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#1
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Just curious for an opinion
As I said before, I never got any child support for my 17 and 18 year
olds. Never filed for it, never hunted anyone down for it, etc. I have a question, and I would like to have honest answers from everyone... It seems that the men here really aren't complaining about child support in general. It seems more that the problem is the support ordered is too high, or they believe that the support is going to a woman who does not use it for it's intended purpose, and some seem to believe that the percentages are way out of whack and feel that they don't owe the MOTHER anything. Ok, here is my question... If I supported my two children for 16 years and I paid support for my children for all of those years and the input from father was nil... Does he now owe ME child support? I mean, I paid his part AND my part. Now that raising the kids is over, does HE owe ME? Or is his time of liability over because they are grown and I didn't try to collect from him years ago? This question stems from a conversation that came up with my son about a month ago. His grandmother (dads mother) was trying to contact him and he wanted to know why. I said 'Maybe she's trying to reunite you and your father' He said 'Why would she do that?' I said 'I dont know, but if you happen to go see him ask him where my child support for you kids is for the last 16 years' to which my son replied 'YOUR child support?????, That is OUR child support that he owes'. I said to my son 'How do you figure that? I paid my part and his both, now he owes me for the part he DIDNT pay' So, I'm just curious to know what everyone else thinks about it. We did have a verbal agreemet that he would 'help out' with the kids when he could...I got $20 from him once, and really, I didn't get money...he was visiting the kids at his house and had forgotten to get diapers from me so he bought about $20 worth and sent them back with the kids. That is all, for 16 years. |
#2
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Just curious for an opinion
In article , witchwirsen
says... As I said before, I never got any child support for my 17 and 18 year olds. Never filed for it, never hunted anyone down for it, etc. I have a question, and I would like to have honest answers from everyone... It seems that the men here really aren't complaining about child support in general. It seems more that the problem is the support ordered is too high, or they believe that the support is going to a woman who does not use it for it's intended purpose, and some seem to believe that the percentages are way out of whack and feel that they don't owe the MOTHER anything. Ok, here is my question... If I supported my two children for 16 years and I paid support for my children for all of those years and the input from father was nil... Does he now owe ME child support? ==== If there was no order, he doesn't owe either of you support. ==== ==== |
#3
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Just curious for an opinion
"witchwirsen" wrote in message om... As I said before, I never got any child support for my 17 and 18 year olds. Never filed for it, never hunted anyone down for it, etc. I have a question, and I would like to have honest answers from everyone... It seems that the men here really aren't complaining about child support in general. It seems more that the problem is the support ordered is too high, or they believe that the support is going to a woman who does not use it for it's intended purpose, and some seem to believe that the percentages are way out of whack and feel that they don't owe the MOTHER anything. Ok, here is my question... If I supported my two children for 16 years and I paid support for my children for all of those years and the input from father was nil... Does he now owe ME child support? I mean, I paid his part AND my part. Now that raising the kids is over, does HE owe ME? Or is his time of liability over because they are grown and I didn't try to collect from him years ago? This question stems from a conversation that came up with my son about a month ago. His grandmother (dads mother) was trying to contact him and he wanted to know why. I said 'Maybe she's trying to reunite you and your father' He said 'Why would she do that?' I said 'I dont know, but if you happen to go see him ask him where my child support for you kids is for the last 16 years' to which my son replied 'YOUR child support?????, That is OUR child support that he owes'. I said to my son 'How do you figure that? I paid my part and his both, now he owes me for the part he DIDNT pay' So, I'm just curious to know what everyone else thinks about it. We did have a verbal agreemet that he would 'help out' with the kids when he could...I got $20 from him once, and really, I didn't get money...he was visiting the kids at his house and had forgotten to get diapers from me so he bought about $20 worth and sent them back with the kids. That is all, for 16 years. Two comments. First, CS is not owed to you if there was no court order requiring it. And the court will not create a CS order retroactive behind the date a motion for CS is initiated. Since your children are beyond the age of CS you cannot now file for past CS. Second, stop discussing not getting CS with your children. You are undermining any future relationship between your children and their father by bad mouthing their father about CS. It would be just as harmful for the children's father to say he never paid anything because you never asked him formally to pay. Both approaches imply the other parent doesn't care about the children. |
