update to my dentist question

we went to the pediatric dentist. it was quite cheery & Boo
was good for the exam, but... for regular appointments they
don't allow parents in the room with the kid. Boo said no way
(& i tend to agree with him. maybe NT kids don't need thier
parents advocating, but this guy was *totally* ignoring
everything i said about Boo's aversions while i was there.
what would he do if i wasn't?)
so, i rebooked him at our family dentist. he wore his ear
protectors & was fine. he had his last 3 fillings this morning
& he fell asleep! can't get much more relaxed than that
lee
--
war is peace
freedom is slavery
ignorance is strength
1984-George Orwell

I'm glad everything worked out fine for you. I think I replied to your
original post. I still say any doctor (dentist, ped, etc.) that will
not allow the parents in the exam room (especially for routine visits)
should be avoided. I want to know what is being done to my child and no
one is going to dictate to me whether or not I can be there. Sorry sore
subject with me.

enigma wrote:
we went to the pediatric dentist. it was quite cheery & Boo
was good for the exam, but... for regular appointments they
don't allow parents in the room with the kid. Boo said no way
(& i tend to agree with him. maybe NT kids don't need thier
parents advocating, but this guy was *totally* ignoring
everything i said about Boo's aversions while i was there.
what would he do if i wasn't?)
so, i rebooked him at our family dentist. he wore his ear
protectors & was fine. he had his last 3 fillings this morning
& he fell asleep! can't get much more relaxed than that
lee

Rose Garten wrote:
I still say any doctor (dentist, ped, etc.) that will
not allow the parents in the exam room (especially for routine visits)
should be avoided. I want to know what is being done to my child and no
one is going to dictate to me whether or not I can be there. Sorry sore
subject with me.



I totally agree with you. I can't see one legitimate reason for this
policy. I understand there may be some difficult parents, but I think
training in and practice of better parent/child management skills are
in order. I just can't see leaving an underage child in a room alone for
any kind of treatment. The parent needs to have the right to consent or
object to treatment at any time. Wasn't there some case a few years ago
where the kids were coming out of the ped dentist's office with broken
arms and such, from them being twisted behind the chair for restraint?
Not my kids!

-Karen, mom to Henry almost 6 and William almost 2-

"Rose Garten" wrote in message
...
I'm glad everything worked out fine for you. I think I replied to your
original post. I still say any doctor (dentist, ped, etc.) that will not
allow the parents in the exam room (especially for routine visits) should
be avoided. I want to know what is being done to my child and no one is
going to dictate to me whether or not I can be there. Sorry sore subject
with me.


I agree 100%.
When my DD was very sick and had to have a spinal tap (she was 8 months) I
went in the OR w/ her. I had to fight w/ the doc and nurse .. but damn it,
if she was going to be awake when they were stabbing her in the back w/ a
needle .. she needed her mother to be there.
There is no way I would let my kid see the dentist w/o my being in the room.
When she is older and goes to the doc, it will be her choice if I go in or
not ... but not the docs.

enigma wrote:
we went to the pediatric dentist. it was quite cheery & Boo was good for
the exam, but... for regular appointments they don't allow parents in the
room with the kid. Boo said no way (& i tend to agree with him. maybe NT
kids don't need thier parents advocating, but this guy was *totally*
ignoring everything i said about Boo's aversions while i was there. what
would he do if i wasn't?)
so, i rebooked him at our family dentist. he wore his ear protectors &
was fine. he had his last 3 fillings this morning & he fell asleep! can't
get much more relaxed than that
lee

In article ,
"Knit Chic" wrote:

"Rose Garten" wrote in message
...
I'm glad everything worked out fine for you. I think I replied to your
original post. I still say any doctor (dentist, ped, etc.) that will not
allow the parents in the exam room (especially for routine visits) should
be avoided. I want to know what is being done to my child and no one is
going to dictate to me whether or not I can be there. Sorry sore subject
with me.


