Why I want #3

The thought of 3 girls scares me more than the thought of 3 boys

Kari
mom to Kaylie, Noah and Xander

I'd have to agree with that too. Girls are emotionally exhausting to me,
whereas boys are physically exhausting.

I can attest to that. )
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

On Sat, 23 Oct 2004 21:36:36 -0700, "Kelly"
wrote:

Congrats on the boy to be! I can't remember if this is a new discovery or
you've mentioned it before. Nonetheless, congrats on the exhibitionist!


New discovery. My scan was on Friday. All is normal and its a little
exhibitionist!

Megan
--
Seoras David Montgomery, 7th May 2003, 17 hours. http://seoras.farr-montgomery.com
EDD 11th March 2005 (another boy!)

But, what about me??? (sniff)

Irene

Yep. A girl.

"Sophie" wrote in message ...
But, what about me??? (sniff)

Irene

Yep. A girl.

If you're right, that'll make dh happy. But I need some more
organizational skills first, darnit!

Irene

"Mum of Two" wrote in message
...
"Jamie Clark" wrote in message
...

It's hard to say. I think in general, for the first one, you are more
worried about the practical every day aspects of dealing with a
newborn --
how to hold them, will you break them, how to change a diaper, or feed
them,
what does this or that cry mean, trying to figure out what works and
doesn't
to soothe them, etc. With the second, the practical aspects are already
there and comfortable. I mean, you still have to learn what soothes this
particular baby, but you have a repetoire of things to try in your
arsenal.
It's much easier, overall, to have a second baby, in terms of parenting
that
particular baby. You're more confident and laid back. You don't freak
out
over things that freaked you out the first time "is her poop supposed to
be
neon green?"

But it's the juggling that is hard at times.

That makes sense. I guess what I wondered, is whether it was insanely more
difficult than having one, overall.

Insanely more difficult? I don't know, I've only been doing it for a month.
Some things are harder, some are not. The juggling is harder. The tag
teaming is harder -- older one is quiet and sleeping, but the younger one
needs attention, then vise versa. Yes, it is harder, but that's right now.
The first one was hard in the beginning too. Who knows what my story will
be in 6 months, 1 year, 3 years, etc.

I still think a lot about what my life would have been like if we'd had
Nathan. But I forget sometimes that his life wouldn't be what a normal
kids
life would have been, at least not in the first few years.

I understand what you mean. Carlos appeared healthy, and that is how I
imagine him, but who knows? Had he been saved, had we realised something
was
up, he may have had brain & other organ damage as it's possible he had
contracted GBS, he may have had lack of oxygen to his brain and been
disabled, he may have had prematurity issues. Not that I would love him
any
different, but the assumption that things would have been normal, that we
wouldn't have struggled, may be innacurate.

Like I said, it helps me to remind myself of that -- otherwise I tend to
want to get all dreamy and fantasize about what my life would be like with
my happy and healthy little boy, which isn't accurate, and makes me feel
worse. So I remind myself of what my reality might have been like, and I do
not regret my decision.

I think our situations are slightly different, in that I chose to end our
pregnancy with Nathan. I made the decision to end his life. I will
always
live with that decision, and it factors in when I think of what could
have
been. It could have been, except that I chose for it not to happen. You
on
the other hand, did not chose. Your son died. There is nothing you
could
have done to make Carlos be born alive. You couldn't have had Carlos in
any
other way than the way that you had him. It just wasn't an option
available
to you.

Yes, but in the same way, you didn't *choose* for Nathan to be anything
other than healthy. So we've both had our dreams of what should have been
taken away, leaving us with 'what ifs'. And while I mostly believe there
is
nothing I could have done differently that would have saved him, some days
I
still wonder if I hadn't pushed myself so hard at work, hadn't worked a 12
hour day every week on top of my normal hours, would he be here? Would his
placenta have been normal had I not done heavy lifting? So each day, every
little decision we make brings about the possibility that later we will
look
back and question ourselves on the consequences, on whether we made the
right choice. Not that your decision can be an easy one to live with, I
don't mean to imply that. But we are human, we are imperfect. I mentioned
in
another thread, how I'd forgotten to buckle Ana into her carseat a couple
of
times. As nothing happened, it was a non-event, except for the
mother-guilt
I carry at the thought of what could have been. Had we been in an
accident,
she would most likely have been killed, and I would have had to live with
the knowledge that I caused her death, forever. I'm not sure I know what
my
point is, but that is typical, lol.
((((hugs)))) to you too.

--

Yes you are right, I didn't chose for Nathan to be sick. Good point. But I
don't take on any extra maternal guilt over Nathan's diagnosis. I didn't do
anything wrong, and in fact, know many people who did everything right, and
still lost a child to a rare syndrome or issue. I've not buckled Taylor
into her infant seat more than twice, and like you said, nothing happened.
I don't spend a moment wracking my brain and heart because something could
have. It didn't. Do your best not to do it again, and get over it. Life
is too short. She isn't dead, so stop feeling guilty about how you killed
her : )

Gosh, I really have to say that I value being able to have this conversation
with you. The fact that we've both lost a child, and can openly talk about
it, is very healing for me, even 6 years later. Thank you, Amy. I
appreciate you.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

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