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#41
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I also honestly don't understand why the question,
"Why don't you have kids yet?" would "sting", if the answer is, "We would like to but we haven't been able to conceive." BRBR Well.....since you asked.....It stings because by responding the way you suggest 9 times out of 10 leads to unsolicited advice such as, "Maybe you are trying to hard! or, You probably just need to take a vacation and relax!" Comments like those are just two examples of the sort of things I heard on a pretty regular basis during the 3 + years I was in the trying to conceive phase of my life. And yes, sometimes from strangers. By that I do not mean perfect strangers would come up to me on the street and ask why I was childless. But, I have had ssituations where casual conversation on cruise ships or, DR's waiting rooms and even waiting for the Walt Disney World bus started out as harmless friendly chitchat and led to unsolicited advice on how I could achieve my dream of motherhood. One moment someone is asking you if you are married and how long, the next they are asking if you have regular menstrual cycles. I don't recall ever having this kind of problem. That's why I wonder what the difference is: why does this sort of thing happen to other people, but not to me? BRBR Perhaps it is because you are a man. I will admit that most of the intrusions I have mentioned have come from other women. As far as I know, my DH has never had a total stranger ask him about his fertility status. It has been my experience as a female that women (in general) tend to be nosier then men and also seem to find some enjoyment in making one another feel inadequate. That is often the case right hear on these newsgroups. Hope that sheds some light on the matter. However, it is only MY opinion. I can't speak for everyone. Michelle Mommy to Riley Claire & James Michael |
#42
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On Fri, 24 Oct 2003 18:49:41 -0700, DeliciousTruffles
wrote: David desJardins wrote: I've had people ask, "Do twins run in your family?" I've always taken this as ordinary curiosity. I don't think I've ever had a stranger ask, "Did you use fertility drugs?" That would seem a bit inappropriate for a total stranger. I would also be pretty surprised if a total stranger asked, "Why don't you have kids yet?" I've had all three questions but the last question was never from strangers. The last question was from acquaintances. Oh yeah, count me in on those three as well. The most ignorant comment came to my wife whilst shopping. An older woman stopped my wife after the birth of our twins and asked her if it was true. Not knowing what she meant, my wife asked her was what true. "Well, did you use drugs?" Because she had, and she knew the woman in a casual way, she replied that yes she had. "Well, I don't feel sorry for you at all" was the reply. We're still not sure why anybody should feel sorry for us. That type of question always seemed to come at the worst possible time: just after a failed cycle. It doesn't just sting, it hurts like a son of a bitch. The emotional pain of IF is heart-wrenching and when an almost-stranger starts asking questions, you feel like ****. My wife always felt the results of a failed cycle more than I did. It was "her" failure, and "she" was doing something wrong. All I could do was say we'll try again next month. I felt pretty useless for a while. I wouldn't wish infertility on my worst enemy. tim |
#43
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On Fri, 24 Oct 2003 18:49:41 -0700, DeliciousTruffles
wrote: David desJardins wrote: I've had people ask, "Do twins run in your family?" I've always taken this as ordinary curiosity. I don't think I've ever had a stranger ask, "Did you use fertility drugs?" That would seem a bit inappropriate for a total stranger. I would also be pretty surprised if a total stranger asked, "Why don't you have kids yet?" I've had all three questions but the last question was never from strangers. The last question was from acquaintances. Oh yeah, count me in on those three as well. The most ignorant comment came to my wife whilst shopping. An older woman stopped my wife after the birth of our twins and asked her if it was true. Not knowing what she meant, my wife asked her was what true. "Well, did you use drugs?" Because she had, and she knew the woman in a casual way, she replied that yes she had. "Well, I don't feel sorry for you at all" was the reply. We're still not sure why anybody should feel sorry for us. That type of question always seemed to come at the worst possible time: just after a failed cycle. It doesn't just sting, it hurts like a son of a bitch. The emotional pain of IF is heart-wrenching and when an almost-stranger starts asking questions, you feel like ****. My wife always felt the results of a failed cycle more than I did. It was "her" failure, and "she" was doing something wrong. All I could do was say we'll try again next month. I felt pretty useless for a while. I wouldn't wish infertility on my worst enemy. tim |
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#45
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#46
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Yes, I become pregnant by use of fertility pills and injections. We tried
to conceive for 3 1/2 yrs. I think the question bothers me the most because I DO feel inadequate. I am "broken" per se. But I personally feel that it is no ones business, especially not a complete stranger. A friend I don't have a problem telling, but then, most of my friends already know. I've tried to ward off the question with a simple "It was a surprise to everyone" and I have even answered the question with "Twins run in the family" even though the strain ends with my great grandmothers sisters. Answering the question without really answering. I have never gotten up the nerve to respond in the way that Dear Abby says "Why do you want to know?" Triplets are a bit common around here too. Naperville, IL has the highest occurrences of triplets of anywhere in the country, so it is still surprising to cause such a stir. On a funny note though. The other day my family (DH, Me, 1 month old triplets, and my mom) and a friend of mines family (Her, husband and 9 month old twin daughters) went to a restaurant to eat. I got up to get the food, and a lady came over to my friend and asked if all the babies were hers. She just laughed. We can't wait to go to a "fine" dining restaurant to see everyone sweat. 