reasons I've heard for not breastfeeding

Donna wrote:

I wonder if female practicioners are more prone to encouraging nursing than
are their male counterparts?

In my experience, it takes a lot of perspective and wisdom for them to get
beyond whatever it was they personally experienced. (This goes for men doctors
and whatever their wives experienced, too.) Some do this very well, but some
see everything through the lens of whatever happened to them. If they weren't
personally successful breastfeeding, they may even be *worse* at promoting
breastfeeding than a doctor with no personal experience at all. I've even heard
of some who had an easy time breastfeeding and do a lousy job supporting women
who are having a harder time at it.

--Helen

"Donna" wrote in message
...

How would you have kicked off a potentially sensitive topic like this?
Perhaps we can re-phrase the topic? Because right now it's "Let's talk
about how selfish and stupid all those formula-feeders are." And I think
that's awful.

But, let's *do* be honest about this much:

Some of the excuses people give for not breastfeeding are stupid (and a vast
number are simply uninformed).(this does not make the PEOPLE themselves
stupid, just the excuses.)

Some of the reasons are selfish. And some are undeniably and absolutely
valid from *any* perspective.

I have no problem with people being selfish if they need to be selfish. It's
not HEALTHY to totally, utterly, subsumate your entire self to another
person for long periods of time, even a tiny infant. This is why it's okay
sometimes to put the baby into its crib, even if it cries, and take a
shower. This is why it's okay to have a glass of wine. It's okay to hand the
baby to somebody else and let *them* listen to the colic-crying for a while.
It's okay to eat that container of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Come on.

It's also good for people to be *selfless*. Where the balancing point is for
any given individual ... is up to the given individual.

I do have a problem with selfishness which makes no perceived attempt to be
selfless *first*, nor even has any interest in it. But that's me.

I also have a problem with people perpetutating myths and just plain old
incorrect information. Like: "You're having twins? You can't possibly
produce enough milk for them." "Big baby? You need formula." "Small baby?
You need formula." "Your breasts are too large/small to breastfeed." "Babies
need to nurse on a 4 hour schedule." "My mom didn't have enough milk for me,
so I know I won't."

When an excuse is stupid, or a given reason is factually incorrect, it makes
no difference to me that the choice being justified is the personal choice
of how to feed a child. I will still think or say 'that excuse is stupid'
or 'that reason is factually incorrect'. If someone doesn't want to have
their reasons analysed (by me, this group, the world in general) it's far
better to say "I have my own reasons, thank you for your concern."

That said, I have overcome a variety of difficulties while breastfeeding -
persistent thrush, nipple cracks and scabbing, pump abrasion/tissue damage,
mastitis, recurrent plugged ducts, blebs....and gone on to nurse my babies
for years afterward, trouble free, to everybody's mutual satisfaction. So
it's hard for me to feel sympathetic to someone who quits due to (what seems
to me) a lesser struggle. But then I remind myself: everyone has a breaking
point. She reached hers. End of discussion. And I will not criticize. I may
*think*, but I can't help that (unless any of you know how to control one's
own thoughts.)

That said, I also confess I don't understand anybody's mind-set but my own.
So I genuinely *cannot* fathom seeing breastfeeding as "icky". I just can't.
And don't you know, people ridicule what they don't understand? That's human
nature. I can't very well apologise for what I cannot understand. All I can
do is say "I don't get that." And that doesn't make the other person stupid
or selfish either. Just different from me.

--angela

"Elitsirk" wrote in message
snip
Oh yeah, from what I've been reading, the better breast pumps for
daily use run somewhere around $250-300. I guess compared to several
months of formula, that might even out in the end. I do still have
the fear that I'll pay for the expensive pump, and then end up having
to wean the baby to formula anyway and will have wasted a lot of money
that we don't really have to waste.
snip

I just wanted to note that a 13 ounce can of powder formula costs
approximately $12 (not including taxes). It mixes into 94 fluid ounces.
According to some info that I have (that came from the formula company as
they tried to snare me with their free samples!), by 4-6 months a baby
drinks about 32 ounces of formula per *day*! That would mean buying two cans
of formula per week! That's $24 a week minimum. (Since I breastfeed, I don't
know how accurate the 32 ounce figure is. If it is right, Wow! Do I produce
a half gallon of milk a day?! Women's bodies are pretty awesome.)

*sigh* It's good to hear so much encouragement for women to bf, as I
agree that it's absolutely the best thing possible for babies. I just
wonder sometimes how well some bf-advocates really understand the
fears and/or realities that many women face when it comes to the
logistics of it all. Please consider that when you think you are
hearing "whiney" excuses from other mothers.

I can be somewhat of a "nazi" about breastfeeding sometimes and so it is
good to be reminded of the real obstacles that some women can face with
breastfeeding (lots of things about having a baby involve obstacles
though!). It is just frustrating to hear so much misinformation out
there--i.e. the "I don't have enough milk" reason or the "my baby was too
big" reason. In my experience, most women's reasons not to breastfeed are
excuses based on inaccurate information or personal "hang ups" (like "it's
icky"), not real reasons.

