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#21
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Dealing with death
To make matters much worse, my cousin was killed in a very
violent car accident yesterday afternoon so we are grieving his death now as well. My family's very close and we grew up more like brother and sister than cousins so it has hit me very hard. He was only 30. Oh my God, Andrea, that is horrible I am so very sorry about this tragic loss. You and your family are in my prayers. Ellen -------- Erin 6/26/95 Bradley & Alex 10/5/00 |
#22
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Dealing with death
"GwenO MS" wrote in message ... A couple of 'new' thoughts to add here. Since I just bought one for a hostess gift (we had an interesting discussion on the topic about a month ago), there are WONDERFUL books for you or grandparents or parents and kids to fill in about family history, memories, events, etc. Could you give me some titles and or locations to buy from? I would love to have access to something like this. I never knew my grandparents; 3 died before I was born, the 4th when I was five but she lived on the other side of the country so I have zero memories of her. I've always felt like I was missing something by not knowing where my parents came from. My husband's grandmother just turned 106 and is reaching the end; it's only been in the last few years that she's slowed down. The stories held by my children's grandparents are *so* important, I've been after them to record their stories but they're all procrastinating, figure playing with the grandkids is more important. Maybe with a book like this play and recording could happen together :-) Marie Because it's too late to do one with my own mother for her grandchildren or great grandkids, I feel like we're missing something important in our family history. My MIL is so incapacitated, that not much is remembered any more. So I need to do MY OWN and get one from my husband for the kids and grandkids. This isn't just a 'family tree' but things like how we met, the pets we had when we were young, what we liked and disliked in school, favorite foods, how we celebrated holidays...etc. As a therapist, I almost always do a 'genogram' with clients, and I'm amazed at the amount of information folks just 'don't know' about family history (good insight into why we have the feelings and behaviors that bring us to therapy!). The other (unrelated) thought is about all the pets we've had over the years, and as much as we loved them, when the kids grew up and left home, we had four dogs -- so we could have been 'footloose and fancy free' but had four pets depending on us for companionship and care. I used to say, "when the last dog goes...no more pets!" With each death, we were grief-stricken, and there was no sense of 'counting down to freedom from pet-obligation' but still, in the back of our heads, we knew we'd be more free to travel, stay out for a long day, etc. So, the last dog died, and we had a long period of grieving (she died unexpectedly, and a horrible death). We both thought the extreme sadness was a result of the sudden loss. BUT...eventually, we realized that we couldn't stand a house without a dog! So we made a decision to get one small enough to travel with us (we vowed to NEVER leave an animal in a kennel again -- our last dog died of kennel cough acquired in an excellent boarding kennel, with strict rules about innoculations, etc), so we ended up with the funniest, most enjoyable, human-like dog we've ever had. I call him my "change-of-life" dog. He's a Border Terrior and I do sometimes thing about his life-expectancy, and how much we'd miss him... this is a breed known to have a higher death rate from traffic accidents than natural causes -- they are 'runners' so we have an electric fence AND a chain link fence, and he's NEVER allowed off our premises without a leash! So it's not just kids who worry about losing a pet...it's natural about anything you love (or anyONE), but we need to tell the kids that although we have these thoughts, we don't dwell on them...we enjoy the day-to-day experiences with those we love! Grandmom Gwen |
#23
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Dealing with death
"GwenO MS" wrote in message ... A couple of 'new' thoughts to add here. Since I just bought one for a hostess gift (we had an interesting discussion on the topic about a month ago), there are WONDERFUL books for you or grandparents or parents and kids to fill in about family history, memories, events, etc. Could you give me some titles and or locations to buy from? I would love to have access to something like this. I never knew my grandparents; 3 died before I was born, the 4th when I was five but she lived on the other side of the country so I have zero memories of her. I've always felt like I was missing something by not knowing where my parents came from. My husband's grandmother just turned 106 and is reaching the end; it's only been in the last few years that she's slowed down. The stories held by my children's grandparents are *so* important, I've been after them to record their stories but they're all procrastinating, figure playing with the grandkids is more important. Maybe with a book like this play and recording could happen together :-) Marie Because it's too late to do one with my own mother for her grandchildren or great grandkids, I feel like we're missing something important in our family history. My MIL is so incapacitated, that not much is remembered any more. So I need to do MY OWN and get one from my husband for the kids and grandkids. This isn't just a 'family tree' but things like how we met, the pets we had when we were young, what we liked and disliked in school, favorite foods, how we celebrated holidays...etc. As a therapist, I almost always do a 'genogram' with clients, and I'm amazed at the