No fluid/20 week induction update

On Thu, 26 Feb 2004 16:43:56 -0600, "Nikki" wrote:

I hope your body heals quickly...and also that you have a good
hospital. The friend I mentioned before gained a lot of comfort
from the way that the hospital handled things for her in a similar
situation. There were many things they did that she didn't look
at for over a year but she cherishes them now (pictures and things
like that).

We have the blanket, clothes, pictures, and teddy bear the hospital gave
us when Nathan died. Everyone was lovely. We stayed in L&D, which was
a bit worrying, but turned out fine. They'd recently completed
significant renovations, so we couldn't hear crying babies, and they
placed a sign on the door for anyone entering to warn them of our loss.
We had gentleness and kindness from everyone, and it was very
comforting.

"Coccinella" wrote in message
news
(((((Emily))))),
I really think you are a very strong and generous woman. What you are
going
through is so tough and you can manage to think of others. I really admire
you.
I am sending you pampering vibes.

--
Love

Nicky

Fur Babies

I second Nikki's sentiments, take care (((hugs)))


naffi

On Thu, 26 Feb 2004 20:53:38 GMT, Emily wrote:

Thanks again to everyone here for being so supportive.
I expect I'll keep posting as I go through this experience
and then fade away again until I'm pg again.

(((hugs))) Emily. I really do wish you had a better outcome.

It sounds like you have a wonderful support network. I think the idea
of donating your milk while you are able to is a wonderful one.

Di

V. wrote:
I'm so sorry to hear of your impending loss. It's so thoughtful of you to
think of donating your milk. I hope that you are able to do so and help
others even during your difficult experience.
I'm glad that you are opting for the induction. Research has shown that
women who terminate pregnancies for medical reasons cope better (as a group,
not necessarily every individual) if they induce rather than D&E. Seeing
the baby and being able to have that closure is very important.
My thoughts are with you,
Amy



Thanks, Amy. It seems to me that it will be very important
to get to see and hold this baby, and so the induction sounds
like the way to go. Plus, it's the less risky option for future
fertility. Also, I want to avoid any pain medication that would
make me not fully present. This isn't going to be an easy
experience, but I need to experience it.

--
Emily
mom to Toby 5/1/02
#2 EDD 7/19/04

Mary W. wrote:


Emily wrote:


I asked about donating milk, and the perinatologist said she
would look into it for me. There's a chance that it could
actually be used in the NICU at the hospital where I will
deliver. Otherwise, there aren't any milk banks in my city,
but I will look into sending it to one.


Emily, I'm really sorry about your baby. As for milk
donation- I donated milk here (extra from pumping
for DD while I worked):

http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/5816/tmmb.html

You do need blood drawn and sent to them (they test it).
They sent me a fedex cooler, and I packed my milk and fedex
picked it up. It was very easy.

Take care of yourself,

Mary


Thanks, Mary. I'll save this link and look into if I can't
donate to the NICU in the same hospital.

--
Emily
mom to Toby 5/1/02
#2 EDD 7/19/04

Circe wrote:

Emily wrote:

Thanks again to everyone here for being so supportive.
I expect I'll keep posting as I go through this experience
and then fade away again until I'm pg again.


My heart just aches for you, Emily. You are coming across as very strong and
in control of things for the moment, but I hope you will give yourself
plenty of time and space for the grief. I cannot imagine how difficult this
must be for you. You and your family will be in my thoughts and I'll be
holding you in the light (to borrow a Quaker phrase). Take care.
{{{{{Emily}}}}

Thank you Barbara. So far, the grief is coming in spurts, and
in between things are fairly together. When I lost my brother in
2000, it was similar, although more intense at first. I think
it's easier for me to handle a bit at a time...

I like that Quaker phrase, too.

--
Emily
mom to Toby 5/1/02
#2 EDD 7/19/04

Jamie Clark wrote:

Anita's comment about Emily's baby's spirit made me think of this piece that
was recently posted to one of my pg loss support groups. I hope no one is
offended. I love this piece, and feel that not only is Taylor my spirit
baby, but that I am my mom's spirit baby.



Spirit Baby

Colin, my twelve-year-old son, discovered me late one rainy afternoon
sitting at the kitchen table, a damp Kleenex crumpled in my left hand,
wiping my eyes as I tried to compose myself for his sake. It
was the third week of January, two months after I'd miscarried a pregnancy,
but I still found it impossible to get through a day without at least one
meltdown into misery.

Stunned when the test came back positive, Rog and I had stared at each other
with doubt and ambivalence. At forty-one, my professional life consumed me.
I'd just achieved what some had predicted was an impossibility: I'd been
granted delivery privileges at Alta Bates, and as a consequence, my
midwifery practice burgeoned. Some months I delivered twelve babies, and no
one ever knew if or when I'd be home. Rog, too, felt stretched to his
limits, keeping his business afloat while picking up the slack for my
frequent unscheduled absences. Colin and Jill approached their challenging
adolescent years. How could we fit an infant into our lives? But when I lost
the pregnancy and all hope for resolution dissolved with my tears, I fell
in love with the baby that was not to be.

