lying

On 13 Feb 2004 17:08:49 GMT, (Beth Kevles) wrote:


What we did, and it seems to be working, is ... if one of our kids
(now
6 and 8) tells us the truth about something where they would clearly
WANT to be lying about it, the punishment is much less or is
cancelled,
and they are praised for telling the truth. (In the case of things
they
don't want to do, like medicine, I'll help them with it, offer a
treat
right after, or something to sweeten the need to do something
unpleasant.)

In other words, we give LOTS of positive feedback for telling the
truth. If, on the other hand, we discover a lie, the punishment is
swift. If, for example, a child lies about taking medicine, then TV
(which is usually unlimited when the kids are ill) is cancelled. Or
there are no more sweets for a day or two if a child takes without
asking and then lies about it.

It's working for us.

Sure it is. They are getting better at not being caught. Teach them
the truth about lying. ... that everyone does it, that context is
everything, and why you and they need to have high levels of trust
between you...but don't tell them not to lie, that it's a bad thing,
and then expose them to yourself and the adult world around them lying
by the gross every day of your lives.

Kids hate you for that. Rightly so. And THAT makes them lie
pathologically, instead of the nice social fibs we ALL tell.

Besides, you spend the first 5 years of their lives telling stories
they could not varify. They think they are supposed to, as human
children, have STORIES to tell, and they have no life experiences so
they make things up...just like they believe (and are sometimes right
about) YOU DO.

--Beth Kevles

No more lying to children about lying. It poisons them an you.

Kane



http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
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