Couldn't handle it/ yay for mums' instincts.

Well, tonight was the second night in a row that Jessie wouldn't settle.
Every time she fell asleep, she'd wake up the minute we put her in the
cot... We wanted to knock it on the head asap, as last night I ended up
walking her in the buggy at half 11 out of sheer desperation.

Tonight we thought we'd try controlled crying. I've never agreed with it,
and now I wish I'd stuck to my instincts. DH, however, thought it would help
her to learn to feel more safe and secure in her bed. The whole nonsense
seemed to go on forever, and in the end, she was just in such a state. She
even pooed, which she's never ever done at night. I kept going in to
reassure her, like the books say, but she was just getting worse and worse.

In the end, I couldn't do it to her anymore. I did what I should have done.
I picked her up and loved her, and gave her her milk and cuddled her to
sleep. I feel so guilty. She didn't understand what was going on, and I'm
never doing that to her again, I'm crying just thinking about it.

I'm binning the bloody childcare books! I've always hated them, and never
use them. I don't know how we'll settle her tomorrow night, but the answer
won't come from a book!

Sorry for the rant, it's just been a 3 hour bedtime!

Lu x

Hugs Lu. Luckily, they don't remember these things. I can't remember how
old Jessie is, but clearly CIO was not the right method for you guys, at
least not at this time. Who knows what is going on with her.

We did some form of CIO with both girls, but not until they were past 12
months. I think with Addie we did it at 14 months, when she was STILL
waking 2-3 times a night and eating an 8-9 ounce bottle each time, while not
eating much of anything during the day. It wasn't fun, but it only took
that one night, so in the end, it was worth it to me. But I tell you, the
fact that she wasn't still mad at me in the morning was a huge relief!
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys -- 01/03/03
Addison Grace -- 09/30/04

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"lu-lu" wrote in message
...
Well, tonight was the second night in a row that Jessie wouldn't settle.
Every time she fell asleep, she'd wake up the minute we put her in the
cot... We wanted to knock it on the head asap, as last night I ended up
walking her in the buggy at half 11 out of sheer desperation.

Tonight we thought we'd try controlled crying. I've never agreed with it,
and now I wish I'd stuck to my instincts. DH, however, thought it would
help
her to learn to feel more safe and secure in her bed. The whole nonsense
seemed to go on forever, and in the end, she was just in such a state. She
even pooed, which she's never ever done at night. I kept going in to
reassure her, like the books say, but she was just getting worse and
worse.

In the end, I couldn't do it to her anymore. I did what I should have
done.
I picked her up and loved her, and gave her her milk and cuddled her to
sleep. I feel so guilty. She didn't understand what was going on, and I'm
never doing that to her again, I'm crying just thinking about it.

I'm binning the bloody childcare books! I've always hated them, and never
use them. I don't know how we'll settle her tomorrow night, but the answer
won't come from a book!

Sorry for the rant, it's just been a 3 hour bedtime!

Lu x

You know controlled crying is really a technique to try if you have
persistent night waking that you feel is a habit, rather than waking for
a reason. If it's only 2 nights, it's much more likely that she's
feeling unwell, teething, etc. when stuff like this happens, you're very
unlikely to turn it into a habit. Plus, moving from her falling asleep
in your arms to controlled crying in a cot is a big move, even if you
were trying to change a bad habit, controlled crying seems to be more
for teaching a child who can go off to sleep by themselves at bedtime to
repeat that when they wake in the night - we did use it with one of our
children for exactly this thing, but we must have had 100+ other times
of night waking when it wasn't the right thing. Mostly the right thing
has been to meet their needs, DS (4.5) woke up at 4am a few nights ago,
he was hungry, he had a banana and a glass of milk and went back to bed,
iirc that's the first time he's eaten in the night since we used
controlled crying to night wean him, did we do wrong? I'm sure he just
randomly woke up and like many people when they wake up, felt hungry,
he's not woken in the night since.

