Bad Luck Dad's NOT Deadbeat Dad's

I am one of those fathers who lost their business at 47 years old (I
gave my ex a $500,000 condo (I now live in the slums) thinking that
business would always be good, and went from making $180,000 per year
to $30,000 per year when
business closed a year after my divorce. The judge simply said if I
made it before, I could make it again. (Everyone wants to pay a high
school graduate $180,000 per year and its really easy to open a
business with no money.)

I was put in jail for not being able to come up with $1200 per week (I
was paying every week $350 per week which is all that I could afford.


My sister was kind enough to give me $12,000 of the arrears to be let
out of jail only to be stuck with the same 2 week arrest warrant
status. I was allowed to keep $125 of $700 per week.

Since then, I have won in the appeals court but must go back for a
whole new trial which
my sister again was stuck paying my lawyers bills - he is practically
ignoring my new trial as my retainer has run out. (My ex has a lawyer
friend who is handling everything - depositions, subpeonas and trial
for nothing)

My ex also alienates my children (They miss visitation 9 times
out of 10 when I come to pick them up they are not even home, and even
though I call every day they do not return messages. I have ALWAYS been
an ideal father who they would do anything for and we would do
everything together before my ex poisened them.

Well, enough of this long winded session. Just had to let it out. We
are not ALL deadbeat dads, some of us are hard luck Dad's threatened
with debtors prison....I've been there.

Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions? Thanks!

Hi all,

I am out of jail after a week and would have stayed there for the full
30 days, however, not only did my parents in their 70's have to look
after my two kids that I have shared custody of, they also somehow
managed to come up with the $10,000. they wanted.

I do not no how they did it and have not had the strength to ask.

I have very mixed emotion about what they did as it is my oldest
daughters grade 8 graduation next week and wouldn't want to miss that
for anything and I know that my elderly parents, in the retirement
years do not have the resources to take this kind of hit.

My time in jail provided alot of lessens, some that should not have
been so surprising:

1. If a Crack dealer gets a 30 day sentence, he only serves 20 Days and
they're back on the street, this is standard. Father serves his full 30
days. Even the guards could not believe this, nor the inmates.

2. 1/2 of the inmates that I was with came from homes without a father.
One of which
told me that it was him and his 2 sisters all of which have different
fathers, he is 23 years old and still yearns to find out who his father
is. He said that it has effected him
horribly his whole life and shows me "love" and "hate" tattooed across
his fingers.

3. There was 50 inmates in the "range" I was in. I could not help but
wonder, with 80% of those inmates being under 30 years of age and 50%
of them coming from fatherless homes, that's 20 out of the 50. How many
of them may not have been in there, if over the past 30 years there
were laws that encouraged an equal involvement of fathers in their
lives. Maybe 10, thats a ratios of 1:5 and considering how many inmates
the state is currently holding, at a cost of $200. a day.

Keeping in mind that most of them are in there for drug charges and it
seemed that it was crack cocaine in most cases and they did seem to be
showing the negative effective of the use of crack, their stories
seemed genuine.

The 23 year old that I mentioned in #2 was in for possession of a small
amount of marijuana. He certainly, although dropped out of school when
he was sixteen, was an intelligent guy and definitely did not show the
same jittery symptoms of the ones that were in there for crack. It was
horrible to hear how not knowing who his father, and not having a
father figure in his life had such a negative impact on his life. He
did have an indication who his father might be and is going to try to
locate him. His fear over the years has been the possible rejection.
When I left the I wished him the best of luck and truly hope all works
out for him and that some of the hate and fear that he has felt for the
past 23 years can be eased by connecting with his father.

I just thought I would share this with you all and when the family law
is change and horrible stories like this are a thing of the past, it
will all be worth it.

I have been representing my self for the past year and a half now and
have gotten more favorable outcomes than I did the two years previously
that I had a lawyer. The belief of the courts is that if your paying a
lawyer you can pay the child support.

