UPDATE: playgroup fiasco

On 31 Jan 2006 00:54:55 -0800, "-L." wrote:

But she doesn't even do the "small talk" - that's what is weird. And
she was "rude" (for lack of better word) to DS. That is what bothers
me the most, I guess, as he's an innocent.

Perhaps she has a disability that doesn't allow her to read social
signs properly.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

Banty wrote:
Well, likely after she 'rebuffed' -L's child the first time, for whatever reason
(like, seeing an adult friend and wanting to talk to her about something, rather
than being tied up with -L's child instead, while her friend gets involved in
another conversation), she's gotten some strange 'vibes' from -L.

See, the way you make up these scenarios goes a long way to explain why
you are such a can't-see-past-your-nose entitlemoo and such a ****ing
bore.

First of all, my kid approached her when she was sitting by herself in
a chair, simply looking down at her kids playing. (Remember - he's
just turned 2.) There were other kids around, interactring with all of
them. Secondly, when it became clear she wanted nothing to do with him
(a matter of a couple of seconds) I steered him away. I actually tried
to say hello to her later in the day, - again to make this very clear
- *when it was appropriate to do so*. So there is no way she could be
getting any "stange vibes" from me. Unlike you, I am not
passive-aggressive. If I have a real problem with someone, I confront
them about it. I simply asked the question about her odd behavior
because that is what it was - ODD. I was just wondering if anyone
might have some insight into what might have caused her to shun a two
year old *for no apparent reason*. Cultural differences are a
possiblity. Depression is a possibility. Racism is a possibility.
Being deep in thought is a possibility. Thanks to those of you who
offered logical explanations.



As much as one thinks another can't perceive that one suspects them of
something, unconcious signals are sent off and they do.

I am not one to send "unconscious signals". If I think you are an
asshole, I'd tell you, and I'd tell you why.


This can be a molehill that's turning into a mountain.

Only because you won't STFU about it. I have my answers, thanks for
playing.

-L.

Banty wrote:

See, since I'm not a really extroverted person, I think sometimes folks think
I'm unfriendly (especially groups of women, I find men much easier on the whole)
since I'm not all bubbly and forthcoming and giggling at references to diet and
chocolate and whatever. Just on a different wavelength sometimes.

To think that, if the circumstances aren't quite right, I'd be presumed to be
racist or some other awful thing.

FWIW people I know don't generally *presume* racism, they only wonder
if it might be a motivation - it's simply something they have to
consider (along with all other options) based on past experience. It's
only *presumed* to be racism if it comes from someone with a history of
racist behavior.

-L.

In article . com, -L. says...


Banty wrote:
Well, likely after she 'rebuffed' -L's child the first time, for whatever reason
(like, seeing an adult friend and wanting to talk to her about something, rather
than being tied up with -L's child instead, while her friend gets involved in
another conversation), she's gotten some strange 'vibes' from -L.

See, the way you make up these scenarios goes a long way to explain why
you are such a can't-see-past-your-nose entitlemoo and such a ****ing
bore.

I just can't think of a reason why she wouldn't want to talk to you. Sorry for
any misunderstanding.

Cheers,
Banty

Catherine Woodgold wrote:
Maybe she believes she deserves to be treated like a queen
and that any newcomer should greet her first before greeting
anyone else, and maybe the first time you came you said
hello to someone else before saying hello to her, and maybe
her reaction to that is to never speak to you.

LOL...YES!!! I suspect this was it.

I don't
think that's likely; I'm just pointing out that there are
many possibilities for the reasons for her behaviour.

I get it.
-L.

Stephanie wrote:
Or that you had the wrong clothes on. Or that you drove the wrong kind of
car. Or that your hair was not done right. People can be really weird.

Yes, I know. And you are right. I guess I was just trhown off since
it isn't anything that has ever happend to me before, with DS or
without him.

-L.

Welches wrote:

In the toddler groups I've been to (other than one where I went once and
never returned) there's never been anything like that that I've noticed.
Yes, everyone tends to gravitate towards the same people. Newcomers are
usually made welcome.

This is a smallish group and everyone generally talks to everyone else.
We have been maybe 8 or 10 times now.

There are people who I disagree with their parenting style. There's people I
admire for their parenting style. Yes, I'll tend to gravitate towards those
I admire rather than disagree, but I hope I don't treat them differently.

Everyone here seems to have the same parenting style. There is only
one child who is agressive and his caretaker is very good about keeping
him focused and playing nicely. I was in another group briefly where
the kids all acted aggressively and no one seemed to do anything about
it so I quit going there.

When you get coffee/tea you talk with the people next to in the line whether
you know them well or not. I tend to get down on the mat and play with the
children, others don't want to know the children exist until it's time to
go. ;-P
At one stage there were two that didn't get on, but they wouldn't sit near
and at worst spoke wiht exaggerated politeness. I wouldn't have known if
someone hadn't mentioned it. Interestingly, once their children got towards
school age they ended up good friends, so you've got hope yet!

I'm not sad or upset that the woman wouldn't speak to me or anything
other than I was sad for DS because he is usually well received and
this time he wasn't, and seemed a bit confused. It didn't really phase
him - he just went on to the next toy and kept playing. I just found
her behavior weird. Everyone else in the group is delightful and many
of us have been part of another group for almost two years now, so it
is nice to have some continuity.

Thanks for your input.

-L.

private wrote:
Oh my gosh, I have noticed the same thing. By far most of the mommies I
have encountered are nice but a few have been completely atrocious. What IS
up with that? I don't get it...these are children. Sooner or later they will
notice their mom's behavior. Sad....I chalk it up to pettiness....some issue
from the past where the mom is afraid her kid will be upstaged, or she wants
to control the playgroup, or something. Weird. I am just nice to everyone. I
don't have that mentality and I sure don't want my daughter to see it...

People who treat others like that MUST be miserable inside. I am kind to
everyone, and I feel good about myself. I can't imagine what someone feels
like, who goes around treating people that way, especially other
mothers...motherhood is something that is not a competition, it's a
*bonding* thing, IMO....what would we do without other (nice) mothers to
commiserate with and trade stories and advice with?

Ok, thanks for sharing your perspective. Were people openly rude to
you or your child, or was it a subtle thing?

I like the playgroup because it is a nice way to share info on
babysitters, activities, potty training tips, etc. Plus, the kids love
playing with each other.

-L.

-L. wrote:
Banty wrote:

See, since I'm not a really extroverted person, I think sometimes folks think
I'm unfriendly (especially groups of women, I find men much easier on the whole)
since I'm not all bubbly and forthcoming and giggling at references to diet and
chocolate and whatever. Just on a different wavelength sometimes.

To think that, if the circumstances aren't quite right, I'd be presumed to be
racist or some other awful thing.

FWIW people I know don't generally *presume* racism, they only wonder
if it might be a motivation - it's simply something they have to
consider (along with all other options) based on past experience. It's
only *presumed* to be racism if it comes from someone with a history of
racist behavior.

It might be someone who disapproves of mixed race adoptions. I've
heard of people who feel that this deprives the children of their
heritage. I don't think of this belief as racism, but some might.

Jayne

wrote:

It might be someone who disapproves of mixed race adoptions. I've
heard of people who feel that this deprives the children of their
heritage. I don't think of this belief as racism, but some might.

Jayne

Very good point!

-L.