I know, I know, who I am to judge whether someone's reason is *real* enough
or not, but that is how I perceive it. I do not see breastfeeding as a
choice. It is what you do. If you truly cannot make it work, than artificial
feeding is the backup I don't see it as, "choose one or the other."

--Elit.
#1 due 9/20/04

It is strange for me to see your edd! My DS was due 9/23/03 and was born
9/21. How can time be going so fast?!

--
Em
mama to L-baby, 5 months

On Mon, 01 Mar 2004 01:31:22 GMT, Shena Delian O'Brien
wrote:

Those seem to be the top three ?!

Well, the one I hear most often, and it is my reason too: "I don't
like breastfeeding." Instead, I pumped for the six weeks for both
babies to give them a good start in life.

--
Daye
Momma to Jayan and Leopold
See Jayan and Leo: http://www.aloofhosting.com/jayleo/
Updated 28 Feb 2004

On Sun, 29 Feb 2004 22:19:46 -0500, Marie wrote:

Sex isn't? Giving birth isn't? Changing diapers isn't? I think any
excuse is selfish. There is no reason not to breastfeed if you are
able to.

Yes, there are reasons not to. Breastfeeding or not is a very
personal choice.

You say that it is selfish. Well, when I began to resent my daughter
for wanting to breastfeed, I knew it was time to stop. I wasn't going
to let some like whether she should be fed from a bottle or the breast
make me resent my child. Loving her and wanting to feed her was way
more important.

--
Daye
Momma to Jayan and Leopold
See Jayan and Leo: http://www.aloofhosting.com/jayleo/
Updated 28 Feb 2004

On Sun, 29 Feb 2004 23:18:08 -0700, "CY"
wrote:

You don't know that it would be miserable. You're making an assumption that
it would be because of something psychological. A baby wouldn't necessarily
sense you were miserable either. (If you eneded up being, which I doubt)

You are saying that a baby can't sense what you are feeling??? Sure,
they can. Babies know who is comfortable holding them and who isn't,
and they act accordingly. They know when you are upset or stressed or
angry. My DD could sense that I hated breastfeeding her, and every
time we did, it was a misery for both. It was more relaxing for both
when I bottle fed her.

I am not saying that you shouldn't try breastfeeding because I believe
that everyone should give it a chance.

--
Daye
Momma to Jayan and Leopold
See Jayan and Leo: http://www.aloofhosting.com/jayleo/
Updated 28 Feb 2004

On Mon, 01 Mar 2004 21:11:36 GMT, "Chotii"
wrote:

So I genuinely *cannot* fathom seeing breastfeeding as "icky". I just can't.

Because our society views anything remotely sexual as "icky". If you
don't personally, the message comes in loud and clear from other
sources (church, parents, friends, media, etc).

I know bf isn't sexual, but your breasts can be. One woman told my
sister that the only reason my sister wanted to bf was to get off
sexually, and the woman sincerely believed it. People and sex (&
breasts) make for weird conclusions.

--
Daye
Momma to Jayan and Leopold
See Jayan and Leo: http://www.aloofhosting.com/jayleo/
Updated 28 Feb 2004

Daye wrote in message
...
On Sun, 29 Feb 2004 23:18:08 -0700, "CY"
wrote:

You don't know that it would be miserable. You're making an assumption
that
it would be because of something psychological. A baby wouldn't
necessarily
sense you were miserable either. (If you eneded up being, which I doubt)

You are saying that a baby can't sense what you are feeling??? Sure,
they can. Babies know who is comfortable holding them and who isn't,
and they act accordingly. They know when you are upset or stressed or
angry. My DD could sense that I hated breastfeeding her, and every
time we did, it was a misery for both. It was more relaxing for both
when I bottle fed her.

I am not saying that you shouldn't try breastfeeding because I believe
that everyone should give it a chance.

Well said, totally agreed! If you're stressed you produce less milk too
apparently.
Debbie

"Nan" wrote in message
...
On Mon, 01 Mar 2004 19:25:23 GMT, Shena Delian O'Brien
wrote:

Nan wrote:

I'm not disputing the health benefits, I'm disputing the immature
attitude that some people seem to feel is their right to engage their
mouth in any given situation.

LOL ok - I'll agree with you there.

My point is that while you may not feel there is sufficient reason to
tell someone you think they should breastfeed (because it's their choice
and not your business), other people would disagree and have very valid
reasons to do so.

Telling someone the benefits of breastfeeding, or helping them educate
themselves is one thing. I have a major issue with the Superiority
Complex that seems to be rampant among some people, and calling a
person selfish just because you don't agree with their decision
certainly is no means to a positive end.

Some people ARE selfish. Heck, I'd go so far as to say everybody is selfish
at one time or another. I'd far rather they be honestly selfish, than try to
cover selfishness with excuses which anybody can see are excuses.

--angela

On Sun, 29 Feb 2004 22:26:07 -0700, "CY"
wrote:

This is mainly because my DD is so robust, smart and
affectionate, which I largely contribute to breastfeeding. She is rarely
sick, and when she has been sick, she bounces back quicker than her formula
fed counterparts.

Well, you just described my DD, and she was only breastfed for 6
weeks.

--
Daye
Momma to Jayan and Leopold
See Jayan and Leo: http://www.aloofhosting.com/jayleo/
Updated 28 Feb 2004