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question about spacing of male siblings
Kate wrote:
In message , Ericka Kammerer writes I don't see why you would have to create so much together time. My inclination would be to try to jiggle his sleep times so that she has a little time when she gets home from school to reconnect with you without him, and then some time after his bedtime to play in a more extended way with you. Is Dad around any of this time so you can divide and conquer a bit? Then, it's perfectly reasonable for her to play on her own for a bit while you keep DS out of her hair. He has to learn to do that--it's not unreasonable of you or her to require it of him. It's also reasonable for your daughter to learn to be a bit forgiving that he doesn't always understand or play by all the rules at less than 2 years old. On the weekends, arrange some one-on-one time with each of them. We do divide and conquer at the weekends, interspersed with family time. The problem on weekdays is that DH isn't home until 6.30. He used to be home at 5 but got made redundant before Christmas and his new job is a longer commute. I think I still haven't adjusted to this. I'd been so used to having him home and doing stuff with one of them (not to mention making their tea). Ah, yes, doesn't it drive you batty when you get accustomed to a schedule and then the rug gets pulled out from under you?! The kids were probably accustomed to that as well, which probably exacerbates the problem. Having the cavalry arrive at 5pm goes a long way towards handling the witching hour. Changing DS's sleep times is a good idea. At the moment he wakes at 5.30, naps for up to 2.5 hours around 1 to 2.30 and goes to bed at 7. If I could move his nap later so he'd be asleep when we go to get her from school and a bit afterwards, that would give her and me a bit of time. She stopped napping altogether at 14 months so I've been viewing his nap as something that might vanish at any moment, but perhaps it won't. Hey, my first two napped until they were 5 years old, and my third will be three in a few months and is still napping strong. I would definitely try to skew his schedule later. (Heck, I'd have done that ages ago just because I'd do anything to avoid a 5:30am wakeup call! ;-) ) Given your husband's work schedule, I think it would pay dividends all around. DS would get to see more of him, you'd get some more one-on-one time with DD when she gets home from school, and maybe you'd move the witching hour a little later too. When you have multiple kids, I think you have to find some balance of play alone time, play together time, family time, and one-on-one time with each parent. I wouldn't attempt to maximize your family time at the expense of all the others. I'd just shoot for a balance. That makes sense but if the younger one is incapable of being left alone at all, I reckoned the option of all doing something together seemed preferable to DD playing alone all the time until daddy gets home. Also on the weekdays I don't work (I work 3 days of school hours), I've spent the whole day one-on-one with DS and I'd quite like a change! I'm not saying she has to play alone the *whole* time, but if you strategically place the bits of alone play you don't have to come up with as many strategies for together play ;-) If you can move DS's schedule later, so that you and DD get that together time right after school, I suspect that will feel like more of a break to you as well. I doubt you will find a terribly long list of activities that are absolutely fabulous for both an almost 5yo and an almost 2yo. They each deserve *some* time tailored towards their specific needs. You're hamstrung a bit by the toddler requiring so much hands-on care just from a safety perspective, but that will get better fairly rapidly. Promise??!! Really ;-) Do you have an outdoor space where he could play without you having to be on top of him (like an enclosed back yard with a window overlooking it? It won't be too long before he could play outside in that scenario and you could have a little time with DD while overseeing through the window. Just put really tempting toys out there (water play, sand play, other messy play--that should get him going!). Getting them outside seems to really help that witching hour around here. Actually, maybe that would be another activity that would help. Around here, the older boys love nothing more than some time in the back yard playing basketball, and while my now-almost-3yo can't really play *with* them, she's happy as a clam to be in the back yard with a ball and a little hoop of her own. It's good physical activity and fresh air for all of them, and a moment of peace for me as long as the back yard is well secured so she can't escape (she's quite the runner, and the older kids aren't always great at knowing where she is, so I have to make sure the gates are latched and keep an eye/ear out. Still, I'm not chasing and refereeing, so I'm happy. Best wishes, Ericka |
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