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#1
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Sending a child home . . .
My step-daughters (12 1/2 and 9), live with their mother and step-father.
The oldest one (12 1/2), can't stand her stepdad. She tells him all the time she hates him. He even beat her one time so hard that she had bruises. CPS went and investigated, but by the time they got there, there was no bruising and the stepdad told them we were lying and so was she. (Shrink we took her to contacted CPS - said he was required to by law when abuse is going on). They are both here with us (their dad and I) for the summer, but the oldest one doesn't want to go back at all. She wants to live here. She even asked me yesterday if I would adopt her so that she didn't have to go back. (They live in TX and we are in CA). Current court papers say they are to live with mom and go back at end of July. Here's the questions: If the daughter doesn't want to go back, do we have to send her back in the summer with her sister, or can we just send the sister. Can we call her mom and say "She doesn't want to go back, so we're not sending her back". Even if we took this to court, the judge would (from what I have read) most likely listen to the child's wishes. So, if that was the case, she would lose her to us anyway. If we called mom and told her she isn't coming home, will she call the cops and have us arrested for kidnapping since the court papers say she is supposed to go back at the end of July? Looking for lots of help on this one!! Any suggestions? Thanks! -- Val |
#2
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Sending a child home . . .
Val wrote:
My step-daughters (12 1/2 and 9), live with their mother and step-father. The oldest one (12 1/2), can't stand her stepdad. She tells him all the time she hates him. He even beat her one time so hard that she had bruises. CPS went and investigated, but by the time they got there, there was no bruising and the stepdad told them we were lying and so was she. (Shrink we took her to contacted CPS - said he was required to by law when abuse is going on). They are both here with us (their dad and I) for the summer, but the oldest one doesn't want to go back at all. She wants to live here. She even asked me yesterday if I would adopt her so that she didn't have to go back. (They live in TX and we are in CA). Current court papers say they are to live with mom and go back at end of July. Here's the questions: If the daughter doesn't want to go back, do we have to send her back in the summer with her sister, or can we just send the sister. If you have any desire for OSD to come live with you full time, don't get yourself in trouble by ignoring the court order. Can we call her mom and say "She doesn't want to go back, so we're not sending her back". Sure you *can* do this but I don't think you should. Even if we took this to court, the judge would (from what I have read) most likely listen to the child's wishes. So, if that was the case, she would lose her to us anyway. Is it really that simple inTexas? I know here in Illinois the older child's wishes are only one part of what is looked at for a change in custody. If we called mom and told her she isn't coming home, will she call the cops and have us arrested for kidnapping since the court papers say she is supposed to go back at the end of July? Will she? I have no idea. Can she? You bet she can get the authorities invloved. Looking for lots of help on this one!! Any suggestions? Follow the legal steps. Don't break any laws or court ordered agreements. If the child wants to live with you and her dad the first step would be to talk to her BM about it and see how she deals with the idea. How well is this child doing in general? Does she do well in school, has lots of friends, is involved in activities? What kind of impact would her not being there have on her younger sister? Your situation is not the easiest as you live so far from the child's current home and possibly other family members. Could you move back to Texas? You'd probably stand a better chance of winning custody if you did. Good Luck and I hope you have a good amount of money stashed away to cover a full blown custody trial. If the BM fights this it could cost you upwards of 10K minimum. Mrs Indyguy Thanks! -- Val |
#3
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Sending a child home . . .
Contact the mother now and discuss it. Leave the kid out of it, do not use
as pawn. If mother won't agree, go to court as fast as you can, time is running out and courts for this type of issue may take more than a YEAR OR MORE depending on the depth of creativity of the opposing counsel to drag it out. "Val" wrote in message .. . My step-daughters (12 1/2 and 9), live with their mother and step-father. The oldest one (12 1/2), can't stand her stepdad. She tells him all the time she hates him. He even beat her one time so hard that she had bruises. CPS went and investigated, but by the time they got there, there was no bruising and the stepdad told them we were lying and so was she. (Shrink we took her to contacted CPS - said he was required to by law when abuse is going on). They are both here with us (their dad and I) for the summer, but the oldest one doesn't want to go back at all. She wants to live here. She even asked me yesterday if I would adopt her so that she didn't have to go back. (They live in TX and we are in CA). Current court papers say they are to live with mom and go back at end of July. Here's the questions: If the daughter doesn't want to go back, do we have to send her back in the summer with her sister, or can we just send the sister. Can we call her mom and say "She doesn't want to go back, so we're not sending her back". Even if we took this to court, the judge would (from what I have read) most likely listen to the child's wishes. So, if that was the case, she would lose her to us anyway. If we called mom and told her she isn't coming home, will she call the cops and have us arrested for kidnapping since the court papers say she is supposed to go back at the end of July? Looking for lots of help on this one!! Any suggestions? Thanks! -- Val |
#4
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Sending a child home . . .
