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marital life post partum



 
 
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  #1  
Old May 17th 07, 03:28 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Anna.Nicole.m
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Posts: 89
Default marital life post partum

ok other mommies I need some help. I have a 7 mos old critter at home
and I have very little to no sex drive. I'm fairly confident it has
more to do with being absolutely exhausted all the time. My husband
has begun to hound me about "getting" sex. Which makes me feel like
it's just another chore I have to find time to perform. like when's
the Laundry going to be done or when am I going to make dinner.

We had a pretty healthy sex life prior to getting pregnant.
complications half way through my pregnancy didn't allow for sex to
continue so we went almost 4 mos without. and anymore I could take it
or leave it.

When we do have sex it's good but once i get the baby to sleep for the
night I am so drained that I just want to sit down and do nothing.
sex is the very very very last thing on my mind.

HELP

  #2  
Old May 17th 07, 04:24 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Irrational Number
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Posts: 306
Default marital life post partum

Anna.Nicole.m wrote:

ok other mommies I need some help. I have a 7 mos old critter at home
and I have very little to no sex drive.


Yep, it's a chore... Thankfully, DH was
understanding until I got some sex drive back.
Taking care of two, plus nursing the second,
did not help.

-- Anita --
  #3  
Old May 17th 07, 05:55 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Anne Rogers[_2_]
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Posts: 339
Default marital life post partum

Sorry to hear this, problem is, I'm in the same place as you, but an awful
lot longer post partum and it is really putting strain on my marriage. I
plan to go to the OB/GYN and get my hormone levels checked and a few other
things. At your stage, I've heard an oestrogen cream can help, but I think
you also need to make an effort and almost force yourself to do it, this is
very hard if baby isn't sleeping well, but hopefully, there is sometime in
the evening you know you will have to yourself, get a bottle of wine, some
luxury food and a romantic film or TV show you'll both enjoy, commit to
initiating sex after, but don't tell your partner. Then do it and enjoy. I
have had some sucess with this method, but it's getting harder, partly
because I don't get to the point of enjoying it until very shortly before
climax (looking on the bright side though, at least I get that!), partly
because sex is always painful afterwards and sometimes during and this is
musculoskeletal, so not something that can be fixed by a cream or something.

Personally I think you have to try hard, but also your husband has to
understand that your hormone balance is not normal and things may be
difficult for you, but you will get it back, I was disappointed to conceive
our 2nd so easily as it had been such fun in the run up to that and I don't
do well with sex in pregnancy.

Anne


  #4  
Old May 17th 07, 09:13 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Lucy-lu
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Posts: 75
Default marital life post partum


"Anna.Nicole.m" wrote in message
oups.com...
ok other mommies I need some help. I have a 7 mos old critter at home
and I have very little to no sex drive. I'm fairly confident it has
more to do with being absolutely exhausted all the time. My husband
has begun to hound me about "getting" sex. Which makes me feel like
it's just another chore I have to find time to perform. like when's
the Laundry going to be done or when am I going to make dinner.

We had a pretty healthy sex life prior to getting pregnant.
complications half way through my pregnancy didn't allow for sex to
continue so we went almost 4 mos without. and anymore I could take it
or leave it.

When we do have sex it's good but once i get the baby to sleep for the
night I am so drained that I just want to sit down and do nothing.
sex is the very very very last thing on my mind.

HELP


*hugs*

Jessica will be 11 months next week, and I'm only just finding myself really
wanting it on a regular basis again. As Jessie's in a strong routine, and is
always in bed at 9, I do find I have a bit of an evening with my husband,
whereas before, like you, it was just another thing on my to-do list. As
soon as she's in bed now, that's it. My day stops. Even if I only sit on the
computer, I do nothing domestic after 9, or I find it never stops. I also
found once we'd had such a long break, it was hard to get back into it, if
that makes sense. I kinda made the effort a few times and that helped.

Things like losing spontanaity and fear of the baby waking don't help. Nor
does (if you're like me) all the baby flab areas and loss of what I call
"boob quality" I miss how it used to be, but I'm not giving up yet.The
only advice I can give is what my friend gave to me - get it into your head
that that's what you're going to be doing that night, send him little hints
on his mobile phone/email and make sure you do it. Seemed to add to it for
me, and gave me a bit of an incentive....

Take care - hope it's resolved soon!

