GUESS WHAAAAAT! *grin*

Ericka Kammerer wrote:
If I had another
child, I'm sure I'd say that I didn't regret having
another child, but it would also involve life changes
that I don't think are best for me and my family as
they stand now. They're all *choices*. We could
manage with another child. I just don't see it as
optimal for us (others, obviously, have different
equations for their families and circumstances).

Yes, I think that's where we are, too.

I'm sure there could be a time I'd regret not
having another child. I regret the thought that I'm
done *now*!

I think this is probably the critical point for me. I doubt I'll ever really
feel "done" or stop feeling a bit broody and nostalgic when I see a little
baby. And that would be true whether I stop now at three kids or whether I
had a fourth or whether I kept on having 'em until I couldn't any more.

Maybe I should have started very young like Andrea so I could have as many
as I wanted. But I didn't, and since there are many things I like about the
life I have now that *couldn't* have happened if I'd started having children
much younger, I don't regret that I don't have the option of having as many
as I might optimally want. Does that make sense?
--
Be well, Barbara
Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 5), and the Rising Son (Julian, 7)

This week's suggested Bush/Cheney campaign bumper sticker:
"Four More Wars!"

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman

Leslie wrote:
Barbara said:

You guys having your fourths have got to stop this! You're making
me broody, and I'm done. (Repeats to self: I am done, I am done, I
am done.")

I really don't think you are sure enough about this, Barbara!

LOL, I'll never be sure. In a perfect world, I'd have at least 2 or 3 more
kids. But it's not a perfect world!
--
Be well, Barbara
Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 5), and the Rising Son (Julian, 7)

This week's suggested Bush/Cheney campaign bumper sticker:
"Four More Wars!"

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman

Ericka said:

True, but having additional children *does* have
consequences. snip

They're all *choices*. We could
manage with another child. I just don't see it as
optimal for us (others, obviously, have different
equations for their families and circumstances).
I'm sure there could be a time I'd regret not
having another child.snip

The only thing that seems a given to
me is that ideally you don't have more children than
you can provide a decent life for.

I don't disagree with anything you've said at all. And knowing both you and
Barbara, I know what ever decisions you've made about family size would be well
thought out.

I do think, though, that lots of people stop before they are really ready
because of preconceived g notions about what they can handle and what kids
need. And they end up being sorry later.

I just think that if you are on the fence, it's better to go ahead and have
another than regret not doing it, you know?

Every time we have a new baby it necessitates some change in whatever
comfortable routine we have worked out up to that point. I always feel a
little grief for that old life that has to change to make way for the new life.
But then we adjust and get comfortable with that new life too.


Leslie

Emily (2/4/91)
Jake (1/27/94)
Teddy (2/15/95)
William (3/5/01 -- VBA3C, 13 lbs. 5 oz.)
and Lorelei, expected 11/2/04

"Children come trailing clouds of glory from God, which is their home."
~ William Wordsworth

Barbara said:

I think this is probably the critical point for me. I doubt I'll ever really
feel "done" or stop feeling a bit broody and nostalgic when I see a little
baby. And that would be true whether I stop now at three kids or whether I
had a fourth or whether I kept on having 'em until I couldn't any more.

I know people who say they know they are done, people here and IRL. I keep
hoping that will happen to me at some point, because otherwise I don't know how
I'll stop!


Maybe I should have started very young like Andrea so I could have as many
as I wanted. But I didn't, and since there are many things I like about the
life I have now that *couldn't* have happened if I'd started having children
much younger, I don't regret that I don't have the option of having as many
as I might optimally want. Does that make sense?

Sure it makes sense. Plus you'd have different children if you'd started
sooner, and you can't regret the ones you have!


Leslie

Emily (2/4/91)
Jake (1/27/94)
Teddy (2/15/95)
William (3/5/01 -- VBA3C, 13 lbs. 5 oz.)
and Lorelei, expected 11/2/04

"Children come trailing clouds of glory from God, which is their home."
~ William Wordsworth

Leslie wrote:
Barbara said:
I think this is probably the critical point for me. I doubt I'll
ever really feel "done" or stop feeling a bit broody and nostalgic
when I see a little baby. And that would be true whether I stop
now at three kids or whether I had a fourth or whether I kept on
having 'em until I couldn't any more.

I know people who say they know they are done, people here and IRL.
I keep hoping that will happen to me at some point, because
otherwise I don't know how I'll stop!

LOL, you might have to wait for menopause like my grandmother (who had her
last at 47).

But I know what you mean. I hear a lot of people say they are definitely
done and they really don't *want* any more kids and I think, "Gosh, how
could you not want more wonderful people in your family?"

I don't mean to say I think it's bad not to want more kids or to be sure
you're done--it's probably just the opposite--but I totally can't get my own
mind around it!

But I didn't, and since there are many things I like
about the life I have now that *couldn't* have happened if I'd
started having children much younger, I don't regret that I don't
have the option of having as many as I might optimally want. Does
that make sense?

Sure it makes sense. Plus you'd have different children if you'd
started sooner, and you can't regret the ones you have!

