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#11
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question about spacing of male siblings
-L. wrote:
I think there is some point where the gap is so large (5,6,7 years) that the second sib is almost like an only child, because the elder sibs are in school all day and with a SAHM, the baby gets all the attention during the day. Yes, my #3 is much like that. I actually think it's kind of nice in many ways. I don't want to wait that long, simply because I will be too old. Well, that pretty much trumps other arguments, eh? Best wishes, Ericka |
#12
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question about spacing of male siblings
"-L." wrote in message oups.com... I am interested in hearing from people who have two male siblings who are next to each other in birth order. How far apart are your boys, and what kind of relationship do they have with each other? Do you have other children as well? I am especially interested in first and second-born boys. TIA for any input. We are contemplating adopting again and most likely will be placed with a another boy although we are not choosing gender. I am just wondering about spacing of two male sibs, and how it affects their interactions with each other. -L. DS1 is 1 year, 1 month and 2 days older than DS2. DD is 4 and a half years (4 year, 6 months, 4 days) younger than DS2. DD will be 15 months for #4's EDD. Soo.. That leaves me with a 6 year old, 5 year old and 9 month old. DSs get along great - most of the time. Just as any other siblings, they have their moments of good and bad. My brother is about a month short of 3 years younger than I am. My other brother is a couple months off of 6 years younger than I am. Brothers are 3 years apart in age, and from what I recall, they got along fine when they were younger. Now, at 17 and just about 20, they're CONSTANTLY at eachother's necks. Then again, I had always stood back when we were younger, but it seems now that the youngest is constantly asking for a beating from me at times, yet my brother (the middle one of us) and I get along just great. That wasn't the case when we were younger, happened within the last maybe 4 or so years that we became close and civilized with eachother. The youngest, however, is a totally different story I doubt there's any 'ideal' age difference for siblings. You can say close in age is a good playmate, but close in age could also mean fighting over attention and competition. Further apart in age could mean nothing in common, but also the older one could be a big help and be the best 'big brother' or 'big sister' to the younger one. I would put my money down that there's an equal amount of pros and cons, good and bad, and that's just with siblings in general, and I would bet that it often has little to do with age difference... |
#13
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question about spacing of male siblings
In article .com,
"-L." wrote: I am interested in hearing from people who have two male siblings who are next to each other in birth order. How far apart are your boys, and what kind of relationship do they have with each other? My feeling is that the advantages and disadvantages fall into two categories: a) the obvious ones relating to age difference, and b) the inescapable ones relating to personality difference. Our boys are 5y2mo and 11mo. They adore each other -- except when DS2 interrupts DS1's activities! To see them getting on so well is a delight, and they play together quite well a lot of the time. The advantages of a 4-year age gap a - older child is more independent - older child is more patient, unlike a toddler - older child is more understanding of the baby's need for attention, rather than just jealous The disadvantages will be more apparent later. The developmental gap between 13 and 9, or 16 and 12, is much greater than the gap between 5 and 1. Swings and roundabouts... -- Chookie -- Sydney, Australia (Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply) "Parenthood is like the modern stone washing process for denim jeans. You may start out crisp, neat and tough, but you end up pale, limp and wrinkled." Kerry Cue |
#14
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question about spacing of male siblings
Chookie wrote: In article .com, "-L." wrote: I am interested in hearing from people who have two male siblings who are next to each other in birth order. How far apart are your boys, and what kind of relationship do they have with each other? My feeling is that the advantages and disadvantages fall into two categories: a) the obvious ones relating to age difference, and b) the inescapable ones relating to personality difference. Our boys are 5y2mo and 11mo. They adore each other -- except when DS2 interrupts DS1's activities! To see them getting on so well is a delight, and they play together quite well a lot of the time. The advantages of a 4-year age gap a - older child is more independent - older child is more patient, unlike a toddler - older child is more understanding of the baby's need for attention, rather than just jealous The disadvantages will be more apparent later. The developmental gap between 13 and 9, or 16 and 12, is much greater than the gap between 5 and 1. Swings and roundabouts... Understood! I think at some point the gap gets big enough that as they grow they don't have as much in common WRT interests. It can be ok if both have friends in the neighborhood but disasterous if one has friends and the other doesn't... -L. |
#15
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question about spacing of male siblings
karlisa wrote: My boys are 2.5 years apart. So far, Mick shows very little interest in Noah as a playmate, and absolutely did not like the baby when we brought him home from the hospital. 15 months later, however, he has gotten used to "bruh-der" and becomes very anxious if he thinks Noah will be left behind or left out of an activity, and so in his own way, he is becoming protective of Noah. Sometimes Mick will ask me if he can "pet" his brother and then pat him lightly on the head. Sweet! I'm hoping that he will continue to warm up to him as time passes. Good luck on your adoption plans! Thanks! We are still at the thinking stage now. We have been offered a number of babies in the last couple of months so it spurred the "what if" conversations... -L. |
