Random vent

Elfanie wrote:

I've been in the birth field for 8.5 years now....and I want to
finally vent some of my frustrations about some things I"ve heard/seen
while attending births (and yes, from things people say in real life
as well as places like this group).


WHY oh WHY do people....

6. view pregnancy and birth in such a negative light? Braxton hicks
are a source of complaint instead of marvelling over the fact that
their body is strong and working hard....baby kicks are just
rib-hurting things that is another complaint instead of causing a
smile about how strong and healthy s/he is....pregnancy and birth is
something to be endured for the sake of getting a baby, not a time of
amazement and wonder that your body is able to accomplish such a
remarkable feat....women feel fat and huge instead of feeling like
they are doing the single most womanly and alive thing they will ever
do...


I definitely saw pregnancy and labor as something to get through to have
a baby. Not that
either was all that bad, but it wasn't an experience I'd want to repeat
just for itself. And I
don't see anything particularly amazing about the fact that my body can
grow and birth a a baby. That's
part of what being a mammal is all about.

Clisby

Well said. I agree with everything totally and I find myself venting to
people about the same things. The only thing I AM guilty of is #6 - I've
been feeling really huge and fat and yesterday I made the comment (jokingly
of course) that Im not really pregnant, I just got really really fat. Of
course this was when I was trying to climb out of the swimming pool and
could not do so without help because I was too lazy to use the ladder And
the kicks DO hurt, especially in the ribs though I dont feel like Im
complaining terribly about them but do say Ow, ow ow an awful lot these
days!

Mind you with #1 I had an OB, medicated birth complete with episiotomy and
bottlefed her. I was 20 years old. Looking back I was totally clueless. With
#2 had a midwife, no epi, breastfed and was totally amazed at the difference
in care. Absolutely night and day. I had wanted a homebirth but military
wouldn't comply. With #3 Im still not getting my homebirth because a) we
live 45 min from the nearest hospital and b) my midwife wont do them. She is
the only CNM in our county and I am using a birth center which is fine with
me. Im totally prepared this time and cannot wait to have this baby in a
great setting, totally natural and without intervention as much as possible.
Yes people look at me like Im nuts when I say Im using a midwife or say that
Im planning on having natural childbirth but oh well, most people think
we're crazy as well for STILL co-sleeping, not circ'ing, breastfeeding, etc
and I've just gotten used to it by now that I just smile politely and ignore
them.

Kari
mom to Kaylie (7) Noah (4) and #3 due in 7 weeks


"Elfanie" wrote in message
...
I've been in the birth field for 8.5 years now....and I want to
finally vent some of my frustrations about some things I"ve heard/seen
while attending births (and yes, from things people say in real life
as well as places like this group).


WHY oh WHY do people....

1. feel that pregnancy isn't official unless a physician administers
the same urine test that they've taken at home? They take a test...it
says positive.....so what do they do? call an OB and wait for the OB
to take their urine and use the same test to tell them it's positive.
WHY??


2. call an OB the moment they get pregnant....whether they are high
risk or not. Why? Why is it assumed that they will have their baby
in a hospital? Why is it not assumed that they will have their baby
at home unless there is something wrong? Why do people feel safer in
a hospital instead of home when ALL research EVER done has shown that
a planned homebirth with a midwife is as safe (and usually a lot
safer!!) than a hospital birth...?

3. use words like "let" and "allowed" when it comes to their
rpegnancy, their baby, and their body??? ie. "my doctor won't let me
go over 41 weeks" "I'm not allowed to have anything but ice chips in
labor" "my doctor will let me walk around as much as I want" "I'm
allowed to get into the shower at the hospital". At what other time
in a woman's life does she feel like she has such little control over
her own body? Can you imagine if a nonpregnant woman said things like
that about her body? If someone else tried to tell her what she could
and could not do with her body?