Colin asked, "Are you crying about the baby?" and when I nodded tearfully,
he said, "Well, you just have to have another one, Mom, because it's a
Spirit Baby, and you should be its mother."

I must have looked puzzled because he said, "Don't you know about Spirit
Babies? How could I know about them if you don't? I mean, you're my mom!"
But he could see my perplexity.

So my first child, this not-yet-teenaged boy, pulled a wooden chair to my
side and draped his thin arm across my shoulders, saying, "Well, Mom, here's
how it is. See, I was one myself, so that
must be how I know. Anyway, every woman has a circle of babies that goes
around and around above her head, and those are all the possible babies she
could have in her whole life. Every month, one of those babies is first in
line. If she gets pregnant, then that's the baby that's born. If she doesn't
get pregnant, the baby goes back into the circle and keeps going around with
all the others. If she gets pregnant but something bad happens before the
baby's born.now listen, Mom, because here's the really cool part. It goes
back into the circle, but it becomes a Spirit Baby, and all the other babies
give it cuts. Each month, it's always first in line. Isn't that great?

"So you just have to get pregnant again, and you'll have the same Spirit
Baby. If you don't, though, then the baby circle will just beam that little
Spirit Baby over to some other woman's circle, and
it'll be first in line for her. It keeps being first in line somewhere until
it finally gets born.

"But it'd be a shame for you not to have it yourself, because I know how
much you want it. So you just have to try again. Mom, remember that baby you
lost before I was born?" I nodded wordlessly. "Well, that was me. Really.
I've always known I was a Spirit Baby. I mean, I know what I'm talking about
here, Mom."

In spite of Colin's certainty that our household, so often bordering on
chaos, lacked only an infant to make things perfect, Rog and I demurred. But
Colin didn't give up and even enlisted his sister's
support. Driving with them in the car one evening, I looked at my son in the
passenger seat beside me. He stared out the side window and tried to hide
his tears, but I saw the flush on his face, the shaking of his shoulders,
and the surreptitious swipe of hand across cheek.

Six months had passed since my miscarriage, and I had just finished yet
another discussion in which I'd told my pleading son that having a third
baby at my age was out of the question. I reached over the space between us
and squeezed his fingers. "Colin, I don't understand this passion you have
for a baby. Why do you want one so much?"

He tore his gaze from the distant hills and looked at me with swimming eyes
and trembling lips. In a choking voice, he put all of his twelve-year-old
passion into his reply.

"Oh, Mom! Oh. Just for the joy of it!"

Jill stretched forward from the back seat and placed a hand on each of our
shoulders. "Yeah, Mom, just for the joy of it."

It was my turn to look out the side window and struggle with misty vision.
So, at a time when most women eye the empty nest at the end of their branch
on the family tree with something approaching relief, I gave consideration
to laying just one more egg. Several months of discussions peppered with
doubt and disbelief followed. Although Rog and I made the final decision,
there's no denying that a big part of our decision to have a third child
began with the insistence of our adolescent children that we "needed a baby
in the house." Rog and I took a deep breath, looked at each other across the
blond heads of those two wishful children, swallowed - and made a giant leap
of
faith.

I conceived my Spirit Baby a week later. Just for the joy of it.


Jamie, that's absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much
for sharing it with me.

--
Emily
mom to Toby 5/1/02
#2 EDD 7/19/04

Nikki wrote:

Emily wrote:


Thanks again to everyone here for being so supportive.
I expect I'll keep posting as I go through this experience
and then fade away again until I'm pg again.


I'll be wishing you and your dh strength during this difficult time. Please
post anything anytime, we are here to offer our support. I hope your body
heals quickly...and also that you have a good hospital. The friend I
mentioned before gained a lot of comfort from the way that the hospital
handled things for her in a similar situation. There were many things they
did that she didn't look at for over a year but she cherishes them now
(pictures and things like that).

--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2)



Thanks, Nikki. It does seem like a very good hospital. I also
really like the perinatologist that we talked to today. She really
took the time to answer all of our questions.

Odd thing: A week ago I was terrified that I was going into
early labor. Now, I hope that it will happen, so I don't have to
wait until Wednesday.

--
Emily
mom to Toby 5/1/02
#2 EDD 7/19/04

New York Jen wrote:

"Emily" wrote in message
news:m1t%b.402942$I06.4380323@attbi_s01...

Hi,

We saw the perinatologist this morning. She was very kind,
and took lots of time with us and answered all of our questions.
We took another look at the baby on the u/s and saw absolutely
no fluid this time. It seems that (on top of everything else,
and probably not unrelatedly) I'm leaking fluid as well.

We confirmed that the chances of carrying this baby to term
and having it be viable and healthy are very, very slim. We
are also optimistic that the cause of the problem is unlikely
to be a recurring one, so that we can hope for an unproblematic
pregnancy in the future.