I agree 100%.
When my DD was very sick and had to have a spinal tap (she was 8 months) I
went in the OR w/ her. I had to fight w/ the doc and nurse .. but damn it,
if she was going to be awake when they were stabbing her in the back w/ a
needle .. she needed her mother to be there.
There is no way I would let my kid see the dentist w/o my being in the room.
When she is older and goes to the doc, it will be her choice if I go in or
not ... but not the docs.


On the other hand, when my oldest was 6 weeks old, she began to run a
high fever of unknown cause. In the emergency room, after they did a
number of other tests, they told me to leave the room so they could do a
spinal tap.

I damned near ran out. I know I'm not good at certain things, and I
figured I wanted ALL their attention on HER, and not on a passed out
mommie on the floor! (Ultimately, after 6 days in the hospital on
antibiotics, they decided it must have been viral, and she was fine.)

I've always managed to deal with emergencies -- but have problems once
the part *I* have to deal with is past. I've had to leave rooms when my
kids were being treated several times: when they were stitching up
DD2's thumb (they looked at my face and told me where the nearest gurney
was...); when my son was having a gastric probe put in; when they had
problems finding a vein to start an IF vor DD1; when DD2 was in the
burn unit in the treatment room. I've also managed to stay several
times -- when DD2 had stitches in her head and after she was out of the
burn unit, when we had to take her into to wound care clinic to chang
her bandages after the fire -- I was able to stay in the room, but only
because they found me a chair, and I could put my head down beside her
with my back to what was going on. At that, it took a cold cloth on my
head to keep me from passing out.

I wish I had a better stomach (or head) for this sort of thing --
there's nothing like passing out when your kid is crying! -- but I
don't, so it's OK with me that they ask me to leave.

As far as dentists -- DH did all that with the kids. You know the
dentist in Little Shop of Horrors? That's how I feel about ALL
dentists. I damned near need a sedative just to walk in the front door.
There's no way I could be present while a dentist was working on my
kid's teeth.

Fortunately, I'm married to someone who CAN handle this sort of thing.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

enigma wrote:
we went to the pediatric dentist. it was quite cheery & Boo
was good for the exam, but... for regular appointments they
don't allow parents in the room with the kid.

Screw that! There is NO way on this earth that I would let my daughter
go through a scary medical procedure without her father or I there to
hold her hand, and dentistry certainly counts as a medical procedure.
I would question what the dentist was trying to hide by not allowing
the parents in the room, and I would ask him directly. That is
absolute B.S.

There was a commercial running around here not long ago that talked
about children's health care rights (I think it might have been for St.
Jude, or one of the more local children's hospitals), and one of the
rights was "I have the right to have my mommy with me." I don't see
why that wouldn't apply to dentistry as well as regular medicine.

Beyond the child's own psychological comfort, there's the issue of
abuse, which can and does happen between medical professionals and
patients. Considering that we only see the dentist twice a year, I
don't feel that I know him well enough to trust him with my child
alone. Hell no. Good for you for going back to your family dentist.

Amy

"enigma" wrote in message
.. .
we went to the pediatric dentist. it was quite cheery & Boo
was good for the exam, but... for regular appointments they
don't allow parents in the room with the kid.


The first dentist we went to wasn't a pediatric dentist, but he strongly
discouraged parents from being in the exam room, and I really didn't prefer
to be there, so that's how it went. DS got a filling then too, no problem -
he was about four. I really think parents can be distracting and can
reinforce the child's fears, because lot of them hate going to the dentist
themselves. (I happen to love going to the dentist, I find it relaxing.)

I would have stayed with that dentist but our insurance changed and the only
dentists that take our insurance now are very strange - exam rooms are open
and people walk in and out like it's a deli. The last time we were there
all the hygienists called out sick and I actually assisted the dentist in
doing a filling on my son's tooth. He should have paid me !

"Amy" wrote in message
oups.com...

Screw that! There is NO way on this earth that I would let my daughter
go through a scary medical procedure without her father or I there to
hold her hand, and dentistry certainly counts as a medical procedure.


Be very careful that you don't put the idea into your kids head that going
to the dentist, or undergoing any sort of medical procedure is scary. It's a
fact of life that we'll all have to undergo medical or dental treatments of
some sort, and it's better to approach them matter-of-factly.