4. not question their care providers? "I trust my doctor..s/he
wouldn't do anything that wasn't best for me and my baby." Umm...says
who??? why do you have such infinate trust in someone else like that?
It's not your husband...it's not your mother...why do you trust them
to have YOUR best interest at heart rather than their own? Do you
honestly think that doctors are always making medical decisions? NO!
50% of the time they are making LEGAL decisions!! When they say
something is safer...they don't always mean medically! They often
mean it's safer legally...for them!!! And what's wrong with
questioning them? I trust my husband, but if he came home smelling of
perfume I"d ask him where he was!! I've personally seen doctors out
and out LIE, knowingly lie, to the mom....!! And I've seen moms not
even think to question them.."you mean I have a choice? I don't have
to have an episiotomy?" Of course not! It's your bottom....why do you
think you don't have a choice???

5. not care about what's happening to them or their baby? that may
sound harsh..but it's the brutal truth. "...so then my doctor broke
my water.." "why did he break your water?" "Because I was 5
centimeters.." "Yeah...so why did he break your water?" "Uhh....I
dunno...he just did." so you put your baby at risk (malpresentation,
prolapsed cord, cord compression issues, etc) and you have absolutely
no idea WHY? You never asked WHY he wanted to break your water so
that YOU could decide if you wanted to take that risk??

6. view pregnancy and birth in such a negative light? Braxton hicks
are a source of complaint instead of marvelling over the fact that
their body is strong and working hard....baby kicks are just
rib-hurting things that is another complaint instead of causing a
smile about how strong and healthy s/he is....pregnancy and birth is
something to be endured for the sake of getting a baby, not a time of
amazement and wonder that your body is able to accomplish such a
remarkable feat....women feel fat and huge instead of feeling like
they are doing the single most womanly and alive thing they will ever
do...


7. view the pain of labor as terrifying and in such a negative thing.
Actually, this one I know the answer to....because of
friends/family/media. has anyone stopped to wonder why it is that all
of these women who go unmedicated.....are so glad that they did? How
rare it is for a mom to go unmedicated and be sorry? Why is it that
so many of these women who go unmedicated GLOW when they talk about
their birth experience....saying yes, it hurt...but I'd do it again in
a heartbeat! Why do so many respond like that?? Yet those who go
medicated say things like, "you're crazy"..or "you're brave"....or
even "you're stupid" if you say you want to go unmedicated?

8. take a pregnant mom and tell her every scary thing they have ever
heard in their entire lifetime that is even remotely related to
pregnancy? Why? wHY WHY WHY? What is their motivation? to scare her?
Why would that be a good thing?

9. believe that induction is a good thing? Do you know how many moms
I've seen ASK to be induced??? Like it's a good thing?? Or why they
think that if the doctor suggests it, that it;s medically necessary.
If it's a scheduled induction....it's not medically necessary!! (read
that sentance again!)
If the doctor is scheduling an induction in 3 days for you...tha'ts
not medically necessary! That's an elective induction because
obviously s/he is not worried about you or the baby (or you would be
going to the hospital NOW, not in 3 days!)...so if they are planning
to induce later in the week or on Monday, that's elective. there's
nothing wrong. Even if you're 42 weeks (even ACOG says NOT to induce
prior to 42 weeks!!! Their very own trade union recommends against
it! yet how many routinely, without reason or cause, induce at 41
weeks??) there's nothing necessarily wrong!

10 And finally...
believe that you need to have a phd in order to know this stuff?
Like their doctor is so much smarter than they are that their doctor
can learn stuff that they can't possibly learn. Your doctor is NOT
smarter than you! (well, if he's bright and you're not the sharpest
tool in the shed, then maybe he is..but usually he's not) He's just
learned this stuff...and it's nothing you can't learn! You don't need
to be a surgeon (by the way...does everyone realize that obstetrics is
a SURGICAL specialty? they are surgeons! And yes, I swear, I've
heard OB's say things like, "Now THIS is why I became an OB.." while
they are scrubbing up for a cesarean..) If you can read...you can
learn this. If you care to know it...the information is out
there...and it's not rocket science. This whole birth thing is
actually very simple...fairly straight forward. Why is it so hard for
you to trust YOURSELF and trust your body and trust your baby...?
I've seen moms blow off midwives...midwives! Who are normal pregnancy
specialists! (as opposed to surgical specialists) As if because she
doesn't have a phd she doesn't know as much as the doctor does. she
doesn't know how to operate...but she probably knows quite a bit more
about normal pregnancy and birth than an OB does.