#4
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Just curious for an opinion
It seems to me the men on here are complaining about all of it. We forced
them to have children they didn't want and are now forcing them to pay a share of raising them and forcing them to have weekend relationships because we must have broken up the marriage. Bob says the $45 my ex is ordered to pay and doesn't is too much, when in fact it wouldn't even cover half of the child care I pay in order to work. Is that not legitimately using it for the child? No, I must be buying myself new shoes with it. I survive without the money and he will be the one who is sorry when he has to explain to our son why he didn't give a **** about him. As for you, why did you wait so long? Is your ex financially capable of paying? If yes, I would certainly go after him, especially if the kids are going to college. There are many cases I believe are totally unfair to the men, but certainly not all of them. It depends on the circumstances. |
#5
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Just curious for an opinion
Bob wrote:
"witchwirsen" wrote in message . com... As I said before, I never got any child support for my 17 and 18 year olds. Never filed for it, never hunted anyone down for it, etc. I have a question, and I would like to have honest answers from everyone... It seems that the men here really aren't complaining about child support in general. It seems more that the problem is the support ordered is too high, or they believe that the support is going to a woman who does not use it for it's intended purpose, and some seem to believe that the percentages are way out of whack and feel that they don't owe the MOTHER anything. Ok, here is my question... If I supported my two children for 16 years and I paid support for my children for all of those years and the input from father was nil... Does he now owe ME child support? I mean, I paid his part AND my part. Now that raising the kids is over, does HE owe ME? Or is his time of liability over because they are grown and I didn't try to collect from him years ago? This question stems from a conversation that came up with my son about a month ago. His grandmother (dads mother) was trying to contact him and he wanted to know why. I said 'Maybe she's trying to reunite you and your father' He said 'Why would she do that?' I said 'I dont know, but if you happen to go see him ask him where my child support for you kids is for the last 16 years' to which my son replied 'YOUR child support?????, That is OUR child support that he owes'. I said to my son 'How do you figure that? I paid my part and his both, now he owes me for the part he DIDNT pay' So, I'm just curious to know what everyone else thinks about it. We did have a verbal agreemet that he would 'help out' with the kids when he could...I got $20 from him once, and really, I didn't get money...he was visiting the kids at his house and had forgotten to get diapers from me so he bought about $20 worth and sent them back with the kids. That is all, for 16 years. Two comments. First, CS is not owed to you if there was no court order requiring it. And the court will not create a CS order retroactive behind the date a motion for CS is initiated. Since your children are beyond the age of CS you cannot now file for past CS. Second, stop discussing not getting CS with your children. You are undermining any future relationship between your children and their father by bad mouthing their father about CS. While I agree that the CP bringing up CS isn't appropriate I really doubt that one sentence will do much more harm than the NCP did by not supporting or seeing his kids in the past 16 years. If the older kid brings it up and the CP lies to protect the NCP I think they are underminding their own relationship with their kids. It would be just as harmful for the children's father to say he never paid anything because you never asked him formally to pay. Both approaches imply the other parent doesn't care about the children. Ah but she did have an agreement with him that he would helpout when he could. Do you really think $20 over the past 16 years was all he was capable of? As I said before I don't think a CP should bring up CS but if the older child asks lying isn't the way to go. Mrs Indyguy |
#6
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Just curious for an opinion
witchirsen wrote:
snip to This question stems from a conversation that came up with my son about a month ago. His grandmother (dads mother) was trying to contact him and he wanted to know why. I said 'Maybe she's trying to reunite you and your father' He said 'Why would she do that?' I said 'I dont know, but if you happen to go see him ask him where my child support for you kids is for the last 16 years' to which my son replied 'YOUR child support?????, That is OUR child support that he owes'. I said to my son 'How do you figure that? I paid my part and his both, now he owes me for the part he DIDNT pay' So, I'm just curious to know what everyone else thinks about it. Something similar happened to one of my DH's nieces. Her ex never paid the court ordered CS, always worked for cash under the table. Then a few years ago he got a regular job and his pay was garnished, the child is now 23. The CP now gets $200 every other week. The NCP told his son his mother should be giving him, the child, the CS. 23 yr old goes to his mother and tells her she needs to hand him over the money. She refuses as it was repayment fo rwhat she had paid for his father but she agrees to co-sign on a brand new car for him. She agreed to pay half the car payment and that would be half of the CS she was getting, after not getting any EVER before that was pretty nice of her. They do the car deal and the 23 yr old stops making the car payment. He pockets the couple of months worth of the CS his mother gave him, before the finance company notified her *they* were in default. In order to perserve her credit she is paying the car loan with all the CS she is getting. The last time I talked to my great nephew I asked him how he could treat his mom the way he did, regarding the car. He told me his father is proud of him and that his mother was just trying to scam *his* CS. Nice huh? But to answer you question.... Yes the CS would be yours, if you had had an order, as you paid your exes portion for the past 16 years. Mrs Indyguy |