amount of information folks just 'don't know' about family history (good insight into why we have the feelings and behaviors that bring us to therapy!). The other (unrelated) thought is about all the pets we've had over the years, and as much as we loved them, when the kids grew up and left home, we had four dogs -- so we could have been 'footloose and fancy free' but had four pets depending on us for companionship and care. I used to say, "when the last dog goes...no more pets!" With each death, we were grief-stricken, and there was no sense of 'counting down to freedom from pet-obligation' but still, in the back of our heads, we knew we'd be more free to travel, stay out for a long day, etc. So, the last dog died, and we had a long period of grieving (she died unexpectedly, and a horrible death). We both thought the extreme sadness was a result of the sudden loss. BUT...eventually, we realized that we couldn't stand a house without a dog! So we made a decision to get one small enough to travel with us (we vowed to NEVER leave an animal in a kennel again -- our last dog died of kennel cough acquired in an excellent boarding kennel, with strict rules about innoculations, etc), so we ended up with the funniest, most enjoyable, human-like dog we've ever had. I call him my "change-of-life" dog. He's a Border Terrior and I do sometimes thing about his life-expectancy, and how much we'd miss him... this is a breed known to have a higher death rate from traffic accidents than natural causes -- they are 'runners' so we have an electric fence AND a chain link fence, and he's NEVER allowed off our premises without a leash! So it's not just kids who worry about losing a pet...it's natural about anything you love (or anyONE), but we need to tell the kids that although we have these thoughts, we don't dwell on them...we enjoy the day-to-day experiences with those we love! Grandmom Gwen |
#24
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Dealing with death
Thank you Ellen. The funeral was yesterday. It's been a horrible week for us
all. The whole family is really devistated by his death. He was such a good person. I start work on Monday and it's been hard to try to focus my energy in that direction. Thanks Again, Andrea twin girls-Jordan & Madison 4 yrs. old To make matters much worse, my cousin was killed in a very violent car accident yesterday afternoon so we are grieving his death now as well. My family's very close and we grew up more like brother and sister than cousins so it has hit me very hard. He was only 30. Oh my God, Andrea, that is horrible I am so very sorry about this tragic loss. You and your family are in my prayers. Ellen -------- Erin 6/26/95 Bradley & Alex 10/5/00 |
#25
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Dealing with death
Thank you Ellen. The funeral was yesterday. It's been a horrible week for us
all. The whole family is really devistated by his death. He was such a good person. I start work on Monday and it's been hard to try to focus my energy in that direction. Thanks Again, Andrea twin girls-Jordan & Madison 4 yrs. old To make matters much worse, my cousin was killed in a very violent car accident yesterday afternoon so we are grieving his death now as well. My family's very close and we grew up more like brother and sister than cousins so it has hit me very hard. He was only 30. Oh my God, Andrea, that is horrible I am so very sorry about this tragic loss. You and your family are in my prayers. Ellen -------- Erin 6/26/95 Bradley & Alex 10/5/00 |
#26
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Dealing with death
Andrea:
Sorry for your loss. Loosing anyone close is hard. I don't think I would be able to make it through my mom's departure if it wasn't for my DH, DS, DD and my wonderful cousins. I do know how much they mean to us in a family. You and yours will be in our prayers. Shirley "Andrea" wrote in message ... Thank you Ellen. The funeral was yesterday. It's been a horrible week for us all. The whole family is really devistated by his death. He was such a good person. I start work on Monday and it's been hard to try to focus my energy in that direction. Thanks Again, Andrea twin girls-Jordan & Madison 4 yrs. old To make matters much worse, my cousin was killed in a very violent car accident yesterday afternoon so we are grieving his death now as well. My family's very close and we grew up more like brother and sister than cousins so it has hit me very hard. He was only 30. Oh my God, Andrea, that is horrible I am so very sorry about this tragic loss. You and your family are in my prayers. Ellen -------- Erin 6/26/95 Bradley & Alex 10/5/00 |
#27
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Dealing with death
Thank you Shirley.
Andrea twin girls-Madison & Jordan 4 yrs. old Sorry for your loss. Loosing anyone close is hard. I don't think I would be able to make it through my mom's departure if it wasn't for my DH, DS, DD and my wonderful cousins. I do know how much they mean to us in a family. You and yours will be in our prayers. Shirley "Andrea" wrote in message ... Thank you Ellen. The funeral was yesterday. It's been a horrible week for us all. The whole family is really devistated by his death. He was such a good person. I start work on Monday and it's been hard to try to focus my energy in that direction. Thanks Again, Andrea twin girls-Jordan & Madison 4 yrs. old To make matters much worse, my cousin was killed in a very violent car accident yesterday afternoon so we are grieving his death now as well. My family's very close and we grew up more like brother and sister than cousins so it has hit me very hard. He was only 30. Oh my God, Andrea, that is horrible I am so very sorry about this tragic loss. You and your family are in my prayers. Ellen -------- Erin 6/26/95 Bradley & Alex 10/5/00 |
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