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Many families are choosing cozy celebrations at home over the big birthday blowout
Many families are choosing cozy celebrations at home over the big
birthday blowout By Alison apRoberts - Bee Staff Writer Published 12:00 am PDT Saturday, August 4, 2007 Story appeared in SCENE section, Page K2 http://www.sacbee.com/107/story/307164.html Back in the old days when kids walked to school and back every day (uphill both ways), birthday parties were simple affairs held at home. Some cake and ice cream, a few friends, a round of pin the tail on the donkey, and you had a fete accompli. Now, birthday parties have become occasions to go all-out -- and out of the house -- to amusement centers of one sort or another (Chuck E. Cheese's, anyone?). If you do hold a child's celebration at home, there are even more ways to take it over the top, from bounce houses to ponies in the yard. Still, some families are bucking the trend toward supersizing birthday parties, keeping them low-tech and at home. Bernadette O'Peka's recent eighth birthday party, for instance, was a total throwback: at home in Folsom, no hired help, no generator, just Mom, Dad, eight friends, pizza and ice-cream cake. But the birthday girl didn't feel deprived. "It's funner at people's homes," Bernadette says. "You can do anything and have a theme." This year, Bernadette picked a "Hannah Montana" theme, based on the Disney channel show about a young teen who has a secret life as a pop star. The décor included simple crepe-paper streamers, a helium balloon tied to each guest's chair and "Hannah Montana" plates. Party games included limbo, dressing up like pop stars and dancing around on a "stage" (a sheet on the floor) and whacking a piñata filled with candy and lip gloss. There was the opening of the presents (over in about two minutes). For the guests, there were goodie boxes holding a few pieces of jewelry. The flushed cheeks, the giggling and the squealing throughout the party, from 6 to 8:30 p.m., made it clear it was a smashing success. "It seems like everyone goes out somewhere, but I guess I'm kind of old-school," says Bernadette's mom, Cindy O'Peka. Kids, in her experience, are happy with old-school entertainment. "It's the dumb old games that they love the most," O'Peka says. Even though this party is pretty low-key by today's standards, Frank O'Peka, Bernadette's dad, does a little eye-rolling over the goings- on. "We didn't have parties; it was just the family and one present," he says of his birthday parties as a kid. But he knows it could be a lot worse and probably will be soon enough. "I know it will get more extravagant and expensive," he says. This party cost roughly $150, more than usual, Cindy O'Peka says, but then she went a little "crazy on the paper goods this year." According to Hallmark, birthday shopping is a $10 billion business in this country; a hefty share of it is for kids celebrations. But making too much of birthdays may be a bit like eating way too much frosting. It can get a little sickening. Some indicators of excess: "half-birthday cards" for those who feel undercelebrated because their birthdays fall during the winter holiday season; the trend of throwing elaborate parties for a child's first birthday; the TV show "My Super Sweet 16" on MTV about birthday celebrations that make most weddings look like amateur-hour productions. You can thank (or curse) modern marketing for these developments, says Bill Doherty, an education and human development professor at the University of Minnesota. "I see this as (part of) the broader issue of the competitive consumer culture of childhood," Doherty says. He got together with other parents to start a "Birthdays Without Pressure" project and Web site, launched earlier this year. The Web site offers advice on deflating ballooning party trends, including quizzes to rate your level of birthday-party pressure (you get bonus points if you know "how to negotiate with professional talent agents"). There seems to be a genuine yearning to light the candles on the cake at home again. A survey last year by Kelton Research found that 64 percent of Americans would host kids' birthday parties at home, if they weren't so messy. (The survey was commissioned by 3M, the makers of Scotchgard stain-fighting products, which may explain the emphasis on mess.) Among the appeals of home parties that survey respondents cited were lower cost and the ability to personalize the event. "Parents are saying they want to have at-home birthday parties; they don't want to buy into the bigger-is-better and the franchise parties," says Bobbi Conner, host of a syndicated radio show "The Parents' Journal" and author of "Unplugged Play: No Batteries. No Plugs. Pure Fun" (Workman, $16.95, 401 pages). Conner says you can rest assured that entertainment does not have to be electronic to work. "If you assemble the props and then get out of the way, you'd be very surprised; even the most high-tech kids really get into it," Conner says. One simple example: Give every kid a fly swatter, blow up a few balloons and let the volleyball tournament begin. According to Doherty, today's kiddie birthday party is a relatively recent phenomenon. Wealthy Americans started hosting birthday parties for kids in the mid-19th century, adopting German