Advice needed - birthday party and 25% of invited guests have RSVP'd - what should I do about the rest

In article ,
flowerlady wrote:
I am having a birthday party for my son in a week. I have sent out 12
invitations and have only heard from 3 (2 No's and 1 Yes). I put an
RSVP by date on the invitation (9/19/2003). I have to let the place
know how many children are attending 2 days before the party (for
party activity supplies - there will be extra on hand but probably not
enough for 9 unreserved children).

I just went through this and called everyone who had not RSVP's by a
couple of days before the party and said, "I just wanted to make sure
little Johnny got the invitation to Ryan's party on Sunday, and to find
out if you think he's going to be able to come." I have had it happen
that invitations go astray, or folks think it is the next week or
something, and they usually appreciate the call. Folks do forget to call.
I've been the offender in the past as well. I think it's perfectly
reasonable to call and ask. Miss Manners might disagree.

--Robyn
What should I do? I think it's rude not to let the host know if you
are planning on attending or not. I also think it would be rude of me
to ask the parents if they are planning having their child attend the
party. Does RSVP mean "If you're not attending"?
Last year I invited 10 children to my son's party and all but one
RSVP'd. The one that didn't RSVP sent an apology letter for
forgetting about the party. I have a hard time understanding that 9
parents would forget to RSVP to this year's party. Please advise -
what would you do in this situation?

Oh for goodness sakes, get over it. Call the other parents.

At our house,with two working parents and three school aged kids,
things are so nutso many weeks between everyone's social life, school,
extracurricular sports and lessons, and medical appointments
appointments, that it wouldn't be hard for an RSVP to slip through the
cracks. Never mind the times we've talked about an invitation and DH
suffers from the delusion I've responded and I think HE'S responded.
Or the times when an invitation was handed out at school (or worse,
made verbally) to a kid, who forgot to give us the invitation or tell
us about it, or even forgotten about the whole thing entirely, or lost
it. We've had weeks where between our three kids, there were four or
five duelling birthday party invites, and if we don't respond in a
timely fashion, it isn't because we're rude - sometimes it just means
we just don't know about it, or we've forgotten, or there's been a mix
up (we think its next week and its actually this week).

Mary G.
(who's been told by ditzy kids about parties at the very last minute,
so as a self preservation strategy has a stockpile of age appropriate
kid gifts in the closet along with cards and gift bags ready to go)

x-no-archive:yes
(Mary Gordon) wrote:

Oh for goodness sakes, get over it. Call the other parents.

While I agree that one should call the other parents, I have to say
that 'forgetting' about an invitation IS rude. It doesn't matter if
things are crazy at your house or not.

At our house,with two working parents and three school aged kids,
things are so nutso many weeks between everyone's social life, school,
extracurricular sports and lessons, and medical appointments
appointments, that it wouldn't be hard for an RSVP to slip through the
cracks. Never mind the times we've talked about an invitation and DH
suffers from the delusion I've responded and I think HE'S responded.

Most of the time this can be solved by one person (usually and
somewhat unfairly the wife) taking responsibility for all the RSVPs

Or the times when an invitation was handed out at school (or worse,
made verbally) to a kid, who forgot to give us the invitation or tell
us about it, or even forgotten about the whole thing entirely, or lost
it. We've had weeks where between our three kids, there were four or
five duelling birthday party invites, and if we don't respond in a
timely fashion, it isn't because we're rude - sometimes it just means
we just don't know about it, or we've forgotten, or there's been a mix
up (we think its next week and its actually this week).

If you've gotten the time or date mixed up, that's somewhat excusable,
although I think a simple calendar on the refrigerator would help
avoid this problem.

Mary G.
(who's been told by ditzy kids about parties at the very last minute,
so as a self preservation strategy has a stockpile of age appropriate
kid gifts in the closet along with cards and gift bags ready to go)

Basically if your children are allowed to get off by not telling you
about an invitation, then they should also not get to go to the party.
Because forgetting is rude and there should be some consequence for
being rude IMHO. Why reward them for this kind of behavior by
enabling it? Send the gift without the kid, so the birthday person
doesn't lose because your kid forgot.


grandma Rosalie

In article ,
Rosalie B. wrote:

x-no-archive:yes
(Mary Gordon) wrote:



Mary G.
(who's been told by ditzy kids about parties at the very last minute,
so as a self preservation strategy has a stockpile of age appropriate
kid gifts in the closet along with cards and gift bags ready to go)

Basically if your children are allowed to get off by not telling you
about an invitation, then they should also not get to go to the party.
Because forgetting is rude and there should be some consequence for
being rude IMHO. Why reward them for this kind of behavior by
enabling it? Send the gift without the kid, so the birthday person
doesn't lose because your kid forgot.



I would agree with this. Once the kids are old enough to be handed the
invitations (instead of them going to the parents directly) they are old
enough to take some responsibility for it. In this house, when my kids
were the age for that sort of invitation, the rule was that if it was
not on the (HUGE A DIFFERENT COLOR OF INK FOR EVERYONE) calendar on the
wall, I didn't know it existed -- even if they'd told me. (Otherwise,
they would mutter something incoherant at me first in the morning and
assume I knew -- I don't remember my NAME before I've been up for half
an hour.) And whether or not they got to go to something they'd
forgotten to put on the calendar depended entirely on my whim -- if it
was relatively easy, I might go ahead and take them, but they could not
count on it. We operate a bit differently now, in part because the
kids are much older, but it worked pretty well to convince them they
THEY are responsible for their own social schedule (and work schedule
and school schedule, come to think of it.)