Lucy x


  #5  
Old May 18th 07, 02:57 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Anna.Nicole.m
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 89
Default marital life post partum

We had a great talk last night. And I think I got through to him that
from the time I wake up in the morning until I put Neil to sleep at
night I have someone that needs me. and I have to do it all the
time. I then told him how about at night when I am putting Neil to
bed which takes anywhere from 20-35 minutes how about he creates an
ambiance for me to come down too. I think it's not that I don't want
to have sex I think it's more I don't want to have to think about it.
like plan where and how to. so I think he'll take this and run with
it. either way the no sex is now on his plate. :-)


  #6  
Old May 18th 07, 07:03 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Jamie Clark
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Posts: 855
Default marital life post partum

Another idea -- my dh and I alternate bedtime with the girls. Our bedtime
routines are pretty simple -- tooth brushing, potty, change into jammies, a
couple stories, a few rocks in the chair with Addie and a quick cuddle in
the bed with Taylor and we're done. It probably takes 15-20 minutes, give
or take. Our deal for the most part is whoever is not doing bedtime does a
little tidy up in the family room or kitchen, (although honestly speaking,
he tends to hold up his end of that deal less often than I do).

But, you guys could start a similar deal, except sometimes instead of
tidying up in the family room, the other person could be setting up date
night. Lighting a few candles in the bedroom, putting on some music,
opening a bottle of wine or a couple beers or ice tea or whatever you like,
etc. You would both know ahead of time, not only that this was a date
night, but that it was your turn to set up, or dh's, and that would create
some anticipation and excitement for both of you -- for one, in setting the
scene and thinking about the upcoming event, you help turn yourself on, as
we know that so much of sexuality is in our minds. For the other, the
excitement of now knowing exactly what was being set up that night.

Also, maybe you pick up a new cute little nighty or bra and panties,
whatever. I just got a cute slip style nighty at Mervyn's on sale for like
$15-20, so it wasn't a huge extravagent outlay. And yet the newness of it
worked wonders for dh and I -- me for the excitement to surprise dh and wear
something new and sexy, and for dh due to the surprise of finding me waiting
for him wearing it. Just so you know, it's not like dh and I are going at
it like bunnies all the time, swinging from the chandalliers, but we are
both making more of an effort to connect physically more often. In the past
we've easily gone weeks and weeks and weeks without, but we are both happier
when we connect at least once a week, sometimes more (sometimes less, but
we're working on it!)

Anyway, it's great that you had such a good talk. Keep them coming!
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys -- 01/03/03
Addison Grace -- 09/30/04

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password:
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Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

"Anna.Nicole.m" wrote in message
oups.com...
We had a great talk last night. And I think I got through to him that
from the time I wake up in the morning until I put Neil to sleep at
night I have someone that needs me. and I have to do it all the
time. I then told him how about at night when I am putting Neil to
bed which takes anywhere from 20-35 minutes how about he creates an
ambiance for me to come down too. I think it's not that I don't want
to have sex I think it's more I don't want to have to think about it.
like plan where and how to. so I think he'll take this and run with
it. either way the no sex is now on his plate. :-)




  #7  
Old May 18th 07, 07:08 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Jamie Clark
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 855
Default marital life post partum

Sorry to keep adding to my own posts -- if you and dh can begin to alternate
bedtimes with the kids, that would also have the added benefit of lessening
your load, and that alone might help you feel more frisky!
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys -- 01/03/03
Addison Grace -- 09/30/04

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password:
Guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

"Jamie Clark" wrote in message
. ..
Another idea -- my dh and I alternate bedtime with the girls. Our bedtime
routines are pretty simple -- tooth brushing, potty, change into jammies,
a couple stories, a few rocks in the chair with Addie and a quick cuddle
in the bed with Taylor and we're done. It probably takes 15-20 minutes,
give or take. Our deal for the most part is whoever is not doing bedtime
does a little tidy up in the family room or kitchen, (although honestly
speaking, he tends to hold up his end of that deal less often than I do).

But, you guys could start a similar deal, except sometimes instead of
tidying up in the family room, the other person could be setting up date
night. Lighting a few candles in the bedroom, putting on some music,
opening a bottle of wine or a couple beers or ice tea or whatever you
like, etc. You would both know ahead of time, not only that this was a
date night, but that it was your turn to set up, or dh's, and that would
create some anticipation and excitement for both of you -- for one, in
setting the scene and thinking about the upcoming event, you help turn
yourself on, as we know that so much of sexuality is in our minds. For
the other, the excitement of now knowing exactly what was being set up
that night.

Also, maybe you pick up a new cute little nighty or bra and panties,
whatever. I just got a cute slip style nighty at Mervyn's on sale for
like $15-20, so it wasn't a huge extravagent outlay. And yet the newness
of it worked wonders for dh and I -- me for the excitement to surprise dh
and wear something new and sexy, and for dh due to the surprise of finding
me waiting for him wearing it. Just so you know, it's not like dh and I
are going at it like bunnies all the time, swinging from the chandalliers,
but we are both making more of an effort to connect physically more often.
In the past we've easily gone weeks and weeks and weeks without, but we
are both happier when we connect at least once a week, sometimes more
(sometimes less, but we're working on it!)