tradition. But these were parties with grown-up guests, rather than kids. Parties at home with other kids rather than adults as the guests became popular in the 1950s. During the '80s, the parties started moving out of the house to bells-and-whistles entertainment venues. Parental guilt may explain it in part. "Guilt plays a factor for some parents -- mothers who feel like they are not around their kids as much as they'd like, so they'll go all- out," Doherty says. He adds that stay-at-home moms can feel pressured to overdo the party because they see themselves as "having no excuse" (such as a job outside the home) to skimp on party prep. "The trap occurs for everybody," he says. The escalation of birthday party standards, Doherty explains, is not necessarily the result of any conscious competition but reflects our social need to meet perceived norms of behavior. One key to combating the trend is getting together with other parents to talk about how to rein in the party beast. Parents who agree to host small home birthday parties without elaborate entertainment or gifts can set new standards in their communities. Fighting back can save money and nerves, and it might protect children from developing the egos of emperors. "Every child is a treasure, but no child is the center of the universe, and we are raising our children as if they are the center of the universe," Doherty says. But he also knows that combating the great expectations of birthday boys and girls isn't easy. "My grandson is now 2 1/2," Doherty says. "And his favorite song is 'Happy Birthday to You.' " |
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Many families are choosing cozy celebrations at home over the big birthday blowout
I've long felt that these party trends were a PITA. lol. I didn't buy
into it. Parties at my house was a special one at 10 and then at 13 and 16. The special ones consisted of PJ parties only, and at 10 a trip to the brand new (back then) Chuck E Cheese's. Other than that, it was just family. Heck, I didn't even get presents because my birthday was always too close to Christmas and my Dad's next check always came after my birthday. I always got the promise of something that never came. lol. Anyway, with my kids, I was getting really sick of invitation after invitation to party after party after party after party in PRESCHOOL! I didn't throw parties for my kids in preschool. Instead, when they hit kingergarten, it was explained that they could choose -- they either get the big party with 1 or 2 gifts from mom and dad or they could party with the family alone and have the party spent on things we know they would like for certain. They also only get a party every third year since we have 3 kids. We rotate and only 1 kid per year gets a party option, and on the off years, they definitely only get the family party - not even extended family - just mom, dad, brothers and sisters. On Aug 4, 2:15�pm, Ablang wrote: Many families are choosing cozy celebrations at home over the big birthday blowout By Alison apRoberts - Bee Staff Writer Published 12:00 am PDT Saturday, August 4, 2007 Story appeared in SCENE section, Page K2 http://www.sacbee.com/107/story/307164.html Back in the old days when kids walked to school and back every day (uphill both ways), birthday parties were simple affairs held at home. Some cake and ice cream, a few friends, a round of pin the tail on the donkey, and you had a fete accompli. Now, birthday parties have become occasions to go all-out -- and out of the house -- to amusement centers of one sort or another (Chuck E. Cheese's, anyone?). If you do hold a child's celebration at home, there are even more ways to take it over the top, from bounce houses to ponies in the yard. Still, some families are bucking the trend toward supersizing birthday parties, keeping them low-tech and at home. Bernadette O'Peka's recent eighth birthday party, for instance, was a total throwback: at home in Folsom, no hired help, no generator, just Mom, Dad, eight friends, pizza and ice-cream cake. But the birthday girl didn't feel deprived. "It's funner at people's homes," Bernadette says. "You can do anything and have a theme." This year, Bernadette picked a "Hannah Montana" theme, based on the Disney channel show about a young teen who has a secret life as a pop star. The décor included simple crepe-paper streamers, a helium balloon tied to each guest's chair and "Hannah Montana" plates. Party games included limbo, dressing up like pop stars and dancing around on a "stage" (a sheet on the floor) and whacking a piñata filled with candy and lip gloss. There was the opening of the presents (over in about two minutes). For the guests, there were goodie boxes holding a few pieces of jewelry. The flushed cheeks, the giggling and the squealing throughout the party, from 6 to 8:30 p.m., made it clear it was a smashing success. "It seems like everyone goes out somewhere, but I guess I'm kind of old-school," says Bernadette's mom, Cindy O'Peka. Kids, in her experience, are happy with old-school entertainment. "It's the dumb old games that they love the most," O'Peka says. Even though this party is pretty low-key by today's standards, Frank O'Peka, Bernadette's dad, does a little eye-rolling over the goings- on. "We didn't have parties; it was just the family and one present," he