Anyways...this is my rant. it wasn't for anyone but myself...just to
say it...to get it out. I hold my tongue so much in day to day life
that it's good to just get it out. I just get frustrated...and I hope
that I don't anger anyone by venting like this.
Stephanie Soderblom CLD CCCE CD(DONA) ICD
Mesa, AZ
Mommy to Mikael 5/9/95 - Kerstyn 8/6/99 - and Kevin 8/30/02
Student Midwife
Birth Doula / Childbirth Educator / Pregnancy and Birth Photography

http://www.birthdiaries.com - Birth Story Diaries=REAL BIRTHS = REAL
PHOTOS

I love your point about OB's being surgical specialists.

I guess here where I live, in BC, this is still maintained. You really
don't see an OB unless you are high-risk, especially for a c-section.

I had a c-section with the twins (unavoidable) because twin A was a
footling breech with his cord wrapped around him.

Now, with this pg, I am going for a VBAC. But due to my age, prior
c-section, and the nature of conception, I will consult with an OB in a
couple of weeks, but the primary care WILL be my GP (I don't think there
is a midwife around here. BC is slowly starting to recognize them but
they are still extraordinary here.).

The following story is what I want to avoid (sorry if it's a bit long):

A friend recently gave birth to her first baby. During the pregnancy
she gained over 60 pounds. This was because she overate. Saw it with
my own eyes. She ate crap and lots of it.

She went overdue. At 40w6d, she had her membranes stripped to try to
induce labour. Didn't work. At 41w, she had an U/S and non-stress test
and they showed her fluid levels were now low. Scheduled induction for
the next morning.

She checks into L&D Wed. am. Induction started. Gets nitrous oxide for
pain. Goes into labour. Still in pain and gets Demerol. Labour
continues. Still in pain and gets Morphine. Labour continues. Still
in pain and gets an epidural. Labour continues. Still in pain and gets
another epidural. Labour continues (you can probably see where I'm
heading with this). Now my friend is full of drugs and so is baby.
Labour has stalled because baby is too drugged to figure stuff out.
After 36 hours, baby is born by emergency c-section and momma is under
full general anaesthesia because nothing else worked by this time.

Baby and momma are doing fine but she went through what seems to me to
be unnecessarily long labour. She could have cut back on eating all
that crap and gained just a reasonable amount of weight. She could have
not pressed the dr. to strip her membranes. Once her membranes were
stripped and she failed to go into labour, the following events sort of
fell into place. She could have held off all the drugs.

When my dh heard what happened to her, he got worried about me wanting a
VBAC. I explained WHY this most likely happened to her. I explained
that because I started this pregnancy overweight I know NOT to stuff my
face with junk. Hell, I only gained 35 pounds with the twins. So far,
I've only gained 7 pounds.

I know NOT to induce or strip membranes unless there is a medical
reason. I know NOT to have buckets of drugs pumped into mine and the
baby's systems.

I will go see this OB but not really for my sake but for my GP. He
needs reassurance because he doesn't deal with IVF people very often
(small town), nor VBAC's, nor older women, nor women that research the
crap out of everything. So, I'll go to the OB, I'll ask lots of
questions, and I'll STATE what *I* want. This OB will either go along
with what I want or he'll have to come up with a damn good reason for
something else.

--
Brigitte aa #2145
edd #3 February 15, 2004
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/j/joshuaandkaterina/

"Readers are plentiful; thinkers are rare."
~ Harriet Martineau

wrote:

I love your point about OB's being surgical specialists.

And please note this isn't just a complaint that super-crunchy-granola people
make. My mother, who was an anesthesiologist and would never have considered
unmedicated childbirth for herself, used almost the exact same phrase -- along
the lines of "OB is a surgical specialty, you have to expect them to think like
surgeons."

(And you don't want to hear some of the things anesthesiologists tend to say
about surgeons ...)

