A Parenting & kids forum. ParentingBanter.com

If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Go Back   Home » ParentingBanter.com forum » alt.support » Single Parents
Site Map Home Authors List Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read Web Partners

Hello, way long sorry.....



 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old February 16th 04, 01:58 PM
Paul Fritz
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Hello, way long sorry.....


"lm" wrote in message
...
On Sun, 15 Feb 2004 17:47:25 -0500 (EST), (Bebe
lestrnge) wrote:


(Joelle wrote...)

I'm not saying it's not a great thing that you are stepping in for this
child, but it's gonna get dicey and if his parents haven't stepped up

to
the plate by now, they probably aren't going to.

(then Bebe wrote...)

right again Joelle, They won't be and I guess again I am just ticked
about their lack of consideration . I guess I should of realised after
his mother refused to attend the baby shower that things would be this
way. My daughter has mentioned "child support" from her boyfriend and I
was truthful to her .....I said" it is your right to do so but think it
through it could cause a problem with him and his parents." So far she
has let it be. He does buy the babies diapers and wipes which does help
a great deal. This is so hard for me to stand back and I thank you for
your honesty with me.


The other grandparents may believe that they're doing the right thing
by not helping out, thereby forcing the parents to face their
responsibility. They may believe that you are keeping the parents from
growing up by helping out. It doesn't sound like that's the case, but
parenting styles differ greatly.

Certainly the father should be doing more than buying diapers and
wipes. If you are helping them out so as not to make waves between the
families, and she is learning from you that she should not expect the
father to do his part so as not to make waves between the families,
you and your daughter will be on your own with this little one in no
time. She needs to speak up for her child's needs and your support
(moral support, not doing it for her) in that regard would probably be
very helpful to her.

lm



And how much is the child's mother 'helping' out. The father has a part
time job to help pay expenses....does she?




  #12  
Old February 16th 04, 09:14 PM
V
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Hello, way long sorry.....


"Paul Fritz" wrote in message
...


And how much is the child's mother 'helping' out. The father has a part
time job to help pay expenses....does she?


Actually Paul, good point. When I figured what to ask for child support, it
was not to support me but the kids.
I figured I am responsible for half. The other parent is too.
So why is child support 33%?
Go get your calculator out now and let me know.
Vicky


  #13  
Old February 16th 04, 09:19 PM
V
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Hello, way long sorry.....


"Joelle" wrote in message
...
She has said in
anger to her b/f that his parents do nothing to help and hers do
everything , I heard this and felt good that she sees all we do and sad


See, seeing her resent her boyfriend because her mom does more than his

parents
should not make you feel good. It should worry you. What that child needs

is
stable mother and father, together if possible. Already this is a bad set

up
for the father- he's set up to be a failure compared to his girlfriend's
mother. This is going to make him resent you, resent her, and maybe even
withdraw more from his child because he feels he can't live up.

You probably should stop advising your daughter, treat her like the adult

she
needs to be, but if you are going to advise her tell her to stop ragging on

her
boyfriend and instead give him positive feedback for what he does do for the
family.

She is having a hard time accepting
that at 16 this is the way it has to be for them


I know it's hard to make them see that before the baby comes. But yea,

that's
her life. She gives up a lot. But help her see what she gains.


I am leaning towards suggesting to Sara to get legal custody of the baby
and seek legal support from Jimmy so this crap can stop.


I think you need to stay out of it.


I agree. She will only resent you if they can keep it together and her young
mind will blame you later. I promise this is the mind of a young person.
If I were in a similar situation, I would ensure the baby had exactly what was
needed, buying it myself. I would give them a schedule of when I would be able
to keep my granddaughter. I would not sway from my decision and be firm, yet
loving. If approached, a possible reply would be, "honey, I hope you guys can
work it out. Maybe counseling or talking to a preist, pastor, etc would help?"
I will even drive you.
Best of luck.
Vicky



Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle



  #14  
Old February 16th 04, 10:08 PM
Bebe lestrnge
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Hello, way long sorry.....


Hello, way long sorry.....

Group: alt.support.single-parents Date: Mon, Feb 16, 2004, 7:58am From:
(Paul=A0Fritz)

=A0=A0=A0=A0And how much is the child's mother 'helping' out. The father
has a part time job to help pay expenses....does she?


