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What to do about crying
Forgive me if the answer to this question is elementary, but I have
been out of the child-rearing routine for quite some time. My son has recently been seeing a lady that has a four year old little girl. The little girl is just darling and can be such a delight. However, anytime a situation such as leaving when she doesn't want to, eating where she doesn't want, etc. etc. comes about she cries to get her way and apparently this has been working for her with her mom. The mom stated that she has just begun to realize this and is trying to work with her on it, but so far nothing is successful. The child is in daycare so I'm sure that she's familiar with timeouts, but this just doesn't seem to be working at home. Can anyone make suggestions to help modify this behavior pattern? |
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What to do about crying
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#3
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What to do about crying
mypet wrote: Forgive me if the answer to this question is elementary, but I have been out of the child-rearing routine for quite some time. My son has recently been seeing a lady that has a four year old little girl. The little girl is just darling and can be such a delight. However, anytime a situation such as leaving when she doesn't want to, eating where she doesn't want, etc. etc. comes about she cries to get her way and apparently this has been working for her with her mom. The mom stated that she has just begun to realize this and is trying to work with her on it, but so far nothing is successful. The child is in daycare so I'm sure that she's familiar with timeouts, but this just doesn't seem to be working at home. Can anyone make suggestions to help modify this behavior pattern? The main thing is to NEVER give her what she wants when she cries. I wouldn't do anything else - no timeouts or other punishments - just do not give in, nor should you argue with her or try to explain your reasons. (No doubt she's heard them all before, and reasoning with small kids - and sometimes big ones, like my teenager! - rarely works.) If you are in public where her carrying on may annoy others, take her home (if possible), with no rewards. She eventually will stop when she gets no response. And be patient, it will take some doing. |
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What to do about crying
In article ,
Ignoramus12517 wrote: In article , Ericka Kammerer wrote: mypet wrote: Forgive me if the answer to this question is elementary, but I have been out of the child-rearing routine for quite some time. My son has recently been seeing a lady that has a four year old little girl. The little girl is just darling and can be such a delight. However, anytime a situation such as leaving when she doesn't want to, eating where she doesn't want, etc. etc. comes about she cries to get her way and apparently this has been working for her with her mom. The mom stated that she has just begun to realize this and is trying to work with her on it, but so far nothing is successful. The child is in daycare so I'm sure that she's familiar with timeouts, but this just doesn't seem to be working at home. Can anyone make suggestions to help modify this behavior pattern? The only truly effective thing to do is make her tactics ineffective. As soon as she realizes it doesn't work anymore, she'll stop. That might take a while if she's been very successful with crying in the past, but it will work. Imagine this situation. You go to a restaurant where she does not want to eat. She throws a big tantrum. What can you do except leave? Not much. Other situations can be managed. Say you want to go to a park and she does not want to go. You can make her go. But how can you make her eat where she does not want to? I recommend a book called _Parent Effectiveness Training_. You do not have to agree with it entirely (I do not), but it has quite a few useful ideas on the parent/child conflict. i effective parents tend to be those who are willing to inconvenience themselves for the good of their child -- which means being willing to take the kid home from an event they personally would prefer to stay at rather than buy them something or whatever We only had to haul our kids out of a party or restaurant once each -- to let them know we would follow through if they didn't behave -- some kids need more trials to learn if the leaving doesn't lead to better food and more attention, it will not be seen as rewarding |
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What to do about crying
Hi - If it's a problem with leaving a fun activity, then the approach should be two-pronged. First, remember that many young children have trouble with transitions: from activity to activity, from place to place. So give her a 10-minute warning, then a 5-minute warning, then a 1-minute warning, and then tell her it's time to go. Second, when it's time to go, just go. If she cries, take her anyway. It also helped us to remind our kids BEFORE arriving someplace about the polite way to leave. And we told them that if they couldn't leave politely, they wouldn't be able to go again for a while. Ie, "leave the playdate nicely when it's time to go or there won't be more playdates for a week." Remember, consistency is the key for effective parenting. Be consisten in your actions, and make sure that what you say is consistent with what you do. I hope these suggestions help, --Beth Kevles http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner. NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would like me to reply. |
#6
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What to do about crying
In article ,
