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#1
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3 year old problems?
Our 3.5 year old son just started at a new babysitter a couple of days a
week. Yesterday was his first day, and both yesterday and today were only for 3 hours each. We're trying to ease into the occasional full day there. The babysitter raised a number concerns she had about our son when I picked him up today, but I'm not sure if her concerns are valid. 1. She said she's very concerned that he isn't making eye-contact with her when he talks to her. He makes regular eye contact with my husband and myself, his grandparents, and friends of ours. I don't know why he won't look at her directly, but I'm assuming it's because he's a bit uncomfortable with the new situation. 2. The babysitter also said that she's concerned about his talking. We've been paying close attention to his speech progression and overall, I think it's pretty good. Strangers generally have an easy time understanding him. The only thing he's doing "wrong" is that he doesn't pronounce his "L", and instead replaces that sound with something between an "R" and a "W". I thought things like this were very common at this age. Is it? 3. As for another concern she had, she said that he is asking a lot of questions...but the same questions over and over. I have never observed this behavior. 4. Finally, he hit one of the older kids today (a 7 year old boy). Not hard, but thats not the point. Apparently there wasn't an argument or confrontation about anything. I don't know what he was thinking. When I asked him, he denies hitting the boy, he says he was "just tapping" him. I tried to explain that "tapping" and "hitting" are the same thing, and we don't do either. I have no idea what started this, except that there's a boy in his Sunday school class that has hit other children in the class and our little guy is quite scared of him. Our son is otherwise fairly well adjusted, or so I thought. He's got a good memory, he knows his letters, numbers, colors, and can count to 20. He seems to be quite intelligent and has shown good problem solving skills. He generally plays well with other kids. He's in preschool 3 days a week for 2.5 hours a day...not so much that we need him there, but we felt he would like to go and play with other kids. The preschool hasn't brought any concerns to our attention. BTW, he doesn't have any siblings. My theory is that he's just taking some time to adjust to his new busy schedule. Last school year, he was in a playschool one day a week for two hours. The rest of the time he was either at home or with either of his grandmothers. I'm quite upset about this and don't know if we have anything to worry about or not. On one hand, I was going to take him directly to the doctor to get a referral to a speech language pathologist, and a child psychologist, and discontinue the preschool and the babysitter, then crawl under the bed for a few weeks. On the other hand, I'm hoping this is all just a normal developmental phase. I would really appreciate other's opinions and suggestions here. Barbara |
#2
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3 year old problems?
Barb White wrote:
I'm quite upset about this and don't know if we have anything to worry about or not. On one hand, I was going to take him directly to the doctor to get a referral to a speech language pathologist, and a child psychologist, and discontinue the preschool and the babysitter, then crawl under the bed for a few weeks. On the other hand, I'm hoping this is all just a normal developmental phase. I would really appreciate other's opinions and suggestions here. Barbara I would give him a month to settle into the new schedule and routine and sitter, and then re-evaluate your concerns. They seem pretty minor to me, especially during a transitional time for him with a new caregiver. Most of all, I wouldn't worry about it unless he's being destructive or horrible or seems terribly agitated by the new situation. I just know that it takes my 3.5 year old daughter about a month or so to really ease into a transition....even when other kids seem unfazed by a new sitter or surrounding, she just becomes a little different for a few weeks until she's comfortable, then things are fine. As for the speech, I think its within the range of normal to have some deficiencies, what you said seems pretty minor for his age. Again, I wouldn't worry, but if you are concerned a trip to a speech path. would put your mind at ease. cara |
#3
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3 year old problems?
