Disagreement about third child

On Tue, 26 Apr 2005 01:13:06 -0400, "bizby40"
wrote:


"Barbara Bomberger" wrote in message
.. .
On Mon, 25 Apr 2005 17:57:35 -0400, "Jeanne"
wrote:


"bizby40" wrote in message
...

"toto" wrote in message
...
On Sun, 24 Apr 2005 01:20:00 -0400, "bizby40"
wrote:

I am sometimes handed last minute assignments --
such as when my husband let me know on the morning of a very busy day
that
he was absolutely out of deodorant, and I really needed to get it for
him
that day.

He couldn't pick that up on the way to or from work?

There are 24 hour pharmacies that carry these things, so I don't see
that you needed to get this for him.

No, but shopping is one of my duties, and he's tired enough on the way
home not to have to go out of his way and go to a crowded store to get
something. I did tell him I had a busy day and didn't know if I could
get
it, and he said he thought he had some in his travel bag. And then I
did
manage to squeeze it in since I had to go to town anyway. So it all
worked out.


I pick up stuff like that during my lunch break (1/2 hour). I walk to the
nearest pharmacy/grocery store and buy things. It's not difficult and
it's
good to get out of the office for a walk.

Jeanne

As as tayat home parent, I probably would have asked said partner if
he could stop on the way and get his own.

That said in the future I would make sure that I had an additional
inventory of this (i am an inventory pantry person so I rarely run
out(. I would also somehow mark the last deoderant,and tell said
husband that it was his job to replace or notfiy me it needed
replacing.

I'll keep track of the toilet paper, paper towels, laundry detergent,
dishwashing detergent, milk, bread, soap, toilet bowl cleaner, etc., etc.,
etc. But I do not keep track of how much shaving cream, deodorant, or
toothpaste he has left. I don't think it's too much to expect him to let me
know when he's getting low on those things -- ideally with a day or two
notice.

Similarly, every once in awhile someone will tell me they are completely out
of underwear or whatever, and need clean ones *now*! Ya know, I keep the
laundry down to a reasonable level. If they don't get their stuff in the
hampers, it doesn't get washed. And if they don't tell me the night before,
then there is just no time to do it.

Bizby

Well, One the stockage issue, I keep backups of everything and
inventory it every six months. Thats my personal solution to the first
problem. In other words, when out i never buy one, and I have an
inventory sheet I go to everyso often.

As far ast he clean clohtes, my kids re now older, and everyone does
his or her own, including father, period. But yes, I agree, that
should be a lesson learned. if its not in the hamper it wont get
washed. And neither a child nor an adult will die wearing a pair of
underwear a second day. Probably never do it again, either,

Barbara Bomberger wrote:


Well, One the stockage issue, I keep backups of everything and
inventory it every six months. Thats my personal solution to the
first
problem. In other words, when out i never buy one, and I have an
inventory sheet I go to everyso often.

We have a backup of each item. When you open the backup, you put it on
the shopping list and it gets bought at the next weekly shopping trip.
Thus, you never run out and don't have to notice the absense of
something to know to buy more.

Jan

"Circe" wrote in message
newsDbbe.18260$%c1.11875@fed1read05...

Notwithstanding, it's apparent to me that in many families, the
SAH/caretaking role is not perceived as something from which the person
doing it needs a "break" or vacation. Apparently, yours is one of them
since
you feel you cannot count on your husband to take over at least *some*
aspects of that role during family vacations.

Nope. You're making a false assumption. I'm married to someone who
does know that being home with the kids is work, and is something that
sometimes requires a break. He also takes on responsibilities for the
home/kids stuff on weekends, so I assume he'll take on the same
responsibilities on vacation. I understand why you jumped to the
conclusion you did, but simply because the primary responsibility will
undoubtedly remain mine, that doesn't support the conclusion you drew.

Donna

"Banty" wrote in message
...


Are you needs being fulfilled in this situation?

Dr. Phil Banty

snort

I haven't clarified that while the *responsibilities* for arranging things
remain mine, DH does indeed help out. But while he'll cheerfully put a
load of clothing in the washer when asked (or when he stumbles over the pile
of whites I left suggestively in the middle of the kitchen floor), it
probably won't occur to him to independently think "hey, I wonder if
everyone has enough underwear?" It's more a matter of "spheres of
influence". Arranging to keep our family functioning domestically, is my
sphere. One of them, anyway. So the image I seem to left you all with, of
DH sitting on the couch scratching, while I change a diaper, scrub the
kitchen floor and teach phonics, isn't accurate.

And yes, right now I think my needs are being fullfilled. They weren't,
for a while, but we arranged for additional child care so that I could work
outside the house more, and things are falling into place for me, thank you
for asking.

Donna

"Circe" wrote in message
news:Hecbe.18268$%c1.5459@fed1read05...

Well, I must admit, I'm a little bit baffled that you feel your husband
can
handle the kids by himself for a few days but don't feel he would be able
to
take on much of the caretaking role while you're on vacation together
without you resorting to nagging. Is it that you figure he'll screw that
stuff up while you're gone (not getting milk before it runs out, not
getting
the kids down for their naps, etc.) but you won't have to suffer the ill
effects because you won't be there, so it's okay that he'll screw up?


Without using the term "screw up", you're close. If he chooses to let the
kids stay up to all hours while I am gone, let the dishes pile up in the
sink, feed them nothing but swedish fish and toast... big deal. I'll be in
Colorado for the fall out. He can do what he wants, as far as I'm
concerned. I don't even intend to ask.

Or is
it that you figure when you're not there, he'll be more likely to pay
attention to that stuff in the first place and not screw it up?

