Ashamed of my temper...

LA, He is really young still. Training by 2 is even pretty young for girls,
but in general, girls train earlier than boys. So, to expect him to train
by 2 because that's when his sister did may be an unrealistic expectation on
your part, which in part can be causing some of the anger. Hugs.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 -- My Big Girl, who goes pee pee and poo poo on the
potty!
Addison Grace, 9/30/04 -- The Standing Fool, who climbs to standing every
chance she gets!

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"L.A." wrote in message
oups.com...
Thanks for your reply, Jamie...

I haven't done the reward thing with him, other than lots of hugs and
praise. I didn't do it with DD...she just enjoyed the praise and
wanted to please us, so she went and was trained by the time she was
two. I know I need to let it go, but it's such a trigger for me, it's
really hard for me to keep my temper over this issue. I may try the
reward and see what happens. (He LOVES jelly beans, so that's a good
idea.) If that doesn't work, I'll leave it until the new baby has
become a fixture in the house, then try again. But I am NOT looking
forward to changing big boy poo with a new baby in the house as well.
I wish this didn't bother me so much!

L.A.

Thanks Larry...

I may try this for a bit in the summer time when I can put him out in
the back yard in nice weather. Then it won't matter where he poops. I
think I'd feel much better about cleaning up outside than I do about
having to drag him into the bathroom and scrape him off, then lysol the
counter and wash poopy washcloths. And I'm hoping after I have this
baby the smell of things won't bother me so strongly. Right now, the
smell of DS's poopy diapers makes me ill. I'm just trying to think
ahead and remember that all the things DD did to bug me when she was
two are no longer issues now that she's four. I'm sure it will be the
same with DS...if I can only keep my temper!

L.A.

I know...in with the good, out with the bad. :-)
He won't be two and a half for another three months. Maybe we'll go
back to it then, after the new baby is here and established. I'm
pretty sure pushing the issue now, even if we were successful would
lead to a regression after the new arrival, which would lead to even
more frustration. I think I wouldn't have expected him to train now if
he hadn't been doing so well with it. But he was doing great, and now
nothing. That's the part I'm having trouble dealing with! Oh
well...deep breaths. Thanks for the advice.

L.A.

Paging Dr. Freud, L.A. wrote:

I don't know what to do about this, but I find I'm getting unreasonably
angry at 2yo DS who refuses to go to the potty. He had been doing very
well, but suddenly decided the potty is his enemy. We've tried moving
it into the living room because he doesn't like to be isolated in the
bathroom for any length of time. But now as soon as the word "potty"
comes up, he starts shouting "NO POTTY!" I don't know why the sudden
abhorance towards it. Anyway, every day I calmly ask him if he needs
to go poo in the potty. Every day he politely says "No, tank you
Mommy." Then he poos in his pants. I know he knows what the potty is
for...he's used it with success in the past. I know he knows his
body's signals, because he goes off by himself to dirty his diaper.
He'd just prefer to go in his pants. Ususally, DH just takes him in
the bathroom and cleans him up. But if I have to do it, I find myself
getting really mad at him. I end up speaking sharply to him, saying
"That's dirty...you're supposed to put it in the potty!" He gets upset
when I chastise him, and the whole thing is just a disaster. I know
it's not helping him move towards using the potty, but I can't seem to
contain my anger and disgust over such a silly thing. Maybe it's the
hormones, (I'm just about 36 weeks). But I'm at my wit's end with my
stinky big boy, and dreading having two in diapers. Anyone have
advice?

My aunt wanted to enroll her THREE year old son in Montissori, and they
won't take kids unless they are potty trained (at least, that's how it
is where she is) so she really pushed him to use the potty.

He pushed right back, and refused. The more upset she got, the more he
refused. Finally, what worked was saying, "Ok, I don't care if you're
the only boy on the Senior Basketball Team in Depends, as long as
you've learned by college, it'll be ok with me." I think he figured it
out within a month of her giving up.