says of his birthday parties as a kid. But he knows it could be a lot worse and probably will be soon enough. "I know it will get more extravagant and expensive," he says. This party cost roughly $150, more than usual, Cindy O'Peka says, but then she went a little "crazy on the paper goods this year." According to Hallmark, birthday shopping is a $10 billion business in this country; a hefty share of it is for kids celebrations. But making too much of birthdays may be a bit like eating way too much frosting. It can get a little sickening. Some indicators of excess: "half-birthday cards" for those who feel undercelebrated because their birthdays fall during the winter holiday season; the trend of throwing elaborate parties for a child's first birthday; the TV show "My Super Sweet 16" on MTV about birthday celebrations that make most weddings look like amateur-hour productions. You can thank (or curse) modern marketing for these developments, says Bill Doherty, an education and human development professor at the University of Minnesota. "I see this as (part of) the broader issue of the competitive consumer culture of childhood," Doherty says. He got together with other parents to start a "Birthdays Without Pressure" project and Web site, launched earlier this year. The Web site offers advice on deflating ballooning party trends, including quizzes to rate your level of birthday-party pressure (you get bonus points if you know "how to negotiate with professional talent agents"). There seems to be a genuine yearning to light the candles on the cake at home again. A survey last year by Kelton Research found that 64 percent of Americans would host kids' birthday parties at home, if they weren't so messy. (The survey was commissioned by 3M, the makers of Scotchgard stain-fighting products, which may explain the emphasis on mess.) Among the appeals of home parties that survey respondents cited were lower cost and the ability to personalize the event. "Parents are saying they want to have at-home birthday parties; they don't want to buy into the bigger-is-better and the franchise parties," says Bobbi Conner, host of a syndicated radio show "The Parents' Journal" and author of "Unplugged Play: No Batteries. No Plugs. Pure Fun" (Workman, $16.95, 401 pages). Conner says you can rest assured that entertainment does not have to be electronic to work. "If you assemble the props and then get out of the way, you'd be very surprised; even the most high-tech kids really get into it," Conner says. One simple example: Give every kid a fly swatter, blow up a few balloons and let the volleyball tournament begin. According to Doherty, today's kiddie birthday party is a relatively recent phenomenon. Wealthy Americans started hosting birthday parties for kids in the mid-19th century, adopting German tradition. But these were parties with grown-up guests, rather than kids. Parties at home with other kids rather than adults as the guests became popular in the 1950s. During the '80s, the parties started moving out of the house to bells-and-whistles entertainment venues. Parental guilt may explain it in part. "Guilt plays a factor for some parents -- mothers who feel like they are not around their kids as much as they'd like, so they'll go all- out," Doherty says. He adds that stay-at-home moms can feel pressured to overdo the party because they see themselves as "having no excuse" (such as a job outside the home) to skimp on party prep. "The trap occurs for everybody," he says. The escalation of birthday party standards, Doherty explains, is not necessarily the result of any conscious competition but reflects our social need to meet perceived norms of behavior. One key to combating the trend is getting together with other parents to talk about how to rein in the party beast. Parents who agree to host small home birthday parties without elaborate entertainment or gifts can set new standards in their communities. Fighting back can save money and nerves, and it might protect children from developing the egos of emperors. "Every child is a treasure, but no child is the center of the universe, and we are raising our children as if they are the center of the universe," Doherty says. But he also knows that combating the great expectations of birthday boys and girls isn't easy. "My grandson is now 2 1/2," Doherty says. "And his favorite song is 'Happy Birthday to You.' " |
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Many families are choosing cozy celebrations at home over the big birthday blowout
I'm mom of three, and live in a middle to upper middle class