"Barb White" wrote in message news Our 3.5 year old son just started at a new babysitter a couple of days a week. Yesterday was his first day, and both yesterday and today were only for 3 hours each. We're trying to ease into the occasional full day there. The babysitter raised a number concerns she had about our son when I picked him up today, but I'm not sure if her concerns are valid. 1. She said she's very concerned that he isn't making eye-contact with her when he talks to her. He makes regular eye contact with my husband and myself, his grandparents, and friends of ours. I don't know why he won't look at her directly, but I'm assuming it's because he's a bit uncomfortable with the new situation. 2. The babysitter also said that she's concerned about his talking. We've been paying close attention to his speech progression and overall, I think it's pretty good. Strangers generally have an easy time understanding him. The only thing he's doing "wrong" is that he doesn't pronounce his "L", and instead replaces that sound with something between an "R" and a "W". I thought things like this were very common at this age. Is it? 3. As for another concern she had, she said that he is asking a lot of questions...but the same questions over and over. I have never observed this behavior. 4. Finally, he hit one of the older kids today (a 7 year old boy). Not hard, but thats not the point. Apparently there wasn't an argument or confrontation about anything. I don't know what he was thinking. When I asked him, he denies hitting the boy, he says he was "just tapping" him. I tried to explain that "tapping" and "hitting" are the same thing, and we don't do either. I have no idea what started this, except that there's a boy in his Sunday school class that has hit other children in the class and our little guy is quite scared of him. Our son is otherwise fairly well adjusted, or so I thought. He's got a good memory, he knows his letters, numbers, colors, and can count to 20. He seems to be quite intelligent and has shown good problem solving skills. He generally plays well with other kids. He's in preschool 3 days a week for 2.5 hours a day...not so much that we need him there, but we felt he would like to go and play with other kids. The preschool hasn't brought any concerns to our attention. BTW, he doesn't have any siblings. My theory is that he's just taking some time to adjust to his new busy schedule. Last school year, he was in a playschool one day a week for two hours. The rest of the time he was either at home or with either of his grandmothers. I'm quite upset about this and don't know if we have anything to worry about or not. On one hand, I was going to take him directly to the doctor to get a referral to a speech language pathologist, and a child psychologist, and discontinue the preschool and the babysitter, then crawl under the bed for a few weeks. On the other hand, I'm hoping this is all just a normal developmental phase. I would really appreciate other's opinions and suggestions here. Barbara sounds ok to me barbara - similar to my 3yo - i would say he is just adjusting to thenew person, and as the other poster said, give it a month and then see what she thinsk. c |
#4
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3 year old problems?
"Barb White" wrote in message news Our 3.5 year old son just started at a new babysitter a couple of days a week. Yesterday was his first day, and both yesterday and today were only for 3 hours each. We're trying to ease into the occasional full day there. The babysitter raised a number concerns she had about our son when I picked him up today, but I'm not sure if her concerns are valid. 1. She said she's very concerned that he isn't making eye-contact with her when he talks to her. He makes regular eye contact with my husband and myself, his grandparents, and friends of ours. I don't know why he won't look at her directly, but I'm assuming it's because he's a bit uncomfortable with the new situation. 2. The babysitter also said that she's concerned about his talking. We've been paying close attention to his speech progression and overall, I think it's pretty good. Strangers generally have an easy time understanding him. The only thing he's doing "wrong" is that he doesn't pronounce his "L", and instead replaces that sound with something between an "R" and a "W". I thought things like this were very common at this age. Is it? 3. As for another concern she had, she said that he is asking a lot of questions...but the same questions over and over. I have never observed this behavior. 4. Finally, he hit one of the older kids today (a 7 year old boy). Not hard, but thats not the point. Apparently there wasn't an argument or confrontation about anything. I don't know what he was thinking. When I asked him, he denies hitting the boy, he says he was "just tapping" him. I tried to explain that "tapping" and "hitting" are the same thing, and we don't do either. I have no idea what started this, except that there's a boy in his Sunday school class that has hit other children in the class and our little guy is quite scared of him. Our son is otherwise fairly well adjusted, or so I thought. He's got a good memory, he knows his letters, numbers, colors, and can count to 20. He seems to be quite intelligent and has shown good problem solving skills. He generally plays well with other kids. He's in preschool 3 days a week for 2.5 hours a day...not so much that