"Screw it up" isn't a nice term. He does things differently than I do, and
because he's not the primary caretaker of the children, it is difficult for
him to anticipate the fall out from some of his choices. I don't want to
constantly be on him about "nap time is 12:30 honey". But if he decides
that the kids can skip a nap today, then we'll both be around to deal with
the whining at 5:00 pm. It isn't a matter of "screwing up". It's
learning. And the only reason I know some of the things he doesn't, is
because I learned earlier.

Donna

wrote in message
oups.com...

I got the sense that there's also a 'learning curve' to consider. An
SAH Mom knows all this stuff, and is in the habit of anticipating her
kids' needs. A SAH Dad would probably be the same way. A parent who did
a lot of helping would also 'get' it sooner. But if the way a family
divides tasks - for whatever reason - is 'separate spheres,' well then
even with the greatest willingness to help, the other parent is only
able to play assistant, not substitute.

Thank you, Rupa. That's it exactly.

Donna

In article N0zbe.3322$u56.1076@trndny09, Donna says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...


Are you needs being fulfilled in this situation?

Dr. Phil Banty

snort

I haven't clarified that while the *responsibilities* for arranging things
remain mine, DH does indeed help out. But while he'll cheerfully put a
load of clothing in the washer when asked (or when he stumbles over the pile
of whites I left suggestively in the middle of the kitchen floor), it
probably won't occur to him to independently think "hey, I wonder if
everyone has enough underwear?" It's more a matter of "spheres of
influence". Arranging to keep our family functioning domestically, is my
sphere. One of them, anyway. So the image I seem to left you all with, of
DH sitting on the couch scratching, while I change a diaper, scrub the
kitchen floor and teach phonics, isn't accurate.

And yes, right now I think my needs are being fullfilled. They weren't,
for a while, but we arranged for additional child care so that I could work
outside the house more, and things are falling into place for me, thank you
for asking.


OK, well, whether or not it works for you, truly, is the important thing.

Of course, with some effort, you could be successful like Oprah....

snort ;-)

Dr. Phil Banty

"Banty" wrote in message
...

OK, well, whether or not it works for you, truly, is the important thing.

Of course, with some effort, you could be successful like Oprah....


I'd be satisfied if I could *dress* like Oprah.

Donna

In ,
Ericka Kammerer wrote:

*
* It's in Hot Springs, VA (a couple of hours southwest of
*Charlottesville). You can see the website at:
*
*http://www.thehomestead.com

That sounds great.

I find that when I look at "kid-friendly" places online, I get very
discouraged. Most of the activities are for children 4 yrs old, and
rarely do I find that anything is listed as ok for an infant! Maybe I
don't understand things. For example, at the Homestead, can you go to that
beach with your whole family, or does one parent have to go with the
bigger kids and one do something else with the under-4s? (I'm reading from
http://www.thehomestead.com/outdoor-activities.asp fwiw).

Having been to The Homestead, do you think it would be an ok place to go
for a family with younger kids?

h.
--
Hillary Israeli, VMD
Lafayette Hill/PA/USA/Earth
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it is
too dark to read." --Groucho Marx

Hillary Israeli wrote:

In ,
Ericka Kammerer wrote:

*
* It's in Hot Springs, VA (a couple of hours southwest of
*Charlottesville). You can see the website at:
*
*http://www.thehomestead.com

That sounds great.

I find that when I look at "kid-friendly" places online, I get very
discouraged. Most of the activities are for children 4 yrs old, and
rarely do I find that anything is listed as ok for an infant!

That is true of a lot of places. There are a lot more
hoops for them to jump through providing care for infants and
toddlers (higher staff ratios, diaper facilities, etc.). I
have seen a few places that have more stuff for babies and toddlers,
but not many.

Maybe I
don't understand things. For example, at the Homestead, can you go to that
beach with your whole family, or does one parent have to go with the
bigger kids and one do something else with the under-4s? (I'm reading from
http://www.thehomestead.com/outdoor-activities.asp fwiw).

I think with the beach thing the under-4s can't go :-(
Also, the kids club is for 3 and up (potty trained). You can
get babysitters for the small fry if you want, but there isn't
as much in the way of structured activities for them. We solve
the problem of littles by going with family and playing pass
the baby ;-)

Having been to The Homestead, do you think it would be an ok place to go
for a family with younger kids?

I think it depends on what you're looking for. It's not
going to have the amenities for the really little ones like a
heavily family-oriented resort would (like toddler camps and such).
On the other hand, we've never felt *at all* like it was inappropriate
for us to be there with a baby/toddler/preschooler. Everyone was
great with kids and we had lots of fun in a lazy sort of way.
Basically, our day would break up into four sections: breakfast-lunch,
lunch-tea (aka naptime), tea-dinner, post dinner (kids in bed). For
naptime and bedtime, one or two adults would relax and
keep an eye on the kids and everyone else would go out and do
something. That left two periods to wrangle awake kids, and we'd
take turns (among me, DH, my parents, my sister, friends, whomever).
Toddlers would often just like to wander around and see the sights, and
tea was a big hit (it's the simple pleasures when you're two... ;-)
Anyway, if you wanted to hit the ground running and do lots
of activities, you'd probably feel a bit hindered by having kids too
young to do most of the activities or put in a kids program. If you
have enough adults to pass around the little kids, or if you're looking
for a less event-full vacation, then I think it would be just fine.
Either way, you would find that they are very welcoming to kids of
all ages. We never felt awkward having small kids around, and lots of
other guests had small kids in tow.

Best wishes,
Ericka