"Child Support" money?

"Cameron Stevens" wrote in message m...
"TeacherMama" wrote in message
om...
This is where I have some problems, Cameron. What are the children
being taught if dad is impoverished to provide mom with the means to a
higher lifestyle for herself and the children? Do we want our sons to
believe that their lot in life is to supply a woman with money so
*she* can raise their children? Or do we want them to understand that
children need both fathers and mothers in their lives? Do we want ur
daughters to look at their husbands as disposable money machines? Or
do we want them to understand the importance of a father in his
children's day-to-day lives? By "just accepting" the way things are
and getting on with life without a whimper--just what do the children
glean form that in forming their attitudes on the way the world works?

I see what you mean. The children can be taught that the father is a
survivor, that values access to his kids higher than riches. The children
can also learn that mom may be better off and may be unfair, that's not the
lesson we want to teach either so we need to spin it right for the kids.

Oh, so you are going to spin the situation so that it looks ok--that
everyone is just fine? Why, then, would they want to avoid such a
situation in their adult lives? When you have "spinned" it and made
it ok? Or are you going to spin it so mom is just another innocent
victim ofthe system, getting along as best she can in her 3000 sq ft
house, while you, another innocent but happy victim of the system, get
along meagerly in your small apartment. If both of you are just
innocent victims of the system, why do you think your children would
want to choose to be the destitute but happy victim rather than the
3000 sq ft house victim? Seriously, Cameron..not bashing.


On
several occations my children were faced with the reality that Dad doesn't
have extra cash. They got mad at mom, not in my plan but it was reality. I
advised them that that wasn't fair and while mom had the obligation to buy
the clothes, etc. Neither of us were wealthy.

Neither are wealthy, so that makes it ok that mom doesn't spend the
CS you pay on what it is meant for? I don't understand this part.
Did mom use the money for something else for the children?



In reality I was a little ****ed off with her, but the kids ended up in the
middle of something they shouldn't have.

Why didn't you just have them ask mom about the clothes? They would
not have been in the middle if you had had them have the conversation
with mom, and you'd bowed out.


These issues can be repaired. I hope my daughters learn, in time, the right
values that will allow them to find the right guy and make a wiser decision
than I had. I hope they don't have my ex's attitude towards life.

Had you, perhaps, thought that they might look for a guy just like
dear old Dad, who will pay child support without complaint when they
boot him out of their homes? Seriously, Cameron---children learn what
they live. I don't think constant fighting is the answer. But
neither do I think that lying down and playing dead with a silly smile
on your face is the answer!

"Cameron Stevens" wrote in message m...
"TeacherMama" wrote in message
om...
This is where I have some problems, Cameron. What are the children
being taught if dad is impoverished to provide mom with the means to a
higher lifestyle for herself and the children? Do we want our sons to
believe that their lot in life is to supply a woman with money so
*she* can raise their children? Or do we want them to understand that
children need both fathers and mothers in their lives? Do we want ur
daughters to look at their husbands as disposable money machines? Or
do we want them to understand the importance of a father in his
children's day-to-day lives? By "just accepting" the way things are
and getting on with life without a whimper--just what do the children
glean form that in forming their attitudes on the way the world works?

I see what you mean. The children can be taught that the father is a
survivor, that values access to his kids higher than riches. The children
can also learn that mom may be better off and may be unfair, that's not the
lesson we want to teach either so we need to spin it right for the kids.

Oh, so you are going to spin the situation so that it looks ok--that
everyone is just fine? Why, then, would they want to avoid such a
situation in their adult lives? When you have "spinned" it and made
it ok? Or are you going to spin it so mom is just another innocent
victim ofthe system, getting along as best she can in her 3000 sq ft
house, while you, another innocent but happy victim of the system, get
along meagerly in your small apartment. If both of you are just
innocent victims of the system, why do you think your children would
want to choose to be the destitute but happy victim rather than the
3000 sq ft house victim? Seriously, Cameron..not bashing.


On
several occations my children were faced with the reality that Dad doesn't
have extra cash. They got mad at mom, not in my plan but it was reality. I
advised them that that wasn't fair and while mom had the obligation to buy
the clothes, etc. Neither of us were wealthy.

Neither are wealthy, so that makes it ok that mom doesn't spend the
CS you pay on what it is meant for? I don't understand this part.
Did mom use the money for something else for the children?