Anyway, it's great that you had such a good talk. Keep them coming!
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys -- 01/03/03
Addison Grace -- 09/30/04

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password:
Guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

"Anna.Nicole.m" wrote in message
oups.com...
We had a great talk last night. And I think I got through to him that
from the time I wake up in the morning until I put Neil to sleep at
night I have someone that needs me. and I have to do it all the
time. I then told him how about at night when I am putting Neil to
bed which takes anywhere from 20-35 minutes how about he creates an
ambiance for me to come down too. I think it's not that I don't want
to have sex I think it's more I don't want to have to think about it.
like plan where and how to. so I think he'll take this and run with
it. either way the no sex is now on his plate. :-)






  #8  
Old May 18th 07, 10:09 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Larry Mcmahan
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 143
Default marital life post partum

In article .com,
says...
ok other mommies I need some help. I have a 7 mos old critter at home
and I have very little to no sex drive. I'm fairly confident it has
more to do with being absolutely exhausted all the time. My husband
has begun to hound me about "getting" sex. Which makes me feel like
it's just another chore I have to find time to perform. like when's
the Laundry going to be done or when am I going to make dinner.

We had a pretty healthy sex life prior to getting pregnant.
complications half way through my pregnancy didn't allow for sex to
continue so we went almost 4 mos without. and anymore I could take it
or leave it.

When we do have sex it's good but once i get the baby to sleep for the
night I am so drained that I just want to sit down and do nothing.
sex is the very very very last thing on my mind.

HELP


Let me try it from the guy's point of view. Hopefully that will help.

First, he has to come to understand the stresses you are working under,
so he understands it is not HIM that is the cause of the lack of action
(always the guy's first thought until someone clues him in different),
but that it is sheer exhaustion on your point, and lack of time/energy
to actually do it and get enough rest to keep going.

Second, you might suggest that he could help by giving you some "down
time" to recover from the endless demands. Let him know that if he can
help with the baby and give you even two hours of rest time a couple
times a week it can make a world of difference.

We're not really a demanding, uncompromising lot. It's just that we are
mostly clueless, and out thinking doesn't go past the end of our... ah,
nose. :=-)

Larry
  #9  
Old May 18th 07, 10:30 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Anne Rogers[_2_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 339
Default marital life post partum


First, he has to come to understand the stresses you are working under,
so he understands it is not HIM that is the cause of the lack of action
(always the guy's first thought until someone clues him in different),
but that it is sheer exhaustion on your point, and lack of time/energy
to actually do it and get enough rest to keep going.


really? my husband appears to assume it's entirely me and absolutely nothing
to do with him, he may have initially assumed this, but as time goes on he's
placed it entirely on to me. Problem is now, whenever he mentions it, it
comes across as simply for his pleasure, which of course turns me off even
more.

I accept that a lot of things are physical problems with me right now and I
really am working on them, but there is only so fast I can go, I've had to
work through a number of medical tests, probably surgery etc. but in the
mean time, I could use some patience and understanding. If he focussed his
energies on making himself someone any women would want to have sex with
(and I mean by actions, not necessarily looks, but equally, I appreciate it
if he shaves before trying to kiss me as being attacked by a scrubbing brush
is also a turn off!). Actions don't necessarily mean pampering me, which to
be fair, he has made a real effort with since mother's days, but little
things, like actually coming to bed, or if he isn't coming, at least telling
me that he has to work and being truthful about when he will be there.

Rant over

Anne


  #10  
Old May 19th 07, 01:24 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Welches
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 849
Default marital life post partum


"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
...

First, he has to come to understand the stresses you are working under,
so he understands it is not HIM that is the cause of the lack of action
(always the guy's first thought until someone clues him in different),
but that it is sheer exhaustion on your point, and lack of time/energy
to actually do it and get enough rest to keep going.


really? my husband appears to assume it's entirely me and absolutely
nothing to do with him, he may have initially assumed this, but as time
goes on he's placed it entirely on to me. Problem is now, whenever he
mentions it, it comes across as simply for his pleasure, which of course
turns me off even more.

I accept that a lot of things are physical problems with me right now and
I really am working on them, but there is only so fast I can go, I've had
to work through a number of medical tests, probably surgery etc. but in
the mean time, I could use some patience and understanding. If he focussed
his energies on making himself someone any women would want to have sex
with (and I mean by actions, not necessarily looks, but equally, I
appreciate it if he shaves before trying to kiss me as being attacked by a
scrubbing brush is also a turn off!). Actions don't necessarily mean
pampering me, which to be fair, he has made a real effort with since
mother's days, but little things, like actually coming to bed, or if he
isn't coming, at least telling me that he has to work and being truthful
about when he will be there.

Rant over


I also find it irritating when I get "I'll do these jobs for you so later we
can..." when he wouldn't do the jobs otherwise. I then feel pressurised into
agreeing when sometimes I've earmarked that evening for something else.
Debbie


 




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