No fluid/20 week induction update

Thank you all again for your kind replies and support.
One of the cruelties of this situation is going through
all this while on pregnancy hormones (and through the
crash transition at the end of pregnancy). As I write
that, I realize that you all are hormonally in a similar
spot, and I thank you for opening your hearts to me and
my family.

--
Emily
mom to Toby 5/1/02
#2 EDD 7/19/04

Kathy,
Just wanted to say "Hi" since we both have lost babies named Nathan. Our
son was developing with the majority of his internal organs on the outside
of his body, and like Emily's daughter, the lungs and other organs weren't
able to develop well, since they weren't inside where they belonged. We
ended up having almost a month between the original diagnosis and starting
L&D, and although it was hard to be visibly pregnant and feel kicks, and get
comments from strangers, I think the time was necessary for us to get as
much information as possible so that we were really sure of our choices, and
our decision.

Since by the time we started to induce I was almost 24 weeks along, there
was the chance that Nathan could be born alive, which is something I didn't
think I could handle. We made the decision to have a shot given to him to
stop his heart, so that he would be born still. So, our last visions of
Nathan alive were via u/s, as we watched the doctor give him the shot that
stopped his heart. It was the absolute hardest thing that I've ever had to
do. And, it's something that I don't talk about much, compared to how much
I do talk about Nathan in general, and the other specifics of our loss.
It's the hardest part.

Emily -- just thinking of you, and sending you strength, peace, and love.
I wouldn't wish what you are about to go through on anyone. I remember
after Nathan was delivered, both Rob and I held him for about 30 minutes,
and talked to him, and cried, and told him how sorry we were that we
couldn't make it work for him. I felt like I'd let him down. At one point,
when we were finished, a nurse came and took him and put him on a warming
isolet (light off). He just lay there. I slept, and lost track of time.
After a while, the day shift nurse came back on duty, who was amazing. She
came into the room to check on me, early for her shift, before she'd even
changed into her work clothes. When she saw Nathan laying on that isolet,
she swooped him up and swaddled him up, "just like a real baby." I say it
in quotes, because although he was always real to me, suddenly he felt even
more real, and it was like she acknowledged him and made him valid, and
real, and important. I'll always treasure that moment, and I've got that
blanket and a hat that he wore that day. It broke my heart to see him
swaddled up like that, but it was right. He deserved it.

Just a thought, Emily, on the practical side of things -- my reminisce above
reminded me. I labored through 3 nurse shifts -- my day shift nurse was
awesome, kind, patient, caring, she was really great, and we had a real
bond. My second shift nurse was okay, but the bond wasn't the same. My
third shift nurse (nights) was not good at all. I was exhausted by then,
and I just didn't feel compassion from her.

I strongly recommend getting a doula, if it's at all possible. I think with
a still born or neonatal death delivery, having that compassionate person by
your side, someone you can totally trust to "take care of business" is
essential. You and dh, and any other family that you have by your side,
need to concentrate on you, on your child, and on grieving. But a doula can
help make you less dependant on the kindness of random strangers going on
and off of their shifts.

Just a thought.
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clark_guest,
Password: Guest1
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Handmade Baby Blankets -- www.geocities.com/digit_the_cat/Blankets.html

"Emily" wrote in message
news:B3z%b.404904$I06.4397825@attbi_s01...
V. wrote:
I'm so sorry to hear of your impending loss. It's so thoughtful of you
to
think of donating your milk. I hope that you are able to do so and help
others even during your difficult experience.
I'm glad that you are opting for the induction. Research has shown that
women who terminate pregnancies for medical reasons cope better (as a
group,
not necessarily every individual) if they induce rather than D&E.
Seeing
the baby and being able to have that closure is very important.
My thoughts are with you,
Amy



Thanks, Amy. It seems to me that it will be very important
to get to see and hold this baby, and so the induction sounds
like the way to go. Plus, it's the less risky option for future
fertility. Also, I want to avoid any pain medication that would
make me not fully present. This isn't going to be an easy
experience, but I need to experience it.

