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Good Newsweek article
I thought this one and the other links on mothering were good.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6959880/...week/?GT1=6190 -- Sue (mom to three girls) |
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Sue wrote: I thought this one and the other links on mothering were good. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6959880/...week/?GT1=6190 What a pessimistic view of motherhood!! I have no sympathy for women who sign their 9 kids up for 4 different after school activities each, and then complain that they spend all their time in the car. Duh. No one is holding a gun to her head forcing her to have each kid in an art class, a music class, a physical activity, and a club. It's not necessary to do that every week to be a good or well rounded person. When I was a kid I took piano lessons for several years, then switched to cello. I had after school activities, and I rode the late bus or my bike home. If I wanted to join something, I was responsible for making it work - not my mom. One year I wanted to take PE during summer school (you got to wear your own swim suit instead of the nasty ones that the school provided during the year). I rode my bike to school, ran and swam for the entire morning, then rode home. I was in the best shape of my life that summer. My husband and I have already decided that our kids will be allowed to choose one activity per semester - one lesson, one club, one class outside of school. If they are able to do so in a way that doesn't inconvenience the rest of the family, they can choose to pick up Scouts or something too. We are not going to be one of those families who never has dinner together because the kids are always at practice or lessons or whatnot. It's a choice, not a requirement. Another thing that annoys me about that article is the idea that "society" makes us all behave like Martha Stewart. That's crap. As if the kids give a damn if their paper plates are color coordinated with the napkins and cups. Kids are far more practical than that. Sure, it's nice for everything to look lovely, and if that's what you're into, fine. But if you're already frazzled, driving all over town to find streamers in that *perfect* shade of pink is self-imposed torture. Society doesn't give a crap about your streamers. It's like fashion - men don't give a rip about fashion - we say we're dressing up for our S.O.s but we're really doing it to try to impress or outdo other women. Kids don't give a crap about being in the BEST pre-school, they just want to finger paint. We do it to increase our status with other women. If women want relief from the stress of parenting, they need to let go of this ridiculous competitiveness we have with each other. They need to let go of the idea that there's no such thing as good enough - and it doesn't start with tax breaks, the government, or "society" - it starts with the self. It's all a matter of choices and priorities, and I don't feel that the government needs to change anything to make me a better (future) parent. In fact, the less the government is involved with my home and my family, the better. Amy |
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wrote in message
ups.com... Sue wrote: I thought this one and the other links on mothering were good. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6959880/...week/?GT1=6190 What a pessimistic view of motherhood!! I have no sympathy for women who sign their 9 kids up for 4 different after school activities each, and then complain that they spend all their time in the car. Duh. No one is holding a gun to her head forcing her to have each kid in an art class, a music class, a physical activity, and a club. It's not necessary to do that every week to be a good or well rounded person. When I was a kid I took piano lessons for several years, then switched to cello. I had after school activities, and I rode the late bus or my bike home. If I wanted to join something, I was responsible for making it work - not my mom. One year I wanted to take PE during summer school (you got to wear your own swim suit instead of the nasty ones that the school provided during the year). I rode my bike to school, ran and swam for the entire morning, then rode home. I was in the best shape of my life that summer. My husband and I have already decided that our kids will be allowed to choose one activity per semester - one lesson, one club, one class outside of school. If they are able to do so in a way that doesn't inconvenience the rest of the family, they can choose to pick up Scouts or something too. We are not going to be one of those families who never has dinner together because the kids are always at practice or lessons or whatnot. It's a choice, not a requirement. Another thing that annoys me about that article is the idea that "society" makes us all behave like Martha Stewart. That's crap. As if the kids give a damn if their paper plates are color coordinated with the napkins and cups. Kids are far more practical than that. Sure, it's nice for everything to look lovely, and if that's what you're into, fine. But if you're already frazzled, driving all over town to find streamers in that *perfect* shade of pink is self-imposed torture. Society doesn't give a crap about your streamers. It's like fashion - men don't give a rip about fashion - we say we're dressing up for our S.O.s but we're really doing it to try to impress or outdo other women. Kids don't give a crap about being in the BEST pre-school, they just want to finger paint. We do it to increase our status with other women. If women want relief from the stress of parenting, they need to let go of this ridiculous competitiveness we have with each other. They need to let go of the idea that there's no such thing as good enough - and it doesn't start with tax breaks, the government, or "society" - it starts with the self. It's all a matter of choices and priorities, and I don't feel that the government needs to change anything to make me a better (future) parent. In fact, the less the government is involved with my home and my family, the better. Oh, Amy, you rock! I couldn't have said it better myself. I have to admit, I am well aware that I have many advantages that other mothers don't: I am able to work at home, I can afford a nanny/housekeeper, and my husband is very involved in our kids' lives and activities. I'm truly one of the lucky few who don't *have* to try to do it all. Still, I agree with your basic assessment: much of these women's complaints seem to be purely self-imposed and is largely done by women who want to impress other women with their ability to be Martha Stewart and do it all. When did motherhood become a competition? If you're trying to do so much that you're that stressed out, you need to take a long look at whose interests you're *really* serving. Chances are pretty good that it's *not* your kids'! -- Be well, Barbara Mom to Mr. Congeniality (7), the Diva (5) and the Race Car Fanatic (almost 3) I have PMS and ESP...I'm the bitch who knows everything! (T-shirt slogan) |
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" wrote:
Sue wrote: I thought this one and the other links on mothering were good. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6959880/...week/?GT1=6190 What a pessimistic view of motherhood!! I have no sympathy for women who sign their 9 kids up for 4 different after school activities each, and then complain that they spend all their time in the car. While I agree with this, there is something to the fact that college applications look at things like well-roundedness. For some people, for whom it's important to go to a "good college", this kind of stuff is "necessary". When I was a kid I took piano lessons for several years, then switched to cello. I had after school activities, and I rode the late bus or my bike home. If I wanted to join something, I was responsible for making it work - not my mom. Actually, this is partially true. When I could, I took the bus to my piano lessons. Of course, my parents did a lot of driving around, but I did take the bus when possible. [...] We are not going to be one of those families who never has dinner together because the kids are always at practice or lessons or whatnot. It's a choice, not a requirement. Love this! Our family policy is that we SHALL have dinner together. Another thing that annoys me about that article is the idea that "society" makes us all behave like Martha Stewart. That's crap. As if the kids give a damn if their paper plates are color coordinated with the napkins and cups. Thank you for saying this. When reading the article, I was thinking, WHAT??? Colour-coordinated paper plates??? Heck, get whatever plates and cups are on sale, get some streamers, DONE. Whatever other parents want to have done and were calling her to do..., THEY can do themselves! It's all a matter of choices and priorities, and I don't feel that the government needs to change anything to make me a better (future) parent. In fact, the less the government is involved with my home and my family, the better. Yep, it's all about choices. My stepmother-in-law is a dingbat, but she has a great phrase: Being Supermom is also about being yourself. I think the woman who spent 3 hours with her kid before work, then 3 hours after work was insane. Where's her husband??? I also hated that the article mentions that the husbands are basically incompetent. Who are these women anyway? Are the the ones who get mad because the husbands got the wrong brand of milk? Or didn't get colour-coordinated paper plates??? -- Anita -- |
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Circe wrote: wrote in message Oh, Amy, you rock! I couldn't have said it better myself. Yay! After I posted that I was worried that I was about to get lambasted... One other thing that struck me after I posted - you don't hear men complaining about their lack of choices. By and large, men are expected to get jobs and support their families. Most of them never get the option to stay home, even though many of them would probably like to, and yet there aren't articles about how the poor, poor men need help from the government to do what they're supposed to do - they just suck it up and do it. Women could take a page out of their play book, don't you think? Amy |
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Sue wrote: I thought this one and the other links on mothering were good. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6959880/...week/?GT1=6190 I'm still reading, but this jumped out at me: "But most women in our generation don't think to look beyond themselves at the constraints that keep them from being able to make real choices as mothers. It almost never occurs to them that they can use the muscle of their superb education or their collective voice to change or rearrange their social support system. They simply don't have the political reflex-or the vocabulary-to think of things in this way." I have long thought about this myself. IMO, it's not that the thought ever occurs to us, but that we're too darn busy raising families and juggling careers to have any time to affect political and social change. And then the kids grow up, and while we may find we have the time, we just don't care as much anymore because it's not an issue directly affecting us anymore! jen |
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Still, I agree with your basic assessment: much of these women's complaints seem to be purely self-imposed and is largely done by women who want to impress other women with their ability to be Martha Stewart and do it all. When did motherhood become a competition? If you're trying to do so much that you're that stressed out, you need to take a long look at whose interests you're *really* serving. Chances are pretty good that it's *not* your kids'! Martha Stewart's also divorced and, from what I've heard, doesn't have the best relationship with her daughter. Laura |
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Ericka Kammerer wrote: wrote: My husband and I have already decided that our kids will be allowed to choose one activity per semester - one lesson, one club, one class outside of school. If they are able to do so in a way that doesn't inconvenience the rest of the family, they can choose to pick up Scouts or something too. We are not going to be one of those families who never has dinner together because the kids are always at practice or lessons or whatnot. It's a choice, not a requirement. While I agree with you in principle, it isn't always that easy to follow through on this. For it to work, you assume that your kids will either jump about from activity to activity (doing something different each semester) or will focus on just one activity exclusively (doing the same activity over and over). That's a good point. I figure that our kids will probably take music lessons, and we'll go to the gym (or the park) as a family and get physical activity there. I don't think that physical activity needs to be a "sport" to have value, and while sports are an important part of development for a lot of kids, it's possible to raise happy, healthy kids who never play an organized sport. The kids in my neighborhood are forever outside shooting hoops and riding their bikes (much to the delight of my dog, who barks at them day and night...). If they don't have an affinity for music, we'll try dance or art or something else. The thing is that I would rather that we eat as a family every night than have overscheduled, overburdened kids. If they're in school for 7 hours a day, then they're in activities all afternoon, and then they have to do their homework, they miss out on other things (like dinner and family time) that are, IMHO, more important. My mom spent thousands of dollars on music lessons for me, and I can't play more than a few notes anymore. Was it good for me? Sure. But the things I really remember about childhood were that I hated to practice, and I really loved it when we all sat down and had dinner together. I never played soccer, but the neighborhood kids would all get together and play Kick the Can or Tag in the empty lot down the street. I had a great childhood, and I was limited to one activity a semester (I think we were allowed to pick up more during the summer). Sometimes you can enrich your kids to the point of poisoning them - even objectively healthy things, like water, are toxic in large amounts. But if you want your kids to be in two activities a semester, you won't get any complaints from me. Maybe I can work it out so that we have piano for both kids on Monday, and then they're both in the same martial arts class on Friday or something... With creative scheduling, you can make something like that work without making yourself crazy. Hahah... What am I talking about, "both kids," I'm just now pregnant with #1!! Amy (not a mother yet, so still a "perfect parent" ) |
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