Keep plugging away at the system the best you can whether represent or
unrepresented. At least in 10 - 15 years when yor child is out from
under other influences you can show him/her that you did everything you
possibly could to obtain a two biological parent upbringing as you
could and hopefully she will respect you for it down the road.

I am a salesmen and they have taking my license, how is a saleman
supposed to make a living without a vehicle, it's insane, deliberate
insanity of the state. 2 years ago I made $100,000. a year, since they
suspended my license last year, I made $17,000.

I know your situation all to well my friend, but as I say keep plugging
away at the system and get invovled with a group like fathers-4-justice
or the ACFC. Help organize protests. It costs very little and can make
a huge difference full millions of children.

People who have seen what has happened to you, get them invovled. I
know it may not be your nature to protest, but thats what the current
system counts on.

Publicizing the gross discrimation against children is the only way the
politicians will act and ignore the resistence they recieve from the
bar associations and other groups who oppose a child having an
opportunity to have an equal relationship with both parents and that
that is in a childs best interest, first and foremost.


Good to be back, for now,
Glenn
Toronto, Canada

wrote:
I am one of those fathers who lost their business at 47 years old (I
gave my ex a $500,000 condo (I now live in the slums) thinking that
business would always be good, and went from making $180,000 per year
to $30,000 per year when
business closed a year after my divorce. The judge simply said if I
made it before, I could make it again. (Everyone wants to pay a high
school graduate $180,000 per year and its really easy to open a
business with no money.)

I was put in jail for not being able to come up with $1200 per week (I
was paying every week $350 per week which is all that I could afford.


My sister was kind enough to give me $12,000 of the arrears to be let
out of jail only to be stuck with the same 2 week arrest warrant
status. I was allowed to keep $125 of $700 per week.

Since then, I have won in the appeals court but must go back for a
whole new trial which
my sister again was stuck paying my lawyers bills - he is practically
ignoring my new trial as my retainer has run out. (My ex has a lawyer
friend who is handling everything - depositions, subpeonas and trial
for nothing)

My ex also alienates my children (They miss visitation 9 times
out of 10 when I come to pick them up they are not even home, and even
though I call every day they do not return messages. I have ALWAYS been
an ideal father who they would do anything for and we would do
everything together before my ex poisened them.

Well, enough of this long winded session. Just had to let it out. We
are not ALL deadbeat dads, some of us are hard luck Dad's threatened
with debtors prison....I've been there.

Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions? Thanks!

P.S. It's Beat Dads Dead, not deadbeat dads!!!! haha, but not so
funny!

wrote:
I am one of those fathers who lost their business at 47 years old (I
gave my ex a $500,000 condo (I now live in the slums) thinking that
business would always be good, and went from making $180,000 per year
to $30,000 per year when
business closed a year after my divorce. The judge simply said if I
made it before, I could make it again. (Everyone wants to pay a high
school graduate $180,000 per year and its really easy to open a
business with no money.)

I was put in jail for not being able to come up with $1200 per week (I
was paying every week $350 per week which is all that I could afford.


My sister was kind enough to give me $12,000 of the arrears to be let
out of jail only to be stuck with the same 2 week arrest warrant
status. I was allowed to keep $125 of $700 per week.

Since then, I have won in the appeals court but must go back for a
whole new trial which
my sister again was stuck paying my lawyers bills - he is practically
ignoring my new trial as my retainer has run out. (My ex has a lawyer
friend who is handling everything - depositions, subpeonas and trial
for nothing)

My ex also alienates my children (They miss visitation 9 times
out of 10 when I come to pick them up they are not even home, and even
though I call every day they do not return messages. I have ALWAYS been
an ideal father who they would do anything for and we would do
everything together before my ex poisened them.

Well, enough of this long winded session. Just had to let it out. We
are not ALL deadbeat dads, some of us are hard luck Dad's threatened
with debtors prison....I've been there.

Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions? Thanks!

wrote:

Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions? Thanks!

I do have some thoughts and suggestions.