--Helen

Wow -- You say a lot of stuff that women -- and their care providers --
should really think about and reflect on. I know that for me, I trust my
care provider because she does explain things, including risks and
options, and she doesn't treat me like some billing account. Also, I ask
lots of questions, so she can't just brush me off as easily. I plan on
having a hospital birth not only because I'm over 35, so I may have
complications, but also because I wouldn't feel safe at my home! I don't
want the almost-grandparents showing up unannounced. I don't want a
telemarketer to interrupt. I don't want to suddenly notice that I forgot
to dust above the windows while I'm in labor. I agree that women -- and
their partners -- should think critically about their care and decisions,
but once these decisions are made, they may not always agree with what you
might perceive to be best for their situation...

That said -- I managed to lose 7 lbs during the first tri, but I'm finally
-- gasp! -- gaining an appetite! I'm still trying to wrap my head around
all the changes that have happened and that we can look forward to, and
while some are really cool, some are just confusing as heck. And now,
Baby wants me to go get some high-nutrient fruit juice to contribute to
hydration!

"Elfanie" wrote in message
...
I've been in the birth field for 8.5 years now....and I want to
finally vent some of my frustrations about some things I"ve heard/seen
while attending births (and yes, from things people say in real life
as well as places like this group).


WHY oh WHY do people....

2. call an OB the moment they get pregnant....whether they are high
risk or not. Why? Why is it assumed that they will have their baby
in a hospital? Why is it not assumed that they will have their baby
at home unless there is something wrong? Why do people feel safer in
a hospital instead of home when ALL research EVER done has shown that
a planned homebirth with a midwife is as safe (and usually a lot
safer!!) than a hospital birth...?

Its recommended by most GYNs to call immediately, at the very least for a
vitamin scrip.

6. view pregnancy and birth in such a negative light? Braxton hicks
are a source of complaint instead of marvelling over the fact that
their body is strong and working hard....baby kicks are just
rib-hurting things that is another complaint instead of causing a
smile about how strong and healthy s/he is....pregnancy and birth is
something to be endured for the sake of getting a baby, not a time of
amazement and wonder that your body is able to accomplish such a
remarkable feat....women feel fat and huge instead of feeling like
they are doing the single most womanly and alive thing they will ever
do...


I complain about my pain, doesnt mean I dont think its a good thing, but
being miserable is miserable even if its for a good cause.


7. view the pain of labor as terrifying and in such a negative thing.
Actually, this one I know the answer to....because of
friends/family/media. has anyone stopped to wonder why it is that all
of these women who go unmedicated.....are so glad that they did? How
rare it is for a mom to go unmedicated and be sorry? Why is it that
so many of these women who go unmedicated GLOW when they talk about
their birth experience....saying yes, it hurt...but I'd do it again in
a heartbeat! Why do so many respond like that?? Yet those who go
medicated say things like, "you're crazy"..or "you're brave"....or
even "you're stupid" if you say you want to go unmedicated?


Pain is scary, the unknown is scary. But I also hear women say "I wish
someone had told me truthfully how bad it would hurt, so I would have been
prepared". I'd rather be aware than not.

8. take a pregnant mom and tell her every scary thing they have ever
heard in their entire lifetime that is even remotely related to
pregnancy? Why? wHY WHY WHY? What is their motivation? to scare her?
Why would that be a good thing?

I complain about my pain, doesnt mean I dont think its a good thing, but
being miserable is miserable even if its for a good cause.


Exactly. That's why I said Im guilty of this. Im miserable, my feet are
swollen, Im hot and achy. I feel like a whale. I love being pregnant, well,
I wouldn't say I totally love it but I enjoy it for the most part but I will
be thrilled when its over!!

Kari
mom to Kaylie (7) Noah (4) and #3 due in 7 weeks

"Elfanie" wrote in message
...
I've been in the birth field for 8.5 years now....and I want to
finally vent some of my frustrations about some things I"ve heard/seen
while attending births (and yes, from things people say in real life
as well as places like this group).


WHY oh WHY do people....

1. feel that pregnancy isn't official unless a physician administers
the same urine test that they've taken at home? They take a test...it
says positive.....so what do they do? call an OB and wait for the OB
to take their urine and use the same test to tell them it's positive.
WHY??