--
Emily
mom to Toby 5/1/02
#2 EDD 7/19/04


Yes Emily, this is absolutely correct, and will help you in your healing.
Hugs.
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clark_guest,
Password: Guest1
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Handmade Baby Blankets -- www.geocities.com/digit_the_cat/Blankets.html

When I lost my brother in 2000, it was
similar, although more intense at first

Emily, I lost a baby 10 years ago....much sooner than you though....i
was 6 -8 weeks....then a year later I lost my brother too, he was only
32......

all my thoughts still with you....
((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

"Buzzy Bee" wrote

At 19-20 weeks there is no chance, but there is, as I understand it,
good evidence that induction is less riskier to the mother's future
fertility than D&E. Some people however choose D&E as a less painful,
emotionally and physically, option. The risks of both are low enough
for there really to be no major difference. At the moment its a
matter for personal choice. That will not be the case much longer in
the US, as I understand it.

Oh.
Emily is in my thoughts as she goes through this, I know it's a very
personal decision. (((((Emily)))))

Jill

Emily wrote in message news:m1t%b.402942$I06.4380323@attbi_s01...


We confirmed that the chances of carrying this baby to term
and having it be viable and healthy are very, very slim. We
are also optimistic that the cause of the problem is unlikely
to be a recurring one, so that we can hope for an unproblematic
pregnancy in the future.

Emily,

I don't post much, but am very sorry this is happening to you and your
baby. Have they confirmed that the baby's kidneys are missing or
undeveloped or are you going only on the diagnosis of no amniotic
fluid?

B.
mommy to DS March 2002
and #2 Aug./Sep. 2004

Jamie- That's beautiful! It kind of states what
I feel... that my baby son is now 8 months old,
but he has always been with me.

-- Anita --

Jamie Clark wrote:
"Irrational Number" wrote in message
...

[...] Your little baby's spirit is returning to the universe,
where it came from, but it will always be with you. You are
so brave for thinking of others by donating milk. I wish you
a strong, healthy, fluid-filled pregnancy in the future.

-- Anita --

Anita's comment about Emily's baby's spirit made me think of this piece that
was recently posted to one of my pg loss support groups. I hope no one is
offended. I love this piece, and feel that not only is Taylor my spirit
baby, but that I am my mom's spirit baby.

Spirit Baby
[...]
So my first child, this not-yet-teenaged boy, pulled a wooden chair to my
side and draped his thin arm across my shoulders, saying, "Well, Mom, here's
how it is. See, I was one myself, so that
must be how I know. Anyway, every woman has a circle of babies that goes
around and around above her head, and those are all the possible babies she
could have in her whole life. Every month, one of those babies is first in
line. If she gets pregnant, then that's the baby that's born. If she doesn't
get pregnant, the baby goes back into the circle and keeps going around with
all the others. If she gets pregnant but something bad happens before the
baby's born.now listen, Mom, because here's the really cool part. It goes
back into the circle, but it becomes a Spirit Baby, and all the other babies
give it cuts. Each month, it's always first in line. Isn't that great?

"So you just have to get pregnant again, and you'll have the same Spirit
Baby. If you don't, though, then the baby circle will just beam that little
Spirit Baby over to some other woman's circle, and
it'll be first in line for her. It keeps being first in line somewhere until
it finally gets born.

"But it'd be a shame for you not to have it yourself, because I know how
much you want it. So you just have to try again. Mom, remember that baby you
lost before I was born?" I nodded wordlessly. "Well, that was me. Really.
I've always known I was a Spirit Baby. I mean, I know what I'm talking about
here, Mom."
[...]

--
SUCCESS FOUR FLIGHTS THURSDAY MORNING ALL AGAINST
TWENTY ONE MILE WIND STARTED FROM LEVEL WITH ENGINE
POWER ALONE AVERAGE SPEED THROUGH AIR THIRTY ONE
MILES LONGEST 57 SECONDS INFORM PRESS HOME CHRISTMAS.

B. Felix wrote:

Emily,

I don't post much, but am very sorry this is happening to you and your
baby. Have they confirmed that the baby's kidneys are missing or
undeveloped or are you going only on the diagnosis of no amniotic
fluid?


The baby's kidney are there. The problem seems to be with
the placenta. 16-24 weeks is when the baby's lungs are developing,
and without the fluid, they can't develop.