Two's awfully early for a boy. I know that you don't want to have two
in diapers, but he's got enough to deal with right now (his family is
about to change, big time) and he doesn't need a bunch of pressure to
learn to potty train. You'll be a lot happier if you just lay off of
him, and so will he. Having a little brother or sister is a very big
deal, and often causes kids to revert, so even if you get him trained
in the next four weeks, he's likely to forget all about it when the
baby comes. You might as well just save your breath. Plenty of
pioneer women had two in diapers back before washing machines and
disposables, and they survived just fine. You will too.

Besides, Freud would say that you're going to make him a complete
sociopath if you push him (which is no big deal, considering that Freud
himself was a pretty serious whacko, but still)... No one wants that!


As for your temper, it's probably just a combo of hormones and hot
weather and being uncomfortable and the whole rest of it. I think if
you change your expectations of the situation, you'll feel a whole lot
better.

Hang in there!
Amy

"L.A." wrote in message
oups.com...
Hi all...

I don't know what to do about this, but I find I'm getting unreasonably
angry at 2yo DS who refuses to go to the potty. He had been doing very
well, but suddenly decided the potty is his enemy. We've tried moving
it into the living room because he doesn't like to be isolated in the
bathroom for any length of time. But now as soon as the word "potty"
comes up, he starts shouting "NO POTTY!" I don't know why the sudden
abhorance towards it. Anyway, every day I calmly ask him if he needs
to go poo in the potty. Every day he politely says "No, tank you
Mommy." Then he poos in his pants. I know he knows what the potty is
for...he's used it with success in the past. I know he knows his
body's signals, because he goes off by himself to dirty his diaper.
He'd just prefer to go in his pants. Ususally, DH just takes him in
the bathroom and cleans him up. But if I have to do it, I find myself
getting really mad at him. I end up speaking sharply to him, saying
"That's dirty...you're supposed to put it in the potty!" He gets upset
when I chastise him, and the whole thing is just a disaster. I know
it's not helping him move towards using the potty, but I can't seem to
contain my anger and disgust over such a silly thing. Maybe it's the
hormones, (I'm just about 36 weeks). But I'm at my wit's end with my
stinky big boy, and dreading having two in diapers. Anyone have
advice?

Thanks.
L.A.


He is not ready, and you won't be the first or last person to have two kids
in diapers. The average age for potty training is 2.5 years old. Let it go
and try again later. Next time, try to be matter-of-factly about it instead
of reactive, getting angry, and disciplining him when it's not going well. I
would be very careful about making this a negative experience for your son
as it could have lasting effects on him.

TMI: My DH is very uptight about going to the bathroom. He cannot handle
anyone being in the house who might happen to hear him. He gets constipated
in other people's houses when we stay with them Knowing how his mom
disciplined him, I believe it stems from his potty-training experience.

Marie
DD-16 mo

"L.A." wrote in message
oups.com...
Thanks Amy...I don't think he's had a bad experience; this kid has
never been constipated in his life! I think he's just decided the
potty is time consuming and he'd rather just continue what he's doing
than stop and go to the potty. That's what's so frustrating...he KNOWS
what to do, he just won't do it. We make a big deal when he goes, but
he doesn't really care. AAAGGGHHHH!!!

L.A.


Um, he is two years old. Knowing is one thing; maturity is another.

Marie
DD-16 mo

"Marie" wrote in message
news:051qe.30970$x96.30131@attbi_s72...
"L.A." wrote in message
oups.com...
I don't know what to do about this, but I find I'm getting unreasonably
angry at 2yo DS who refuses to go to the potty. He had been doing very
well, but suddenly decided the potty is his enemy. We've tried moving
it into the living room because he doesn't like to be isolated in the
bathroom for any length of time. But now as soon as the word "potty"
comes up, he starts shouting "NO POTTY!" I don't know why the sudden
abhorance towards it. Anyway, every day I calmly ask him if he needs
to go poo in the potty. Every day he politely says "No, tank you
Mommy." Then he poos in his pants. I know he knows what the potty is
for...he's used it with success in the past. I know he knows his
body's signals, because he goes off by himself to dirty his diaper.
He'd just prefer to go in his pants. Ususally, DH just takes him in
the bathroom and cleans him up. But if I have to do it, I find myself
getting really mad at him. I end up speaking sharply to him, saying
"That's dirty...you're supposed to put it in the potty!" He gets upset
when I chastise him, and the whole thing is just a disaster. I know
it's not helping him move towards using the potty, but I can't seem to
contain my anger and disgust over such a silly thing. Maybe it's the
hormones, (I'm just about 36 weeks). But I'm at my wit's end with my
stinky big boy, and dreading having two in diapers. Anyone have
advice?

