I must be the worst mother on MKP

"Sophie" wrote in message
...

So what is it about pushing that freaks some folks out? I'm genuinely

It's not the pushing, it's where the baby comes out - lol.

Even with what happened with L, I'm perfectly A-OK with c-sections and
that
I never had to have a baby come out "there"

"There" is probably the fastest healing part of our bodies though. Certainly
faster than the abdomen. I had a deep labial graze (at least I thought it
was deep lol) from where DS was born with his hand up by his face. It was
gone within a couple of days, I was amazed. And urinary alkanisers take away
any pain from grazes while peeing. Did you labour much or at all before
having your sections? Because labour is certainly worse than delivery. I
think a lot of women think that since labour can hurt a lot, pushing must
certainly hurt a lot more. It isn't the case. 'Delivery' seems to be
delivery from pain, not just of the baby, lol.
I'm a wimp when it comes to pain, but of all the painful experiences in my
life, birth is not at the top of the list. Having a plantar wart cut from
the sole of my foot under local anaesthesia at age 14 is right up there.
Coming off my bicycle at 16 and ending up with a split chin, a few chipped
teeth and numerous bruises is right up there too. Transition labour is
probably somewhere after those two, but certainly didn't compare to 18 weeks
of morning sickness - oh, for a few hours of pain over weeks spent gagging
my guts out, head in a toilet...
Actual delivery was nothing worse than the Chinese burns my Dad used to give
us as kids, pain-wise, it was a non-event, but very exciting nonetheless :-)
And before anyone assumes that my "down there" is stretched all out of shape
and my babies just slip out, my DH assures me this is not the case ;-)


--
Amy,
Mum to Carlos born sleeping 20/11/02,
& Ana born screaming 30/06/04
email: barton . souto @ clear . net . nz (join the dots!)
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/c/carlos2002/

"Denise Anderson" wrote in message
news:_2Rdd.15602$232.1645@trnddc09...

I'm sure you're a very good mum, and a very much loved
mum.

Denise

Thankyou. :-)
I probably spend too much time posting to newsgroups and not enough time
parenting or cleaning.


--
Amy,
Mum to Carlos born sleeping 20/11/02,
& Ana born screaming 30/06/04
email: barton . souto @ clear . net . nz (join the dots!)
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/c/carlos2002/

"emilymr" emily@xxxxxx wrote in message
lkaboutparenting.com...

I feel exactly the same, PRE-baby, which is alarming. Both my husband
and I just got our PhDs, had a very equal relationship in terms of
cooking/cleaning the house/ doing errands, were in the same place in terms
of jobs (working at the uni, although of course he STILL got paid more as
an engineering grad student than I did as a history grad student!)

If you have a PhD, you are one up on me, lol. I could have got formal
qualifications had I been prepared to put in the effort, but I was too lazy
to do that either, I guess :-) All my childhood people tut-tutted about my
'potential'. 'Potential' is going to be a swear word in my house if I have
anything to do with it.


I miss the flatmate
relationship, and I'm rebelling against Stepford already!! (and most of
this is probably in *my* head, not in DH's actual expectations)

I think the same is true for me. DH honestly doesn't expect much, he's
incredibly forgiving. Perhaps that's what makes me so guilty.

--
Amy,
Mum to Carlos born sleeping 20/11/02,
& Ana born screaming 30/06/04
email: barton . souto @ clear . net . nz (join the dots!)
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/c/carlos2002/

"Sophie" wrote in message
...
Okay, I admit it. I just don't get why anyone would be relieved to be
cut
open rather than pushing out a baby. I don't mean that as an attack: I'm
glad you're relieved and happy about it. I just can't figure what it is
about pushing that some women find so awful. I mean, I presume women
have
had bowel movements every day of their lives (unless they're having
"problems", of course!). Pushing out a baby just isn't that much
different. At least in my experience.

So what is it about pushing that freaks some folks out? I'm genuinely
curious.

It's not the pushing, it's where the baby comes out - lol.

Even with what happened with L, I'm perfectly A-OK with c-sections and
that
I never had to have a baby come out "there"

Okay, I think I can sort of understand that. I know I had no desire to watch
my kids come out in the mirror or anything like that--I'd just rather not
*see* how big that opening can get even if I know by looking at my babies
that it must be pretty darn big g!

Still, babies are meant to come out of vaginas. And once you've given birth
vaginally, I think most of the squick factor over all the stretching pretty
well goes away. You know it goes back where it came from g!
--
Be well, Barbara
Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 5), and the Rising Son (Julian, 7)

"Bush didn't pee his pants or kill anyone, so my guess is that people will
say [the third debate] was a tie."--Jessi Klein
(http://www.cnn.com/2004/ALLPOLITICS/...log/index.html)

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman

"Jenrose" wrote in message
news:1098353807.0aLFJdt4DI0+6aoiZXMhYQ@teranews...