Personally I feel the last thing controlled crying teaches is being safe
and secure in the cot, it's got it's place, but it's not the answer to
every sleep problem. Just to check we're actually talking about the same
thing, you do mean going in after a fixed time, comforting, preferably
without taking them out the cot, then adding to the fixed time. The book
we came across it had the start time as 5 mins, adding 2 mins each time,
or 2mins and adding 1min if you couldn't tolerate it, of 10mins adding
2mins if you could take more crying, providing they weren't getting
hysterical. DH insisted we do the 10mins! We had to set a timer to do it
and DS never got hysterical and we never had to go in after the 14
minutes beep and it took 3 nights to go from 3 night wakings to none and
each night is was only 1, just a different one, he woke at the first
usual time the first night then stayed asleep, the 2nd usual time the
2nd night...

So don't throw the parenting books out, just use your brain, your
instincts and knowledge of your child. I find it useful to have one on
the shelf as an easy reference if I want to check something like the
average time of developing a particular skill, so that I know if a delay
is within tolerable range.

Cheers
Anne

On Wed, 16 Jan 2008 00:06:02 -0000, "lu-lu" wrote:
I'm binning the bloody childcare books! I've always hated them, and never
use them. I don't know how we'll settle her tomorrow night, but the answer
won't come from a book!

Ack! Don't feel guilty about this! Most moms I know have tried that,
myself included. And most who tried ended up giving up too, myself
included. Babies can be quite stressful and sometimes the strangest
things sound possible lol
I don't know how old she is. Could you maybe have her sleep with you?
Or even fix her up a safe spot on the floor, and lay down and nurse
her to sleep, then you can get up. That's what I ended up having to do
with my youngest. She would NOT sleep with me, she wouldn't sleep in
her crib. Somehow she slept best if I lay in the floor with her and
let her nurse herself to sleep, then I got up. And I will admit that
the safest place was my walk-in closet(because I was scared an older
child or husband would step on her) That's how my baby ended up
sleeping in the closet. We kept that a secret from the rest of the
family until she started sleeping in the crib LOL It's not easy laying
on the closet floor and getting up, either.
Marie

Sorry for the rant, it's just been a 3 hour bedtime!

Lu x

On Wed, 16 Jan 2008 00:06:02 -0000, "lu-lu" wrote:
I'm binning the bloody childcare books! I've always hated them, and never
use them. I don't know how we'll settle her tomorrow night, but the answer
won't come from a book!

I would recommend "The No-Cry Sleep Solution", I believe it's by
Elizabeth Pantley. All my baby books are put away now but you could
google it. She tries to help you understand HOW babies sleep, without
making you feel that you should MAKE them go to sleep. It's very
informative, even if you don't use her suggestions. It included charts
for you to record the baby's sleeping patterns.
Dr. Sears' "The Baby Book" is also one I'd recommend. His methods seem
to be more "normal" than the rest I've seen. I owe that man my sanity
and I'd love to meet him one day!
Marie

Hi all

Thanks so much for your replies and understanding. For those that asked,
Jessica's 18 months. Since about 6 weeks, she's slept (most nights) from 9pm
until 7am.without waking. There's only been the odd time when she's woken,
and that's because she's thirsty/cold whatever. We've kept her to a really
strict routine at night, and we've always been so pleased that she's had
such a good night's sleep - it's made us all feel better - especially in the
very early days... When I first brought her home, she'd sleep at least 4
hours straight, meaning we all had a good sleep.

I think that's why the last two nights were so hard, and we were afraid of
giving in, taking her to our bed, walking her in the buggy etc etc. She's
always been so good, but I didn't want to give in to the crying when she was
placed in her cot, especially two nights in a row.

During the day, she goes for her afternoon nap as good as gold.Sometimes she
sleeps in with me, sometimes she's in the buggy, sometimes she goes in her
cot... At night, exluding the odd time when we've been away or she's been
poorly, she's always slept in her cot.

Like I say, I don't know how she'll settle tonight, but like Jamie said, the
fact that Jessie's not mad at me this morning is such a relief. FWIW, after
I put her down again last night, she didn't so much as stir, so in the end
we all got some sleep.