He is not ready, and you won't be the first or last person to have two
kids
in diapers.

Really, two in diapers is not nearly so awful as people seem to imagine. Two
in diapers is, in my experience, infinitely easier than one in diapers and
one who's theoretically trained but still needs constant reminders to use
the toilet and has accidents frequently. I've done two in diapers twice and
it really and truly was no big deal.

When it comes to training later one, LA, you're way ahead of us. My 3y3m son
is not the slightest bit interested in using the potty and has never even
*tried*. You are way ahead of the game in that your son does already know
what the potty is for and when/how to use it. When he *is* ready to train,
chances are it will go very easily and smoothly in the space of a few days
(this was how it was for my oldest, who trained at 3y1m, but who "flirted
with" the potty for a good 6 months before that) as long as you let up now
and let him forget about this experience before you try again.

I know that my youngest, resistant as he is now, will *eventually* decide to
use the potty. It really can't come soon enough for me because I, too, am
tired of changing big-kid-poops and lifting him up onto the changing table
is rough now that he weighs 40ish lbs. (Don't suggest the bed or floor
instead; that's harder on my back than getting onto the changing table.)
--
Be well, Barbara

"L.A." wrote and I snipped:
he'd rather just continue what he's doing
than stop and go to the potty.
We make a big deal when he goes, but
he doesn't really care. AAAGGGHHHH!!!

As others have mentioned, you really can't express any disappointment (or
anger or frustration) when your DS has an accident. But, you also shouldn't
make a big deal when he does well. This is an important point. When you're
so invested in the outcome, they often refuse as an area in which they have
control of their own lives. Leave it to him to be proud of himself. Many
kids don't want to feel like they're doing it to make you happy.

Good luck,
-Patty, mom of 1+2

Thanks Barbara...

I'm feeling a bit calmer now, and will endeavor to let go of my anger
over the whole thing. I think if he didn't understand what the potty
is for, or didn't recognize his body's signals, I'd find it easier.
But he's a smart cookie and knows very well what he's doing. I think
my problem is a combination of feeling like he's defying me on purpose
(which he probably is, but hey, he's two!) and the messy consequences
of that. And it gets worse then, because when I get mad at him for
pooping in his pants, I feel terrible later because he's really a
little darling...if a tad headstrong! Oh well...breathing in,
breathing out...dealing with my anger!

L.A.

"L.A." wrote in message
ups.com...
I'm feeling a bit calmer now, and will endeavor to let go of my anger
over the whole thing. I think if he didn't understand what the potty
is for, or didn't recognize his body's signals, I'd find it easier.
But he's a smart cookie and knows very well what he's doing.

Well, FWIW, I'm pretty sure that my untrained 3y3m son is entirely *capable*
in every physical sense of learning to use the toilet. I've never pushed the
issue with him particularly, but suggest occasionally that he'd find
underwear more comfortable than diapers and that his bum wouldn't be as
likely to hurt after poops if he'd use the potty and the like, but he's
having none of it. He's such an independent little cuss that I'm pretty
certain that when he figures out that using the potty means *he's* doing it
himself, he'll be right on it and figure it out quickly. It's just that I
have no idea when that day is going to come and, frankly, it can't be too
soon! (I keep buying diapers only a package at a time, hoping against
hope...)

Anyway, glad to hear that you're letting go of the anger. Honestly, you were
lucky to have a child who was trained at 2yo. My older two were 3y1m (boy)
and 3y9m (girl--and BTW, I think this stuff about girls training earlier
than boys is a load of bunk g!). I've sort of resigned myself to the fact
that I just don't breed early trainers, but if I could be guaranteed a
trained-by-2 kid if we had another go-round, I might just do it!
--
Be well, Barbara