we need him there, but we felt he would like to go and play with other kids. The preschool hasn't brought any concerns to our attention. BTW, he doesn't have any siblings. My theory is that he's just taking some time to adjust to his new busy schedule. Last school year, he was in a playschool one day a week for two hours. The rest of the time he was either at home or with either of his grandmothers. I'm quite upset about this and don't know if we have anything to worry about or not. On one hand, I was going to take him directly to the doctor to get a referral to a speech language pathologist, and a child psychologist, and discontinue the preschool and the babysitter, then crawl under the bed for a few weeks. On the other hand, I'm hoping this is all just a normal developmental phase. I would really appreciate other's opinions and suggestions here. I am really surprised that a new caregiver would be raising all these issues after just meeting your child. First of all, this is a new situation with new care giver and new children. He is going to be going through an adjustment phase. There are loads of distractions to pull his eyes away form making eye contact, there are new kids to learn how to interact with, and he is only 3.5 years old. His speach sounds normal as does the rest of the behavior you report. And, he may well have been asking the same questions more than once if he was not given the answers or if he did not understand the answers. Further, you've had him in other group settings with other caregivers and no one else has apparently raised any concerns. If there were areas to be concerned about they should have been brought up by others as well. Personally, I'd talk with this caregiver to find out how she responded to the questions, how she resonded to the hitting incident, what led up to the hitting incident [something did even if she did not see it], and what she did to try to get him to make eye contact with her, if anything. I'd probably suggest to her that this is a new situation and that time does wonders for adjustment and that since he is only 3.5 years old it is developmentally normal for him to have difficulty pronouncing certain sounds including sibillants and "l". See what her reaction to that is. If she stonewalls I'd start looking for a different care giver as I'd be concerned about her thinking she is always right when she just may not be. -Aula |
#5
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3 year old problems?
1. She said she's very concerned that he isn't making eye-contact with her
when he talks to her. He makes regular eye contact with my husband and myself, his grandparents, and friends of ours. I don't know why he won't look at her directly, but I'm assuming it's because he's a bit uncomfortable with the new situation. This bothers my mom and husband. My son doesn't always make eye contact. As soon as I turn off the TV and remove whatever the distraction is, he does. I think it's probably jsut cos he's not comfortable with her yet. 2. The babysitter also said that she's concerned about his talking. We've been paying close attention to his speech progression and overall, I think it's pretty good. Strangers generally have an easy time understanding him. The only thing he's doing "wrong" is that he doesn't pronounce his "L", and instead replaces that sound with something between an "R" and a "W". I thought things like this were very common at this age. Is it? Absolutely and completely normal. My son still does it (will be 4 next month). My daughter (age 5) however will be going to speech therapy for that and other impediments. 3. As for another concern she had, she said that he is asking a lot of questions...but the same questions over and over. I have never observed this behavior. I can tell my son we're going to the commissary so get dressed. 2 minutes later "where are we going?". Sometimes they jsut don't listen - or remember. I don't see the big deal. Jsut answer him again. 4. Finally, he hit one of the older kids today (a 7 year old boy). Not hard, but thats not the point. Apparently there wasn't an argument or confrontation about anything. I don't know what he was thinking. When I asked him, he denies hitting the boy, he says he was "just tapping" him. I tried to explain that "tapping" and "hitting" are the same thing, and we don't do either. I have no idea what started this, except that there's a boy in his Sunday school class that has hit other children in the class and our little guy is quite scared of him. Hhmm, could jsut be a one off thing. I wouldn't worry about it unless it happens again. Technically he didn't deny it, he jsut has a different definition of hitting. My theory is that he's just taking some time to adjust to his new busy schedule. Sounds right to me. I'm quite upset about this and don't know if we have anything to worry about or not. On one hand, I was going to take him directly to the doctor to get a referral to a speech language pathologist, and a child psychologist, and discontinue the preschool and the babysitter, then crawl under the bed for a few weeks. On the other hand, I'm hoping this is all just a normal developmental phase. If you're that worried about his speech (I wouldn't be but) ask your pediatrician. I would really appreciate other's opinions and suggestions here. Barbara All JMO but I hope it helped somewhat. -- Sophie - TTC #4 |
#6
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3 year old problems?