4 adults, 5 babies ;-). Gayle "Twinzmommie" wrote in message ... Don't recall any rude questions either, although there might have been a couple that I just shrugged off. BRBR Some of us who have posted about rude comments or questions have become parents of multiples through infertility methods. I am not sure if that is the case with you. However, questions like, "Do twins run in your family?, or Did you use fertility drugs?" sometimes strike a nerve. It may possibly be that our backs are already up because before we were blessed with our children we were asked continually "Why don't you have kids yet, or When do you plan to get around to starting a family?" These sort of comments and questions sting quite a bit when you are desperately wanting to become a parent but are unable to reach that goal without help. As I said, I am not sure if fertility methods played a part in your status as a parent of multiples and if it did maybe things just affect you differently. I do agree though that most often people are just being friendly, and that to me is wonderful. It becomes not wonderful when their friendliness included touching my babies on the hands or the face or trying to get too close where they ended up waking one of both of them up after I had just gotten them to sleep. Again those mentioned scenarios may not have been bothersome to you at all, but to some of us they were! We are all different aren't we? Michelle Mommy to Riley Claire & James Michael |
#47
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Yes, I become pregnant by use of fertility pills and injections. We tried
to conceive for 3 1/2 yrs. I think the question bothers me the most because I DO feel inadequate. I am "broken" per se. But I personally feel that it is no ones business, especially not a complete stranger. A friend I don't have a problem telling, but then, most of my friends already know. I've tried to ward off the question with a simple "It was a surprise to everyone" and I have even answered the question with "Twins run in the family" even though the strain ends with my great grandmothers sisters. Answering the question without really answering. I have never gotten up the nerve to respond in the way that Dear Abby says "Why do you want to know?" Triplets are a bit common around here too. Naperville, IL has the highest occurrences of triplets of anywhere in the country, so it is still surprising to cause such a stir. On a funny note though. The other day my family (DH, Me, 1 month old triplets, and my mom) and a friend of mines family (Her, husband and 9 month old twin daughters) went to a restaurant to eat. I got up to get the food, and a lady came over to my friend and asked if all the babies were hers. She just laughed. We can't wait to go to a "fine" dining restaurant to see everyone sweat. 4 adults, 5 babies ;-). Gayle "Twinzmommie" wrote in message ... Don't recall any rude questions either, although there might have been a couple that I just shrugged off. BRBR Some of us who have posted about rude comments or questions have become parents of multiples through infertility methods. I am not sure if that is the case with you. However, questions like, "Do twins run in your family?, or Did you use fertility drugs?" sometimes strike a nerve. It may possibly be that our backs are already up because before we were blessed with our children we were asked continually "Why don't you have kids yet, or When do you plan to get around to starting a family?" These sort of comments and questions sting quite a bit when you are desperately wanting to become a parent but are unable to reach that goal without help. As I said, I am not sure if fertility methods played a part in your status as a parent of multiples and if it did maybe things just affect you differently. I do agree though that most often people are just being friendly, and that to me is wonderful. It becomes not wonderful when their friendliness included touching my babies on the hands or the face or trying to get too close where they ended up waking one of both of them up after I had just gotten them to sleep. Again those mentioned scenarios may not have been bothersome to you at all, but to some of us they were! We are all different aren't we? Michelle Mommy to Riley Claire & James Michael |
#48
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We started to put them in separate strollers and it has cut down the gawkers
by 75%. some people don't even believe they are twins. Keep the sense of humor though, you WILL need it! Jack "The Huwe Family" wrote in message .com... I haven't heard those ones yet. BTW Did you tell the teenager that you've never seen two ****s alike anyway? And that you are blessed that they don't look like ****. Gayle "H Schinske" wrote in message ... Gayle ) wrote: But the questions they asked were totally uncalled for, and frankly, none of their business. I had comments from "Did you use fertility?" to "Are you breastfeeding?" Yup. People do that. It gets funny after a while. So far my favorite comments have been the ones from (a) the intense lady in the health food store who asked, "Do they have a psychic bond?" and (b) the teenager who said, "They twins? You ****tin' me! They don't look **** alike." --Helen |
#49
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We started to put them in separate strollers and it has cut down the gawkers
by 75%. some people don't even believe they are twins. Keep the sense of humor though, you WILL need it! Jack "The Huwe Family" wrote in message .com... I haven't heard those ones yet. BTW Did you tell the teenager that you've never seen two ****s alike anyway? And that you are blessed that they don't look like ****. Gayle "H Schinske" wrote in message ... Gayle ) wrote: But the questions they asked were totally uncalled for, and frankly, none of their business. I had comments from "Did you use fertility?" to "Are you breastfeeding?" Yup. People do that. It gets funny after a while. So far my favorite comments have been the ones from (a) the intense lady in the health food store who asked, "Do they have a psychic bond?" and (b) the teenager who said, "They twins? You ****tin' me! They don't look **** alike." --Helen |
#50
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