Emily

--
Emily
mom to Toby 5/1/02
#2 EDD 7/19/04

Thanks Anita. Here is another one. I don't mean to be a downer or bring
the group down, but this is a poem that my mom wrote for Nathan, when we
lost him. Still today, 6 years later, it brings tears to my eyes. It's
healing for me to get back into it a little bit.


A Poem for Nathan
By Nana

This structure is unsound.
The tiny boat you piloted has floundered,
leaving you stranded in dark swells.

We can see you drifting just offshore.
Through our spyglass
we can follow your progress
kicking in the deep
swimming for your life.

At this distance you seem no bigger than a fish,
some creature from the depths
not yet of this world
so rare and precious to us.


Had we a net we could pull you to safety
hold you curled in the palm of one hand
anointing you with tears.

You are everything to us.
You are all that we dreamed of
all that we hoped for
those months ago
when you first set sail.

How can we tell you how shimmering you seem
starlight on water
so delicate, so perfect, so pure.
Only the vessel is flawed
making landfall unlikely.

We've consulted mariners
ship builders
sailmakers
men who have toiled on the sea for years.
None of them could guarantee safe passage.


We've cast our lines into the surf.
There is no way to reach you
except with our prayers.

We can see your mast begin to tilt.
We can see how battering storms
have weakened your hull.


You list
taking on water.
Winds tear at your shroud.

Know, Little One, we have done
all that we could.

Keep faith.
We will build you a new boat
fashioned with sturdy planks
seasoned timber
canvas newly rigged
to carry you through rough waters.

For now we can only make you this covenant
tossing you this promise
to which you can cling
while we labor on your behalf.

Wait for us.
Hold fast.
You are not abandoned.
We have not given up hope of
harboring you among us.

This structure is unsound.
This vessel has floundered,
but yours is a soul we cherish.
We will come back for you
all of us
starting anew
building again
bringing you home safely.

--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clark_guest,
Password: Guest1
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Handmade Baby Blankets -- www.geocities.com/digit_the_cat/Blankets.html


"Irrational Number" wrote in message
...
Jamie- That's beautiful! It kind of states what
I feel... that my baby son is now 8 months old,
but he has always been with me.

-- Anita --

Jamie Clark wrote:

Thanks Anita. Here is another one. I don't mean to be a downer or bring
the group down, but this is a poem that my mom wrote for Nathan, when we
lost him. Still today, 6 years later, it brings tears to my eyes. It's
healing for me to get back into it a little bit.


A Poem for Nathan
By Nana

This structure is unsound.
The tiny boat you piloted has floundered,
leaving you stranded in dark swells.

We can see you drifting just offshore.
Through our spyglass
we can follow your progress
kicking in the deep
swimming for your life.

At this distance you seem no bigger than a fish,
some creature from the depths
not yet of this world
so rare and precious to us.


Had we a net we could pull you to safety
hold you curled in the palm of one hand
anointing you with tears.

You are everything to us.
You are all that we dreamed of
all that we hoped for
those months ago
when you first set sail.

How can we tell you how shimmering you seem
starlight on water
so delicate, so perfect, so pure.
Only the vessel is flawed
making landfall unlikely.

We've consulted mariners
ship builders
sailmakers
men who have toiled on the sea for years.
None of them could guarantee safe passage.


We've cast our lines into the surf.
There is no way to reach you
except with our prayers.

We can see your mast begin to tilt.
We can see how battering storms
have weakened your hull.


You list
taking on water.
Winds tear at your shroud.

Know, Little One, we have done
all that we could.

Keep faith.
We will build you a new boat
fashioned with sturdy planks
seasoned timber
canvas newly rigged
to carry you through rough waters.

For now we can only make you this covenant
tossing you this promise
to which you can cling
while we labor on your behalf.

Wait for us.
Hold fast.
You are not abandoned.
We have not given up hope of
harboring you among us.

This structure is unsound.
This vessel has floundered,
but yours is a soul we cherish.
We will come back for you
all of us
starting anew
building again
bringing you home safely.

Jamie, that's beautiful! Is your mother a poet, or was
she just inspired on this occasion? (My mother is a poet,
too.)

--
Emily
mom to Toby 5/1/02
#2 EDD 7/19/04