Barb White wrote:
Our 3.5 year old son just started at a new babysitter a couple of days a week. Yesterday was his first day, and both yesterday and today were only for 3 hours each. We're trying to ease into the occasional full day there. The babysitter raised a number concerns she had about our son when I picked him up today, but I'm not sure if her concerns are valid. I don't think so. You actually may want to re-evaluate the babysitter - not your son. 1. She said she's very concerned that he isn't making eye-contact with her when he talks to her. He makes regular eye contact with my husband and myself, his grandparents, and friends of ours. I don't know why he won't look at her directly, but I'm assuming it's because he's a bit uncomfortable with the new situation. I think you're right. I would watch how he deals with other strangers - see if he makes eye contact with them. 2. The babysitter also said that she's concerned about his talking. We've been paying close attention to his speech progression and overall, I think it's pretty good. Strangers generally have an easy time understanding him. The only thing he's doing "wrong" is that he doesn't pronounce his "L", and instead replaces that sound with something between an "R" and a "W". I thought things like this were very common at this age. Is it? That sounds normal to me. 3. As for another concern she had, she said that he is asking a lot of questions...but the same questions over and over. I have never observed this behavior. I hope this is normal. My daughter always asks lots of questions and every day she asks the same ones (maybe she hoping for a different answer?). 4. Finally, he hit one of the older kids today (a 7 year old boy). Not hard, but thats not the point. Apparently there wasn't an argument or confrontation about anything. I don't know what he was thinking. When I asked him, he denies hitting the boy, he says he was "just tapping" him. I tried to explain that "tapping" and "hitting" are the same thing, and we don't do either. I have no idea what started this, except that there's a boy in his Sunday school class that has hit other children in the class and our little guy is quite scared of him. This sounds a bit off. Do you know the 7 year old? If so, can you ask him? It's usually no big deal if you just go up to the child and ask if your child did hit him. If so, apologize for your son and if not, thank him for the information. It may actually have been a tap like your son said. Last year, DD was in afterschool care at her school. While most of the sitters were fine, there was one who I finally dubbed the "tattler". She would detail everything DD did that she found disturbing. But nothing she told me were actually misdeeds. In one example, she didn't like the fact the DD and her best friend often played together, like everyday, so she tried to separate them once or twice a week. Then she would complain that DD doesn't listen to her (because she played with her best friend). I began to tell myself - 1) there are two other sitters in the class who saw nothing wrong with DD's behavior, 2) ignore the tattler. If your babysitter really isn't compatible with your son, you may want to change sitters. Jeanne |
#7
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3 year old problems?