Hah! I have a kid per decade. This helps with babysitting issues... (when
my
first was born, my sister was almost 9...) DD will turn 12 when this one
is
3 months old.

Good idea, I could do that. I probably have another 10-11 years of fertility
left.

At our house we have an exclamation.... "Well! Gild my pinecones and
call me
Martha!" Said sarcastically any time someone gets "extra fancy" about
something beyond what others in the family consider sane. The only time I
was accused of this recently was planning for my wedding. That time, it
was
probably warrented. Never again!

LOL....I like that :-)

Heh. I don't ever get hormonal, or whiny. Not ever. eyeroll There are
some
things I do well. Parenting newborns, I have a knack for. Parenting
preschoolers... not so much. After preschool? Knack again. And
pregnancy...
I know a lot about pregnancy but am *lousy* at actually doing it.

I don't believe you're lousy at being pg. It's virtually impossible to be
lousy at being pg, unless you are actively alcoholic or do hard drugs.
Pregnancy involves eating enough for two people, I can do that. Pregnancy
involves a lot of naps and taking it easy, I can do that too.

She cries herself to sleep a lot, in her own room.

Personally, my nerves couldn't take it. If it works for you, so be it. My
cousin was here a month ago, with her son, and did let him cry it out at
one
point. I did NOT say one word about it, even though it's not how I'd
parent,
because I have no history with her child, no background into how they got
to
that point, and some kids just need some time to wind down before
sleeping.
We do what works for us.

She doesn't cry for more than 10-15 minutes before I pick her up and nurse
her, or she's gone to sleep, but I admit the real reason I do it is because
I have a very low tolerance level for her crying. She cries whether I hold
her or not, and it may be more comforting for her to be held while she's
crying, but it's unpleasant for *me*. It makes my blood pressure rise, to
have her screaming like that & be unable to fix it. Generally for those
10-15 minutes of hell, I now have two doors shut between us, either that or
I'm outside watering plants. I'm not a good enough parent to suffer it with
her.

You do a coffee group? That's more than I'm managing, socially, right now.
And you baked for it?

I attempted to bake for it. And it hasn't been held at my house yet, and
hopefully never will. I've not been Ms. Popular with most of them anyway,
since I mentioned the swear word "SIDS". I thought it was safe to bring up
since they were also talking about their fears as their babies were sleeping
longer at night, and this was a big thing for me at the time too. No-one
told me that coffee groups aren't for serious stuff.

Did I mention that I'm a *horrible* housecleaner? I take that back... I'm
horrible at keeping my own house clean. I'm pretty competent at cleaning
other people's houses where I'm not attached to the junk.

I can go to someone else's house and clean things I would never bother with
in my own too. I think the difference for me is, that I don't get noticed
for cleaning at home. Like most lazy people, any work I do is very much
based on the amount of gratitude I get at the end of it.

If this were alt.housecleaning, I'd be the one wringing my hands, except
that I'm so bad about housecleaning that I've ceased to worry about it and
don't even know if there *is* an alt.housecleaning. Parenting is one of my
schticks, something I have a knack for, and I've found a lot of things
that
work *for me*. Do I care if people follow all my advice? Not really. I put
it out there in case it helps someone who finds that what they are doing
*doesn't* work for them. Most of my parenting style is based not on the
path
of least resistance, but on the path of least work in the long run. I'm a
pragmaticly lazy person.

(((Jenrose)))
Thanks.

--
Amy,
Mum to Carlos born sleeping 20/11/02,
& Ana born screaming 30/06/04
email: barton . souto @ clear . net . nz (join the dots!)
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/c/carlos2002/

Thanks Sue :-)

--
Amy,
Mum to Carlos born sleeping 20/11/02,
& Ana born screaming 30/06/04
email: barton . souto @ clear . net . nz (join the dots!)
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/c/carlos2002/


"Sue" wrote in message
...
"Mum of Two" wrote in message
...
Everyone here is so perfect! It seems you all wear your babies
constantly,
co-sleep with them when you aren't wearing them, rock them for hours on
end
while they scream, and manage all this even with a dozen other children
besides and a successful career. Those of you who don't have a career
cook,
bake, make your own clothes, baby products, and are basically Martha
Stewart
minus the criminal record. Still others of you are _always right_ or at
least have an annoying way of posting which makes it appear that way to
everyone who reads you, myself included. Do you ever get hormonal,
overtired? What is your breaking point? Do you have one?

I don't wear DD. She amuses herself a lot under a playgym. In fact, I
don't
even think she likes me because she cries and struggles when I pick her
up
sometimes. She cries herself to sleep a lot, in her own room. I tell her
off
when she bites me. She has cat hair in her nappy, and sometimes in her
mouth. She doesn't get enough tummy-time, so she's starting to crawl
upside
down. She would rather watch TV, at three & a half months, than look at
us.
I can't/won't cook nor bake - the other mothers at my coffee group
thought
my scones were biscuits. I don't do sewing either. Actually, I don't do
much
of anything. I am frequently hormonal and irrational, and constantly
contradict myself. I don't make a lot of sense most of the time, even to
me.