Guess I know the answer to that one: most pregnancies are planned and
desperately wanted. When you and your partner have finally made the
decision to go for it and try and make a baby, you don't want to find
yourself singing hallelujah over a false home pregnancy test. This is
something you wanted sooooo much to happen, you want absolute certainty!
And when you need absolute certainty, the first thing you start to question
are your own skills: did you do the test right? Did you wait long enough?
And since uncle doc has studied for a loooong time, he'll probably be
better at these things then you are. The fact that the actual test will be
done by someone in a lab, who can have and off day as well as you, instead
of uncle doc doesn't matter, you don't want to think about that. You want
to be dead certain.

2. call an OB the moment they get pregnant....whether they are high
risk or not. Why? Why is it assumed that they will have their baby
in a hospital? Why is it not assumed that they will have their baby
at home unless there is something wrong? Why do people feel safer in
a hospital instead of home when ALL research EVER done has shown that
a planned homebirth with a midwife is as safe (and usually a lot
safer!!) than a hospital birth...?

Thank heavens I live in The Netherlands. Over here you go to a midwife, and
unless there is a medical reason you don't even get to see an OB, no matter
how much you want to. You simply need the referral from your family dr or
your midwife before you can go in to see an OB. Most deliveries are done by
midwives, mostly at home but you can also choose to go to the hospital for
the final stages of giving birth, but your midwife will go with you and you
still don't get to see an OB.

8. take a pregnant mom and tell her every scary thing they have ever
heard in their entire lifetime that is even remotely related to
pregnancy? Why? wHY WHY WHY? What is their motivation? to scare her?
Why would that be a good thing?

Dunno, when I was pregnant I usually said:"Hey, cut it out! I still have to
deliver, and I don't want to hear your horrorstories! Tell me what went
right and any experience you had that I can benefit from, but other than
that, don't tell me!"
When I finally gave birth, it was hellish, and I never ever tell that to a
pregnant woman. If asked, I tell her that I don't want to share my story at
that moment because it's not going to be like that for her. I give her the
titles of some books I found very helpfull and answer questions if I have
the answer, but I never ever share my story with a pregnant woman.

9. believe that induction is a good thing? Do you know how many moms
I've seen ASK to be induced??? Like it's a good thing?? Or why they
think that if the doctor suggests it, that it;s medically necessary.
If it's a scheduled induction....it's not medically necessary!! (read
that sentance again!)
If the doctor is scheduling an induction in 3 days for you...tha'ts
not medically necessary! That's an elective induction because
obviously s/he is not worried about you or the baby (or you would be
going to the hospital NOW, not in 3 days!)...so if they are planning
to induce later in the week or on Monday, that's elective. there's
nothing wrong. Even if you're 42 weeks (even ACOG says NOT to induce
prior to 42 weeks!!! Their very own trade union recommends against
it! yet how many routinely, without reason or cause, induce at 41
weeks??) there's nothing necessarily wrong!

I asked for an induction, and it was scheduled. But... I was almost 3(!)
weeks past EDD and in hospital with neurological problems for over a week.
I got the induction because of my EDD and it was scheduled because the
neurologist had to be available and not in the OR.
However, if I were to do it over, I would not ask for the induction again.
I wanted an unmedicated delivery, had done my research, talked it over with
DH and my midwife, had a birthingplan ready, and ended up with induction,
pitocin, epidural and vacuum extraction. When DS was born, he was big but
everyone agreed he could easily have stayed inside for another week or
maybe two weeks.

Do I want to do it all again? In a heartbeat! I really, really want to get
pregnant again, but DH got sooooo scared of everything that happened that
it won't happen soon. But if it will happen again, I will again go to a
midwife, and again plan a homebirth, and this time I will stick to my guns!

Babs
proud mama to Nick (03/05/2003)

--
Got the swing, got the sway, got my straw in lemonade
http://www.babsje.nl

But see, Kari...here's the difference. You've thought about it...and
made a decision after looking at your options and considering your
situation. Most people don't even think about it...they don't explore
their options and they just assume they will use an OB and have their
babies in hospitals because...well...no reason other than "that's the
way it's done".


Oh I totally see your point. I was that person who said "that's the way it's
done" and now looking back I feel almost ashamed to admit it. I do think a
lot of people make the mistake of assuming things not only with their
childbirth options but with childrearing in general. Of course now, I dont
think there is any excuse for NOT doing the research and It does **** me off
that I actually argue over things like this with people who obviously have
no clue what they are talking about. That probably sounds totally arrogant
but it's exactly like you stated, they think they are doing what is best and
wont seek out other options and then have the nerve to look at those of us
who DO seek out those options as if we are totally crazy. Whew. I hope that
made sense.