Hello Paul, The mother would be my daughter. So I will comment on your
comment.........Sara does not have a job right now, no she does not, not
outside of the home. She would be the one that is going to school,
taking care of the baby after school while her B/F Jimmy is working part
time every other day, after school and spending 3-4 hours a day here in
our home with his them. He has supplied diapers and wipes to my
granddaughter Jaime. Sara is a stay at home mom, not because her B/F is
old enough to support her and the baby ,he is only 16. I and my current
partner have taken responsibility financially until the kids finish
school and can begin to be self supportive . My daughter is on SSI for
mental health issues that surfaced three years ago when my partner/ her
"other parent" in the home for 12 1/2 years of which my daughter was
raised by my partner and myself since she was 6 months old. Fortunately
the doctors finally decided she was not Bi-Polar and found a medication
that controls her condition which they are calling "Intermittent
explosive disorder " and major depression. Her SSI is about double what
Jimmy makes a month working part time. WIC has supplied over $200.00 in
infant formula. I have the baby covered under my employers health
insurance for the time being. Jimmy is spending about 10 to 15 bucks a
week on the diapers and wipes. My daughters SSI is covering anything
else at this point needed to care for the baby. I understand where you
are coming from and I respect that. I know there are good and caring
fathers in this group and I mean no disrespect to any of you. My ex and
father to my daughters was not a good man and still is not. I am deeply
saddened by what he has not given to his girls emotionally. I would have
so much preferred his given love for them over any support payment . He
is a sick man and he has missed the boat. I think when I started this I
was in a ****ed off state of mind because of the Jimmies parents lack
of interest in helping us with the babies needs. They had two children
of their own and any one of us knows just what an expense there is in
raising children. I realise Jimmy is only 16 and I much rather see him
finish high school than work full time and get no where in all of this.
He is a good kid and I do not mean to sound harsh . I want for these
young parents to succeed and they need all the help they can get. It
does not matter who works outside the home and who doesn't as long as
they are happy with the arrangement of who is responsible for what part
of the babies needs that are being met......... right ?
At the moment they have a really good support system from Mari and I and
I have reached the conclusion that what his parents do or don't do just
is not important. That The kids learn to be responsible good loving
parents to their baby is and that is what I will focus on.
Peace! Bev

  #15  
Old February 16th 04, 10:30 PM
P.Fritz
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Hello, way long sorry.....


"V" wrote in message
...

"Paul Fritz" wrote in message
...


And how much is the child's mother 'helping' out. The father has a

part
time job to help pay expenses....does she?


Actually Paul, good point. When I figured what to ask for child support,

it
was not to support me but the kids.
I figured I am responsible for half. The other parent is too.
So why is child support 33%?


33% of what? What YOU chose to spend on the kids?

BTW.....since the is absolutlely no restrictions on what YOU spend the money
on, it is for you.

Go get your calculator out now and let me know.
Vicky




  #16  
Old February 16th 04, 10:33 PM
P.Fritz
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Hello, way long sorry.....

It is quite obvious you are enabling your daughter........she made adult
decisions to gestate and birth a child, she needs to act like an adult and
provide for it as well. Your 'taking' financial responsibility is going to
do more har than good.

"Bebe lestrnge" wrote in message
...

Hello, way long sorry.....

Group: alt.support.single-parents Date: Mon, Feb 16, 2004, 7:58am From:
(Paul Fritz)

And how much is the child's mother 'helping' out. The father
has a part time job to help pay expenses....does she?