neighbourhood - and holy cow, the birthday party thing has been absolutely ridiculous. I have two sons and a daughter, and the boys parties were bad enough (i.e. very expensive paintball and laser tag stuff etc. etc.) but when it came to the girls I was unprepared - they are a whole other plant than the boy parties. My daughter gets invited to parties she has fun at, and then asks if she can have HER party at the same place....I price it out and have a heart attack. Oh sure, dear, I can afford $400 to have a party for a bunch of grade 4 girls. Aiiieeee!! And the loot bags. Good LORD, the LOOT BAGS!!!! $5 a kid would be a cheap one. My kids have come home with loot bags that were more money than the present we took. We've tended to have sleep overs, or control numbers (i.e. we can go to the roller rink but you are taking 3 friends, going when its open to everyone, and we are NOT renting the whole place). We're lucky also in that we are walking distance to a multiplex movie theatre, so a popular birthday thing has been to take a handful of kids to a movie, and then walk back to our house for cake and chips. Since our kids get invited to so many parties, I have tended to stockpile presents by age and sex i.e. if I see something that is fun and a great deal in the $10-15 range, that would be a good present for one of our kid's age categories, I buy 3 or 4, and keep them in the walk in closet. Then when a party invite comes, the kids go "shopping" in the stockpile, rather than going to a toy store and having a big fight with me about why they need to buy their friend something that costs more than I can afford. An example has been really nice sterling silver necklaces with inset crystals in various styles that a local department store had on for $12 each. Those have been a HUGE hit, not just for my daughter's friends, but for when my sons have been invited to female friends parties. Mary |
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Many families are choosing cozy celebrations at home over thebig birthday blowout
Chris wrote:
Instead, when they hit kingergarten, it was explained that they could choose -- they either get the big party with 1 or 2 gifts from mom and dad or they could party with the family alone and have the party spent on things we know they would like for certain. I don't think the party rat races is necessary or desirable, and I don't think that every kid must have a party every year (or any year), but I don't understand why it's particularly virtuous for kids to say, "spend the money on *meeeeee*, not on having a fun time with my friends." Personally, I think that it is a lovely, generous thing to host one's friends to an enjoyable time. I think it teaches a lot of planning and social skills (not to mention financial skills to work within a budget). That doesn't mean that every child must have parties, nor that "bigger is better" should be the order of the day, but I don't see a darned thing wrong with parties, per se. We live in an area where people have a wide range of economic means. Our kids have been to parties from the very simple to the very elaborate. I always think that's a great lesson in how to handle yourself with grace as a guest, appreciating whatever hospitality was offered and being as grateful for the lavish party as the simple one--goody bag or not. It teaches them to thinking about gift-giving as something that's more about knowing your friend well enough to choose something that means something, rather than just going for the pricey gift. It teaches them when hosting a party to be considerate of their friends and think about how to entertain them without going off the deep end. I think these are all good things for children to learn. Now, I don't always have the time, energy, or inclination to do a big party every year for every child. So I don't--and I don't feel a darned bit guilty about it. When it's fun to plan a big party, we have fun and do it. When it's just more stress, we don't. I don't begrudge others doing whatever parties work for them, though I feel sorry for those who feel pressured to do more than they can afford or more than they are interested in doing (and I feel sorry for children who get sucked into thinking that they have to throw big, expensive parties to be cool). Best wishes, Ericka |
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Many families are choosing cozy celebrations at home over the big birthday blowout
On Aug 5, 7:53 pm, Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Chris wrote: Instead, when they hit kingergarten, it was explained that they could choose -- they either get the big party with 1 or 2 gifts from mom and dad or they could party with the family alone and have the party spent on things we know they would like for certain. I don't think the party rat races is necessary or desirable, and I don't think that every kid must have a party every year (or any year), but I don't understand why it's particularly virtuous for kids to say, "spend the money on *meeeeee*, not on having a fun time with my friends." You make an excellent point here, Ericka. I've never really thought of it that way! Personally, I think that it is a lovely, generous thing to host one's friends to an enjoyable time. I think it teaches a lot of planning and social skills (not to mention financial skills to work within a budget). That doesn't mean that every child must have parties, nor that "bigger is better" should be the order of the day, but I don't see a darned thing wrong with parties, per se. SNIP I think that we have to recognize that another reason that children -- particularly young children -- often have bigger parties these days than in generations past is that preschools and schools are instituting rules about who must be invited to avoid the *one kid left out* phenomenon, and that even without those rules, parents are becoming more aware of that issue. I was never Little Miss Popularity. Still, I remember being about 8 years old, and watching every other little girl on the street walking down the street in a party