On 23 Mar 2006 15:22:27 -0800, Amy wrote:

enigma wrote:
we went to the pediatric dentist. it was quite cheery & Boo
was good for the exam, but... for regular appointments they
don't allow parents in the room with the kid.

Screw that! There is NO way on this earth that I would let my daughter
go through a scary medical procedure without her father or I there to
hold her hand, and dentistry certainly counts as a medical procedure.
I would question what the dentist was trying to hide by not allowing
the parents in the room, and I would ask him directly. That is
absolute B.S.


Do you really want your kids to consider a regular appointment
with the dentist a "scary medical procedure"? Why are you assuming
that the dentist has "something to hide"?

We started taking our kids to our dentist - a family practice,
not a pediatric one - when they turned two. The first appointment
was just to get the kids familiar with the office. So they got
to sit in the chair, play with the sink/spigot, look at the
"cool instruments", etc. When it came time for the actual exam,
the hygenist "counted their teeth" with the picks, etc. Amazing
how long that can take. ;-)

Our office discourages parents from being in the room with the
child, and their stated reasons are that they want to encourage
the attitude in the child that this is *their* appointment, not
a family affair. Secondarily, parents are often distracting,
no matter how unobtrusive they try to be.

And all of that makes perfect sense to me. If my kids were
going in for oral surgery - then sure, I would go in the room,
comfort them while things get set up, and so on. But stay inside
for just a cleaning? No way - that's overprotective, overbearing
parenting at its worst.

Beyond the child's own psychological comfort, there's the issue of
abuse, which can and does happen between medical professionals and
patients. Considering that we only see the dentist twice a year, I
don't feel that I know him well enough to trust him with my child
alone. Hell no. Good for you for going back to your family dentist.

Oh, come on. Yes, abuse happens.

Now, how often does it happen? Not very often. And who are, *by
far*, the most common abusers? Relatives and friends of the family.
Not medical professionals. Statistically, if you want to be overprotective,
you'd be far better off keeping them away from uncles and neighbors,
not dentists.

- Rich

dejablues wrote:
"Amy" wrote in message
oups.com...

Screw that! There is NO way on this earth that I would let my daughter
go through a scary medical procedure without her father or I there to
hold her hand, and dentistry certainly counts as a medical procedure.

Be very careful that you don't put the idea into your kids head that going
to the dentist, or undergoing any sort of medical procedure is scary. It's a
fact of life that we'll all have to undergo medical or dental treatments of
some sort, and it's better to approach them matter-of-factly.

I think one can acknowledge the scariness of the dentist or the doctor
without doing any damage to a child. In fact, I think that if one
ignores the inherent scariness in such things, one is teaching one's
child to ignore their true feelings (of fear, apprehension, whatever).

I would rather teach my child to acknowledge her fear, and give her
sympathy, and help her work through it than tell her to "suck it up" or
"walk it off" or to pretend that such things are not scary/painful/etc.
After all, courage isn't the absence of fear, it's being afraid and
getting on with things, anyway. Ignoring the fear isn't going to make
it go away, it's just going to make her feel bad/weak/ashamed of her
natural feelings.

Understand that I'm not saying to her, "Ok, baby, now we're going to go
to the scary dentist and he's going to hurt you but Mommy is going to
be there..." etc. But I am going to be there to comfort her if it
*does* turn out to hurt or be scary, and I am going to tell her the
truth of what's going to happen when she's old enough to understand. I
hate it when people minimize what was going to happen - by saying,
"It's just a little pinch," or something. They said that to me once
when I got an anti-nausea shot, and it wasn't! I could feel the
medicine burning inside my veins, it was just horrible. And it was
made that much worse by the fact that I felt like a wimp, crying in
pain over "a little pinch." Instead, I'm going to say to her, "Yes,
this is going to hurt, but it'll be over quickly," or even, "Yes, this
is going to hurt, let's be brave. Mommy has to have shots sometimes,
too, and they're no fun, but they keep us healthy!" or whatever. I can
acknowledge that medical procedures are necessary, and acknowledge her
fear, without making her into a wimp.

But I appreciate your concern.

Amy