to keep them safe while remaining within the law.

Beverly

kal wrote:
: I have an 11 year old daughter. It has been 8 mos. since she has had
: contact with her father and as time goes by she is starting to tell me
: of the abuse she has suffered at his hands. At this time he is not
: fighting me in court but he continues to call my home and leave
: messages for my daughter, which I believe are his way of threatening
: her to keep her from talking. Does anyone have any suggestions or
: know how I can prevent him from continuing to harrass her and scare
: the crap out of her. This child is afraid to go to bed at night for
: fear he will come in her window and afraid to go to school for fear he
: will show up. I am just devastated and have for many years tried to
: prove this to the courts with no results in our favor.

See an attorney if you can. If you cannot, on your own, file a motion
to change the custody order. Either way, have the psychologist testify
as an expert witness and bring the issue before the court. Have
the custody order modified to prevent the father from being alone
with the child (assuming what you are saying is truthful).

In the meantime, get an ex-parte order that prevents the father from
harming the child. Again, assuming what you're saying is truthful.

The child should not be harmed and it is up to you to do something
about it.

b.