dress, holding a gift for Nancy. I was the only one not invited. There was no one for me to play with. I was sad and hurt. Worse, they wound up playing outside, so I felt I had to go *inside* because I couldn't just go over there and play with them in the middle of their party! Honestly, would it have killed her parents to have one more kid there? I've tried to teach One (who really is Mr. Popularity; no idea where that comes from!) not to do that. There have been years that's meant having a lot more kids than I wanted at a party, because he doesn't want to hurt someone's feelings. There have been other years we've had no parties because I just couldn't handle 18-20 *I need to invites* You also have to recall that the growth of *party place parties* coincides with the increase in working moms. A lot of parents would rather pay through the nose for a blow-out two hour party with no post- party clean up than have to spend hours digging cake out of carpet. We did a paint-a-tee-shirt party for One when he turned 4. When the last kid left, I swore we would never host another birthday party at home again. One is now 10, and except for this year's *Accidental Birthday Party* (one kid was supposed to sleep over the night of Purim after the megillah reading, but we somehow managed to pick up 4 extra kids on the way home), we've kept to that rule. It means I've enjoyed One's parties, and therefore has been truly worth it. Barbara |
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Many families are choosing cozy celebrations at home over the big birthday blowout
"Barbara" wrote in message ups.com... You also have to recall that the growth of *party place parties* coincides with the increase in working moms. A lot of parents would rather pay through the nose for a blow-out two hour party with no post- party clean up than have to spend hours digging cake out of carpet. I never hold a party at home. I just don't like having a lot of people in my house. Besides that, I'm something of a perfectionist and the thought of having people come over stresses me out big time...the last time I had any amount of company, I whipped myself into a frenzy and spend two weeks cleaning the house top to bottom and was so stressed out and exhausted that I did not enjoy our event AT ALL (did I REALLY have to organize the boxes in the basement so that my neighbors could come over for drinks the week before Christmas?...well of course not, but in my twisted mind...) So for a lot of us, having the party at a party place is MUCH easier (and less stressful and less exhausting) than having a party at home. |
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Many families are choosing cozy celebrations at home over thebig birthday blowout
Barbara wrote:
I think that we have to recognize that another reason that children -- particularly young children -- often have bigger parties these days than in generations past is that preschools and schools are instituting rules about who must be invited to avoid the *one kid left out* phenomenon, and that even without those rules, parents are becoming more aware of that issue. I waffle on that one a bit. My policy is that if you're inviting *almost* everyone in a group, then you'd probably better invite everyone or else be incredibly discreet. We've had an issue at the dance studio with that sort of thing lately, and that's basically the rule they implemented. Our schools' rules have only been that you have to invite everyone if you're doing it at school or if you're involving school in some way (handing out invitations at school, etc.). I do think sensitivity at school is warranted, just as it is for adults at work or other activities. While everyone has the right to invite whom they please to their events, they are foolish if they, e.g., invite all their co-workers except one or two to a party ;-) I've tried to teach One (who really is Mr. Popularity; no idea where that comes from!) not to do that. There have been years that's meant having a lot more kids than I wanted at a party, because he doesn't want to hurt someone's feelings. There have been other years we've had no parties because I just couldn't handle 18-20 *I need to invites* The good news is that it's really only a few years where this is an issue. It seems like they move fairly quickly to inviting only the friends whom they see on a regular basis, rather than almost the whole class. You also have to recall that the growth of *party place parties* coincides with the increase in working moms. A lot of parents would rather pay through the nose for a blow-out two hour party with no post- party clean up than have to spend hours digging cake out of carpet. We did a paint-a-tee-shirt party for One when he turned 4. When the last kid left, I swore we would never host another birthday party at home again. One is now 10, and except for this year's *Accidental Birthday Party* (one kid was supposed to sleep over the night of Purim after the megillah reading, but we somehow managed to pick up 4 extra kids on the way home), we've kept to that rule. It means I've enjoyed One's parties, and therefore has been truly worth it. I have a certain degree of sympathy for that! Some people have huge homes designed for parties. Ours isn't the best setup for kids' parties, so we rarely do things here for larger groups