Kari

"Elfanie" wrote in message

I've been in the birth field for 8.5 years now....and I want to
finally vent some of my frustrations about some things I"ve heard/seen
while attending births (and yes, from things people say in real life
as well as places like this group).


WHY oh WHY do people....

I *totally* get what you're saying. These things are all incredibly
frustrating. In general, I find this group to be fairly "enlightened," but I
frequently have to hold my tongue and/or choose my battles, IRL when I hear
some of the sad (at least what I think is sad) attitudes frequently
expressed about pregnancy and birth. (and parenting too for that matter).

snip
2. call an OB the moment they get pregnant....whether they are high
risk or not. Why? Why is it assumed that they will have their baby
in a hospital? Why is it not assumed that they will have their baby
at home unless there is something wrong? Why do people feel safer in
a hospital instead of home when ALL research EVER done has shown that
a planned homebirth with a midwife is as safe (and usually a lot
safer!!) than a hospital birth...?

I did call an OB about a day after my positive test, but that was because I
was having spotting and felt very nervous about the viability of the
pregnancy. I also think people tend to call right away because it feels like
such a huge deal to be pregnant that you want to *do something* straight
away! As far as hospitals, I'm scared to death of having to go to a hospital
to have my baby. I'm glad they are there for real emergencies, but I don't
want anything to do with one when I'm giving birth or caring for a newborn!
I am going to be having my baby at a freestanding birth center though, not
at home (for a variety of reasons).

3. use words like "let" and "allowed" when it comes to their
rpegnancy, their baby, and their body??? ie. "my doctor won't let me
go over 41 weeks" "I'm not allowed to have anything but ice chips in
labor" "my doctor will let me walk around as much as I want" "I'm
allowed to get into the shower at the hospital". At what other time
in a woman's life does she feel like she has such little control over
her own body? Can you imagine if a nonpregnant woman said things like
that about her body? If someone else tried to tell her what she could
and could not do with her body?

This a giant pet peeve of mine.

4. not question their care providers? "I trust my doctor..s/he
wouldn't do anything that wasn't best for me and my baby." Umm...says
who??? why do you have such infinate trust in someone else like that?
It's not your husband...it's not your mother...why do you trust them
to have YOUR best interest at heart rather than their own? Do you
honestly think that doctors are always making medical decisions? NO!
50% of the time they are making LEGAL decisions!! When they say
something is safer...they don't always mean medically! They often
mean it's safer legally...for them!!! And what's wrong with
questioning them? I trust my husband, but if he came home smelling of
perfume I"d ask him where he was!! I've personally seen doctors out
and out LIE, knowingly lie, to the mom....!! And I've seen moms not
even think to question them.."you mean I have a choice? I don't have
to have an episiotomy?" Of course not! It's your bottom....why do you
think you don't have a choice???

This is one of the attitudes that I do tend to decide to "battle" with
people about (most often non-pregnant people though). Usually, I just point
out that a lot of things that are done in a hospital birth are for the
*doctor's* convenience and often fail to take into account the best
interests of the mother or baby.

5. not care about what's happening to them or their baby? that may
sound harsh..but it's the brutal truth. "...so then my doctor broke
my water.." "why did he break your water?" "Because I was 5
centimeters.." "Yeah...so why did he break your water?" "Uhh....I
dunno...he just did." so you put your baby at risk (malpresentation,
prolapsed cord, cord compression issues, etc) and you have absolutely
no idea WHY? You never asked WHY he wanted to break your water so
that YOU could decide if you wanted to take that risk??