Hello Paul, The mother would be my daughter. So I will comment on your
comment.........Sara does not have a job right now, no she does not, not
outside of the home. She would be the one that is going to school,
taking care of the baby after school while her B/F Jimmy is working part
time every other day, after school and spending 3-4 hours a day here in
our home with his them. He has supplied diapers and wipes to my
granddaughter Jaime. Sara is a stay at home mom, not because her B/F is
old enough to support her and the baby ,he is only 16. I and my current
partner have taken responsibility financially until the kids finish
school and can begin to be self supportive . My daughter is on SSI for
mental health issues that surfaced three years ago when my partner/ her
"other parent" in the home for 12 1/2 years of which my daughter was
raised by my partner and myself since she was 6 months old. Fortunately
the doctors finally decided she was not Bi-Polar and found a medication
that controls her condition which they are calling "Intermittent
explosive disorder " and major depression. Her SSI is about double what
Jimmy makes a month working part time. WIC has supplied over $200.00 in
infant formula. I have the baby covered under my employers health
insurance for the time being. Jimmy is spending about 10 to 15 bucks a
week on the diapers and wipes. My daughters SSI is covering anything
else at this point needed to care for the baby. I understand where you
are coming from and I respect that. I know there are good and caring
fathers in this group and I mean no disrespect to any of you. My ex and
father to my daughters was not a good man and still is not. I am deeply
saddened by what he has not given to his girls emotionally. I would have
so much preferred his given love for them over any support payment . He
is a sick man and he has missed the boat. I think when I started this I
was in a ****ed off state of mind because of the Jimmies parents lack
of interest in helping us with the babies needs. They had two children
of their own and any one of us knows just what an expense there is in
raising children. I realise Jimmy is only 16 and I much rather see him
finish high school than work full time and get no where in all of this.
He is a good kid and I do not mean to sound harsh . I want for these
young parents to succeed and they need all the help they can get. It
does not matter who works outside the home and who doesn't as long as
they are happy with the arrangement of who is responsible for what part
of the babies needs that are being met......... right ?
At the moment they have a really good support system from Mari and I and
I have reached the conclusion that what his parents do or don't do just
is not important. That The kids learn to be responsible good loving
parents to their baby is and that is what I will focus on.
Peace! Bev


  #17  
Old February 16th 04, 11:12 PM
Bebe lestrnge
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Hello, way long sorry.....


Hello, way long sorry.....

Group: alt.support.single-parents Date: Mon, Feb 16, 2004, 8:19pm
(EST+5) From: (V)


Hi Vicky, the advice you have given helps a lot ! I have taken way too
much of the responsibility away from these kids and I will indeed need
to continue to raise my own daughter though Right? She is doing a
wonderful job with Jaime . As is Jimmy.
I have had a hard time pulling away the well meaning motherly advice to
both of them. I know it was our choice to take on so much while they
attend school but for the babies well being . We did not want to take
her out in the bitter cold to a day care situation at 2 months old. So
we accommodated that. I still stand there on it too ! We do need to ease
out of the picture a little bit and give them more to decide for
themselves but again they are kids and damn they don't think right some
times. It is hard to stop parenting your 16 year old . I really do not
know how?
I'm struggling here..........Bev



I agree. She will only resent you if they can keep it together and her
young mind will blame you later. I promise this is the mind of a young
person. If I were in a similar situation, I would ensure the baby had
exactly what was needed, buying it myself. I would give them a schedule
of when I would be able to keep my granddaughter. I would not sway from
my decision and be firm, yet loving. If approached, a possible reply
would be, "honey, I hope you guys can work it out. Maybe counseling or
talking to a preist, pastor, etc would help?" I will even drive you.
Best of luck.
Vicky

  #18  
Old February 17th 04, 12:11 AM
Bebe lestrnge
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Hello, way long sorry.....


Hello, way long sorry.....

Group: alt.support.single-parents Date: Sun, Feb 15, 2004, 11:00pm
(EST-1) From: ('Kate)
On Sun, 15 Feb 2004 22:15:55 -0500 (EST), (Bebe
lestrnge)

Snipped stuff here and the
'Kate wrote:
Too bad she wasn't checking receipts for condoms. Woulda saved her
time/trouble.

Yeah , but if they used the condoms there would not have been a
pregnancy and this was not their plan see.

----------------

'Kate wrote
Going to court isn't going to help that but it sounds more like that's
what the other grandparents are expecting and they're not going to budge
to improve communications if that's how it is. Too bad, too... the baby
would do better if there was an atmosphere of friendliness and
cooperation.