#7
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Just curious for an opinion
"Indyguy1" wrote in message ... Bob wrote: "witchwirsen" wrote in message . com... As I said before, I never got any child support for my 17 and 18 year olds. Never filed for it, never hunted anyone down for it, etc. I have a question, and I would like to have honest answers from everyone... It seems that the men here really aren't complaining about child support in general. It seems more that the problem is the support ordered is too high, or they believe that the support is going to a woman who does not use it for it's intended purpose, and some seem to believe that the percentages are way out of whack and feel that they don't owe the MOTHER anything. Ok, here is my question... If I supported my two children for 16 years and I paid support for my children for all of those years and the input from father was nil... Does he now owe ME child support? I mean, I paid his part AND my part. Now that raising the kids is over, does HE owe ME? Or is his time of liability over because they are grown and I didn't try to collect from him years ago? This question stems from a conversation that came up with my son about a month ago. His grandmother (dads mother) was trying to contact him and he wanted to know why. I said 'Maybe she's trying to reunite you and your father' He said 'Why would she do that?' I said 'I dont know, but if you happen to go see him ask him where my child support for you kids is for the last 16 years' to which my son replied 'YOUR child support?????, That is OUR child support that he owes'. I said to my son 'How do you figure that? I paid my part and his both, now he owes me for the part he DIDNT pay' So, I'm just curious to know what everyone else thinks about it. We did have a verbal agreemet that he would 'help out' with the kids when he could...I got $20 from him once, and really, I didn't get money...he was visiting the kids at his house and had forgotten to get diapers from me so he bought about $20 worth and sent them back with the kids. That is all, for 16 years. Two comments. First, CS is not owed to you if there was no court order requiring it. And the court will not create a CS order retroactive behind the date a motion for CS is initiated. Since your children are beyond the age of CS you cannot now file for past CS. Second, stop discussing not getting CS with your children. You are undermining any future relationship between your children and their father by bad mouthing their father about CS. While I agree that the CP bringing up CS isn't appropriate I really doubt that one sentence will do much more harm than the NCP did by not supporting or seeing his kids in the past 16 years. If the older kid brings it up and the CP lies to protect the NCP I think they are underminding their own relationship with their kids. It would be just as harmful for the children's father to say he never paid anything because you never asked him formally to pay. Both approaches imply the other parent doesn't care about the children. Ah but she did have an agreement with him that he would helpout when he could. Do you really think $20 over the past 16 years was all he was capable of? As I said before I don't think a CP should bring up CS but if the older child asks lying isn't the way to go. Mrs Indyguy |
#8
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Just curious for an opinion
"Ms_Layne" wrote in message lkaboutparenting.com... It seems to me the men on here are complaining about all of it. We forced them to have children they didn't want and are now forcing them to pay a share of raising them and forcing them to have weekend relationships because we must have broken up the marriage. Bob says the $45 my ex is ordered to pay and doesn't is too much, Oh, please don't use Bob as the spokesman for the group. The majority of men here do pay their support, and do not feel as if they owe nothing. when in fact it wouldn't even cover half of the child care I pay in order to work. Is that not legitimately using it for the child? No, I must be buying myself new shoes with it. I survive without the money and he will be the one who is sorry when he has to explain to our son why he didn't give a **** about him. As for you, why did you wait so long? Is your ex financially capable of paying? If yes, I would certainly go after him, especially if the kids are going to college. There are many cases I believe are totally unfair to the men, but certainly not all of them. It depends on the circumstances. |
#9
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Just curious for an opinion