In reality I was a little ****ed off with her, but the kids ended up in the
middle of something they shouldn't have.

Why didn't you just have them ask mom about the clothes? They would
not have been in the middle if you had had them have the conversation
with mom, and you'd bowed out.


These issues can be repaired. I hope my daughters learn, in time, the right
values that will allow them to find the right guy and make a wiser decision
than I had. I hope they don't have my ex's attitude towards life.

Had you, perhaps, thought that they might look for a guy just like
dear old Dad, who will pay child support without complaint when they
boot him out of their homes? Seriously, Cameron---children learn what
they live. I don't think constant fighting is the answer. But
neither do I think that lying down and playing dead with a silly smile
on your face is the answer!

(mary Adrian) wrote in message ...
To Paul Fritz- The 18.43 a week was the court ordered amount not just
the balance after welfare was reimbursed. And as far as the cracks about
me being a welfare mommy-I did what I had to do to keep a roof over our
heads and food in our stomachs. I'm not embarrased or ashamed. My son
was and is always my first priority. Prior to having to apply for aid I
never even asked for child support and the only reason I did at that
time was it was required by law in order to receive benefits. Later,
Mary

Nor should you feel ashamed if you used welfare as a safety net until
you could get back on your feet, Mary. That's what it is there for.
It doesn't sound as if you are on welfare any more. Is your son a
happy, healthy, productive citizen? Because, in the end, that is the
important thing, isn't it?

(mary Adrian) wrote in message ...
To Paul Fritz- The 18.43 a week was the court ordered amount not just
the balance after welfare was reimbursed. And as far as the cracks about
me being a welfare mommy-I did what I had to do to keep a roof over our
heads and food in our stomachs. I'm not embarrased or ashamed. My son
was and is always my first priority. Prior to having to apply for aid I
never even asked for child support and the only reason I did at that
time was it was required by law in order to receive benefits. Later,
Mary

Nor should you feel ashamed if you used welfare as a safety net until
you could get back on your feet, Mary. That's what it is there for.
It doesn't sound as if you are on welfare any more. Is your son a
happy, healthy, productive citizen? Because, in the end, that is the
important thing, isn't it?

You know I see your point, yours and Mel's

I don't sugar-coat life for my daughters. I don't let mom walk all over me
and as much as I'd rather they are not a witness to the pathetic level of
uncooperative behavior, they have seen it on occation.

I will do my best to give them a good example in MY home and work from
there.

Your comments and observations are appreciated.

Cameron

You know I see your point, yours and Mel's

I don't sugar-coat life for my daughters. I don't let mom walk all over me
and as much as I'd rather they are not a witness to the pathetic level of
uncooperative behavior, they have seen it on occation.

I will do my best to give them a good example in MY home and work from
there.

Your comments and observations are appreciated.

Cameron

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...
Maybe the ncp could afford more if...... I really wasn't discussing that.
That topic has been debated until the cows came home. I don't really think
I
need to state where I stand AGAIN.

T

The cows are always getting loose. Someone needs a better fence or a bigger
coral.

Cameron

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...
Maybe the ncp could afford more if...... I really wasn't discussing that.
That topic has been debated until the cows came home. I don't really think
I
need to state where I stand AGAIN.

T

The cows are always getting loose. Someone needs a better fence or a bigger
coral.

Cameron

"Cameron Stevens" wrote in message
...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...
Maybe the ncp could afford more if...... I really wasn't discussing
that.
That topic has been debated until the cows came home. I don't really
think
I
need to state where I stand AGAIN.

T

The cows are always getting loose. Someone needs a better fence or a
bigger
coral.
========
Reminds me of my "back-to-the-land hippie phase" in WVA.--The good old days!
Biggest event was when the cows got out.
(Actually, when the pigs got out, it was far worse. Have you ever tried to
corral pigs?)
=======.
=======

Cameron

"Cameron Stevens" wrote in message
...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...
Maybe the ncp could afford more if...... I really wasn't discussing
that.
That topic has been debated until the cows came home. I don't really
think
I
need to state where I stand AGAIN.

T

The cows are always getting loose. Someone needs a better fence or a
bigger
coral.
========
Reminds me of my "back-to-the-land hippie phase" in WVA.--The good old days!
Biggest event was when the cows got out.
(Actually, when the pigs got out, it was far worse. Have you ever tried to
corral pigs?)
=======.
=======

Cameron