Hi Val:
The child has to go back even if she does not want to. Only way around this is to reach agreement with the custodial mother which I would doubt she would agree. The next step would be the court litigation issue where you have to prove a substantive change of living conditions and the best interest of the child. a) A physical beating of the child further supported by the report from the Shrink does qualify for this scenario. Also, I would be very careful about the Shrink's visit if this was done without the knowledge of the custodial parent. How and when this was done has a true potential of backfiring on you if this was not done in an ethical manner. Even if you loose the motion you have sent a very clear message to the opposing party. Keep your ##$%$# hands of the daughter and they will think twice about the physical violence. You may loose the first battle. However, you have initiated the first stepping stone to obtaining custody if this behavior continues with the little girl. If the event is repeated a second time or third time your probability increases for reversal of custody. You may have to girate this 3 to 4 times if the abusive behavior continues. Certainly looks like an uphill battle ........doesn't it? P.S. For what is worth I don't think the event can be overlooked. If you don't take action you may have to explain to the little girl when she is older why you did not help when assistance was requested. Also, abusive behavior is cyclical in nature. The abuser cannot help themselves but to the repeat the event. From one perspective I don't feel you have much of a choice in the matter but to act. Best of luck to you "Val" wrote in message .. . My step-daughters (12 1/2 and 9), live with their mother and step-father. The oldest one (12 1/2), can't stand her stepdad. She tells him all the time she hates him. He even beat her one time so hard that she had bruises. CPS went and investigated, but by the time they got there, there was no bruising and the stepdad told them we were lying and so was she. (Shrink we took her to contacted CPS - said he was required to by law when abuse is going on). They are both here with us (their dad and I) for the summer, but the oldest one doesn't want to go back at all. She wants to live here. She even asked me yesterday if I would adopt her so that she didn't have to go back. (They live in TX and we are in CA). Current court papers say they are to live with mom and go back at end of July. Here's the questions: If the daughter doesn't want to go back, do we have to send her back in the summer with her sister, or can we just send the sister. Can we call her mom and say "She doesn't want to go back, so we're not sending her back". Even if we took this to court, the judge would (from what I have read) most likely listen to the child's wishes. So, if that was the case, she would lose her to us anyway. If we called mom and told her she isn't coming home, will she call the cops and have us arrested for kidnapping since the court papers say she is supposed to go back at the end of July? Looking for lots of help on this one!! Any suggestions? Thanks! -- Val |
#5
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Sending a child home . . .
"Derek Franco" wrote in message news Hi Val: The child has to go back even if she does not want to. Only way around this is to reach agreement with the custodial mother which I would doubt she would agree. The next step would be the court litigation issue where you have to prove a substantive change of living conditions and the best interest of the child. == Val, Don't be discouraged by this. While the above is true for younger children, it is not for pre-teens/teens. In most states, her preference will be seriously considered. == == a) A physical beating of the child further supported by the report from the Shrink does qualify for this scenario. Also, I would be very careful about the Shrink's visit if this was done without the knowledge of the custodial parent. How and when this was done has a true potential of backfiring on you if this was not done in an ethical manner. Even if you loose the motion you have sent a very clear message to the opposing party. Keep your ##$%$# hands of the daughter and they will think twice about the physical violence. You may loose the first battle. However, you have initiated the first stepping stone to obtaining custody if this behavior continues with the little girl. If the event is repeated a second time or third time your probability increases for reversal of custody. You may have to girate this 3 to 4 times if the abusive behavior continues. Certainly looks like an uphill battle ........doesn't it? P.S. For what is worth I don't think the event can be overlooked. If you don't take action you may have to explain to the little girl when she is older why you did not help when assistance was requested. Also, abusive behavior is cyclical in nature. The abuser cannot help themselves but to the repeat the event. From one perspective I don't feel you have much of a choice in the matter but to act. Best of luck to you "Val" wrote in message .. . My step-daughters (12 1/2 and 9), live with their mother and step-father. The oldest one (12 1/2), can't stand her stepdad. She tells him all the time she hates him. He even beat her one time so hard that she had bruises. CPS went and investigated, but by the time they got there, there was no bruising and the stepdad told them we were lying and so was she. (Shrink we took her to contacted CPS - said he was required to by law when abuse is going on). They are both here with us (their dad and I) for the summer, but the oldest one doesn't want to go back at all. She wants to live here. She even asked me yesterday if I would adopt her so that she didn't have to go back. (They live in TX and we are in CA). Current court papers say they are to live with mom and go back at end of July. Here's the questions: If the daughter doesn't want to go back, do we have to send her back in the summer with her sister, or can we just send the sister. Can we call her mom and say "She doesn't want to go back, so we're not sending her back". Even if we took this to court, the judge would (from what I have read) most likely listen to the child's wishes. So, if that was the case, she would lose her to us anyway. If we called mom and told her she isn't coming home, will she call the cops and have us arrested for kidnapping since the court papers say she is supposed to go back at the end of July? Looking for lots of help on this one!! Any suggestions? Thanks! -- Val |
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