Nope, that's certainly true.
--
Be well, Barbara
Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 5), and the Rising Son (Julian, 7)

This week's suggested Bush/Cheney campaign bumper sticker:
"Four More Wars!"

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman

Circe wrote:

Maybe I should have started very young like Andrea so I could have as many
as I wanted. But I didn't, and since there are many things I like about the
life I have now that *couldn't* have happened if I'd started having children
much younger, I don't regret that I don't have the option of having as many
as I might optimally want. Does that make sense?

Makes perfect sense to me ;-) I have always lamented
a bit that I'm so far "behind" my mother, who started having
kids early (I was born right before she turned 21). On the
other hand, my life has been a lot easier because I didn't
(not to mention I hadn't met my husband by then ;-) I like
to think that if I'd taken a different route, I would have
done as good a job with those challenges as my mother did,
but I'm glad I didn't have to, all things considered.
There are lots of things I'd like in life that
I don't do/have because I don't think they're optimal
in terms of the big picture. Heck, I'd love to live on
chocolate, but I'm pretty sure that's sub-optimal over
the long haul despite how it feels some days ;-)

Best wishes,
Ericka

Leslie wrote:


I do think, though, that lots of people stop before they are really ready
because of preconceived g notions about what they can handle and what kids
need. And they end up being sorry later.

That's certainly true--and also people who go on and
have more kids due to having unrealistic notions about what
would be required to handle an additional child. And, of
course, given that 50 percent of pregnancies aren't planned
(including within married couples), a whole lotta folks
haven't even made a proactive decision!

I just think that if you are on the fence, it's better to go ahead and have
another than regret not doing it, you know?

I think that depends on the people involved. Some
people would be better off taking the chance and going forward,
while others are probably better remaining conservative. I
think it just depends on the personalities. For me, it's hard
to imagine not really enjoying another child regardless of the
issues that come along with him or her, but I am blessed with
resources and a personality that usually accommodates that
sort of thing relatively well. Remember that when they survey
parents, a staggeringly high number admit in anonymous situations
that while they would *never* want to give up a child, if they
knew then what they know now, they would have had fewer (or no)
kids. This suggests to me that there are quite a few people
for whom it would be better *not* to go forward if they were
on the fence.

Best wishes,
Ericka

"Circe" wrote in message
news:GCi2d.167196$4o.51680@fed1read01...
Leslie wrote:
Barbara said:
I think this is probably the critical point for me. I doubt I'll
ever really feel "done" or stop feeling a bit broody and nostalgic
when I see a little baby. And that would be true whether I stop
now at three kids or whether I had a fourth or whether I kept on
having 'em until I couldn't any more.

I know people who say they know they are done, people here and IRL.
I keep hoping that will happen to me at some point, because
otherwise I don't know how I'll stop!

LOL, you might have to wait for menopause like my grandmother (who had her
last at 47).

But I know what you mean. I hear a lot of people say they are definitely
done and they really don't *want* any more kids and I think, "Gosh, how
could you not want more wonderful people in your family?"

Well, you know, I have a wonderful family full of wonderful people, but
really, our 3 bedroom house is feeling very full these days. And I don't
want to spend any more time in the hospital or on bedrest. So I don't feel
*too* bad saying I'm done.

--angela

"Chotii" wrote in message
...

"Circe" wrote in message
news:GCi2d.167196$4o.51680@fed1read01...
Leslie wrote:
Barbara said:
I think this is probably the critical point for me. I doubt I'll
ever really feel "done" or stop feeling a bit broody and nostalgic
when I see a little baby. And that would be true whether I stop
now at three kids or whether I had a fourth or whether I kept on
having 'em until I couldn't any more.

I know people who say they know they are done, people here and IRL.
I keep hoping that will happen to me at some point, because
otherwise I don't know how I'll stop!

LOL, you might have to wait for menopause like my grandmother (who had
her
last at 47).

But I know what you mean. I hear a lot of people say they are definitely
done and they really don't *want* any more kids and I think, "Gosh, how
could you not want more wonderful people in your family?"

Well, you know, I have a wonderful family full of wonderful people, but
really, our 3 bedroom house is feeling very full these days. And I don't
want to spend any more time in the hospital or on bedrest. So I don't feel
*too* bad saying I'm done.

--angela

That's my thing now-my husband has mentioned a "next baby"-and all I can
think of is "oh great, more months on bedrest!"-maybe I'll feel different
after this one gets here, but at least for now, I don't think I'd be too
disappointed if this ends up being my last pregnancy.

"Leslie" wrote in message
...
Sophie said:

I'm glad (soon) everyone will have someone on
their side of the table

And as for us, we just went out and bought a bigger table, and there is an
empty chair on each side just waiting to be filled. :-)

Woohoo Leslie! I hope that means a #6 will be coming along in a few
years -- maybe when I have #3!


--
-Sara
whose new-to-me vehicle has four spots waiting to be filled after this
little Someone arrives!
Mommy to DD, 2 1/2
And Someone Due 2/05