Going through all of the options, it seems that the course
with the least risk to my health and future fertility is
an induction. On Monday and Tuesday I have appointments for
something to soften my cervix (don't know exactly what yet),
and then the induction will be on Wednesday.

The baby is still wiggling and squirming, even though there's
no room without any fluid. It's pushing on the uterine wall
(which is actually kinda painful). The perinatologist says
that it must be a strong baby to do that -- I guess good muscle
tone tends to run in our family. DS has always been very strong,
practically could handle his own head (strong neck) from birth,
walked at 9.5 months, etc.

I asked about donating milk, and the perinatologist said she
would look into it for me. There's a chance that it could
actually be used in the NICU at the hospital where I will
deliver. Otherwise, there aren't any milk banks in my city,
but I will look into sending it to one.

So, I wish this could be over sooner, so I could get on
with things more quickly. It's very strange to be grieving already
for someone who is still alive. My department has been very
supportive and accommodating, and my class is taken care of
for the rest of the quarter. I should be able to teach next
quarter (starting 3/29) and think that I'll enjoy being able
to throw myself into my work.

DS is, of course, a huge comfort. I can imagine that this would
be 100x harder if it were my first pregnancy, and only harder
still after previous pregnancy loss. I am very much looking
forward to trying again (once my body has had a chance to recover
so that I start off on the best possible footing), and to
seeing lots of fluid on a ultrasound some day soon, and even
more so to cuddling a newborn!

Thanks again to everyone here for being so supportive.
I expect I'll keep posting as I go through this experience
and then fade away again until I'm pg again.

--
Emily
mom to Toby 5/1/02
#2 EDD 7/19/04/induction scheduled for 3/2/04



Emily,

I wish I had something enlightening to say, but all I can do if let you know
I'm thinking of you and praying that you and your family get through this
ordeal ok.

You may want to try contacting Marla (Sofia's mom) about milk donation. She
donated a ton of milk and it was used in some studies because she had marked
them with the time as well as date that she pumped. If you want to email me
for her address, my email is jehochis at hotmail dot com.

Hugs to you,

Jen



Thanks, Jen. I remember Mara's story well. I don't think I'll
be pumping as much as she did (her baby lived for a while, right)?
But it is very inspiring.

--
Emily
mom to Toby 5/1/02
#2 EDD 7/19/04

Kereru wrote:

"Emily" wrote in message
news:m1t%b.402942$I06.4380323@attbi_s01...

Hi,

We saw the perinatologist this morning. She was very kind,
and took lots of time with us and answered all of our questions.
We took another look at the baby on the u/s and saw absolutely
no fluid this time. It seems that (on top of everything else,
and probably not unrelatedly) I'm leaking fluid as well.

We confirmed that the chances of carrying this baby to term
and having it be viable and healthy are very, very slim. We
are also optimistic that the cause of the problem is unlikely
to be a recurring one, so that we can hope for an unproblematic
pregnancy in the future.

Going through all of the options, it seems that the course
with the least risk to my health and future fertility is
an induction. On Monday and Tuesday I have appointments for
something to soften my cervix (don't know exactly what yet),
and then the induction will be on Wednesday.

The baby is still wiggling and squirming, even though there's
no room without any fluid. It's pushing on the uterine wall
(which is actually kinda painful). The perinatologist says
that it must be a strong baby to do that -- I guess good muscle
tone tends to run in our family. DS has always been very strong,
practically could handle his own head (strong neck) from birth,
walked at 9.5 months, etc.

I asked about donating milk, and the perinatologist said she
would look into it for me. There's a chance that it could
actually be used in the NICU at the hospital where I will
deliver. Otherwise, there aren't any milk banks in my city,
but I will look into sending it to one.

So, I wish this could be over sooner, so I could get on
with things more quickly. It's very strange to be grieving already
for someone who is still alive. My department has been very
supportive and accommodating, and my class is taken care of
for the rest of the quarter. I should be able to teach next
quarter (starting 3/29) and think that I'll enjoy being able
to throw myself into my work.

DS is, of course, a huge comfort. I can imagine that this would
be 100x harder if it were my first pregnancy, and only harder
still after previous pregnancy loss. I am very much looking
forward to trying again (once my body has had a chance to recover
so that I start off on the best possible footing), and to
seeing lots of fluid on a ultrasound some day soon, and even
more so to cuddling a newborn!

Thanks again to everyone here for being so supportive.
I expect I'll keep posting as I go through this experience
and then fade away again until I'm pg again.

--
Emily
mom to Toby 5/1/02
#2 EDD 7/19/04/induction scheduled for 3/2/04


Emily, I don't know you at all but as a fellow Mother I can say with
certainty, you don't deserve this, no one does :-(

I hope the induction is as uneventful as possible and that you have used up
your lifetimes worth of bad luck with this one awful event.

Judy



Thanks, Judy. I got a fortune cookie fortune tonight that
said "You luck changed dramatically today". I think I'll
take that to mean that it's been really bad, and now it
will be good.

--
Emily
mom to Toby 5/1/02
#2 EDD 7/19/04