Alison wrote: mypet wrote: Forgive me if the answer to this question is elementary, but I have been out of the child-rearing routine for quite some time. My son has recently been seeing a lady that has a four year old little girl. The little girl is just darling and can be such a delight. However, anytime a situation such as leaving when she doesn't want to, eating where she doesn't want, etc. etc. comes about she cries to get her way and apparently this has been working for her with her mom. The mom stated that she has just begun to realize this and is trying to work with her on it, but so far nothing is successful. The child is in daycare so I'm sure that she's familiar with timeouts, but this just doesn't seem to be working at home. Can anyone make suggestions to help modify this behavior pattern? The main thing is to NEVER give her what she wants when she cries. I wouldn't do anything else - no timeouts or other punishments - just do not give in, nor should you argue with her or try to explain your reasons. (No doubt she's heard them all before, and reasoning with small kids - and sometimes big ones, like my teenager! - rarely works.) If you are in public where her carrying on may annoy others, take her home (if possible), with no rewards. She eventually will stop when she gets no response. And be patient, it will take some doing. I second the idea of not yammering on and on all the time -- explain once clearly with the child's attention if you are starting a new set of rules -- then don't explain over and over each time -- or give second chances after the first time -- just act consistently |
#7
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What to do about crying
mypet wrote:
Forgive me if the answer to this question is elementary, but I have been out of the child-rearing routine for quite some time. My son has recently been seeing a lady that has a four year old little girl. The little girl is just darling and can be such a delight. However, anytime a situation such as leaving when she doesn't want to, eating where she doesn't want, etc. etc. comes about she cries to get her way and apparently this has been working for her with her mom. The mom stated that she has just begun to realize this and is trying to work with her on it, but so far nothing is successful. The child is in daycare so I'm sure that she's familiar with timeouts, but this just doesn't seem to be working at home. Can anyone make suggestions to help modify this behavior pattern? The only truly effective thing to do is make her tactics ineffective. As soon as she realizes it doesn't work anymore, she'll stop. That might take a while if she's been very successful with crying in the past, but it will work. Best wishes, Ericka |
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What to do about crying
"Ignoramus12517" wrote in message ... In article , Ericka Kammerer wrote: mypet wrote: Forgive me if the answer to this question is elementary, but I have been out of the child-rearing routine for quite some time. My son has recently been seeing a lady that has a four year old little girl. The little girl is just darling and can be such a delight. However, anytime a situation such as leaving when she doesn't want to, eating where she doesn't want, etc. etc. comes about she cries to get her way and apparently this has been working for her with her mom. The mom stated that she has just begun to realize this and is trying to work with her on it, but so far nothing is successful. The child is in daycare so I'm sure that she's familiar with timeouts, but this just doesn't seem to be working at home. Can anyone make suggestions to help modify this behavior pattern? The only truly effective thing to do is make her tactics ineffective. As soon as she realizes it doesn't work anymore, she'll stop. That might take a while if she's been very successful with crying in the past, but it will work. Imagine this situation. You go to a restaurant where she does not want to eat. She throws a big tantrum. What can you do except leave? Not much. that's right. Other situations can be managed. Say you want to go to a park and she does not want to go. You can make her go. But how can you make her eat where she does not want to? you do not. unless you want to risk an eating disorder. you offer and let *her* decide when she is done. I recommend a book called _Parent Effectiveness Training_. You do not have to agree with it entirely (I do not), but it has quite a few useful ideas on the parent/child conflict. i |
#10
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What to do about crying
In article ,
Ignoramus12517 wrote: In article , Stephanie and Tim wrote: "Ignoramus12517" wrote in message Imagine this situation. You go to a restaurant where she does not want to eat. She throws a big tantrum. What can you do except leave? Not much. that's right. Glad that we agree. Other situations can be managed. Say you want to go to a park and she does not want to go. You can make her go. But how can you make her eat where she does not want to? you do not. unless you want to risk an eating disorder. you offer and let *her* decide when she is done. Right. To be fair, there are some tricks. Do not give the kid snacks for 2-3 hours before, and exercise them. That will get them hungry. Other than that, I think, a child deserves some word on where *not* to eat. this leads to these looney families who end up driving from one fast food joint to another so each kid gets exactly what they want -- and then turns them loose on the world with the expectation that they will be catered to at every moment I agree that kids should share in choice making as they are able -- it is good training for them -- but crying because she doesn't want to eat where Mommy chooses -- fye on that. |
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