If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. |
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
#1
|
|||
|
|||
How to tell her?
DH is getting killed and I can't watch it anymore.
DD (2y) is a very sweet and bright kid. The issue is she's very clingy to DH and imo somewhat manipulates him. Many times (almost 90% of the time) she won't let him go out of her sight to even take a shower etc. She instantly cries and sometimes rolls on the floor basically throws a fit. I told DH to ignore when she throws a fit. He says it's cruel to ignore and ignoring tells her that we don't care that she's upset. He just tells her again and again not to cry and if she cries too much he sits down with her and takes her in his lap and they play, etc. He says it's part of being a child and she'll outgrow it. He repeatedly tells her that if she wants something she just has to ask, no need to cry but it's not working either. DD doesn't do this to me for couple of reasons. I also have a baby and she knows that only mommy nurses the baby. Also if DD throws a fit I ignore her. DD has grandma and grandpa who are very loving and caring towards DD. DH tells me that if I warm up to her more (not ignore when she cries etc), it will lessen his burden. What I don't understand is D-inlaws and DH shower her with lot of affection and it still is not solving this issue. It's not like I ignore her completely. I read books to her, I bathe her, change her, get her ready in the mornings and I play with her. The only thing I do differently is if she misbehaves or throws a fit I don't give in. All this clingyness is putting a strain on DH. He admits it's a problem and we both don't know what to do. At nights DD has to sleep next to DH and she wakes up several times. She does not wake up completely. Just whimpers, calls daddy's name and goes back to sleep. Of late she's waking up asking for chocolate milk in the middle of the night. So one of us has to go get it. I have to admit I'm tired of this. I'm sleeping in another room with the baby because I nurse and also I don't have much place on the bed for all four of us. Another big problem is that she doesn't eat well. So D-inlaws and DH want to make sure she will eat properly and that's another post, may be. I'm looking bad in this kinda like Cruella but I don't know what else to do. |
#2
|
|||
|
|||
wrote in message oups.com... DH is getting killed and I can't watch it anymore. DD (2y) is a very sweet and bright kid. The issue is she's very clingy to DH and imo somewhat manipulates him. Many times (almost 90% of the time) she won't let him go out of her sight to even take a shower etc. She instantly cries and sometimes rolls on the floor basically throws a fit. I told DH to ignore when she throws a fit. He says it's cruel to ignore and ignoring tells her that we don't care that she's upset. He just tells her again and again not to cry and if she cries too much he sits down with her and takes her in his lap and they play, etc. He says it's part of being a child and she'll outgrow it. He repeatedly tells her that if she wants something she just has to ask, no need to cry but it's not working either. DD doesn't do this to me for couple of reasons. I also have a baby and she knows that only mommy nurses the baby. Also if DD throws a fit I ignore her. DD has grandma and grandpa who are very loving and caring towards DD. DH tells me that if I warm up to her more (not ignore when she cries etc), it will lessen his burden. What I don't understand is D-inlaws and DH shower her with lot of affection and it still is not solving this issue. It's not like I ignore her completely. I read books to her, I bathe her, change her, get her ready in the mornings and I play with her. The only thing I do differently is if she misbehaves or throws a fit I don't give in. All this clingyness is putting a strain on DH. He admits it's a problem and we both don't know what to do. At nights DD has to sleep next to DH and she wakes up several times. She does not wake up completely. Just whimpers, calls daddy's name and goes back to sleep. Of late she's waking up asking for chocolate milk in the middle of the night. So one of us has to go get it. I have to admit I'm tired of this. I'm sleeping in another room with the baby because I nurse and also I don't have much place on the bed for all four of us. Another big problem is that she doesn't eat well. So D-inlaws and DH want to make sure she will eat properly and that's another post, may be. I'm looking bad in this kinda like Cruella but I don't know what else to do. If it were me, I would acquire a book on child "discipline" which is age appropriate. I liked Dr Brazelton. Right now I am reading Setting Limits, but it does not sound like what you need. I forget how old you DD is, but IIRC she is pretty little. But I would get a short book, read it, then recommend it to DH. If it were me, I would be trying to get DH and I on the same page. Since I am in agreement with the way you are handling it, I would be trying to get him on *my* page Also, you could discuss it with your ped if you are comfortable with that. It is not a medical thing, exactly, but experienced peds have seen a lot of kids. |
#3
|
|||
|
|||
Hi -- Your DH needs to learn about the concept of setting limits. Whether he reads a book, hears it from an expert (ie in a class) whom he respects or gets it from your ped, he's NOT doing your DD a favor by giving in to her every whim. Children cry and whine and throw tantrums when they don't get their way. That's part of being a child. It is the job of a parent to teach them that they can't always have what they want, and to help them find alternate ways of getting those things that they CAN have. Crying is just not a good long-term strategy. The source of the problem here really is your DH. He has to learn to say "no". Good luck, --Beth Kevles http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner. NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would like me to reply. |
#4
|
|||
|
|||
"Beth Kevles" wrote in message ... Hi -- Your DH needs to learn about the concept of setting limits. Whether he reads a book, hears it from an expert (ie in a class) whom he respects or gets it from your ped, he's NOT doing your DD a favor by giving in to her every whim. Children cry and whine and throw tantrums when they don't get their way. That's part of being a child. It is the job of a parent to teach them that they can't always have what they want, and to help them find alternate ways of getting those things that they CAN have. Crying is just not a good long-term strategy. The source of the problem here really is your DH. He has to learn to say "no". This is not to say this will be easy since his parents feel the same way that he does, apparently. Good luck! |
#5
|
|||
|
|||
The source of the problem here really is your DH. He has to learn to say "no". OP here. He says no to her when she does naughty things like bothering baby, tearing up papers etc. He's just very attached to her and she to him. So I don't want to label him as the source of problem if you know what I mean! Thanks. |
#6
|
|||
|
|||
|
#7
|
|||
|
|||
"Beth Kevles" wrote in message ... Hi -- Your DH needs to learn about the concept of setting limits. Whether he reads a book, hears it from an expert (ie in a class) whom he respects or gets it from your ped, he's NOT doing your DD a favor by giving in to her every whim. Plus giving every time is teaching her that DH will give into her every whim. It sounds like DH should spend more time with your baby, so you can spend time with DD alone. Plus, it sounds like this will help DD understand that DF is father to bother DD and the baby and needs to spend time with both. (...) |
#8
|
|||
|
|||
|
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|