I know what it's like to have a chaotic household; at one point, I was
living with 4 teenagers, only one of whom could drive, and went to 3
different schools and had completely seperate social lives. I think I
stopped taking responsibility for their schedules as a measure of self
preservation!

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

Mary Gordon wrote:
Oh for goodness sakes, get over it. Call the other parents.

At our house,with two working parents and three school aged kids,
things are so nutso many weeks between everyone's social life, school,
extracurricular sports and lessons, and medical appointments
appointments, that it wouldn't be hard for an RSVP to slip through the
cracks. Never mind the times we've talked about an invitation and DH
suffers from the delusion I've responded and I think HE'S responded.
Or the times when an invitation was handed out at school (or worse,
made verbally) to a kid, who forgot to give us the invitation or tell
us about it, or even forgotten about the whole thing entirely, or lost
it. We've had weeks where between our three kids, there were four or
five duelling birthday party invites, and if we don't respond in a
timely fashion, it isn't because we're rude - sometimes it just means
we just don't know about it, or we've forgotten, or there's been a mix
up (we think its next week and its actually this week).

Well, maybe one family out of the 12 could have this attitude, but NINE!
If everyone is going to start doing as you do, then sending out
invitation will be a waste of time.

I personally put RSVPs high on my priority list because I think its
polite and because that's the way I would like to be treated. I think it
would be very rude if my son invited 12 people to his party and then
perahaps 10 of them turned up without having RSVP'ed.

Yes, muddles happen and people forget but I don't think "get over it" is
the right approach.

Mary Ann


Mary G.
(who's been told by ditzy kids about parties at the very last minute,
so as a self preservation strategy has a stockpile of age appropriate
kid gifts in the closet along with cards and gift bags ready to go)

Mary Ann Tuli wrote in :



Mary Gordon wrote:
Oh for goodness sakes, get over it. Call the other parents.

At our house,with two working parents and three school aged kids,
things are so nutso many weeks between everyone's social life, school,
extracurricular sports and lessons, and medical appointments
appointments, that it wouldn't be hard for an RSVP to slip through the
cracks. Never mind the times we've talked about an invitation and DH
[snip]
Well, maybe one family out of the 12 could have this attitude, but NINE!
If everyone is going to start doing as you do, then sending out
invitation will be a waste of time.

I personally put RSVPs high on my priority list because I think its
polite and because that's the way I would like to be treated. I think it
would be very rude if my son invited 12 people to his party and then
perahaps 10 of them turned up without having RSVP'ed.
[snip]

Well, sometimes you can't answer the invitation straight away, because you
are waiting to find out whether X or Y is happening. And you don't always
want to let the other person know that they are second or third in line.

If it is a big and obvious thing that is stopping me from giving a definate
answer, then I'll tell them: when we were in the middle of buying and
selling a house, I must have let loads of people know that I couldn't tell
them until later. But if it is a littler thing (I'm waiting for the SIL
to tell the MIL whether they need her to babysit, and hence whether we can
visit them that weekend), I might wait to reply.

--
Penny Gaines
UK mum to three

Rosalie B. ) writes:
Or (probably rude, but unmistakable), "If I don't hear from you by
9/25, we will assume your ds is not coming and will not have a place
for him."

.... only if you're sure you don't have the kind of friend
who will arrive at the last minute saying "Oh, that's OK
if there's no balloon and stuff for him, he can just
watch the other kids, he'll have fun anyway"
--
Cathy

Is Canadian French is different than French French then?

There are differences. I've been told (if I remember
right) that here in Canada there is a verb parasser (to laze
around); in France the adjective exists but the
verb does not. And that in Canada the verb peinturer
is used for painting walls, as opposed to
peindre for painting paintings; in France I think
peindre is used for both (I'm not sure I have
that quite right).

There are also slang versions and more formal
versions of French within Canada, as well as
various admixtures of "franglais" (French
with various amounts of English words added).
Using English words in French is usually
considered incorrect, while using French
words in English tends to sound elegant.
--
Cathy

Robyn Kozierok ) writes:
I think it's perfectly
reasonable to call and ask. Miss Manners might disagree.

I think Miss Manners would be proud of one of the
earlier posters who would call and be so sorry that
the invitation must have gotten lost.
--
Cathy

(Catherine Woodgold) wrote:

Rosalie B. ) writes:
Or (probably rude, but unmistakable), "If I don't hear from you by
9/25, we will assume your ds is not coming and will not have a place
for him."

... only if you're sure you don't have the kind of friend
who will arrive at the last minute saying "Oh, that's OK
if there's no balloon and stuff for him, he can just
watch the other kids, he'll have fun anyway"

That's no kind of friend.

It's just occurred to me that you might (in the case of that kind of
friend) send invitations which say "call to RSVP and get directions" and
then have the party at a place other than your home.

grandma Rosalie