Thanks again, and hugs to all

Lucy xx

"lu-lu" wrote in message
...
Well, tonight was the second night in a row that Jessie wouldn't settle.
Every time she fell asleep, she'd wake up the minute we put her in the
cot... We wanted to knock it on the head asap, as last night I ended up
walking her in the buggy at half 11 out of sheer desperation.

Tonight we thought we'd try controlled crying. I've never agreed with it,
and now I wish I'd stuck to my instincts. DH, however, thought it would
help
her to learn to feel more safe and secure in her bed. The whole nonsense
seemed to go on forever, and in the end, she was just in such a state. She
even pooed, which she's never ever done at night. I kept going in to
reassure her, like the books say, but she was just getting worse and
worse.

In the end, I couldn't do it to her anymore. I did what I should have
done.
I picked her up and loved her, and gave her her milk and cuddled her to
sleep. I feel so guilty. She didn't understand what was going on, and I'm
never doing that to her again, I'm crying just thinking about it.

I'm binning the bloody childcare books! I've always hated them, and never
use them. I don't know how we'll settle her tomorrow night, but the answer
won't come from a book!

Sorry for the rant, it's just been a 3 hour bedtime!
Don't throw them out-someone else might pick them up. Burn them... ;-P
((hugs))
Debbie

"Welches" wrote in message
...
Don't throw them out-someone else might pick them up. Burn them... ;-P
((hugs))
Debbie

LOL! Sound advice there, thanks! I think I might just do that

Lu x

lu-lu wrote:

In the end, I couldn't do it to her anymore. I did what I should have done.
I picked her up and loved her, and gave her her milk and cuddled her to
sleep. I feel so guilty. She didn't understand what was going on, and I'm
never doing that to her again, I'm crying just thinking about it.

Exactly how I feel. Did it once, never again.

-- Anita --

Lucy,
Thanks for the reminder on how old she is! It's hard to keep track of
everyone and their bellies and babies.

I wouldn't stress too much about starting bad habits in just a few days.
The important part is that you stick to the routine. She may be teething
her 2 year molars, which really hurts. Have you tried giving her ibuprofin
when she wakes up at night? You may want to try that tonight, the first
time she wakes up. It might be the last for the evening.

I'm glad she naps well -- but I'd start working on a regular napping routine
as well, if at all possible. Meaning, when you are at home, you go through
the same nightime routine at nap times, as you do at night, and, you always
put her in her crib. That way she really associates and understands that
crib is for sleeping. Of course if you are out and about during the day,
and she falls asleep in her stroller, or car seat, whatever, that's fine,
but if you are home, I'd make sure to put her in the same place each time
for sleeping. That also helps her learn to fall asleep and stay asleep, and
if she wakes in the middle of the night, go back to sleep on her own.

Just my 2 cents. : )
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys -- 01/03/03
Addison Grace -- 09/30/04

Check out the family -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clark_Guest1, Password:
guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

"lu-lu" wrote in message
...

Hi all

Thanks so much for your replies and understanding. For those that asked,
Jessica's 18 months. Since about 6 weeks, she's slept (most nights) from
9pm
until 7am.without waking. There's only been the odd time when she's woken,
and that's because she's thirsty/cold whatever. We've kept her to a really
strict routine at night, and we've always been so pleased that she's had
such a good night's sleep - it's made us all feel better - especially in
the
very early days... When I first brought her home, she'd sleep at least 4
hours straight, meaning we all had a good sleep.

I think that's why the last two nights were so hard, and we were afraid of
giving in, taking her to our bed, walking her in the buggy etc etc. She's
always been so good, but I didn't want to give in to the crying when she
was
placed in her cot, especially two nights in a row.

During the day, she goes for her afternoon nap as good as gold.Sometimes
she
sleeps in with me, sometimes she's in the buggy, sometimes she goes in her
cot... At night, exluding the odd time when we've been away or she's been
poorly, she's always slept in her cot.

Like I say, I don't know how she'll settle tonight, but like Jamie said,
the
fact that Jessie's not mad at me this morning is such a relief. FWIW,
after
I put her down again last night, she didn't so much as stir, so in the end
we all got some sleep.

Thanks again, and hugs to all

Lucy xx