"Indyguy1" wrote in message ... Bob wrote: "witchwirsen" wrote in message . com... As I said before, I never got any child support for my 17 and 18 year olds. Never filed for it, never hunted anyone down for it, etc. I have a question, and I would like to have honest answers from everyone... It seems that the men here really aren't complaining about child support in general. It seems more that the problem is the support ordered is too high, or they believe that the support is going to a woman who does not use it for it's intended purpose, and some seem to believe that the percentages are way out of whack and feel that they don't owe the MOTHER anything. Ok, here is my question... If I supported my two children for 16 years and I paid support for my children for all of those years and the input from father was nil... Does he now owe ME child support? I mean, I paid his part AND my part. Now that raising the kids is over, does HE owe ME? Or is his time of liability over because they are grown and I didn't try to collect from him years ago? This question stems from a conversation that came up with my son about a month ago. His grandmother (dads mother) was trying to contact him and he wanted to know why. I said 'Maybe she's trying to reunite you and your father' He said 'Why would she do that?' I said 'I dont know, but if you happen to go see him ask him where my child support for you kids is for the last 16 years' to which my son replied 'YOUR child support?????, That is OUR child support that he owes'. I said to my son 'How do you figure that? I paid my part and his both, now he owes me for the part he DIDNT pay' So, I'm just curious to know what everyone else thinks about it. We did have a verbal agreemet that he would 'help out' with the kids when he could...I got $20 from him once, and really, I didn't get money...he was visiting the kids at his house and had forgotten to get diapers from me so he bought about $20 worth and sent them back with the kids. That is all, for 16 years. Two comments. First, CS is not owed to you if there was no court order requiring it. And the court will not create a CS order retroactive behind the date a motion for CS is initiated. Since your children are beyond the age of CS you cannot now file for past CS. Second, stop discussing not getting CS with your children. You are undermining any future relationship between your children and their father by bad mouthing their father about CS. While I agree that the CP bringing up CS isn't appropriate I really doubt that one sentence will do much more harm than the NCP did by not supporting or seeing his kids in the past 16 years. If the older kid brings it up and the CP lies to protect the NCP I think they are underminding their own relationship with their kids. I agree discussing CS issues with older children, when they bring it up, is appropriate. I was reacting to the fact the OP told the child if he saw his father to ask him where the CS was he owed her. IOW - The OP was asking the child to be the go between to address the CS issue that should be discussed between the parents. Children should not be used spokepersons for either adult parent about parenting issues. It would be just as harmful for the children's father to say he never paid anything because you never asked him formally to pay. Both approaches imply the other parent doesn't care about the children. Ah but she did have an agreement with him that he would helpout when he could. Do you really think $20 over the past 16 years was all he was capable of? Of course not. But that begs the question - if she was not getting CS over the 16 years why didn't she do something about it early on? To let the situation go, claim to have intentionally never pursued it, and then complain about the result indicates a lack of personal responsibility for not acting on behalf of the children and trying to transfer the blame to the other parent. As I said before I don't think a CP should bring up CS but if the older child asks lying isn't the way to go. I believe parental comments about CS are indicative of the underlying relationship between the parents. And, quite frankly, what we hear in this NG is a lot of conflict between the parents over the issues of CS. When is the last time you heard a mother claim she told her children their dad pays CS regularly and on time and that shows he is a loving father who is responsible for his children and wants the best for them? My personal experience is meeting all of those positive things about CS payments will still result in the mother claiming the only reason the father is paying is because she hounds him for the money. |
#10
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Just curious for an opinion
"Ms_Layne" wrote in message lkaboutparenting.com... It seems to me the men on here are complaining about all of it. We forced them to have children they didn't want and are now forcing them to pay a share of raising them and forcing them to have weekend relationships because we must have broken up the marriage. Bob says the $45 my ex is ordered to pay and doesn't is too much, when in fact it wouldn't even cover half of the child care I pay in order to work. Is that not legitimately using it for the child? No, I must be buying myself new shoes with it. I survive without the money and he will be the one who is sorry when he has to explain to our son why he didn't give a **** about him. As for you, why did you wait so long? Is your ex financially capable of paying? If yes, I would certainly go after him, especially if the kids are going to college. Most states have CS law that says CS orders for college expenses are an extension of the CS orders for minor children. They do not allow for a new CS order to be created after the children are no longer minors. |
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