of kids. Plus, some of the activities are fun! Why not do them? I don't think there's anything particularly virtuous about certain party locations. Whatever works for the family is fine by me. I've noticed that it seems like the girls do all sorts of different types of parties at the elementary school level, but the boys all tend to gravitate towards certain kinds of parties. It was laser tag for a few years, and now seems to be moving towards the sports complex. I've never noticed anyone complaining about parties that are somewhere else, though. And, while goody bags are popular, I've also never heard any kids complaining when there isn't a goody bag or when the goody back is smaller. My theory is that the kids don't really give a rip--they just want to have fun with their friends. It's the parents who think they have to compete with the Joneses. (I'm sure there are some kids who are that way, but I don't seem to have run into hardly any of them, even in this area where a lot of kids come from very affluent families.) I hear that it gets worse at some schools around here when it comes to high school, though--mostly at the schools where the strong majority of the kids are quite rich. Best wishes, Ericka |
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Many families are choosing cozy celebrations at home over the big birthday blowout
In article . com, Barbara
says... On Aug 5, 7:53 pm, Ericka Kammerer wrote: Chris wrote: Instead, when they hit kingergarten, it was explained that they could choose -- they either get the big party with 1 or 2 gifts from mom and dad or they could party with the family alone and have the party spent on things we know they would like for certain. I don't think the party rat races is necessary or desirable, and I don't think that every kid must have a party every year (or any year), but I don't understand why it's particularly virtuous for kids to say, "spend the money on *meeeeee*, not on having a fun time with my friends." You make an excellent point here, Ericka. I've never really thought of it that way! Personally, I think that it is a lovely, generous thing to host one's friends to an enjoyable time. I think it teaches a lot of planning and social skills (not to mention financial skills to work within a budget). That doesn't mean that every child must have parties, nor that "bigger is better" should be the order of the day, but I don't see a darned thing wrong with parties, per se. SNIP I think that we have to recognize that another reason that children -- particularly young children -- often have bigger parties these days than in generations past is that preschools and schools are instituting rules about who must be invited to avoid the *one kid left out* phenomenon, and that even without those rules, parents are becoming more aware of that issue. I was never Little Miss Popularity. Still, I remember being about 8 years old, and watching every other little girl on the street walking down the street in a party dress, holding a gift for Nancy. I was the only one not invited. There was no one for me to play with. I was sad and hurt. Worse, they wound up playing outside, so I felt I had to go *inside* because I couldn't just go over there and play with them in the middle of their party! That's awful, and I know how it feels, and how it made it kinda encumbent on me to find somewhere to disappear to :-( Honestly, would it have killed her parents to have one more kid there? Well, it's not just about what mommy and daddy are paying for. It's also about whom the child wants to have at the party. Kids have social lives and people preferences just like adults have. The school rules IME really have more to do with passing around party invitations *at the school*. If invites are passed around there, then, yes, it's rude to have invitations passed around under the noses of kids not invited. The schools really can't (and darn well shouldn't) get into what you do in your own private social lives, and that includes how you set up kid birthday parties. Now, when there's *one* kid left out; yes, there's a problem. That's something well worth building in sensitivity about. When my son had birthday parties, past about first grade I let him decide whom to invite. But I did not let him invite his entire Cub Scout den except the boy with Aspergers. Active obvious exclusion like that isn't something to be tolerated without really good reason. But, frankly, it *did* lead to some awkwardness at the party. The kids can't cut up the way they'd like when there's an odd fit there. And I had to be a little on top of how they treated the boy at the party. It makes for a different party. You might think it mean my saying so, but there *is* a difference between how much fun a small set of kids that really relate well can have, and one where everyone has to watch what they do and say because someone who doesn't fit in is there. Think of some workplace colleague or neighbor you don't like much, but put up with for good overall relations, but are relieved when you don't have to deal with them. Now think if some big authority required you to invite that person to a BBQ party you're having. Well, that feeling goes at least double for kids, who have such strong undamped feelings. Not saying active exclusion singling someone out is a good thing, just trying to