#16
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question about spacing of male siblings
xkatx wrote: snip I would put my money down that there's an equal amount of pros and cons, good and bad, and that's just with siblings in general, and I would bet that it often has little to do with age difference... Agreed - to some extent. I just wanted to see what others have observed. I don't think there is ever a "right" or "perfect" time to add a sib. -L. |
#17
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question about spacing of male siblings
"Chookie" wrote in message ... In article .com, "-L." wrote: I am interested in hearing from people who have two male siblings who are next to each other in birth order. How far apart are your boys, and what kind of relationship do they have with each other? My feeling is that the advantages and disadvantages fall into two categories: a) the obvious ones relating to age difference, and b) the inescapable ones relating to personality difference. Our boys are 5y2mo and 11mo. They adore each other -- except when DS2 interrupts DS1's activities! To see them getting on so well is a delight, and they play together quite well a lot of the time. The advantages of a 4-year age gap a - older child is more independent - older child is more patient, unlike a toddler - older child is more understanding of the baby's need for attention, rather than just jealous The disadvantages will be more apparent later. The developmental gap between 13 and 9, or 16 and 12, is much greater than the gap between 5 and 1. Swings and roundabouts... Our boys are 16,12 (almost 13) and 8, so I know what you mean. It's been mostly good though. |
#18
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question about spacing of male siblings
"-L." wrote in message oups.com... I am interested in hearing from people who have two male siblings who are next to each other in birth order. How far apart are your boys, and what kind of relationship do they have with each other? Do you have other children as well? My first two are boys and 24 months apart. They are 7yo and 5yo now. They get along like typical siblings. They are close, care about one another, and are often playing very well together. They also bicker, argue, and fight ;-) I recently had two more boys. They are both in love with the babies. No jealousy or negative behaviors at all at this point. That may change as the babies get older and more demanding and interfering though! My husband has two brothers. The boys are the three youngest of five total children. There is three years between each boy. I have no idea how childhood went but they get along great now as adults and I've never heard anything negative about childhood. Dh spends a lot of time with the brother that is 6yrs older then him as they have very similar interests and are equally obsessive. Middle brother has similar interests but doesn't devote most his life to them, lol. -- Nikki, mama to Hunter 4/99 Luke 4/01 Brock 4/06 Ben 4/06 |
#19
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question about spacing of male siblings
I think there's a *social* gap between 13 and 9, or 16 and 12, but the
developmental gap is surely much bigger now, between 5 and 1? Seems to me in terms of what they can really *do* together, they'd be closer at 13 and 9, things like swimming, climbing trees, playing cards or board games, talking about books or movies or sports, etc. Whether the 13-year-old would be *willing* to do that with the 9-year-old, now ... that's another thing. Incidentally, I had an almost-four-years-older brother, as well as a lot of still older siblings, and now have two 11-year-olds and a 7-year-old. Dunno if a four years' gap just seems normal to me, or what. If I'd had only one baby first, I might have been willing to go for a shorter interval. I'd say the 11-year-olds each get on better with the 7-year-old than they do with each other, really. --Helen |
#20
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question about spacing of male siblings
Hi,
I have 3 sons aged 1, 4.5 and 6 years old. The oldest two are very close and play a lot together, they also argue like any siblings do and the older tends to boss the younger. They are very loyal to each other and the older feels protective of the younger. Due to the closeness in age they have many shared interests and activities, they share a room and all their toys. Actually they play more together than separately or with other friends. They both adore the baby and play with him and have shown very little jealousy. There is a special connection between my eldest and my baby. My eldest often chooses to play with the baby over other activites. My baby saves his biggest smiles and laughs for all the silly things DS1 does to amuse him. I should mention that DS1 really likes babies in general which probably helps and DS2 tends to copy him. I think having the boys close in age means there are many shared activites, I can even read the same bedtime story to the older two. I am also very close in age to my brother (less than 2 years apart) and we are very close (both as children and adults). I hope this helps, Helen Mum to: Eran (Feb 2000) Hillel (August 2001) Uri (April 2005) -L. wrote: I am interested in hearing from people who have two male siblings who are next to each other in birth order. How far apart are your boys, and what kind of relationship do they have with each other? Do you have other children as well? I am especially interested in first and second-born boys. TIA for any input. We are contemplating adopting again and most likely will be placed with a another boy although we are not choosing gender. I am just wondering about spacing of two male sibs, and how it affects their interactions with each other. -L. |
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