Barb White wrote in message news Our 3.5 year old son just started at a new babysitter a couple of days a week. Yesterday was his first day, and both yesterday and today were only for 3 hours each. We're trying to ease into the occasional full day there. The babysitter raised a number concerns she had about our son when I picked him up today, but I'm not sure if her concerns are valid. I'd be more concerned about someone who raised these concerns when she's known him for so short a time. 1. She said she's very concerned that he isn't making eye-contact with her when he talks to her. He makes regular eye contact with my husband and myself, his grandparents, and friends of ours. I don't know why he won't look at her directly, but I'm assuming it's because he's a bit uncomfortable with the new situation. If he makes contact with you and people he knows then I don't think there's a problem. It's only if they make no or very little eye contact. Dd (nearly 3) is very friendly and will go up to some people and try and make eye contact if she wants to ask something, particularly other children, but other people she will look away if she's uncertain about them. I'd agree with your assumption. 2. The babysitter also said that she's concerned about his talking. We've been paying close attention to his speech progression and overall, I think it's pretty good. Strangers generally have an easy time understanding him. The only thing he's doing "wrong" is that he doesn't pronounce his "L", and instead replaces that sound with something between an "R" and a "W". I thought things like this were very common at this age. Is it? Dd does exactly that and I've been told her speech is advanced for her age by several people (including professional) My brother had a bad speech problem and mum was told that some mispronunciation was common (even at 5) but concern was more if their vocab or sentence making was poor. If usually strangers can understand him, then I don't think you should worry. 3. As for another concern she had, she said that he is asking a lot of questions...but the same questions over and over. I have never observed this behavior. I'd ask what sort of questions. If it's "why?" then dd asks that continuously on some days. If it's a specific question maybe he isn't getting a reasonable answer. Has your sitter answered this question? If he's in a new situation I'd expect lots of questions. If he's asking questions that she can understand then I don't expect there's anything wrong with his speech either! 4. Finally, he hit one of the older kids today (a 7 year old boy). Not hard, but thats not the point. Apparently there wasn't an argument or confrontation about anything. I don't know what he was thinking. When I asked him, he denies hitting the boy, he says he was "just tapping" him. I tried to explain that "tapping" and "hitting" are the same thing, and we don't do either. I have no idea what started this, except that there's a boy in his Sunday school class that has hit other children in the class and our little guy is quite scared of him. I'd suspect that the situation was the 7 year old being oversensitive. Maybe he was trying to get attention from the 7 year old, and she saw him tap him on the shoulder and assumed it was a hit. I might ask what she did about it too, because it he was tapping to get attention (or if it was an accident) then you might like to assess whether he was punished and whether it was appropriate. I would really appreciate other's opinions and suggestions here. Personally I'd change sitters. Sounds like she may have taken a dislike to your child and wants to paint him in a bad light to both of you. I'd also wonder whether she's bothering with enough attention for him (doesn't want to answer questions etc.) He sounds perfectly normal, and I think I'd try and get an idea what sort of things she does in the time together. eg. are they put in front of the TV entirely, or is she happy to read a book, get activities out, take them to the park. Ask your ds if he likes her/likes going to her, and if he can reason, then why. Does he like the other children too? I think at best it is insensitive to suggest there may be a problem with your child when she has known him so short a time. Can you speak to other parents who use her, and see if she's the same for them all? Unless you have glowing reports from the other parents about her long term care, then I'd change asap. Debbie |
#8
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3 year old problems?
3. As for another concern she had, she said that he is asking a lot of questions...but the same questions over and over. I have never observed this behavior. Well I'm no expert so I can't answer the other stuff but this one I had to comment. He's three! that's what they do, my three year old nephew was ALWAYS asking questions and yes, often repeatedly. I don't know about the other issues but this to me is not a problem! I have even heard people refer to three as the "why" stage. Judy |
#9
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3 year old problems?
We've
been paying close attention to his speech progression and overall, I think it's pretty good. Strangers generally have an easy time understanding him. The only thing he's doing "wrong" is that he doesn't pronounce his "L", and instead replaces that sound with something between an "R" and a "W". I thought things like this were very common at this age. Is it? Yes, very common. My son had a speech evaluation at just over three years of age, and his pronunciation was considered very good and easy to understand, and he did exactly that kind of thing. I think in his case it was slightly more of a Y sound, like saying "yemonade" for "lemonade." I forget how long he went on saying it, but I think he was certainly still doing it at 3.5. --Helen |
#10
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3 year old problems?
"Bruce and Jeanne" wrote in message ... Barb White wrote: Our 3.5 year old son just started at a new babysitter a couple of days a week. Yesterday was his first day, and both yesterday and today were only for 3 hours each. We're trying to ease into the occasional full day there. The babysitter raised a number concerns she had about our son when I picked him up today, but I'm not sure if her concerns are valid. I don't think so. You actually may want to re-evaluate the babysitter - not your son. Yeah, I don't see how the sitter could have come up with that list of problems in just a couple of days. She doesn't even know the child, yet. |
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