get people to understand how this feels from the birthday kid's POV. I've tried to teach One (who really is Mr. Popularity; no idea where that comes from!) not to do that. There have been years that's meant having a lot more kids than I wanted at a party, because he doesn't want to hurt someone's feelings. There have been other years we've had no parties because I just couldn't handle 18-20 *I need to invites* Well, OK, I think the problem here is that you've gone the other end. A very workable, and usual (think adult dinner parties) options is to set the number whom your daughter can invite (give or take one or two), and have her invite the few whom she really wants to invite. Keeping an eye out for actual active exclusion so there's no actual singling out. If you're having "a lot more kids than (you) wanted", then it's more a matter of wanting to please everybody rather than preventing hurtful exclusion. You really don't have to please everybody. Anymore than you have to have your entire neighborhood over for a dinner party just because you have one neighbor, say, and a couple from work at a dinner party. Going smaller really is a better answer. You also have to recall that the growth of *party place parties* coincides with the increase in working moms. A lot of parents would rather pay through the nose for a blow-out two hour party with no post- party clean up than have to spend hours digging cake out of carpet. We did a paint-a-tee-shirt party for One when he turned 4. When the last kid left, I swore we would never host another birthday party at home again. One is now 10, and except for this year's *Accidental Birthday Party* (one kid was supposed to sleep over the night of Purim after the megillah reading, but we somehow managed to pick up 4 extra kids on the way home), we've kept to that rule. It means I've enjoyed One's parties, and therefore has been truly worth it. Yes, I think it's true that the party places are a boon to working parents (don't I know!). But I do think the expectations have been ratcheted up unnecessarily by them, too. Banty |
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Many families are choosing cozy celebrations at home over thebig birthday blowout
Banty wrote:
Yes, I think it's true that the party places are a boon to working parents (don't I know!). But I do think the expectations have been ratcheted up unnecessarily by them, too. Eh, I think there's a little revisionist history going on with that. Sure, there may now be the cool party place to go to, but it's not like it was all more egalitarian before. The kid with the pool and the warm weather birthday had it better than the kid with the apartment and a February birthday, even then. There were families who brought in the ponies or magicians or what-have-you to their homes. Things never were, and never will be, "equal." Anyone who's minded to escalate can and will. However, the person who really takes their guests' enjoyment into consideration will always create the better party, regardless of where it's held or how much money is spent ;-) (Okay, okay, the considerate person with the unlimited budget really does have an edge, but still...that's where one just has to understand it's not a competition ;-) ) Best wishes, Ericka |
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Many families are choosing cozy celebrations at home over the
In article , Ericka Kammerer
says... Banty wrote: Yes, I think it's true that the party places are a boon to working parents (don't I know!). But I do think the expectations have been ratcheted up unnecessarily by them, too. Eh, I think there's a little revisionist history going on with that. And the domino theory was bunk, too!! Thailand is not communist just because Vietnam is!!! ;-) Sure, there may now be the cool party place to go to, but it's not like it was all more egalitarian before. The kid with the pool and the warm weather birthday had it better than the kid with the apartment and a February birthday, even then. There were families who brought in the ponies or magicians or what-have-you to their homes. Things never were, and never will be, "equal." Anyone who's minded to escalate can and will. However, the person who really takes their guests' enjoyment into consideration will always create the better party, regardless of where it's held or how much money is spent ;-) (Okay, okay, the considerate person with the unlimited budget really does have an edge, but still...that's where one just has to understand it's not a competition ;-) ) Well, yeah, of course there always has been some of that. Heck, some parents are just more *fun*. (Not me when it comes to parties!) But I think that, with the Chuck-ee-cheese party lever there to just pull, the temptation gets large to do that. A cake and pin the tail on the donkey now stands out in plain-ness compared to the parties kids went to the week before, and the week before that.. When my son was in fourth or fifth grade, I got off the birthday wagon completely for all but one year, going on birthday trips with him instead. Now that he's a teen, he just as happily will go to a movie with a friend and hit the local arcade. Yay. Banty (thank your favorite diety he's a boy and not expecting a Sweet 16, Mom just isn't a party person!) |
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