I would recommend that you find an attorney, maybe your current one,
maybe another that will work with you on an hourly basis, but that you
represent yourself in court.

I did this and it has made a huge difference; aside from the fact that
when the trial was over all my assets were gone (to her or to
attorneys) and I was then laid off..

You have seen enough now to get of sense of how court procedures work.
You write motions and have them reviewed by your attorney, but you file
and argue them on your own. BTW, attorneys HATE to go against someone
representing themselves.

Partly it is because attorneys are juggling multiple cases and no way
can they keep track of all the details the way you can for your only
case. Secondly the judge pretty much always gives the non-attorney more
latitude procedurally.

You also need to be really clear about federal law regarding habeas
corpus. If you are jailed for nonsupport and there is not proof of your
ability to pay, the federal courts are not upholding this debtor's
prison that state courts run. (To get to that level you have to appeal
through each state court, but with a person on the outside filing
papers for you, that can often be accomplished on an emergency basis
within a few days.)

It's great that your sister is willing to help. But be careful this
stuff can become a bottomless pit.

It sounds like you are still working this; some men just get so
overwhelmed and give up. Don't give up, not for yourself or for your
children. If you try to run or hide from this you will end up digging
this hole that basically you never get out of.

If you fight it long enough you can reach a place where it is
tolerable.

As far as alienation from your children, this also is easier worked by
representing yourself. Have a witness document the interference with
visitation and after about 3 times, file in court. Yes it takes time
for that person to witness and testify but it is far better than "he
said, she said."

Keep trying to have reasonable contact with your children. They can get
confused for a bit, but if you are constant, steady and loving, they
will sort things out.

I do know how difficult this is.

Take care,

Don

wrote in

I am one of those fathers who lost their business at 47 years old (I
gave my ex a $500,000 condo (I now live in the slums) thinking that
business would always be good, and went from making $180,000 per year
to $30,000 per year when
business closed a year after my divorce.

I would consider $30,000 a very good year for myself, but they still want
what little I make!


My sister was kind enough to give me $12,000 of the arrears to be let
out of jail only to be stuck with the same 2 week arrest warrant
status. I was allowed to keep $125 of $700 per week.

It's not just the Fathers that are hurt by the draconian tactics, it's also
the immediate families that have to come up with the massive bail money &
legal fees too. Everyone is affected from sisters, brothers & retired
parents that can ill afford to help their son that is being persecuted by
big government agencies.

When I was arrested at the immigration office, I spent 35 days in prison
while waiting to be processed by standard court procedures. In the mean
time, my present wife had no money for the rent and my family had to come up
with $6000 in cash for legal fees and a bail bond. Friends helped out with
the rent so we didn't get kicked out of the apartment. My mother is a
pensioner, but the useless Lawyer took her $1800 without blinking an eye.

Since then, I have won in the appeals court but must go back for a
whole new trial which
my sister again was stuck paying my lawyers bills - he is practically
ignoring my new trial as my retainer has run out. (My ex has a lawyer
friend who is handling everything - depositions, subpeonas and trial
for nothing)

Lawyers have a saying, "when you know your client is going to Jail, make
sure you are paid first!".
Overheard this from an old Lawyer to a young Lawyer while sitting in court.

My ex also alienates my children (They miss visitation 9 times
out of 10 when I come to pick them up they are not even home, and even
though I call every day they do not return messages.

I gave up trying to see my young daughter at the time. Would phone ahead in
the morning to arrange a time, and after a 4 hour drive and a 40 minute
border crossing, would arrive to an empty house.

Well, enough of this long winded session. Just had to let it out. We
are not ALL deadbeat dads, some of us are hard luck Dad's threatened
with debtors prison....I've been there.

What's remarkable in this day an age of highly educated legislators, is how
foolish they look with these medieval tactics to force men to pay women for
the sake of upholding a 1950's model of a family where daddy is the
breadwinner and mommy cleans the home. Time to get with the times.