At least she's breast-fed and side-slept, so she'll have a good immune
system and a nice shaped head when she starts therapy.

--
Amy,

Aww, your not alone. This group can be a little overwhelming in the
perfect
department. My husband and I have decided that we are not going to start
saving for college, but we are saving for therapist's fees because I am
sure
we are messing them up. ;o) Don't worry, you don't need to co-sleep or
wear
your baby for them to turn out to be happy, respectful people. You would
really have to do some horrible things to mess up your child. Just love
them, attend to their needs, remain consistent in your disipline, plenty
on
your love and always listen. You'll be fine. (((hugs))

--
Sue (mom to three girls)

"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...
Mum of Two wrote:

Everyone here is so perfect! It seems you all wear your babies
constantly,
co-sleep with them when you aren't wearing them, rock them for hours on
end
while they scream, and manage all this even with a dozen other children
besides and a successful career. Those of you who don't have a career
cook,
bake, make your own clothes, baby products, and are basically Martha
Stewart
minus the criminal record. Still others of you are _always right_ or at
least have an annoying way of posting which makes it appear that way to
everyone who reads you, myself included. Do you ever get hormonal,
overtired? What is your breaking point? Do you have one?

Of course everyone does--at least I do. If you'd been
around here longer, you'd likely see it ;-) And you have to keep
in mind that when people post in response to a question, it's
usually because that's an area where they've had some success
or have some information (otherwise, what would they say?).
But if you'll take note, not everyone responds to every question.
A bunch of them are reading right along with the OP, hoping to
find a solution to a similar problem. There are thousands of
people who read this newsgroup. With a group that big, there's
almost always someone who's got a particular area whipped into
shape, and there's usually someone who who does X, whatever it
might be. If you munge all that together, sure, you'll get
Super Mom--that's why this group can be so useful. But if
you look closely, no one person does it all.

See? You're being right again, in a perfectly logical way ;-) Can you post
and be wrong and illogical occasionally? It would make me feel better.

--
Amy,
Mum to Carlos born sleeping 20/11/02,
& Ana born screaming 30/06/04
email: barton . souto @ clear . net . nz (join the dots!)
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/c/carlos2002/

"Circe" wrote in message
news:shQdd.35607$bk1.31448@fed1read05...
Mum of Two wrote:
Everyone here is so perfect!

All I have to say is this: people are always considerably more perfect on
paper (or screen) than they are IRL. I know I always have a better
solution
for someone else's problems when I have time to sit and think and write it
out than I have for my own when I have to handle them on the fly g!

Wow...
Does that mean I look better than I am too? Does everyone picture me posting
in my PJ's with messy hair next to a dirty cereal bowl, or do they picture
me somewhat sane looking?

--
Amy,
Mum to Carlos born sleeping 20/11/02,
& Ana born screaming 30/06/04
email: barton . souto @ clear . net . nz (join the dots!)
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/c/carlos2002/

In message EySdd.35722$bk1.17540@fed1read05, Circe
writes
I wonder what factors lead to people being *frightened* during labor? I
think understanding that could really be quite key to reducing both the
amount of pain people experience during labor and the desire for
elective c-sections.

I know myself well enough to know that for me it's going to be a whole
'fear of the unknown', and 'help, my body is doing something out of my
control', thing. (Of course, in my case this is *not* increasing my
desire for an elective section - totally the reverse, since a Caesarean
would only make me feel far more out of control of the situation.)


All the best,

Sarah

--
"I once requested an urgent admission for a homeopath who had become depressed
and taken a massive underdose" - Phil Peverley

I've forgotten to buckle her into her carseat, twice. I've used a baby wipe
twice because it only had pee on it, on more than one occasion. I've held
her in a way that I hoped she'd swallow her mouthful of spit-up rather than
spit it over me. And she's not yet four months. To give DD credit, she's a
very settled baby. I bet yours was crying when you put him in the oven.
LOL if this is confession time, bring it on, I have plenty more.

--
Amy,
Mum to Carlos born sleeping 20/11/02,
& Ana born screaming 30/06/04
email: barton . souto @ clear . net . nz (join the dots!)
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/c/carlos2002/


"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
news:1098372015.BX27s89i7AEm7IvX0o9WMg@teranews...
Amy, you are not, I must definitely qualify as worse, though I do blame it
on the hormones and PPD, but have you ever put your child in the oven? Or
left them in a shop, no I thought not, I am now officially the worst
mother!
Though I did and still do baby wear if that redeems me at all!