One of my own personal rants that is kind of along these lines about
people's passivity, is when people can't seem to realize that what happened
to them wasn't necessarily because there was something wrong with *them* or
with the *baby*. I hear over and over again about how "my body just didn't
know to dilate" or "I just wasn't making progress" or "the baby wasn't
tolerating labor well" and so on and so forth. Do they never wonder what
factors played in to help create all of these body and baby "failures"?
Blame, so to speak, always seems to get placed on a failing of a mother or
baby, not on the system or on one's own passivity/ignorance. I also get
distressed hearing about all of the "emergency" c-sections and how the
doctor "saved" the mother and baby, when in reality a lot of the time it is
a cascade of doctor-promoted interventions that led to the "emergency" in
the first place (that is another point I will gently educate people about,
if it seems appropriate).

(I do also want to add that I do fully realize that there are true emergency
c-sections though).

6. view pregnancy and birth in such a negative light? Braxton hicks
are a source of complaint instead of marvelling over the fact that
their body is strong and working hard....baby kicks are just
rib-hurting things that is another complaint instead of causing a
smile about how strong and healthy s/he is....pregnancy and birth is
something to be endured for the sake of getting a baby, not a time of
amazement and wonder that your body is able to accomplish such a
remarkable feat....women feel fat and huge instead of feeling like
they are doing the single most womanly and alive thing they will ever
do...

I can kind of understand this one, though not from a direct point of view. I
feel like I've had a *very* smooth and comfortable pregnancy. Maybe some of
it has to do with my attitude towards being pregnant, but I think a lot of
it also has to do with luck. I haven't had hardly anything to complain about
at all--no morning sickness, no sore swelling feet, no heartburn, no
insomnia, etc. I think if I had more of the common "complaints" of
pregnancy, I might feel a little bit less rosy towards the whole thing. As
it is, I daily feel miraculous. And, even though it is something that tons
of women (and mammals in general) do all of the time, I still feel like it
is a pretty darned neat system and it is awe-inspiring to me :-) I *adore*
feeling my baby moving and have *never* once said anything negative about
it. I also have lots of Braxton-Hicks and feel oddly comforted by them--like
my body is really practicing well for this :-) I'm moving a bit more
awkwardly and slowly lately, but heck, I can sit on the floor daily during
my yoga practice with my legs flat on the ground to either side of me and
rest my forehead on the ground!

The other thing I've realized from being pregnant is how neat my body is in
general and how wonderful it is that it can take care of itself so well. It
has even changed my attitude about other body-related things like healing
from infection, etc. For example, I had a weird "runny" eye thing one
morning a few weeks ago. I thought about various dread things it could be
and then realized that my body knows how to take good care of me and would
probably take care of that as well (it was fine by that afternoon).

One of the "birth affirmations" I'm focusing on is that my body knows how to
birth this baby. It knew how to grow him well and it knows how to birth him
well. It takes care of me and does an excellent job :-)

snip
10 And finally...
believe that you need to have a phd in order to know this stuff?
Like their doctor is so much smarter than they are that their doctor
can learn stuff that they can't possibly learn. Your doctor is NOT
smarter than you! (well, if he's bright and you're not the sharpest
tool in the shed, then maybe he is..but usually he's not) He's just
learned this stuff...and it's nothing you can't learn! You don't need
to be a surgeon (by the way...does everyone realize that obstetrics is
a SURGICAL specialty? they are surgeons! And yes, I swear, I've
heard OB's say things like, "Now THIS is why I became an OB.." while
they are scrubbing up for a cesarean..) If you can read...you can
learn this. If you care to know it...the information is out
there...and it's not rocket science. This whole birth thing is
actually very simple...fairly straight forward. Why is it so hard for
you to trust YOURSELF and trust your body and trust your baby...?
I've seen moms blow off midwives...midwives! Who are normal pregnancy
specialists! (as opposed to surgical specialists) As if because she
doesn't have a phd she doesn't know as much as the doctor does. she
doesn't know how to operate...but she probably knows quite a bit more
about normal pregnancy and birth than an OB does.

This attitude towards doctors of all sorts bothers me a lot. Like, "consult
your physician before starting any exercise program." Hmm. Shouldn't you be
capable of judging for yourself what degree of exercise you can handle? I
rarely go to any doctor, because almost invariably when I do go I have
accurately self-diagnosed myself using my own medical books or internet
research and I thus don't have a lot of faith that they know much more than
I do (or can figure out).

Whew! I didn't know I had a rant in me as well...

--
Em
edd 9/23/03
(34.5 weeks)