It is not so much "not a friendly atmosphere" when they come to the
house, but more like "what isn't said is better". I am guilty of
avoiding a confrontation. Over the past few hours I have reached a
feeling of being content with just helping the kids in my way, which is
financial and moral support and advice when asked. I will not worry
myself with what his parents don't do, that is their problem . As far as
the financial responsibility Hell they are 16 just what can they really
do right now? Not much and yeah they better appreciate all we are doing
when they grow up darn it ! I did have a talk with Jimmy and Sara today
and asked them what they thought about opening a joint account for their
future and deposit say at least10 bucks a week show me they understand
their responsibility to one another and their baby. They agreed and I
will hold them to it. As they earn more they will add to it . I'm
feeling better now. I know they need to commit to being responsible and
how much this is good for them to do.

--------------

'Kate wrote:
Parents can't and shouldn't fix everything... if we did that, the
children would never feel accomplishment, pride, and they'd continue to
behave like irresponsible children.

You are so right and I know I have issues with myself being to
protective and controlling with Sara , she is so much better than two
years ago.....she has much better control of her way out
behaviour....errr... well the sex thing was obviously not in control..
.....but like in school and at home she has accomplished so much.
although a different child (black hair this week ) she's been red
,orange, black with blond streaks, you know how it is.............Oh
well !
thanks "Kate you are very kind, I appreciate that you took the time
for me.

Bev


'Kate

  #19  
Old February 17th 04, 12:45 AM
Bebe lestrnge
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Hello, way long sorry.....


Hello, way long sorry.....

Group: alt.support.single-parents Date: Mon, Feb 16, 2004, 4:33pm From:
(P.Fritz)


Paul wrote:
It is quite obvious you are enabling your daughter........she made adult
decisions to gestate and birth a child, she needs to act like an adult
and provide for it as well. Your 'taking' financial responsibility is
going to do more har than good.

Hey Paul..........My crap detector says someone be slinging crap my
way. Now I am not usually hard to talk to and I even listen to other
peoples opinions well. I think your opinion/advice???? has a few thorns
in there... ouch ! So if I may defend myself and my daughter would ya
be easy with me please

Yes alright already !!!!!!!! I am an enabler
NOT!.... listen .........She is my baby, she is 16 , she has mental
health issues, she made a mistake she played with fire and got
burned.... I am her mother, I am her role model, I am who she knows will
never turn away from her, the one she can depend on, the one that is
still raising her to adulthood, teaching her , preparing her to survive
in this crazy world to stand on her own two feet a strong vital woman .
She is still growing up and until she is grown up which may be around
the age of what....... say 30 wink maybe I will have done my job
right. In the mean time I wonder if your daughter made the same mistake
if you would throw her out in the cold with the baby?????? Yes I am
taking financial responsibility, I do not know too many if any 16 yr old
kids that can support themselves let alone a baby too. Yeah this is
screwed up isn't it? I could toss em all out on their butts to live or
maybe die on the street and that would teach her huh what loving parents
really are huh ?????
Sometimes I wonder about people and you are making me
wonder................

  #20  
Old February 17th 04, 02:25 AM
V
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default percentage of child support


"P.Fritz" wrote in message
...

in response to Vicky's comment on the set percent of child support that non
custodial parents are required to pay by law:

33% of what? What YOU chose to spend on the kids?


There is no choice. Food, Home, Clothing, Lessons, Academics....shall I
continue? You are a single parent, you know it takes monetary support to raise
children if you do not have a high income.


BTW.....since the is absolutlely no restrictions on what YOU spend the money
on, it is for you.


Of course there is: I have a conscious! If I were a crack headed whore,
maybe I would buy dope with it. For now, I choose to utilize the money to aid
in my children's future.
I was trying to say something totally different and I believe you misconstrued
it.
V



 




Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
misc.kids FAQ on Childhood Vaccinations, Part 1/4 [email protected] Info and FAQ's 3 June 28th 04 07:41 PM
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year [email protected] Info and FAQ's 0 April 17th 04 12:24 PM
misc.kids FAQ on Childhood Vaccinations, Part 1/4 [email protected] Info and FAQ's 3 April 17th 04 12:24 PM
Anna's birth story (long) Welches Pregnancy 7 October 29th 03 01:52 AM
Delurking, intro, and questions (long) Clisby Williams Breastfeeding 14 July 29th 03 11:50 AM


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 02:54 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright ©2004-2024 ParentingBanter.com.
The comments are property of their posters.